How to Change Our Little Corner of the World

It is easy to get worn out by so many things in life today. Stress can certainly weigh a person down. There is a story about a college professor who brought a glass of water into the classroom and asked his students how much it weighed. Most of the answers ranged from eight to sixteen ounces.

Then the professor asked what would happen if he held the glass for a few minutes, or an hour, or even a whole day without setting it down. The answer, of course, would be that it would cause aching and increasing pain in his arm causing him physical stress.

The story is much longer with details than we are not stating here [click here to read Short Story ] but the conclusion is thought-provoking. “You should not carry the stress long enough that it begins to ache and paralyze your life. It is important to let go of your stresses. Don’t carry your stress all day and always remember to put the glass down before you go to bed!”

Five “We Can” Challenges

Good advice. Stress gets to all of us at one time or another and we agree there has been more than enough over the past year whether it is the pandemic, the riots, or our pocketbooks. The tension from stress causes a change in the way we think about ourselves either for better or worse. For instance, we want to be that person who strives for peace or calm, but what do we actually produce in our personal lives? How do we act toward others?

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." -- Chinese proverb

It is easy to think all we have to do is run away from the world and hide our heads under a pillow. Just ignore what is going on around us and everything will be fine. But we admit burying our heads does not work well for long as we would, of course, suffocate!

We are looking here for some answers. What can we do? Naturally, there is no one right solution for every one of us. We are all unique individuals, but we can try to come up with a few ideas that will work overall to change our little corner of the world for the better. Perhaps we can pick out just one or two of the following suggestions to start and then add to them.

1. We can open a journal or a calendar (there are apps for both of these) and start listing where our time goes. How can we change anything if we supposedly have no time?

2. We can make a list of how we would enjoy helping someone:

• Helping a handicapped neighbor take out her garbage.
• Dog sitting for someone for a couple hours.
• Volunteering on a regular basis at a women’s shelter or pregnancy center.  
• Paying for a stranger’s groceries in line behind us.
• Offering a ride to a person’s doctor appt

3. We can start (or continue) to look for a job that is satisfying. Try in the service industry to be a real help to someone in need.

4. We can spend regular and consistent time either in the morning or evening reading one page in the Bible and reading one page in a devotional book.

5. We can challenge ourselves to be a good example to our family and friends by choosing kind words, being helpful, listening rather than talking, and watching good and wholesome TV, movies, and music videos.

The Choice is Ours

Now we see that “We can” if we really want to be the one who promotes peace, joy, and love to those around us. Do we want to see a change in the world? We ARE that change!

In case we have not thought about it in a while, remember that God will never, ever force us to do anything. We can sit back and just complain about what is going on in the world. Or we can please the Lord by taking care of each other here on earth. By the way, we need to take care of ourselves too so we will have the energy to be of help to others.

Be the change the world needs!

“Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest!” (Psalm 55:6 NLT).

“Get me out of here on dove wings; I want some peace and quiet. I want a walk in the country, I want a cabin in the woods. I’m desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather.” (Psalm 55:7-8 MSG).

 

 

None of Us Want to Be Alone

Alone is a Choice

Many people want to belong to something important where they can make a difference. Some of us join clubs of all kinds. There are groups for moms, book lovers, students, writers, artists, and for cooking, sewing, and working out. Joining one of these sisterhoods helps to encourage and educate us.

Sometimes we have ideas that don’t seem to work out no matter what we do. We need the assistance of others to see how they do things we’ve never thought of as a solution. We learn as our hearts are warmed by their friendliness. Suddenly, the project we’ve been working on becomes much easier. And we breathe.

We were never meant to do things all alone especially now that we are single-again. What would be the point anyways? If we want to share some new ideas, who would we share them with? Want to help in our neighborhood? How would we do it alone? We simply cannot get trapped in our own little world.  

We may not be a mountain climber like Aron Ralston, but in the movie of his true life story, 127 Hours, we witness how a huge boulder traps him in a canyon in Utah. All alone, he had no way to call for help. For five days, he drew “strength and inspiration from his family and friends.” Without them, he probably would still be pleading with the rocks!

Feedback is Important
Living alone can be very similar. How many of us have found ourselves talking out loud to, well, nothing in particular? Of course, we don’t expect an answer (hopefully not), but, strangely, it seems to help every now and then even though the sound of our own voice in the silence may startle us.

Where we really need to hear an answer is when we are hurting, in trouble, feeling defeated, or we just want to express ourselves and get feedback other than our own. A friend who has been through all the mess life can dish out may have surprising insight for us. She can be our backup support when we are dealing with oh! so many dilemmas. And, in turn, we can be hers.

Without friends to share the good and the not-so-good in our lives, we leave ourselves open to the worst thinking patterns. How many times have we blown things out of proportion when left alone? What someone said to us yesterday in good faith today becomes an attack. We see two friends heading out the door together and immediately wonder why they didn’t invite us if they were going to the movies when really one friend was simply supporting the other to a doctor's appointment.  

Hope, Help, or Hazard?

We remember how very bad our lives have gone in years past and wrongly imagine how they will never get any better. We begin to see ourselves in the darkness without any hope. This kind of gloomy thinking can catapult us right into depression in its many forms.

Joining Solves Many Problems

If we are shy or an introvert, it may not be easy to step out and make new friends. Even if we are the social type, moving to a new town or a new job can make us feel reserved and less than confident. It may help to start with this list of ways to join in with others.

1. Exercise/walk/jog in the same place every day. Others will eventually make contact and it will give our smile a workout too.
2. Find a church home nearby and shake hands with the door greeter.
3. Join a class, team, or club. It’s a ready-made group with similar interests.
4. Attend lectures, book signings, poetry groups. A different version of the one above.
5. Accept invitations for coffee or a movie after connecting with someone.

Let’s keep adding to this list and soon our pet will wonder why her food bowl is empty all the time!

New and Old Make Great Friends

The One who created us never intended for us to be alone. The first person on this earth was Adam but God knew Adam needed a companion and so He created Eve. Now, even if we have decided not to date yet, it would be to our advantage to meet new friends as we also keep in touch with some of our old friends. Eventually, we will learn what works best for our new lives and start growing one friendship after another. God knows and loves us like no other could. His “door” is always open when we want to talk. Try it!   

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT).

How Can We Change What’s Not Working?

Stop and slow down

There are times when life gets going so fast—like a runaway train--that we rarely take the time to turn our heads for a moment and see where we came from and where we are going. Just one common example is the cell phone. According to bankmycell.com, there are now more mobile devices (9.32 billion!) in the world than there are people (7.74 billion). And even more amazing, not every single person owns a cell phone. So, obviously, many people have more than one device. Unbelievable.   

According to one tracker, it’s easy to understand, “You don’t need a home to have one, and you don’t need a network that touches every building. It’s easier to plop a cell phone tower in a neighborhood than plug in every single building.” This makes sense, but cell phones have made us spin faster and faster until we almost get dizzy and fall over.  

Every now and then, though, it’s a good idea to slow down, look back, and do a friendly examination of ourselves. Especially with the mind-blowing situation we just survived. It took every bit of toughness, strength, and resilience we had in our bodies to get right here and right now. If we don’t want to repeat all that, it’s to our own advantage to review every now and then how much we have achieved. We do it in our jobs once a year, so why not in our personal lives too?

Wide-Eyed Wishing

There are two ways to contrast how we are doing--what didn’t work before and what is working after.

  

Many of us were perhaps too young when we rushed down the aisle the first time. We didn’t take our time to get to know the one we said, “I do!” to, nor even to make permanent life-plans that involved both of us. We, most likely, lacked the experience needed to deal with and avoid repeated scenes that caused us damage and destruction. Honestly, we really had no idea what we were doing; it was very much like wide-eyed wishing. Eventually, because of our innocence, we lost ourselves in a pool of nothingness. We lived a “half-life” never developing our own talents and abilities. Thankfully, we eventually gained insight and found the strength to make better decisions.   

The Next Wise Choice

Grow and Gather

Learning from past circumstances, we have been able to choose new goals and habits that uplift our “fully-developed lives.” Our hearts spill over with joy just creating a whole new way to live. Enthusiasm goes a long way. Sure, not every single day goes smoothly, no one said it would. This is real life. It gets hard sometimes for all of us. We are not alone in this truth. The key is how we respond to all the messiness. We each must decide what that looks like for our own lives not for our friend’s life, not for our sister’s, brother’s, or mother’s life, but what positive thing we do when life gets us down. It’s all about making the next wise choice. The confidence we now have (and it will increase every day), can help us survive at least the next 24 hours! Go. Grow. Gather. Repeat.  

Word Reflections

Wiser words have never been spoken than in the first nine chapters of the Book of Proverbs. We use those as a guide to weigh how our lives are going and where we can go next. If we haven’t quite reached the pinnacle where our lives can bloom, studying and meditating on these words of God will make it very clear what the next step is in front of us.  

If we are beginning to find satisfaction with our journey, sustaining true wisdom for the “long haul” can be discovered through these chapters in Proverbs. They will direct us in knowing God better and what He sees for our future. It is His heart for our hearts!

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person” (Proverbs 27:19 NLT).

What Are Your Choices, Challenges, and Changes?

Red rose of Love

Hate is never the answer to hate. History has proven this truth over and over. Yet there are those who still allow extreme, out-of-control emotions to fill themselves with hostility leading to violent attacks and aggression toward others. And, yes, sadly, loss of someone's life is almost always a part of it.     

“On a day like today, there are many directions we can go in our prayer...We can be in sorrow, in anger even...including anger at God for letting something like this happen." Instead, El Paso Rev Mike Lewis urged them [funeral attendees] to "have faith and to love one another, especially those who are hard to love.” (www.latimes.com)

The Gift of Free Will

Let's be clear, though, and not get the wrong idea. In no way does God ever cause the hatred that can destroy others. Only pure evil lashing out with arms of fire can cause such violence.

“Scripture shows that God did not create evil and does not promote it; rather, it describes God’s actions in combating it. God limits the impact of evil, warns us of the dangers of evil, acts to stop the spread of evil, gives us an escape from evil, and will eventually defeat evil forever." [gotquestions.org] 

Something many people do not understand is the free will God willingly gives each one of us. He gave us that gift of free will because he loves us and wants us to make good decisions that will benefit our lives and those we love and that he cares about (which is everyone he has created). Never would God want us to use free will as part of a plan to kill others! 

Choices, Challenges, and Changes

How about our own choices and decisions since we became single-again women? It's understandable our own emotions were running high while dealing with all the challenges required to get to a better place in our lives. The shift in marital status alone may have caused a change of living arrangements, school (for both us and/or our children), new friends or a new job, and certainly finances. All stress-caused emotions. It certainly wasn’t easy looking in the mirror each morning at someone we didn’t even recognize. We've all been there in one way or another. We changed. We are still changing. Hopefully for the better.

However, it’s possible we are still not in a good place. Our lives are crawling very slowly, and they are not quite where we want them to be. We haven’t moved out of the anxiety phase and may even be heading towards depression. How many times have we pulled the covers over our head in the morning? Pretended to exist solely on potato chips, cookies, and ice cream just because we couldn’t find the energy to cook a decent meal? It happens and is quite common but tolerated only to a certain degree. Eventually either we move or some outside force will move us. What we don’t want is watching our lives get buried in the mundane.  

Love puzzle: we all have choices

Rather than ignoring all these unhealthy symptoms, it’s time to gain some momentum. We know we cannot change others around us (we’ve tried!), nor can they change us. We are the only ones who can do the changing and isn’t that a good thought? We finally get to create our lives exactly the way we want them. Something that may have held us back so far is thinking we need to re-create our old lives and we just don’t know where to begin. Frankly, that is the number one major stumbling block because our old life is gone. It's like trying to fix something without any workable parts. Our new life is here right now! And that is exciting because we are not going to re-create anything—we are going to start fresh.    

Get ready to have some fun! Here are nine ideas or suggestions that will set our feet in motion. Try one or all of them or at least jot down some of your own ideas:

Choices – 

Adopt that new pet you’ve always wanted

Join a club (i.e., health, art, book) and make new friends

Pick a non-profit organization and volunteer

Challenges – 

Turn a hobby into a new business

Take a class in computer graphics, French, or cooking

Write a book (memoir, children’s)

Changes – 

Move to a new neighborhood

Get a new hairdo, including color

Adopt a new nutrition plan and get healthy

Final Word

Are we the one who can help lessen the impact of evil? Sounds difficult, but God obviously gave us the freedom of choice and gifts/talents to use. If we can find just one little way to show love to a neighbor or a stranger in need, it’s a start. We can decide to do our part. Will we?

“God has provided the one and only means to make all wrongs right.” Part of that plan is to accept him as Lord and Savior and then help another to do the same before it's too late. “One day, God’s plan to defeat and destroy evil [sin] will be fully complete.” [gotquestions.org]

"The world's sin is unbelief in me" (John 16:9 NLT).