Truth, Trust, and Tenacity for a Better You

Water--very, very deep water—can be terrifying, especially to someone who can not swim! The deepest ocean is the Pacific at 14,040 feet and covers over 60 million square miles according to The World Almanac 2021. It is the stuff Hollywood movies are still famous for such as “Jaws” (1975), “The Perfect Storm” (2000), and even Disney’s “Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea” (1954).

Of course, thrill-seeking surfers travel the world looking for the largest waves they can find. A Brazilian surfer in 2017 conquered an eighty-foot wave at Nazare, Portugal, and broke a record (nationalgeographic.com). Think he was terrified? Probably not for long.

A Better You is on the Horizon

It takes a lot of faith and practice to accomplish something like surfing. Our single-again world is probably much tamer but still requires plenty of faith on our part. When we first find ourselves alone (much different than lonely), we may feel lost and a little shaky. It is new to us. It is something we most likely have never done before. We have no idea what to do or even where to go. All of this is normal, but, thankfully, not permanent.

Sound familiar? We understand. We know because it has happened to many, many women. It is going to take practice and plenty of courage to go after what we need to survive. But we have faith it can be done if we stick with our individual plans!

To start with, there are many friends, groups, and organizations ready and willing to help us. We are not alone. Keep saying that: I am NOT alone! And repeat--I am NOT alone! Perfect. That was Step One.

Step Two is gaining just a bit of understanding about what faith is and how to get it. It is not that hard to define, but faith is necessary if we want our lives to move forward. In simple terms, if something is true (for instance the phrase above I am NOT alone!), then it deserves our trust. It deserves to become part of us as we become a tenacious (strong) woman. It may take additional learning and more practice, but that is an abbreviated version of our faith.

Finally, Step Three—eliminating doubt--goes hand-in-hand with faith. This step is not quite as easy because it can creep up on us before we know it, but it is possible to drain it of any energy taking up space in our minds. Eventually, it will become natural for us as we become more and more certain about which direction we want to go. We will start believing in ourselves and then we will know—minus the doubt--we are riding the right “wave.”   

Deep Peace is Possible

Once faith becomes our friend and doubt is put on the back shelf, we will begin to experience a deep peace in our being. And that is what we are after. A powerful life we can call our own without the turmoil and chaos of the past.

God Himself is called the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). It is His gift to us when we decide to accept His presence in our lives. God wants nothing but the best for us even in this single-again season of life. Nothing we have ever done can cancel out any of His plans. He deeply loves us, and He proved it by giving us His Son, Jesus, who sacrificed His life so we could spend eternity in heaven with Him.

Imagine that! What a faith-full gift.

“But when you ask [for wisdom], you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6 NIV).

How to Listen to That Voice Inside

“One early morning around three o’clock as my husband and I was sleeping soundly, our four-year-old son somehow managed to unlock our front door and leave the house on an adventure! He walked all the way down our neighborhood block by himself in the dark.

“Eventually, he turned around and started back but got confused about which house was ours. Thankfully, he ended up in the yard of our next-door neighbors and tried to ride one of the bicycles left outside by their children that day making plenty of noise in the process. Several minutes later we were awakened by a loud knocking on our door.

“Being cautious, we didn’t want to open the door to a stranger in the middle of the night. So, we yelled through the door, ‘Who is it!?’ Our neighbor said to open the door because she had our son with her! ‘No way. That’s not possible,' I said. 'He’s asleep in his bed.’ Her voice (which I then recognized) came back with a panicked shout, ‘OPEN THE DOOR NOW!’

“Finally, we were convinced and opened the door. There stood our son in his pajamas, happy as could be. When questioned, he said he just wanted to find his new bicycle. We discovered that night what sleep-walking can do even to a child. And we were grateful for the wisdom of a good neighbor who listened to her own intuition in the middle of the night.” [B.C. 1973]

Possibilities and Imagination

Has that ever happened to anyone else? No, maybe not that same situation, but something that caused us to stop and listen to what’s going on in our minds. A moment when we are not sure what to do, but suddenly something tells us to turn around and go a different way or to stop and speak to that person we hardly know but who ends up helping us in a sticky situation.

Sometimes our thoughts, or intuition, will lead us into believing something is possible or likely. In fact, our gut feeling may have prompted us exactly like that when we finally made the decision to start a new single-again life. We saw it as a possibility. It may not have been our decision to begin with but slowly we listened to our own thoughts and started planning our future with some imagination.

No matter which stages we are in right now—shock, denial, fear, possibility, or I-can-do-this attitude—the fact remains, life goes on with or without us. So, let’s not get left behind and buried in the chaos of the past. Creating a life of peace and joy may be difficult, yes, but oh, so very worth it!

Welcome the Voice Inside

We all have voices inside from the time we are born. They direct us to choose right from wrong, truth from lies, friends from enemies, and harmony from pandemonium. The main question is then, how can we learn to recognize and separate the voices playing tug-of-war in our heads?

Maybe, just maybe, training our ears to accept the most decent and honorable paths will bring us our best life. To begin, we need to develop practices and patterns to help us stay on track, and then they will just become second nature to us. Try these one at a time and keep adding to them.

Comfort… life can be scary much of the time depending on which direction the world is going and, more importantly, how we respond to it. But there is one sure way we can practice this life-giving habit. Every morning open this amazing book called the Holy Bible and spend just a bit of time reading and listening to the heavenly voice of God. He will direct our best path.      

Trust… humanly speaking, it is difficult to trust just anyone. We know this from our previous relationship(s). But we can build better, more trustworthy friendships if we try.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! you too? I thought I was the only one.’” [C.S. Lewis]

In the end, we need to remember, God is the only One whom we can put our faith in 100 percent of the time.

Prayer… Nothing we try will be more important than developing a habit of prayer. Many people don’t realize it’s not necessary to be inside a church building to pray or memorize a long, drawn-out prayer by rote.

In fact, the best thing about prayer is it’s simply a conversation with God. Since He is everywhere all the time, He can hear us speaking to Him and we don’t need any special words. Even just a one-line request, “Help me, God, to do well in this interview” is enough for Him to answer.      

“Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or the left” (Isaiah 30:21 NLT).

Who Do You Believe and Trust In?

Purple sky

We are mentally able to believe in many things. Some commendable and some ridiculous. There remains a society that believes the earth is flat! In 1995, a patent was given for a Fork Alarm to time one’s eating! Now there’s something we could use. How many people do we know that are superstitious? All it takes to believe some things are a faith conviction that it is possible. 

More reasonable, however, we often believe people we know rather than strangers or even celebrities. Our parents probably had an influence on us, and we believed they could do just about anything (based on how much we trusted them). Growing up, teachers, grandparents, siblings, friends, and pastors were on our list of those we trusted. We may or may not have had a spouse we could trust, until one day we couldn’t anymore for many good reasons including lack of integrity and dishonesty.

What About Faith?

Faith in someone’s character, therefore, is built on trust and knowledge. It isn’t something we can see or touch, but it is something that is unseen, like the wind. We can feel the wind on our skin and see it moving a tree branch or leaf, and so, we believe it exists. We know what it “feels like” to trust someone and so, over time, we believe in that person.   

The Bible tells us “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.” Of course, that statement is not to be taken literally. It is just pointing out that it takes very little true faith in something or someone to believe in possibilities.

As single-again women (and that includes divorced, widowed, and single moms), we have already “jumped over” many hurdles and stumbling blocks in our way on the road to possibilities. Our fresh start journey has not been easy by any means. But we found a way to grow that tiny mustard seed, and now we are watching it bloom large in our life. And we must keep on growing and thriving. So, how do we do that?

Seven Proven Faith Possibilities

1. We are stronger than we think: we have made it this far and are in one piece.
2. We have seen the worse in someone: we know that trust is built up over time.
3. We have a clear purpose: we are starting to recognize unfulfilled dreams.
4. We know which direction to take: going forward gets us to our destination.
5. We know the risks: lack of faith in God leads to danger.
6. We recognize where faith originated: just like the wind, we can believe in Jesus.
7. We can know and trust God: the Bible teaches us how to do this very thing.

He Gets Us!

No matter how many times our human relationships have hurt or deceived us, our Lord Jesus knows our heartache and pain. He was distressed and rejected by his own friends and family. He was tormented and tortured by his enemies. He gets us!

The Bible: God's Word

Jesus loved us enough to be willing to die for us. And this is exactly why we can, with faith, believe Him and trust in Him. Now, He simply holds out His right hand to comfort and guide us on this fresh start journey.           

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

How Far Is The Mountaintop?

It's absolutely no picnic at all to lose someone. It hurts. It's heart-breaking. And it's even embarrassing. We put ourselves out there. We put our trust in the one we loved with all our heart. We walked down the aisle and made a vow. 

Then the trust was broken without a thought behind it. Shattered into pieces. We did our best to repair the damage. He walked out anyway. The tears have filled a dam--there are none left! Now we grab on, hold on, and move on with all the courage and strength we can find while the wounds heal.   

What Boundaries?

We often have to ask, ‘Now who can I trust?’ It seems the answer is ‘No one.’ We don't dare do that again, right? But, we know that all human beings are filled with flaws. Even us. Sometimes, people we trust do things to ruin that trust in amazing, surprising and hurtful ways. Even scary ways. 

There is no doubt about it. It is extremely difficult to regain a measure of trust once someone has devastated our world. What do we do about it? How do we get on the right track again? Do we run down the street screaming over the dishonesty and selfishness, or, do we set responsible boundaries for the next time we're in a relationship? What about our own excuses? Didn't we have some part in this drama? There are many lessons to learn here. It will take time. One thing is for sure: if we don't learn the lessons now, it will certainly happen again.  

We're here! The Mountaintop of our dreams. 

Lessons at the Top

This is where we discover we can only do so much on our own. We can begin a new life. Check. We can make new friends. Check. We can join a gym and get into shape. Check. We can get a new job if we want. Check. It's just like any new wilderness adventure. What we really need is a Guide to show us the way through the valleys to the mountaintop. A Teacher who can connect with us and give us a desire for the real truth. And a Friend who knows the life that will save us from ourselves.    

He gets us!

The only One who can do all this is our Lord and Savior, Jesus. He gets us! We can go to Him and really talk about the betrayal, hurt, and sorrow. He's been there. And it's not just about all the overwhelming events that have occurred; He knows about our most treasured dreams too. Thankfully, we can safely place our total trust in Him like no other. His promise is that He will never ever, ever, ever leave us! He loves us that much, inside and out. 

Listen! Do your hear your Counselor knocking at your door?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5