How to Make the Next Chapter of Our Lives Better

Living in Montana while in high school, there were many school days that were so frigid outdoor temperatures were reported at negative fifty-two degrees! There just was not enough clothing to put on to stay warm. People native to Montana somewhat expect such cold weather.  

But this winter, it seems the news of horrific weather has dropped into Texas of all places. “Snow fell in east Texas, with wind chills reaching minus sixteen degrees Fahrenheit in Dallas. At least parts of all 254 counties in Texas were under either a winter storm watch or a winter storm warning…2.6 million people in Texas were experiencing power blackouts.” [Yuliya Talmazan, NBC News, 2/15/2021]

Not all of us live in such ultra-cold places, however, everyone lives in a state where some kind of extreme weather occurs during the course of a year. If it is not cold, it is heat as in 134 degrees air temperature in Greenland Ranch, CA, more than a century ago (renamed Furnace Creek, rightly so, where the highest recorded ground surface temperature on Earth was recorded at 201 degrees in 1972!). The somewhat “cooler” 128 degrees was recorded in Lake Havasu City, AZ, in 1994. [World Almanac 2021, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.; and National Geographic Concise Atlas of the World, Fourth Edition, 2016].

Our Response Matters

Living a contented life can be challenging if we do not resist complaining all the time. What exactly will frustrate our plans in life is a guessing game. Weather, location, travel, jobs, schools, friends, and sometimes family are all contenders. Annoyances, aggravations, and even anger can cause many of us to want to scream.

For the most part, we cannot effectively influence what other people do, but we can control our response and how we feel. In a world that tends to speed through every twenty-four-hour period rarely stopping for a pause like a Nascar racer trying to break the track record, burnout is usually the result. Many a professional athlete “retires” from his/her sport before reaching the age of 40!

Of course, when we are young (and sometimes reckless or foolish), we wrongly believe (a) we will live forever and (b) no harm will ever slow us down. One of these choices is certainly not ever true and the other choice is, well, perhaps somewhat true if we are fortunate.

Each decade of our lives brings us closer to realizing we are--“oh, my stars” --speeding, just like the racecar driver, to our final performance! We suddenly embrace a great need to accomplish things we never got around to doing. We guess that is where the idea of a “bucket list” first came about in the world (or it could have been the two men who encouraged us in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List).

Sheer Determination

We are not trying to say every woman has missed meeting her goals or is lacking in any sort of professional arena. On the contrary, we undoubtedly notice, rarely do we ever sit down or sit still no matter what season of life we are navigating. It takes a great bit of energy, stamina, and sheer determination to juggle more than one job at a time just to pay the bills, go to night school, or raise a family of four or five by ourselves.

These types of situations may have held us back for the time being, but women are notorious for never giving up! Why else would one of us walk into a college freshman biology class at age twenty-four just to get a degree before age thirty? Or spend an entire day in the college library?

We know that we know that we know it can be done! Most of the heartaches, headaches, and hindrances we already experienced were all part of building a life of endurance and superb character so we could make the next chapter of our lives even better. We have not missed anything. We are right where we are supposed to be today. So, let’s go for it!

Our Plan and Purpose is Waiting

We were created with much love by the one and only true God who created the entire Universe. He knows what we know, and He knows what we do not yet know. This is why He is smiling down on us and is thrilled to see us not giving up because He has a certain plan and purpose for us that we have not achieved.

We can surely talk to Him daily and let Him know how grateful we are that He is our caring and loving heavenly Father and our Guide for life.

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night” (Genesis 8:22 NLT).

 

Truth, Trust, and Tenacity for a Better You

Water--very, very deep water—can be terrifying, especially to someone who can not swim! The deepest ocean is the Pacific at 14,040 feet and covers over 60 million square miles according to The World Almanac 2021. It is the stuff Hollywood movies are still famous for such as “Jaws” (1975), “The Perfect Storm” (2000), and even Disney’s “Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea” (1954).

Of course, thrill-seeking surfers travel the world looking for the largest waves they can find. A Brazilian surfer in 2017 conquered an eighty-foot wave at Nazare, Portugal, and broke a record (nationalgeographic.com). Think he was terrified? Probably not for long.

A Better You is on the Horizon

It takes a lot of faith and practice to accomplish something like surfing. Our single-again world is probably much tamer but still requires plenty of faith on our part. When we first find ourselves alone (much different than lonely), we may feel lost and a little shaky. It is new to us. It is something we most likely have never done before. We have no idea what to do or even where to go. All of this is normal, but, thankfully, not permanent.

Sound familiar? We understand. We know because it has happened to many, many women. It is going to take practice and plenty of courage to go after what we need to survive. But we have faith it can be done if we stick with our individual plans!

To start with, there are many friends, groups, and organizations ready and willing to help us. We are not alone. Keep saying that: I am NOT alone! And repeat--I am NOT alone! Perfect. That was Step One.

Step Two is gaining just a bit of understanding about what faith is and how to get it. It is not that hard to define, but faith is necessary if we want our lives to move forward. In simple terms, if something is true (for instance the phrase above I am NOT alone!), then it deserves our trust. It deserves to become part of us as we become a tenacious (strong) woman. It may take additional learning and more practice, but that is an abbreviated version of our faith.

Finally, Step Three—eliminating doubt--goes hand-in-hand with faith. This step is not quite as easy because it can creep up on us before we know it, but it is possible to drain it of any energy taking up space in our minds. Eventually, it will become natural for us as we become more and more certain about which direction we want to go. We will start believing in ourselves and then we will know—minus the doubt--we are riding the right “wave.”   

Deep Peace is Possible

Once faith becomes our friend and doubt is put on the back shelf, we will begin to experience a deep peace in our being. And that is what we are after. A powerful life we can call our own without the turmoil and chaos of the past.

God Himself is called the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). It is His gift to us when we decide to accept His presence in our lives. God wants nothing but the best for us even in this single-again season of life. Nothing we have ever done can cancel out any of His plans. He deeply loves us, and He proved it by giving us His Son, Jesus, who sacrificed His life so we could spend eternity in heaven with Him.

Imagine that! What a faith-full gift.

“But when you ask [for wisdom], you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6 NIV).

How to Change Our Little Corner of the World

It is easy to get worn out by so many things in life today. Stress can certainly weigh a person down. There is a story about a college professor who brought a glass of water into the classroom and asked his students how much it weighed. Most of the answers ranged from eight to sixteen ounces.

Then the professor asked what would happen if he held the glass for a few minutes, or an hour, or even a whole day without setting it down. The answer, of course, would be that it would cause aching and increasing pain in his arm causing him physical stress.

The story is much longer with details than we are not stating here [click here to read Short Story ] but the conclusion is thought-provoking. “You should not carry the stress long enough that it begins to ache and paralyze your life. It is important to let go of your stresses. Don’t carry your stress all day and always remember to put the glass down before you go to bed!”

Five “We Can” Challenges

Good advice. Stress gets to all of us at one time or another and we agree there has been more than enough over the past year whether it is the pandemic, the riots, or our pocketbooks. The tension from stress causes a change in the way we think about ourselves either for better or worse. For instance, we want to be that person who strives for peace or calm, but what do we actually produce in our personal lives? How do we act toward others?

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." -- Chinese proverb

It is easy to think all we have to do is run away from the world and hide our heads under a pillow. Just ignore what is going on around us and everything will be fine. But we admit burying our heads does not work well for long as we would, of course, suffocate!

We are looking here for some answers. What can we do? Naturally, there is no one right solution for every one of us. We are all unique individuals, but we can try to come up with a few ideas that will work overall to change our little corner of the world for the better. Perhaps we can pick out just one or two of the following suggestions to start and then add to them.

1. We can open a journal or a calendar (there are apps for both of these) and start listing where our time goes. How can we change anything if we supposedly have no time?

2. We can make a list of how we would enjoy helping someone:

• Helping a handicapped neighbor take out her garbage.
• Dog sitting for someone for a couple hours.
• Volunteering on a regular basis at a women’s shelter or pregnancy center.  
• Paying for a stranger’s groceries in line behind us.
• Offering a ride to a person’s doctor appt

3. We can start (or continue) to look for a job that is satisfying. Try in the service industry to be a real help to someone in need.

4. We can spend regular and consistent time either in the morning or evening reading one page in the Bible and reading one page in a devotional book.

5. We can challenge ourselves to be a good example to our family and friends by choosing kind words, being helpful, listening rather than talking, and watching good and wholesome TV, movies, and music videos.

The Choice is Ours

Now we see that “We can” if we really want to be the one who promotes peace, joy, and love to those around us. Do we want to see a change in the world? We ARE that change!

In case we have not thought about it in a while, remember that God will never, ever force us to do anything. We can sit back and just complain about what is going on in the world. Or we can please the Lord by taking care of each other here on earth. By the way, we need to take care of ourselves too so we will have the energy to be of help to others.

Be the change the world needs!

“Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest!” (Psalm 55:6 NLT).

“Get me out of here on dove wings; I want some peace and quiet. I want a walk in the country, I want a cabin in the woods. I’m desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather.” (Psalm 55:7-8 MSG).

 

 

How to Shape and Sculpture Something New from Something Old

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It is likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

We may fondly remember those days trying to learn all we could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it was not much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! Now what? 

Act Two

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is incredibly good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it is not always the most pleasant thing we have ever done. But it is necessary, otherwise, we remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two possible scenarios that brought us to this chapter in our lives.

(a) we have known for an exceptionally long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these cases, we probably planned in some way for the inevitable outcome. We are not saying it was any easier just because we expected it, just that we were aware. 

(b) it was a sudden, and sometimes, shocking event that caught us off-guard. In this circumstance, we may have initially panicked and/or experienced anger both of which were entirely normal. Please know having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

Discovering the Best Direction  

After the initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a fairly good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different, and we are not here to say when or how to begin a new life. We are simply here to support and encourage each other and find the best direction to go.  

We have been there through the anxiety and frustration, and hope some of these ideas may be useful in building something new:

• Take baby steps and do not be afraid to try new things.
• Grieving can be lonely, so it is okay to join a support group.
• Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.
• Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It is important for the brain.   
• Focus on healthy living and keep moving.

Keep this concept in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Reaching Out

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who might be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey.

Remember the painting called, The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo? It is a very moving depiction of how much God takes care of us. In it, God gives life to Adam by reaching out His hand and tenderly touching Adam. Did God need to do that? No. But we, and obviously Michelangelo, believe He did it with love anyway.

Hold out your hand; God will take it!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).

 

 

How to Listen to That Little Voice Inside

Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending.

–Carl Bard aka Carl Sandburg (American writer and editor)

Nearly all of us will not soon forget the name Amanda Gorman from this day forward because she was the star of the show just a few days ago as she read with absolute perfect diction her beautiful and touching poem for the Inauguration. Only twenty-two years old and she had the courage to tackle a dream of hers and present it to the world! We will surely hear and see more of her again. Amazing!

Sure, we may not be shaping our twenties or even thirties any longer, but whether we admit it or not, every single one of us has a dream (or two) we want to fulfill. A dream we have not had the time or courage to study. It is that little voice deep inside our thoughts that has been nagging us since we were born. We really want to make it a part of us because we fundamentally know—we have always known--it is an element of our personality. So, what is holding us back?

Seven Starters for Our List

Many issues, incidents, circumstances, and even ourselves (lack of confidence, procrastination, etc.), have derailed and prevented us from seeking our best path. Of course, life itself may very well have gotten in the way. It is certainly a full-time job, for instance, raising a family and an honorable one at that. Hats off to every one of us! As single-again women, we can recognize that along the way, there were unavoidable difficulties, dilemmas, and drawbacks. Whew! But we made it!

Since we cannot actually “go back” and reproduce our life, we agree with Carl Bard that the best place to begin is now! Forget the “age” number—it is a non-issue at this point. Twenty-two-year-olds are not the only poets out there. We have plenty of reasons to get back on track especially if we have not ever attempted to fulfill that dream of ours.

There are at least seven steps to adopt and get started on the path to “now.” Some of these may be familiar and already a part of our plans, so stay with us and see how far they can take us. Pick and choose what works for you. It is not required to do all of these! Also, feel free to add your own ideas as we go along.

1. Some people enjoy creating a “vision” board. It is a visible picture that can serve as daily encouragement. Use poster board or similar and start pasting photos that have been cut out of magazines relating to your dream.
2. Journaling is another way to get those creative thoughts out of our brains and onto concrete possibilities. It easily becomes addictive and feels like we are on the right path.
3. Research the subject of your dream on-line or at a library (if one is open during this pandemic). Find out what it will take to get started. Or go on Amazon for a book to keep as a reference (see Resources below).
4. Once the subject is settled in our brain, it is extremely helpful to subscribe to an actual print copy (our favorite) or at the very least, a You-Tube channel about the subject.         
5. If there is one available, sign-up for a class to learn as much as possible about the subject, and meet others doing the same. We all need a type of support group for encouragement.
6. 
   This is important: take care of yourself in the process! Find just one little way a week to improve on physical “movement.” Notice we did not say, exercise. That is a word that will stop us in our tracks. Any kind of movement (making the bed, gardening, walking indoors or outdoors, using stairs, etc) will keep our brains from getting old before their time (look it up, it is proven)!     
7. Resources. Start building your own personal library. Try these books for starters:

• What Color is Your Parachute? (2021 by Richard N. Bolles)
• Do What You Are (Paul D. Tieger)
• Repurpose Your Career: A Practical Guide for the 2^nd Half of Life (Marc Miller)

 Are We on the Right Path?

Now that we are on our way and have a starting point, let us not allow anyone to stop us. We have already been there, done that! What we need, instead, is a good guide just like many travelers consult when they begin a long and complicated journey.

The one guide who is readily available 24/7 is the same God who created the entire Universe—the sun, moon, rainbows, planets, and every single star that he loved so much he gave each of them a name! He is the ONE who knows us inside and out. He gave us a purpose for a purpose and is thrilled we want to begin right now!

How could he not be our perfect guide?

The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray (Psalm 25:8 NLT).

For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die (Psalm 48:14 NLT).

 

A Little Taste of the Unknown is a Big Deal!

It might feel strange to find ourselves all alone as single-again women. Add to that the isolation during this pandemic and we arrive at a distinct tingling sensation making us want to shiver--maybe for the first time in our life. Many of us blundered through "Drive-in Movie" high school days (yes, that was our reality), Homecoming football games and living with our parents to bunking with three other college roommates four states away. Suddenly before we could blink an eye, we were madly combing all the wedding magazines looking for the perfect dress, best flowers, and honeymoon destinations! 

Up to that point, we were never totally alone on our own. Sound familiar? Now we might call this the "Season of Survival" and it can be scarier than jumping out of a plane into the unknown for the first time. What if we panic? What if our parachute doesn't open? What if the pilot misses the designated spot and we land in the depths of the ocean weighted down and no way out? All the What Ifs rushing into our brains at once can overload our circuits! 

Without a Hint of Giving Up!

In the wild, survival of the fittest is the rule. There are many, many fascinating TV documentaries from channels such as National Geographic that show this harsh reality. Even though we may cringe and have compassion for the smallest babies of the jungle, we surely know it can be no other way. Thankfully, our reality is probably a bit tamer! 

It would be a logical guess that if we have made it thus far to be reading this week's Fresh Start Momentum blog, we have already moved through at least a few (if not numerous) facets of survival. Congratulations! In case no one has pointed it out yet, we ARE strong enough to not only exist as a single-again women but to continue to live and prosper on our own if that is our choice.    

We are among the many who have had a little taste of the unknown and are still here to talk about it. That is a big deal indeed! And now we can positively continue trying to figure out all the different angles of how to make our lives the best they can be without a hint of giving up. There is no room for that nonsense anyway, right?

No matter our age right now, what could we say is the next most important development we want to see take place in our life? (Hint: it will be different for each and every woman, so just take the time to really sit and think about this one (maybe journal it) and come up with an answer or maybe two.)

The Beginning, Middle, and the End

Yes, this really is the beginning of our new life in every way possible. Sure, it is our choice to make it a great one or let it become stale and unproductive. But all that will do is prevent a Middle from happening. And then there will be no room left for a legacy at the End. Think about it. 

The truth is, only God—the Creator of every single one of us--knows exactly what our Beginning, Middle, and End look like. He can see it all. We can only see a small portion of our life because blinders block much of the view. Our only choice is to ask Him how to survive in the first place and follow His direction. We have only questions and more questions. God has all the right answers! 

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:13 NLT).

               

How Can You Keep Up with Your Hopes and Dreams?

It is certainly not surprising to hear nearly seventy-five percent of American women dye their hair something other than their natural color as compared to just seven percent in 1950 (Clairol 2008 study as reported at Emerita.com, a women’s wellness site). Of course, women in Hollywood tend to lead the trends. We usually expect to see women such as Helen Mirren (age 75) and Blythe Danner (77) display their beautiful locks in their natural state. But even younger ones choose to sport a change like Kate Winslet (46) and Lady Gaga (34). And at 89 years young, Puerto Rican actress Rita Moreno is still gorgeous! 

Let’s face it --as we age, our health, and our looks start turning towards a more natural way of life. It becomes apparent to us that maybe, just maybe, we can avoid much of what we thought was necessary for our younger years such as the latest lipstick color (but still a great way to uplift our spirits!), foundation formula, and hair color. It just does not seem as important as it once was.

This is not to say we should not keep ourselves looking our absolute best. Not only watching our diet and participating in exercise but once we choose to turn a shade of gray, we may need to find other colors to wear in our make-up and clothing. Gray, silver, and white tend to “wash out” skin color. A brighter, color-coded clothes closet with various “happy” hues can help solve this problem. Try it out on the next shopping trip and bring some new colors into the dressing room—a fun experiment!

Finding Joy Every Step of the Way

Someone once said (it’s been attributed to many people), “The older I get, the wiser my parents get!” It’s a funny quote that pops up every now and then but points out the truth of our circumstances. As single-again women, we have been through more than we thought we could ever handle. Maybe one reason for our natural locks turning a beautiful silver, but also a reason we are much stronger today than ever!

The joy of living on our own are the changes that cause us to become an entirely new person. We are older, yes. We are wiser, yes. And unless we have re-married, we no longer must worry about taking care of another person right now. If we want to become an all-around better person, we can choose to concentrate on keeping up with our hopes and dreams that were put on a shelf a long time ago! We then start seeing a woman who welcomes the chance to improve her perspective or attitude about life.

The progress we are looking for involves learning how to form plans for our own happiness while at the same time being careful not to follow just any unproven recipe or a supposed solution someone may offer to us. We are now wiser than we’ve ever been and so we must use our good sense and take everything “with a grain of different.”

It may help to meet with a life coach or counselor to figure out the best direction to go before jumping into things. Experience teaches us that our lives are quite different now and so might our paths, hopes, and dreams. It’s an exciting journey to find out what we can do. Whatever didn’t work in the past, may not work in our present. So, let’s be open to new and wonderful ways of thinking, concepts, and passions. Wow! We are on our way!

A Good Book to Read

We may never have realized that God Himself points us down the correct path for our best life. And it will certainly be different for each one of us. In Psalm 139 of the Bible, it says He knows everything about us. Of course, He does because God created us perfectly (He does not make mistakes), He knows when we travel, stand up, sit down, rest, what we are going to say, and even our thoughts.

From the time we are born until way past when our hair turns white, God has us in His hands ready to make sure we are blessed when we follow Him in all we do. He is our Guide, Helper, and the Author of every single moment of our lives as recorded in His divine book! Imagine that: 

The Book of ___ (enter your name) ___by The Creator of the Universe.

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you” (Isaiah 46:4 NLT).