Moving on to a Happier Place

Thankfully, our days are created in twenty-four-hour segments. If they were any longer, we may not be able to handle all of it. Of course, we wish we had more hours in the day to get all the things on our To-Do lists done. But that is much like driving on one of those round-about traffic circles and not being able to get off.

Circles can be scary. Think of all those carnival rides that spin so fast our heads feel like exploding. Circular saws are dangerous enough to cut a finger off. And Merry-Go-Rounds on playgrounds can cause injuries. Where are the beginning and the end? That is how our days go when we do nothing but worry about the next thing we need to do, or what will happen if we don’t get somewhere, or what is happening with our children when really, they are just fine.

It seems there are thousands of things we constantly worry about without stopping. The trouble with that kind of thinking is the worries just pile up one upon the other from each day. Today we are still worrying about all the things we didn’t solve yesterday. Add that to today’s problems, plus start stressing over tomorrow’s fears, and “bingo” we have a major breakdown in the making.

Getting in the Right Lane

The good news is we always have a choice! We can choose a different way to handle our daily anxieties and stop our nagging minds from calling out for attention. It’s a habit we’ve created, or grown up with, that finally causes us enough pain that we want to do something about it.

Just as in solving any personal problem, it takes courage to change our lives for the better. We’ve already seen that take place in our lives when we moved on from one bad situation to a happier place. And there were plenty of worries one after another to handle, many times on our own. But we did it--we are here and thriving!

Our new lives can continue to improve if, with determination, we choose to find an answer to the worry that plagues us. It’s simply annoying and, instead of helping us to get things done as we might think, worry distracts us from accomplishing what we intend to do in the first place.

We are not saying that there will never be anything in our lives to care about again. Of course, there will be. But there is a difference between worry--which solves nothing and keeps us on that never-ending round-about--and concern, which involves us in the solution of a problem, either our own or another’s. Concern causes us to be troubled enough to get up and do something. And even to help someone find their own answer.

Slow It Down

So, how do we begin to change the pattern? First, we have to understand many of the worries we have are (wo)man-made. We load our days with way too many things to do. We get in a rush and cause accidents. We chase after more money and more things to keep up with the neighbors. We get in the way of the lives of others. Consider these:

• Prioritize our To-Do lists A (most important) to C (least important/backburner).
• Plan appointments allowing enough time for each. Don’t pile them up like blocks. It’s okay to say “No” when necessary.
• Simplify our homes, finances, and wants (which are different than needs).
• Listen and support those we care about but allow them to handle their own problems.

Final Step

We have the perfect cure for all our worries and that is God Himself. He already has a plan for our lives, and He waits for us to stop stressing and trust Him, so He can send us blessings. Every single problem we face, He has the solution for us in the Bible. All we really need to be concerned about is our souls, rather than the cares of the world.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34 NLT).

 

How to Change Our Little Corner of the World

It is easy to get worn out by so many things in life today. Stress can certainly weigh a person down. There is a story about a college professor who brought a glass of water into the classroom and asked his students how much it weighed. Most of the answers ranged from eight to sixteen ounces.

Then the professor asked what would happen if he held the glass for a few minutes, or an hour, or even a whole day without setting it down. The answer, of course, would be that it would cause aching and increasing pain in his arm causing him physical stress.

The story is much longer with details than we are not stating here [click here to read Short Story ] but the conclusion is thought-provoking. “You should not carry the stress long enough that it begins to ache and paralyze your life. It is important to let go of your stresses. Don’t carry your stress all day and always remember to put the glass down before you go to bed!”

Five “We Can” Challenges

Good advice. Stress gets to all of us at one time or another and we agree there has been more than enough over the past year whether it is the pandemic, the riots, or our pocketbooks. The tension from stress causes a change in the way we think about ourselves either for better or worse. For instance, we want to be that person who strives for peace or calm, but what do we actually produce in our personal lives? How do we act toward others?

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." -- Chinese proverb

It is easy to think all we have to do is run away from the world and hide our heads under a pillow. Just ignore what is going on around us and everything will be fine. But we admit burying our heads does not work well for long as we would, of course, suffocate!

We are looking here for some answers. What can we do? Naturally, there is no one right solution for every one of us. We are all unique individuals, but we can try to come up with a few ideas that will work overall to change our little corner of the world for the better. Perhaps we can pick out just one or two of the following suggestions to start and then add to them.

1. We can open a journal or a calendar (there are apps for both of these) and start listing where our time goes. How can we change anything if we supposedly have no time?

2. We can make a list of how we would enjoy helping someone:

• Helping a handicapped neighbor take out her garbage.
• Dog sitting for someone for a couple hours.
• Volunteering on a regular basis at a women’s shelter or pregnancy center.  
• Paying for a stranger’s groceries in line behind us.
• Offering a ride to a person’s doctor appt

3. We can start (or continue) to look for a job that is satisfying. Try in the service industry to be a real help to someone in need.

4. We can spend regular and consistent time either in the morning or evening reading one page in the Bible and reading one page in a devotional book.

5. We can challenge ourselves to be a good example to our family and friends by choosing kind words, being helpful, listening rather than talking, and watching good and wholesome TV, movies, and music videos.

The Choice is Ours

Now we see that “We can” if we really want to be the one who promotes peace, joy, and love to those around us. Do we want to see a change in the world? We ARE that change!

In case we have not thought about it in a while, remember that God will never, ever force us to do anything. We can sit back and just complain about what is going on in the world. Or we can please the Lord by taking care of each other here on earth. By the way, we need to take care of ourselves too so we will have the energy to be of help to others.

Be the change the world needs!

“Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest!” (Psalm 55:6 NLT).

“Get me out of here on dove wings; I want some peace and quiet. I want a walk in the country, I want a cabin in the woods. I’m desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather.” (Psalm 55:7-8 MSG).

 

 

How to Make the Best Change

In 1898, Dwight L. Moody, a prominent evangelist, and teacher conducted a contest to find “the best thought” out there. He said, “a good thought was worth a journey of a thousand miles.” The contest winner (name unknown) won a prize for sending in the following now-famous quote.

Men grumble because God put thorns on roses. Would it not be better to thank God that he put roses on thorns? [www.quoteinvestigator.com]

Most of us genuinely want to live a better life with less negativity but that’s a challenge for nearly everyone. So, we must ask, how do we make changes for the better that will become part of us and make a difference in how we live our lives now?

9 Changes for the Better

Recently while enjoying the pages of a friend’s scrapbook (she was single-again at the time), we found some of the best ideas for developing positive change in our lives. Perhaps these will give us many of our own “best thoughts” to carry us through.

1. Nobody can really tell you “the answer” to life’s problems so you might as well try what feels right to you.
2. Pay attention to what you feel. If you don’t like the way you feel, it’s usually a sign that you’re not getting what you need.
3. Dare to love yourself in a world that gives no guarantees (except God’s).
4. If you’re going to risk a change, try something likely to satisfy your needs while increasing your self-respect.
5. When you are considering a specific change, make a list of all the worst possible things that could happen (be prepared!).
6. Before you change, take a few moments to honestly compliment yourself for some specific and positive attribute.
7. After you try a change, evaluate the results. No matter what happens, congratulate yourself for your courage to try.
8. If what you are doing isn’t getting you what you want, try something different.
9. If you decide to take a chance, don’t just think about it, do it!

Honestly

Hopefully, the above insights do not sound selfish because they are not. They are ways to improve and make changes to our lives. Without knowing ourselves better, there is no honest way to help ourselves become women who are joyful, positive, and without whining or complaining.

The One who created us and loves us inside and out is anxious to give us good gifts. Gifts that will shower us with everything we need at a time when we need it the most. As noted by the woman above in her scrapbook, “I know that when I allow God to guide my steps, I am at peace on life’s joyous adventure.”

A “best thought” if we ever heard one!    

“The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you” (Psalm 32:8 NLT).

 

You Have the Power to Change Things

Once we use, say, or experience something over and over we become used to it and can take it for granted. For instance, how many sayings or phrases have we used just this week or month that flew out of our mouths without even thinking about them? That is just so cool! Awesome! What’s your problem? That was really great! Don’t put all your eggs in one basket! Time heals all wounds!

And how many things do we just let slip by without even thinking? One of the major events we can easily take for granted is our right to vote because we are of the generation where we have always had that privilege available. [Don’t worry we are not going to have a political advertisement for any one person. That’s a personal decision].    

But here is a question: what event is taking place this year celebrating a major milestone for women? It is important because it gave each one of us the power to change things. Yet, we take it for granted and don’t exercise our personal right when it counts the most because we think our one vote doesn’t matter much. That is entirely false! The 19^th Amendment giving women the right to vote was ratified on August 18, 1920, after a long battle back and forth in our country. So, we ask ourselves, how many years in the last 40, 50, or even 80 have we made the time to walk up and fill out a voting ballot (or at least drop one in the mail)? Change doesn’t happen unless we do something!

Change Doesn’t Just Happen

We single-again women (divorced, widowed, and single moms) know all about change. As wives, it was what we wanted and hoped for a better union and healthy communication while at the same time trying to figure things out in our abusive relationship.

Certain change—as in the death of a spouse or when a new father walks out on the mom and infant baby —is not at all a welcome act by any means. It threatens our stability and causes a chain reaction of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (known as the Kubler-Ross stages of grief model).

Not everyone goes through each of the stages or even in the same order. Everyone experiences change in their own way and in their own time. The death of a spouse, for instance, maybe expected after a long and harrowing illness. Or it could have been unexpected such as a heart attack or sudden injury. Each one of these women will have heartache but experience grief in a different way. Even in these cases, change doesn’t happen unless we do something.

Follow the Leader

Our lives are not the same anymore. This we know—no one needs to tell us that fact. But we may not have stopped to realize, our lives are pleading for change. What have we done recently to make changes for the better? Or are we still, sedentary, and stagnant? Even if it’s only one small thing we can do today, it will be worth the effort.     

Life is definitely on the go. It waits for no one. While we are sitting at home mindlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine, our clocks are ticking. We can never get back the minutes that were given to us this morning as we woke up. It could have been the minutes we might have used to find a beautiful new home instead of staying in the one that depresses us. In the last hour, we could have had lunch with a friend we haven’t seen in such a long time. Change doesn’t happen unless we do something.

Our God of heaven and earth is excited for us to begin a new thing with the lives He has given us. He knows our situation and is more than willing to help us find solutions for the future. But He won’t force us to do anything we don’t want to do. We only must be willing to follow His lead. Although God never changes, our human lives change constantly. And that is why we need His help every minute, every hour, every day. He’s the best problem-solver. Make the change happen!

“Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both” (Ecclesiastes 11:6 NLT).

 

Do You Feel Out of Control?

Never stop learning

When we are children, our brains are like sponges! We soak up all the information we can get as fast as we can. In fact, it is known that ninety percent of our brain growth occurs by the age of five! Wow! [www.firstthingsfirst.org]

Therefore, it is so important to teach our young children and expose them to as much educational material and experiences as we can. It’s exceedingly difficult to spend a lot of time and attention on our kids when we are single-again parents. We all know this but if what we are teaching is presented in a fun and enjoyable way, our child will absorb and retain the lesson almost immediately for life. And so, we read bedtime stories, we play games with them, we apply numbers and the alphabet into their daily lives, we listen to them and so much more.

Prejudice by Instruction

The lessons we teach our children/grandchildren also include how to handle emotions that will carry them throughout their lives. It’s what we grow up with and in many cases, what kind of people we become. Feelings like happiness and joyfulness, kindness, warmth, friendliness, gratitude, patience, and, of course, love and on and on are created by our circumstances and relationships with others.

Unfortunately, these same situations can and do create unwanted feelings such as intenseness, judgements, prejudice, misunderstandings, not “seeing” the other person, and violence to name but a few. It’s a known fact that “young children learn about prejudice by instruction, and older children by experience.” [www.sciencedaily.com]

They go on to say, “Research has shown that between ages 3 and 6, children learn about and begin to apply stereotypes and can recognize overt discrimination…But between 6 and 10 years old, they become aware of other people's stereotypes, able to perceive subtle discrimination by age 10. We need to help create situations and environments that foster positive experiences among children from all backgrounds."

Is Change Possible?

Learn how to love!

What we have seen in our nation over the last two weeks is certainly appalling. No one wants to see or experience such horror again. The subject is deeper than we can cover or explain here, and we certainly are not the experts. Let us just say that if we want to see change—if we want our children to learn better--we must realize and accept there have been rights and wrongs on both sides of the protest line and begin there. We only need to read the history books to know discrimination, prejudice, and hatred have been in existence since time began. BUT, so have kindness, goodness, joy, and love! May we not allow this nightmare to continue. ALL people deserve a chance. We can do better! We can learn better!

Who Has the Last Word?

It seems as long as we can remember, when situations in our lives get out of control and we know nothing else to do, we turn around and blame the God of the Universe for everything that’s wrong in the world. It’s pretty common, but it’s about as incorrect as we can get.

There are two truths to consider: first, the God of the Universe is also the God of Creation. Nothing exists without Him. After He breathed life into the world, (heavens, earth, light (day), darkness (night), water, sky, land, seas, vegetation, stars, sea and land animals, and human beings) He had a wonderful plan.

Because God loved people, He created a real place for them called the Garden of Eden. It was His perfect and wonderful environment filled with all good things. This is how God wanted the world to exist forever…the perfect gift…with no room for anger or violent struggles.

The second truth for us to know is that human beings (mainly Adam and Eve) quite frankly, messed everything up. They disobeyed God and sinned against Him. The Garden of Eden was no longer the perfect place. They had children, Cain and Abel, who also sinned. And on and on and on…

Humans were out of control. God was not. We cannot blame our problems and actions on Him. Why? Because He is the God of Love. That’s all He wants for us. Love. He’s our perfect example. We have misplaced the blame.

Let’s turn around and try harder. It will be worth it.

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT).

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT).

[We challenge you to read all 13 verses of 1 Corinthians 13].

How Can We Change What’s Not Working?

Stop and slow down

There are times when life gets going so fast—like a runaway train--that we rarely take the time to turn our heads for a moment and see where we came from and where we are going. Just one common example is the cell phone. According to bankmycell.com, there are now more mobile devices (9.32 billion!) in the world than there are people (7.74 billion). And even more amazing, not every single person owns a cell phone. So, obviously, many people have more than one device. Unbelievable.   

According to one tracker, it’s easy to understand, “You don’t need a home to have one, and you don’t need a network that touches every building. It’s easier to plop a cell phone tower in a neighborhood than plug in every single building.” This makes sense, but cell phones have made us spin faster and faster until we almost get dizzy and fall over.  

Every now and then, though, it’s a good idea to slow down, look back, and do a friendly examination of ourselves. Especially with the mind-blowing situation we just survived. It took every bit of toughness, strength, and resilience we had in our bodies to get right here and right now. If we don’t want to repeat all that, it’s to our own advantage to review every now and then how much we have achieved. We do it in our jobs once a year, so why not in our personal lives too?

Wide-Eyed Wishing

There are two ways to contrast how we are doing--what didn’t work before and what is working after.

  

Many of us were perhaps too young when we rushed down the aisle the first time. We didn’t take our time to get to know the one we said, “I do!” to, nor even to make permanent life-plans that involved both of us. We, most likely, lacked the experience needed to deal with and avoid repeated scenes that caused us damage and destruction. Honestly, we really had no idea what we were doing; it was very much like wide-eyed wishing. Eventually, because of our innocence, we lost ourselves in a pool of nothingness. We lived a “half-life” never developing our own talents and abilities. Thankfully, we eventually gained insight and found the strength to make better decisions.   

The Next Wise Choice

Grow and Gather

Learning from past circumstances, we have been able to choose new goals and habits that uplift our “fully-developed lives.” Our hearts spill over with joy just creating a whole new way to live. Enthusiasm goes a long way. Sure, not every single day goes smoothly, no one said it would. This is real life. It gets hard sometimes for all of us. We are not alone in this truth. The key is how we respond to all the messiness. We each must decide what that looks like for our own lives not for our friend’s life, not for our sister’s, brother’s, or mother’s life, but what positive thing we do when life gets us down. It’s all about making the next wise choice. The confidence we now have (and it will increase every day), can help us survive at least the next 24 hours! Go. Grow. Gather. Repeat.  

Word Reflections

Wiser words have never been spoken than in the first nine chapters of the Book of Proverbs. We use those as a guide to weigh how our lives are going and where we can go next. If we haven’t quite reached the pinnacle where our lives can bloom, studying and meditating on these words of God will make it very clear what the next step is in front of us.  

If we are beginning to find satisfaction with our journey, sustaining true wisdom for the “long haul” can be discovered through these chapters in Proverbs. They will direct us in knowing God better and what He sees for our future. It is His heart for our hearts!

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person” (Proverbs 27:19 NLT).

What Are Your Choices, Challenges, and Changes?

Red rose of Love

Hate is never the answer to hate. History has proven this truth over and over. Yet there are those who still allow extreme, out-of-control emotions to fill themselves with hostility leading to violent attacks and aggression toward others. And, yes, sadly, loss of someone's life is almost always a part of it.     

“On a day like today, there are many directions we can go in our prayer...We can be in sorrow, in anger even...including anger at God for letting something like this happen." Instead, El Paso Rev Mike Lewis urged them [funeral attendees] to "have faith and to love one another, especially those who are hard to love.” (www.latimes.com)

The Gift of Free Will

Let's be clear, though, and not get the wrong idea. In no way does God ever cause the hatred that can destroy others. Only pure evil lashing out with arms of fire can cause such violence.

“Scripture shows that God did not create evil and does not promote it; rather, it describes God’s actions in combating it. God limits the impact of evil, warns us of the dangers of evil, acts to stop the spread of evil, gives us an escape from evil, and will eventually defeat evil forever." [gotquestions.org] 

Something many people do not understand is the free will God willingly gives each one of us. He gave us that gift of free will because he loves us and wants us to make good decisions that will benefit our lives and those we love and that he cares about (which is everyone he has created). Never would God want us to use free will as part of a plan to kill others! 

Choices, Challenges, and Changes

How about our own choices and decisions since we became single-again women? It's understandable our own emotions were running high while dealing with all the challenges required to get to a better place in our lives. The shift in marital status alone may have caused a change of living arrangements, school (for both us and/or our children), new friends or a new job, and certainly finances. All stress-caused emotions. It certainly wasn’t easy looking in the mirror each morning at someone we didn’t even recognize. We've all been there in one way or another. We changed. We are still changing. Hopefully for the better.

However, it’s possible we are still not in a good place. Our lives are crawling very slowly, and they are not quite where we want them to be. We haven’t moved out of the anxiety phase and may even be heading towards depression. How many times have we pulled the covers over our head in the morning? Pretended to exist solely on potato chips, cookies, and ice cream just because we couldn’t find the energy to cook a decent meal? It happens and is quite common but tolerated only to a certain degree. Eventually either we move or some outside force will move us. What we don’t want is watching our lives get buried in the mundane.  

Love puzzle: we all have choices

Rather than ignoring all these unhealthy symptoms, it’s time to gain some momentum. We know we cannot change others around us (we’ve tried!), nor can they change us. We are the only ones who can do the changing and isn’t that a good thought? We finally get to create our lives exactly the way we want them. Something that may have held us back so far is thinking we need to re-create our old lives and we just don’t know where to begin. Frankly, that is the number one major stumbling block because our old life is gone. It's like trying to fix something without any workable parts. Our new life is here right now! And that is exciting because we are not going to re-create anything—we are going to start fresh.    

Get ready to have some fun! Here are nine ideas or suggestions that will set our feet in motion. Try one or all of them or at least jot down some of your own ideas:

Choices – 

Adopt that new pet you’ve always wanted

Join a club (i.e., health, art, book) and make new friends

Pick a non-profit organization and volunteer

Challenges – 

Turn a hobby into a new business

Take a class in computer graphics, French, or cooking

Write a book (memoir, children’s)

Changes – 

Move to a new neighborhood

Get a new hairdo, including color

Adopt a new nutrition plan and get healthy

Final Word

Are we the one who can help lessen the impact of evil? Sounds difficult, but God obviously gave us the freedom of choice and gifts/talents to use. If we can find just one little way to show love to a neighbor or a stranger in need, it’s a start. We can decide to do our part. Will we?

“God has provided the one and only means to make all wrongs right.” Part of that plan is to accept him as Lord and Savior and then help another to do the same before it's too late. “One day, God’s plan to defeat and destroy evil [sin] will be fully complete.” [gotquestions.org]

"The world's sin is unbelief in me" (John 16:9 NLT).

Movement Opens Up a Whole New World

Your Alarm Clock of Change

Many people hate change and do anything they can to avoid it. Basically, it’s the fear of the unknown that stalls us and glues our feet to the ground. We hesitate to accept an offer of a better job because we are so familiar and used to what we are currently doing. We stay in an undesirable area because we hate the thought of moving. We all know the famous saying, “If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten!” (Marc Ostrofsky, American entrepreneur, and New York Times Best Selling Author).

A Whole New World

We single-again women know all about transitions after experiencing a major shift in our lives. It was something we may or may not have wanted and wished it could have been different. Whether it was the loss of a spouse, becoming a single mom, or the ending of a marriage, it caused certain movement in our lives--good or bad depending on our perspective.  

Have you ever thought about why ostriches supposedly bury their heads in the sand when they are frightened? Well, we may be surprised to learn that is only a myth according to the American Ostrich Association. They say ostriches don’t bury their heads because they wouldn’t be able to breathe. Makes sense. However, they do dig holes to use as nests for their eggs. Then they often stick their heads in the hole to turn the eggs. Therefore, it looks like they really are burying their heads!

If we bury our own human head under the covers and refuse to face the world, we soon find out we can't breathe! It creates a chain reaction: no air equals no energy to move equals confusion equals loneliness equals giving up, and on and on it goes. But there is a better solution. 

Throwing off all those smothering covers shows us that movement naturally causes progress and progress creates positive energy (advancement) in our lives opening up a whole new world! Little did we know that the new job we landed was going to be the best solution for our finances. We realize we should have moved to that new town much sooner than we did because it provided a delightful opportunity to make new friends and gave us beauty we were not expecting.

Here’s the Clue

Never doubt how God works in our lives. He gives us many, many ways to live out His perfect, individual plan and purpose for us creating more joy and peace in our lives each day. Be assured He has not forgotten about the transition we are going through. His love and compassion create a total transformation so we can move forward. We just need to keep our heads out of the “sand!”

“That is why we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6 NLT).

In a Rut or In a Groove?

Someone once said if our hairstyles are the same more than five years in a row, we're in a rut! Or is that a groove (not as deep as a rut)? This could also apply to the placement of our furniture, the shower curtain, the pillows on our couch or just about anything that needs changing.

In the Disney animated film, The Emperor's Groove, Kuzco, the rude and narcissistic emperor, has no need of anyone. Yzma, his female adviser, poisons him and Kuzco turns into a llama. The silly story goes on and on with Yzma accidentally drinking a poison and she turns into a kitten! 

Disney sometimes makes comical and crazy movies, or what your grandmother might have called cockamamie (silly word in itself), but there is eventually a point made. In the movie above, the emperor learns the lesson that it's senseless to resist change. 

Funny, once we do get in the mood to do something positive for ourselves and get out of our monotonous routine, we see the magic we've been missing in our daily lives. It's a great spirit-lifter. Once we do one thing, we want to do the next thing and the next thing, and. . . Doctors even say it only takes 21 days (or 21 times) to replace an old habit with a new one. Less than a month; we can do that! 

Let us not forget God likes change. He doesn't leave us in our same routine. He chose us and He expects us to grow and mature. There is a reason for everything and He sent Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help you in creating your very best life now! 

If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.
Luke 17:33