How to Make the Next Chapter of Our Lives Better

Living in Montana while in high school, there were many school days that were so frigid outdoor temperatures were reported at negative fifty-two degrees! There just was not enough clothing to put on to stay warm. People native to Montana somewhat expect such cold weather.  

But this winter, it seems the news of horrific weather has dropped into Texas of all places. “Snow fell in east Texas, with wind chills reaching minus sixteen degrees Fahrenheit in Dallas. At least parts of all 254 counties in Texas were under either a winter storm watch or a winter storm warning…2.6 million people in Texas were experiencing power blackouts.” [Yuliya Talmazan, NBC News, 2/15/2021]

Not all of us live in such ultra-cold places, however, everyone lives in a state where some kind of extreme weather occurs during the course of a year. If it is not cold, it is heat as in 134 degrees air temperature in Greenland Ranch, CA, more than a century ago (renamed Furnace Creek, rightly so, where the highest recorded ground surface temperature on Earth was recorded at 201 degrees in 1972!). The somewhat “cooler” 128 degrees was recorded in Lake Havasu City, AZ, in 1994. [World Almanac 2021, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.; and National Geographic Concise Atlas of the World, Fourth Edition, 2016].

Our Response Matters

Living a contented life can be challenging if we do not resist complaining all the time. What exactly will frustrate our plans in life is a guessing game. Weather, location, travel, jobs, schools, friends, and sometimes family are all contenders. Annoyances, aggravations, and even anger can cause many of us to want to scream.

For the most part, we cannot effectively influence what other people do, but we can control our response and how we feel. In a world that tends to speed through every twenty-four-hour period rarely stopping for a pause like a Nascar racer trying to break the track record, burnout is usually the result. Many a professional athlete “retires” from his/her sport before reaching the age of 40!

Of course, when we are young (and sometimes reckless or foolish), we wrongly believe (a) we will live forever and (b) no harm will ever slow us down. One of these choices is certainly not ever true and the other choice is, well, perhaps somewhat true if we are fortunate.

Each decade of our lives brings us closer to realizing we are--“oh, my stars” --speeding, just like the racecar driver, to our final performance! We suddenly embrace a great need to accomplish things we never got around to doing. We guess that is where the idea of a “bucket list” first came about in the world (or it could have been the two men who encouraged us in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List).

Sheer Determination

We are not trying to say every woman has missed meeting her goals or is lacking in any sort of professional arena. On the contrary, we undoubtedly notice, rarely do we ever sit down or sit still no matter what season of life we are navigating. It takes a great bit of energy, stamina, and sheer determination to juggle more than one job at a time just to pay the bills, go to night school, or raise a family of four or five by ourselves.

These types of situations may have held us back for the time being, but women are notorious for never giving up! Why else would one of us walk into a college freshman biology class at age twenty-four just to get a degree before age thirty? Or spend an entire day in the college library?

We know that we know that we know it can be done! Most of the heartaches, headaches, and hindrances we already experienced were all part of building a life of endurance and superb character so we could make the next chapter of our lives even better. We have not missed anything. We are right where we are supposed to be today. So, let’s go for it!

Our Plan and Purpose is Waiting

We were created with much love by the one and only true God who created the entire Universe. He knows what we know, and He knows what we do not yet know. This is why He is smiling down on us and is thrilled to see us not giving up because He has a certain plan and purpose for us that we have not achieved.

We can surely talk to Him daily and let Him know how grateful we are that He is our caring and loving heavenly Father and our Guide for life.

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night” (Genesis 8:22 NLT).

 

How to Shape and Sculpture Something New from Something Old

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It is likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

We may fondly remember those days trying to learn all we could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it was not much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! Now what? 

Act Two

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is incredibly good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it is not always the most pleasant thing we have ever done. But it is necessary, otherwise, we remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two possible scenarios that brought us to this chapter in our lives.

(a) we have known for an exceptionally long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these cases, we probably planned in some way for the inevitable outcome. We are not saying it was any easier just because we expected it, just that we were aware. 

(b) it was a sudden, and sometimes, shocking event that caught us off-guard. In this circumstance, we may have initially panicked and/or experienced anger both of which were entirely normal. Please know having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

Discovering the Best Direction  

After the initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a fairly good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different, and we are not here to say when or how to begin a new life. We are simply here to support and encourage each other and find the best direction to go.  

We have been there through the anxiety and frustration, and hope some of these ideas may be useful in building something new:

• Take baby steps and do not be afraid to try new things.
• Grieving can be lonely, so it is okay to join a support group.
• Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.
• Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It is important for the brain.   
• Focus on healthy living and keep moving.

Keep this concept in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Reaching Out

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who might be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey.

Remember the painting called, The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo? It is a very moving depiction of how much God takes care of us. In it, God gives life to Adam by reaching out His hand and tenderly touching Adam. Did God need to do that? No. But we, and obviously Michelangelo, believe He did it with love anyway.

Hold out your hand; God will take it!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).

 

 

What Chapter Are You On?

Life really looks different from opposing angles. A long time ago an interesting movie named Chapter Two came out about two people who had each just experienced devastating change in their lives. She, an actress and recently divorced, and he, mourning the death of his wife. One is ready for what the future might hold and the other remains lost, eaten up by guilt.

Our situations could be going through remarkably similar “chapters.” It takes time to adjust and a lot of courage to even want a different life than our previous one. We simply can’t imagine how we will ever make it on our own. Unfortunately, some of us try and hang on and on and on to no avail. It’s as if we no longer have a purpose or any possibilities that we can see. That’s certainly understandable and it’s okay to take however much time as we need.  

Turning the Page

The trouble is 99.9% of us had no choice whether we left, or he did. Once the decision was made by one party, the inevitable happened. Of course, the death of a spouse is an entirely different crisis. It’s a startling and permanent change--an unstable turning point. The one common denominator in all these outcomes is the fact we all need support and encouragement to get to the next chapter.

So, we will take the time to sort out some of our feelings and decide at least the first two or three steps needed to get the momentum going. We can do this! However, if we find ourselves hibernating for too long and holding back from our friends and family, that’s a red flag. Don’t go there! That’s a sure sign we want to “throw in the towel” and have a pity party. Not pretty at all.

Of course, we are not saying we should give up on ever turning to the next page in our stories and, instead, transform into the neighborhood hag no one wants to be around. There are positive ways to move forward so let’s explore.

Five Positive Ideas

    We all need friends. The best #1 suggestion: find a church home to explore our faith and join their women’s group that meets regularly.

Family is important. Touchbase with others by inviting one of them to coffee sooner than later.

Encouragement. There is absolutely no shame or intimidation in joining a weekly support group of others going through the same thing.

Fun! Look through the closet or garage to find those hobby items stashed away long ago and get busy having fun (and maybe profit).

Growth. Find a class in a subject that has always sounded interesting. Become an expert in it and then volunteer as a teacher at a community college.

Numerous Chapters

It’s easy to dwell on all our troubles, so easy! There is no benefit, however, in doing that. We have gone through what feels like the fires of hell and have come to this point in our lives. God has given us this chance to make things right once and for all. Why wouldn’t we?

We can hear Him if we listen for His voice. One of the best ways He “speaks” to us is through His life-changing book called the Holy Bible. It contains 66 books and numerous chapters and verses of instruction. It covers every single subject and topic about our lives that we can even think of!

A Christian Bible can be purchased in a Christian bookstore or even online at such sites as [click here:] Lifeway           

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord” (Psalm 119:1 NLT).

“Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word” (Psalm 119:37 NLT).