How Can We Create a Better World for Ourselves and Others?

We all know toddlers say the funniest things. “My one wish is: for it to rain tacos” (author unknown/Huff Post). Now that would be a great surprise even for adults!

Or maybe this one: “C’mon, Elsa! Get it together!” My almost-three-year-old said this to her doll who kept falling over” (Masey Cossey/Huff Post). We can relate.

It is a lifelong problem that starts way back when we were toddlers. What is that problem? Trying to learn how to control our impulses, especially when we get angry at someone and suddenly want revenge. These urges seem to have taken over our world recently with more and more protests, violence, and uncontrolled anger. Wanting our own way all the time with no compromise. Sadly, we are witnessing adults acting more like toddlers.

This type of “eye for an eye” behavior can even spill over into our everyday lives and may have affected the former situation that got us to where we are today. But that was the past and there is no more condemnation here to address for any of us. We have successfully made it this far and we cheer on each strong woman in our midst.  

“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” (Mahatma Gandhi, Indian lawyer and anti-colonial nationalist who employed non-violence).

How Do We See More Clearly?

What great insight! We have never heard it put that way, but we could adopt this motto to create a better world for ourselves and those around us. Wouldn’t it be something wonderful if we could help ourselves and others to see more clearly? To look at solutions with an attitude of inclusion instead of excluding people from our little world.

How do we do this? Great question but the answer(s) may not be easy. In fact, it is difficult to even begin to think of how to change things as they are right now. It is going to take a while, but we must begin somewhere if we want to see change. We believe remedies could be different for each of us depending on where we live and who we come in touch with on a daily basis.

There are no quick fixes. Maybe open a notebook or journal and start just jotting down problems we see in our own neighborhoods. How do we see it could be better? List questions that come up to solve as we go along. It does not have to be anything massively complicated. If we are looking for something a little easier to start this process, that can be done.

• Keep our eyes open at the grocery store for anyone who needs help.  
• Go out of our way to say Hello! to someone we have never met.
• Be friendly and smile at the drug store clerk.
• Offer to find boxes for someone moving and include a roll of tape.
• Do something good for someone we dislike.

We get the idea. There are a million little things we can do. Each week make a list that is a tiny bit more challenging and before we know it, we will forget about ourselves and be more open to and for others. Just ask, how many people in my own neighborhood do I actually know or talk to?

For All of Eternity

One more important thing to think about: if we already know Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we can be assured we are going to heaven one day. And all those people we have avoided in our everyday lives, who also know Jesus, will be in heaven with us for all of eternity! It would be best if we begin now and start loving others no matter their race, color, or which side of town they live on. True?

“Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? . . .No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously” (Matthew 5:38, 42 The Message).

 

How to Make the Next Chapter of Our Lives Better

Living in Montana while in high school, there were many school days that were so frigid outdoor temperatures were reported at negative fifty-two degrees! There just was not enough clothing to put on to stay warm. People native to Montana somewhat expect such cold weather.  

But this winter, it seems the news of horrific weather has dropped into Texas of all places. “Snow fell in east Texas, with wind chills reaching minus sixteen degrees Fahrenheit in Dallas. At least parts of all 254 counties in Texas were under either a winter storm watch or a winter storm warning…2.6 million people in Texas were experiencing power blackouts.” [Yuliya Talmazan, NBC News, 2/15/2021]

Not all of us live in such ultra-cold places, however, everyone lives in a state where some kind of extreme weather occurs during the course of a year. If it is not cold, it is heat as in 134 degrees air temperature in Greenland Ranch, CA, more than a century ago (renamed Furnace Creek, rightly so, where the highest recorded ground surface temperature on Earth was recorded at 201 degrees in 1972!). The somewhat “cooler” 128 degrees was recorded in Lake Havasu City, AZ, in 1994. [World Almanac 2021, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.; and National Geographic Concise Atlas of the World, Fourth Edition, 2016].

Our Response Matters

Living a contented life can be challenging if we do not resist complaining all the time. What exactly will frustrate our plans in life is a guessing game. Weather, location, travel, jobs, schools, friends, and sometimes family are all contenders. Annoyances, aggravations, and even anger can cause many of us to want to scream.

For the most part, we cannot effectively influence what other people do, but we can control our response and how we feel. In a world that tends to speed through every twenty-four-hour period rarely stopping for a pause like a Nascar racer trying to break the track record, burnout is usually the result. Many a professional athlete “retires” from his/her sport before reaching the age of 40!

Of course, when we are young (and sometimes reckless or foolish), we wrongly believe (a) we will live forever and (b) no harm will ever slow us down. One of these choices is certainly not ever true and the other choice is, well, perhaps somewhat true if we are fortunate.

Each decade of our lives brings us closer to realizing we are--“oh, my stars” --speeding, just like the racecar driver, to our final performance! We suddenly embrace a great need to accomplish things we never got around to doing. We guess that is where the idea of a “bucket list” first came about in the world (or it could have been the two men who encouraged us in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List).

Sheer Determination

We are not trying to say every woman has missed meeting her goals or is lacking in any sort of professional arena. On the contrary, we undoubtedly notice, rarely do we ever sit down or sit still no matter what season of life we are navigating. It takes a great bit of energy, stamina, and sheer determination to juggle more than one job at a time just to pay the bills, go to night school, or raise a family of four or five by ourselves.

These types of situations may have held us back for the time being, but women are notorious for never giving up! Why else would one of us walk into a college freshman biology class at age twenty-four just to get a degree before age thirty? Or spend an entire day in the college library?

We know that we know that we know it can be done! Most of the heartaches, headaches, and hindrances we already experienced were all part of building a life of endurance and superb character so we could make the next chapter of our lives even better. We have not missed anything. We are right where we are supposed to be today. So, let’s go for it!

Our Plan and Purpose is Waiting

We were created with much love by the one and only true God who created the entire Universe. He knows what we know, and He knows what we do not yet know. This is why He is smiling down on us and is thrilled to see us not giving up because He has a certain plan and purpose for us that we have not achieved.

We can surely talk to Him daily and let Him know how grateful we are that He is our caring and loving heavenly Father and our Guide for life.

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night” (Genesis 8:22 NLT).

 

Truth, Trust, and Tenacity for a Better You

Water--very, very deep water—can be terrifying, especially to someone who can not swim! The deepest ocean is the Pacific at 14,040 feet and covers over 60 million square miles according to The World Almanac 2021. It is the stuff Hollywood movies are still famous for such as “Jaws” (1975), “The Perfect Storm” (2000), and even Disney’s “Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea” (1954).

Of course, thrill-seeking surfers travel the world looking for the largest waves they can find. A Brazilian surfer in 2017 conquered an eighty-foot wave at Nazare, Portugal, and broke a record (nationalgeographic.com). Think he was terrified? Probably not for long.

A Better You is on the Horizon

It takes a lot of faith and practice to accomplish something like surfing. Our single-again world is probably much tamer but still requires plenty of faith on our part. When we first find ourselves alone (much different than lonely), we may feel lost and a little shaky. It is new to us. It is something we most likely have never done before. We have no idea what to do or even where to go. All of this is normal, but, thankfully, not permanent.

Sound familiar? We understand. We know because it has happened to many, many women. It is going to take practice and plenty of courage to go after what we need to survive. But we have faith it can be done if we stick with our individual plans!

To start with, there are many friends, groups, and organizations ready and willing to help us. We are not alone. Keep saying that: I am NOT alone! And repeat--I am NOT alone! Perfect. That was Step One.

Step Two is gaining just a bit of understanding about what faith is and how to get it. It is not that hard to define, but faith is necessary if we want our lives to move forward. In simple terms, if something is true (for instance the phrase above I am NOT alone!), then it deserves our trust. It deserves to become part of us as we become a tenacious (strong) woman. It may take additional learning and more practice, but that is an abbreviated version of our faith.

Finally, Step Three—eliminating doubt--goes hand-in-hand with faith. This step is not quite as easy because it can creep up on us before we know it, but it is possible to drain it of any energy taking up space in our minds. Eventually, it will become natural for us as we become more and more certain about which direction we want to go. We will start believing in ourselves and then we will know—minus the doubt--we are riding the right “wave.”   

Deep Peace is Possible

Once faith becomes our friend and doubt is put on the back shelf, we will begin to experience a deep peace in our being. And that is what we are after. A powerful life we can call our own without the turmoil and chaos of the past.

God Himself is called the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). It is His gift to us when we decide to accept His presence in our lives. God wants nothing but the best for us even in this single-again season of life. Nothing we have ever done can cancel out any of His plans. He deeply loves us, and He proved it by giving us His Son, Jesus, who sacrificed His life so we could spend eternity in heaven with Him.

Imagine that! What a faith-full gift.

“But when you ask [for wisdom], you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6 NIV).

Looking Forward to Better Things in 2021

Most vehicles with wheels, or even rails, normally can go forward as well as backward. We've seen trains travel in reverse to either switch tracks or connect with a different car or caboose. But they most certainly do this quickly to go forward which is their main purpose to get to a new destination. 

Obviously, our cars go forward and backward so we can maneuver properly in and out of garages, parking spaces, and so forth. Yet both trains and cars constantly deal with the danger of traveling backward and avoiding an accident. Amazingly, planes have no way to move in reverse! They can only go forward on the ground. And believe it or not, crash statistics show flying is the safest way to travel. Now there is something to remember!

Making the Most of 2021
In four days we will arrive in another New Year and many of us will be anxiously looking forward to this one for sure! Yet, we won’t soon forget about things that have happened to us, some incredibly sad and others completely devastating. True, we usually learn lessons from our yesterdays, but constantly dwelling on every regrettable past event is a danger to our future and like a train traveling backward unable to stop!

We can imagine what would happen if that occurred. Derailment. An alarm should go off in our heads right about now. We simply cannot move forward with our new lives while we are simultaneously going backward. It's so much more exciting to travel ahead and see the sites!

This is our chance. We have a New Year to celebrate and can make plans for a better future. We may even have some vague ideas in the back of our minds that we can activate, but we’re not quite sure how to go about it. Or maybe we haven't found the time yet to think about hopes and dreams. (Careful. Don't look backward!)

With 2021 arriving at the end of this week, it's time to start our new single-again life. Grab a pen and notebook or journal and jot down some thoughts. Here we go:

Clear Thinking. Avoid vagueness. Instead, strive for developed ideas. Write down just one specific sentence or short paragraph that describes what should happen now to get moving. This gets the idea out of our heads and onto paper where we can see it and start planning. 

Something New. If there have been boring jobs in the past that were just not satisfying, list three occupations you’ve dreamed about and that you know you are good at even if it means accepting an entry-level position. Promotions will happen soon enough, and you'll be much happier!

Building Relationships. It may be time for some new friends (while hanging on to some good friends), especially those in the same situation. They are there. You must look for them. This could be at a new job, a friendly neighbor, or supportive Christian friends. 

Whatever you don’t do today, you are less likely to do tomorrow. 

(Win the Day by Mark Batterson, author and lead pastor, National Community Church, Washington D.C.)

 

Face Forward
Looking back into our past keeps God from moving us forward. Repeat that out loud! Write it on the refrigerator. Even before we were born, God made good plans for us. Not plans for disaster (that was a human error). He's just been waiting for us to face forward and listen. With God absolutely nothing is impossible. Therefore, we need Him in our corner, especially now. Just ask Him! 

"May he grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed" (Psalm 20:4 NLT).

Separating the Good from the Bad

Capture Fall Leaves

Last week, autumn 2019 visibly revealed itself with massive piles of leaves to rake in many areas of the country. Usually not a favorite chore for adults although children enlisted to help thoroughly enjoy themselves and eventually end up playing and jumping into the piles more than working to clear them. A great photo opportunity! It takes a while--and sometimes more than once or twice--to get the job done for the season. The result is winterized yards and trees that need plenty of rest.  

Now some people say this is a depressing sight. But it doesn't have to be that way. If we think about this natural occurrence, it’s all about survival. According to the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, trees can lose a lot of water in the spring and summer just producing leaves. In the winter they no longer have enough water, so the tree actually "pushes" the leaves off the branch so they can reserve their energy to grow new ones in the spring again. Amazing!

None of us can say we are bare trees waiting for the spring, but we can certainly understand the concept of needing rest to rejuvenate our bodies. No! No! We are not promoting hibernating and never getting our bodies to move just because it is winter. Far from it. We probably need even more exercise in the winter, or we could waste away like the leaves. But this week isn't about exercising per se. Whew! Almost lost you there! 

Better Than Bad
What we want to encourage right now is how to move forward as single-again women and really get a head start on what we want to do and where we want to go. It may seem like we are talking about New Years' resolutions, but we are not. We just want to throw out the bad (anything useless or worthless) and issue in all that is good (useful and valuable). It's not so hard. In fact, it may be as simple as picking and choosing some of these fun seasonal ideas (or add your own):  

To Do
1-Make/craft something new and fresh. Wreaths, tree garlands, gifts. Donate or trash the old Fall and Christmas decorations (they belonged to another era).

Try a New Recipe

2-Create at least one new tradition and try a recipe of your own instead of the one that's been in the family for centuries.

3-Change your furniture around. Add new pillows. It will change your attitude too.

To Go

1-Invite a friend or two to a midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

2-When was the last time you went ice skating? It's still fun!

3-How many of us have ever seen a live stage production of The Nutcracker Ballet? No excuses, most towns have this classic between now and Christmas. Grab a friend and just go. Not into ballet? There is also The Nutcracker movie (hint: it just isn't the same though!).

It Takes a Community

Hopefully, with an open mind and heart, we may discover that the Fresh Start Momentum blog is all about us—women who are trying to survive adversity, heartache, and misery! We want to encourage and help as many women as possible all around the globe to re-create an old life into a new, successful life. Why? Because maybe we haven't done this before and can't seem to get started. But it really can be better than it is now. Some people say, "it takes a village." We say it takes a community. A group of other women who have gone through this mess.

That’s just part of it though. We also know it takes Someone in control to be our Helper—our Guide. Someone who knows us inside and out. . .all the pain, sorrow, and grief that has tried to bring us down. Amazingly, He also knows our heart. He created it! He created each one of us as unique and special in all ways. And God is the most important part of our past, present, and future. Just know one important thing--He didn't cause our divorce, but He knows everything that happened from beginning to end. Now He is ready to take us in His arms and never let us go. We are that valuable to Him!

"He is ready to separate the chaff [anything false, useless, worthless, wicked, evil] from the wheat [everything true, useful, and valuable] with his winnowing [sifting] fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire" (Matthew 3:12 NLT). (Emphasis added).