How to Shape and Sculpture Something New from Something Old

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It is likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

We may fondly remember those days trying to learn all we could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it was not much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! Now what? 

Act Two

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is incredibly good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it is not always the most pleasant thing we have ever done. But it is necessary, otherwise, we remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two possible scenarios that brought us to this chapter in our lives.

(a) we have known for an exceptionally long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these cases, we probably planned in some way for the inevitable outcome. We are not saying it was any easier just because we expected it, just that we were aware. 

(b) it was a sudden, and sometimes, shocking event that caught us off-guard. In this circumstance, we may have initially panicked and/or experienced anger both of which were entirely normal. Please know having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

Discovering the Best Direction  

After the initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a fairly good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different, and we are not here to say when or how to begin a new life. We are simply here to support and encourage each other and find the best direction to go.  

We have been there through the anxiety and frustration, and hope some of these ideas may be useful in building something new:

• Take baby steps and do not be afraid to try new things.
• Grieving can be lonely, so it is okay to join a support group.
• Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.
• Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It is important for the brain.   
• Focus on healthy living and keep moving.

Keep this concept in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Reaching Out

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who might be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey.

Remember the painting called, The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo? It is a very moving depiction of how much God takes care of us. In it, God gives life to Adam by reaching out His hand and tenderly touching Adam. Did God need to do that? No. But we, and obviously Michelangelo, believe He did it with love anyway.

Hold out your hand; God will take it!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).

 

 

Nine New Steps in the Right Direction

Beloved Pooh

As hard as he tried, English author, A. A. Milne, never outlived his most famous children’s book of 1926, Winnie the Pooh. He genuinely wanted to write other genres such as mysteries, drama, and poetry—which he did several--but once the Pooh stories arrived, that was what Milne was forever known for afterward.

In 2003, Winnie the Pooh was listed in the UK at number seven on the BBC's poll of the “best-loved novels" of all time. Three years later, Winnie the Pooh received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, marking the 80th birthday of Milne's creation. And many of our children grew up going to sleep with a Pooh bear right beside him/her!

This endearing story of A. A. Milne goes to show that we are often known for our reputation, whether good or bad, and it can follow us around for decades. Either way, if we never give up, amazing things can happen in our lives. Just remember a quote from Milne, “You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”    

Not Giving Up!

We have gone through what seems like a never-ending drama ourselves. Maybe it is still very fresh in our minds, or some of us are still navigating the first year or two after a break-up, and others are well on their way to a new destination. One thing is clear: we are all survivors! 

Whichever season we are currently living in, not giving up must be part of our daily script. Why? Well, that's a good question, so think about this one, what would I be doing instead of “not giving up?”

Time for coffee!

Yes, sometimes, we don't even want to drag ourselves out of bed in the morning. It's too warm and cozy. It's safe and secure. We don't have to get dressed. And we could turn our phones off, so no one bothers us. That's understandable; we've all been there, but who would get the coffee/tea? (Smile break).  

Remember the script: we are not giving up! We've made it this far, so we already know hiding under the covers does not match up with our new role as a survivor. And the more we practice our part, the better we become and the further we go.

A Better Way to Enjoy Life

Let's jump into the middle here. For whatever reason--divorce, the death of our spouse, or single mom status--we are on our own now. It still feels strange and will always feel different. But now, we must figure out which path to take that will create the absolute best life we can manage. 

Most likely, a new routine would be extremely helpful to our well-being at this point. Trying to do everything the way it always was as a couple creates a lot of stress. Consider some of these fun and encouraging stress-busters and then add your own to the list. 

Nine New Steps in the Right Direction  

• Choose a new path for your daily walk and smell the iris.
• Make stir-fry instead of the usual and bland broccoli dish.
• Do the laundry on Thursdays instead of Mondays.
• Change the furniture around and buy new pillows.
• Take a class in flower arranging or horticulture.
• Share lunch with a single neighbor.
• Sleep in the middle of the bed (a favorite).
• Attend the late church service instead of the early one. 
• Challenge yourself and move to a new place/town/state.

Lost and Found

The road we are on right now will lead somewhere that's for sure. But, where? We have a choice which way to go, but we need a Guide to get us to the right destination because it is easy to get lost and never get anywhere. Then years later we will wonder what happened and why we are still in a rut. The Good News is we have the perfect One to help us and his plan is free of charge! The "ticket" is Prayer and it can be used over and over and over. Find yours today in God's book, the Holy Bible.      

"Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow" (Psalm 25:4 NLT).

What Story Do You Want to Tell Now?

Which Way?

Sometimes, we find ourselves on the wrong side. The wrong side of a sports team that lost the game, the wrong side of a job not suited for us, the wrong side of planning a disastrous vacation, the wrong side of a conversation, and even the wrong side of a travel destination.

“A man ended up on the wrong side of the Arctic after boarding a flight 1,400 miles in the OPPOSITE direction! He had followed the wrong queue on the airport tarmac and didn’t realize his mistake until the plane landed. It’s near impossible to get on the wrong flight with all the security measures that airports put in place – but somehow a Canadian man managed it.” (Rosie Gizauskas, thesun.co.uk)

And how about ending up in a cemetery? “My daughter and I were visiting a college in Bangor, Maine. After a nice trip, we had our GPS take us back to the car rental agency. Except … it just didn’t seem like it was taking us the right way. We were in the middle of nowhere and pulled up to a graveyard and the GPS said, ‘You have arrived at your destination.’ We did end up having a pleasant walk around a beautiful cemetery, however.” (Alan Willett, New York, Geico.com)

Story

Rewriting Our Story

We can all surely relate with our own stories. Funny or serious our tales are usually quite embarrassing. Life simply doesn’t allow us, humans, to get by without ending up on the wrong side of whatever now and then. Maybe it was because of a lack of planning. Maybe it was the wrong time, place, or person. It has happened to all of us.

Thankfully, there are second chances. We can usually re-do or un-do our mistakes with a little effort. It may pinch some or hurt for a period of time, but we can and will survive if we are determined to change our outlook and methods. What is amazing is that often when we try, the result is even better than our first attempt.  

“The decisions you make today will determine the stories you tell tomorrow.” (Craig Groeschel, author and pastor of Life Church)

Find the right path

It’s when we resist change and continue with our same thoughts and behavior that it never works out for us and we don’t stop to figure out why. We must realize if what we are doing is not working, then we need to find a different path. And, yes, that is scary because we prefer to stay in our comfort zone—it’s cozy, cushy, and cuddly. And best of all, it doesn’t require anything from us. But staying in that contented environment solves absolutely nothing. We know what a bear looks like after a long winter season of hibernating, right? Podgy, paunchy, and pudgy. Exactly what we don’t care to look like!

Finding Clear Vision

New plans are called for now to avoid living on the wrong side of life. But we are going to need some help and direction. Once we have that, our vision will become clearer. Some people have very supportive family members or friends to call on to brainstorm ideas. (An alternative would be a professional counselor). We can bounce thoughts and viewpoints off them and begin to form perspectives—a better picture in our minds of what a new life can look like. This is exciting!

In the Bible this kind of wisdom is often called discernment and is very valuable to us. We do need to make some plans, but we also must understand that God has a certain purpose for each of us and without asking for His help, our plans will end up on the wrong side of life. So, let’s have a “conference” with Him each morning and brainstorm. He will listen and give excellent directions. The road looks rosy now!

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail” (Proverbs 19:21 NLT).

How to Be the Best You Can Be

It’s 5:00 p.m. and we take a moment to sit down and watch the news of the day. We expect to be informed and maybe even warmed by certain human interest stories before the dinner hour. Often, it does not work out that way.  

Our TV news coverage is sometimes very depressing and discouraging. It can create needless melancholy if we watch excessively. Reports and videos tend to upset us, make us angry, or cause us to mourn the loss of things we hold dear such as faithfulness, trust, and honesty. All of the sadness can seep into our relationships, if we let it.

However, not keeping up with what is going on in the world is not the answer either; moderation is the key to remaining optimistic. We can find better ways than sticking our heads under the covers.      

Instead of losing hope, we can be made more aware of what needs improvement in our own lives, and put effort into helping our neighborhoods, communities and our country. We can work to make sure we are doing good and setting an example for others. While participating in this way and with the help of God, we can find the comfort and safety we desire.   

The Time of Our Lives: One Woman’s Story

After freshman year in college, a group of friends traveled to a local tourist attraction in a bordering state to work at summer jobs. And there were plenty. The local merchants looked forward to eager and smiling faces anxious to make some money before returning to their studies.

Other than work, there were numerous fun activities for the students to join with tourists. Elaine and her two best friends found out about a musical play, South Pacific, that would be presented once that summer to the public. And the director was hiring students to act in the play. What fun!

The play, which won Best Musical 20 years earlier, was a romantic drama with plenty of comedy. Sadly, most of the roles were for males with two leading females. Elaine and friends were chosen as extras, much to their delight (after all, they were not professional actresses). Lots and lots of practice took up all the spare time the women had available after work.

The play premiered and was a complete success. It would be the highlight of their summer in Colorado and not soon forgotten.

Assigned Roles

Just as in any acting production, we have a role to play in our life and in the lives of those we care about. We may need to change costumes frequently and wear many different hats, but it’s all part of our whole story. Especially now that we are single-again, God has given us a different kind of “part,” a purpose to carry out. Instead of allowing everyday news and stories to sadden and distract us, we can find fulfillment and joy in paying attention to our own special assignment.           

God is the Writer and Director of our personal play. He keeps his promises and can be counted on to show us how to become the best we can be, when it comes to our role in His divine production. He enjoys helping us--showing compassion and forgiveness when we slip and stumble. Without a Director, there is no success!      

As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. Micah 7:7 (NLT)