How Do We Get What We Want Now?

“However, if I were to let my life be taken over by what is urgent, I might very well never get around to what is essential. It's so easy to spend your whole time being preoccupied with urgent matters and never starting to live, really live.” (Henri J.M. Nouwen, Dutch Catholic Priest, and Professor at University of Notre Dame, Yale and Harvard Divinity schools)  

In our ultra-busy, keyboard world, how do we find enough hours to get anything done? Do we make time for what is important? Seems our ringtones and touch sounds would successfully remind us what to do and when since they are so “smart.” 

That Was Then, This is Now 

Many of us grew up under a firm hand that required perfection. Things had to be done exactly right at the exact time. This taught us to expect the world, our world, to never fall under a human mistake of any kind. We may have even lived with a spouse that expected the same thing in his wife. It created a lot of guilt and turned us into stressed-out women. 

Our lives may still feel like a whirlwind, but feelings cannot really be trusted. They change from moment to moment. What is true is that we are smart women and that does not change! We have been through enough to know what we want now. We may not know quite how to get it just yet, but we have ideas running around in our heads.

First, let us sit down and start a notebook. We can get those what-do-I-do-now thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. They will become real goals and the strain and pressure will stop giving us headaches. Get some colorful dividers for different categories important to us. Suggestions: Dreams, Designs, and Drawings. Plans, Patterns, and Projects. Keep going. Have fun with it! 

If we are naturally visual people, why not cut out photos from magazines that represent our goals and paste them into our notebooks? On the other hand, if we are more comfortable with being a tactile person, try painting and create mixed-media pages. By the way, if there are still children at home, show them they can start their own Dream Notebook. This will help them get excited about life too and they will be way ahead of the game of life!    

Meet the Creator of Dreams

God did not mean for us to be so weary and worried all the time. He has plans for us and a lot to say about our needs (hint: being discontent with life is not one of them). 

Making ourselves frantic if the pillowcases never got white enough in the laundry will rob us of our joy. This is why it is so important to get in touch with God daily. First thing in the morning while the coffee, tea, or hot chocolate is brewing is the perfect time to ask what plans He has for each of us today. He has a perfect answer and is delighted with the kind of women we are! 

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31 NLT).

 

How Can You Keep Up with Your Hopes and Dreams?

It is certainly not surprising to hear nearly seventy-five percent of American women dye their hair something other than their natural color as compared to just seven percent in 1950 (Clairol 2008 study as reported at Emerita.com, a women’s wellness site). Of course, women in Hollywood tend to lead the trends. We usually expect to see women such as Helen Mirren (age 75) and Blythe Danner (77) display their beautiful locks in their natural state. But even younger ones choose to sport a change like Kate Winslet (46) and Lady Gaga (34). And at 89 years young, Puerto Rican actress Rita Moreno is still gorgeous! 

Let’s face it --as we age, our health, and our looks start turning towards a more natural way of life. It becomes apparent to us that maybe, just maybe, we can avoid much of what we thought was necessary for our younger years such as the latest lipstick color (but still a great way to uplift our spirits!), foundation formula, and hair color. It just does not seem as important as it once was.

This is not to say we should not keep ourselves looking our absolute best. Not only watching our diet and participating in exercise but once we choose to turn a shade of gray, we may need to find other colors to wear in our make-up and clothing. Gray, silver, and white tend to “wash out” skin color. A brighter, color-coded clothes closet with various “happy” hues can help solve this problem. Try it out on the next shopping trip and bring some new colors into the dressing room—a fun experiment!

Finding Joy Every Step of the Way

Someone once said (it’s been attributed to many people), “The older I get, the wiser my parents get!” It’s a funny quote that pops up every now and then but points out the truth of our circumstances. As single-again women, we have been through more than we thought we could ever handle. Maybe one reason for our natural locks turning a beautiful silver, but also a reason we are much stronger today than ever!

The joy of living on our own are the changes that cause us to become an entirely new person. We are older, yes. We are wiser, yes. And unless we have re-married, we no longer must worry about taking care of another person right now. If we want to become an all-around better person, we can choose to concentrate on keeping up with our hopes and dreams that were put on a shelf a long time ago! We then start seeing a woman who welcomes the chance to improve her perspective or attitude about life.

The progress we are looking for involves learning how to form plans for our own happiness while at the same time being careful not to follow just any unproven recipe or a supposed solution someone may offer to us. We are now wiser than we’ve ever been and so we must use our good sense and take everything “with a grain of different.”

It may help to meet with a life coach or counselor to figure out the best direction to go before jumping into things. Experience teaches us that our lives are quite different now and so might our paths, hopes, and dreams. It’s an exciting journey to find out what we can do. Whatever didn’t work in the past, may not work in our present. So, let’s be open to new and wonderful ways of thinking, concepts, and passions. Wow! We are on our way!

A Good Book to Read

We may never have realized that God Himself points us down the correct path for our best life. And it will certainly be different for each one of us. In Psalm 139 of the Bible, it says He knows everything about us. Of course, He does because God created us perfectly (He does not make mistakes), He knows when we travel, stand up, sit down, rest, what we are going to say, and even our thoughts.

From the time we are born until way past when our hair turns white, God has us in His hands ready to make sure we are blessed when we follow Him in all we do. He is our Guide, Helper, and the Author of every single moment of our lives as recorded in His divine book! Imagine that: 

The Book of ___ (enter your name) ___by The Creator of the Universe.

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you” (Isaiah 46:4 NLT).

 

Are Your Hopes and Dreams Different Now?

Gray Hare (hair)

It’s certainly not surprising to hear nearly eighty percent of women dye their hair something other than their natural color (Clairol 2008 study as reported at Emerita.com, a women’s wellness site). And, of course, women in Hollywood tend to lead the trends. Can we even remember what actress Diane Keaton (74) looked like before her beautiful gray locks? Or actress Jamie Lee Curtis (61) who sported an “icy white” shade at the 2019 Golden Globes? Country singer Emmylou Harris (72) has looked great in white for more than eight years. Singer and actress Rita Moreno is ninety years old and still looks better in light gray!

As we age, our health, and our looks start turning towards a more natural way of life. It becomes apparent to us that maybe, just maybe, we can avoid much of what we thought was necessary for our younger years such as the latest lipstick color (but still a great way to uplift our spirits!), foundation formula, and hair color. It just doesn’t seem as important as it once was.

This is not to say we shouldn’t keep ourselves looking our very best. Not only watching our diet and participating in exercise but once we choose to turn a shade of gray, we may need to find other colors to wear in our make-up and clothing. Gray, silver, and white tend to “wash out” skin color. A brighter, color-coded clothes closet with various “happy” hues can help solve this problem. Try it out on the next shopping trip and bring some new colors into the dressing room—a fun experiment!

Wise Beyond Our Years

Someone once said (it’s been attributed to many people), “The older I get, the wiser my parents get!” It’s a funny quote that pops up every now and then but points out the truth of our circumstances. As single-again women, we have been through more than we thought we could ever handle. Maybe one reason for our natural locks turning a beautiful silver, but also a reason we are much stronger today than ever!

The joy of being on our own are the changes that cause us to become an entirely new person. We are older, yes. We are wiser, yes. And unless we have re-married, we no longer must worry about taking care of another person right now. We can concentrate on how to become a whole and a better person. A woman who welcomes the chance to improve her perspective or attitude about life.

Graying Our Words

The progress we are looking for involves learning how to form plans for our own happiness while at the same time being careful not to follow just any unproven recipe or a supposed solution someone may offer to us. As stated earlier, we are now wiser than we’ve ever been and so we must use our good sense and take everything “with a grain of different.”

It may help to meet with a life coach or counselor to figure out the best direction to go before jumping into things. Experience teaches us that our lives are quite different now and so might our paths, hopes, and dreams. It’s an exciting journey to find out what we can do. Whatever didn’t work in the past, may not work in our present. So, let’s be open to new and wonderful ways of thinking, concepts, and passions. Wow! We are on our way!

A Good Book to Read

We may never have realized that God Himself points us down the correct path for our best life. And it will certainly be different for each one of us. In Psalm 139 of the Bible, it says He knows everything about us. Because God created us perfectly, He knows when we travel, stand up, sit down, rest, what we are going to say, and even our thoughts.

From the time we are born until our hair turns white, God has us in His hands ready to make sure we are blessed when we follow Him in all we do. He is our Guide and Helper and every single moment of our lives is recorded in His divine book! Imagine that: The Book of __ (enter your name) ___.

            

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you” (Isaiah 46:4 NLT).

What Does Your Dream Look Like?

Book and coffee. Perfect.

If you are a book lover like so many people, you understand how exciting it can be to get to the next chapter and find out what is happening. It's really hard to put the book down (especially true if you read an actual book with pages and covers instead of an e-reader). We even know a few people who start a book and can not even bear to close it and get some much-needed sleep. They must get to the end and see what happens no matter what!

Once we are single-again women (divorced, widowed, or single moms) and have struggled through as much hurt, pain, worry and sorrow we can stand of our particular angst, we then reach a point where we simply know life is not going to stand still for us. It keeps going and going. Turning and turning just like the pages of the book we can not put down. 

We must get to the next best chapter of our lives and see what happens! Hopefully, we discover that living our lives each day to the fullest is the only answer just like the heroine in the book. She realizes she is the only one who knows where she is going and what she will do when she gets there! 

What Does Your Dream Look Like?
Yes, we all have a dream. If you don't think so, grab a notebook and write down one sentence of what you'd really like to do with your life today. Date it if you want but keep it simple. Now, think of yesterday. Write another sentence of something you've always wanted to do. Next, think of the day before, last weekend, the week before that, and so on and so on. Write down "dreamy" thoughts of what you've always wanted to do in your life. 

Choosing the right path

Remember that idea you had last year? Maybe you thought it would be impossible for you to accomplish but you keep thinking about it. These are things you have wanted very much to do for a very long time. Writing these down will eventually take you to the answer. And you'll know what you know. 

Guess what? You are now in a position to actually do those things! There is no one to stop you. No one to discourage you from starting. And it's never too late to start! On an episode of America's Got Talent this week, we saw a couple dancing their hearts out. Amazing moves: jumps, spins, twists, twirls! He was in his 30s and she was beautiful, lean, energetic and...ready for it...in her 70s! They won the Golden Buzzer sending them to the finals. It is never too late.     

The Only Hurdle 
There is one thing that will block your way. And that is. . .y-o-u! Just try it. You have nothing to lose. It will make you feel warm inside just like the ending of that book. 

The best part of this whole idea is that we each have the Creator of the entire Universe on our side! In fact, He is the One who gave us the dream in the first place from the moment we were born. Can you imagine that? Do you remember what you used to dream about doing or becoming when you were a child, a teen, a young adult? That dream or vision came directly from God Himself because He loves you. He's just wondering when you might get started. Is it today?

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Romans 8:28 NLT).
    

What Gift Would You Give Yourself?

Finding Christmas Gifts

Oh, yes! It's here! Only 22 days until Christmas! Every single year we reach this point on the calendar and ask ourselves, Where in the world did this year go? It's both strangely melancholy and wonderfully exciting for most people. Sure, you may not be the one that is watching those Hallmark Christmas movies on TV because they are sugary sweet, but something about this time of year probably makes you smile if you try and admit it.

Could it be that this is your first year as a single-again woman whether divorced, widowed, or a single mom? If it is, we truly know and understand those feelings of dread. We've been there and no one is saying you should ignore all of that! We are simply here to encourage you to move through this mess and get to the other side in one piece, with peace. Are you in?

Getting Somewhere
Since we are talking about the giving season, how would you answer this question: What gift would you give yourself right now if you could? Is some of your reluctance this month to budge from the couch tied to not knowing what to do with your new life? Now we are getting somewhere! 

Many women when they get married find themselves giving up a goal or dream or wish for a certain kind of life. In fact, it's nearly expected that she sets aside her purpose to become a housewife (or a domestic engineer as some circles describe the role). Yes, it happens, even in this modern century. Now don't start clenching your teeth in indignation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a "family manager" as we prefer to say; it is hard work, indeed. That admirable position is perfectly okay IF that was your personal dream. Only you can address that subject. We just want to know where do we go from here?  

If we are like many girls graduating high school, someone may have asked us at one point, What do you want to be when you grow up? And the majority of us had some kind of an answer. Some go to college to major in a subject that matches their specific goal. Or maybe to a trade school or an on-the-job training program. But what happens when we marry and never pursue that path in our life? 

Capturing Dreams
Now comes the good news! We are on our own now and can actually recapture those long-ago dreams and make them come true. We hear you, but it is NOT too late! Don't let that be an excuse that holds you back. This is our second chance!   

Getting Ready for Christmas

After decorating the house and wrapping all those Christmas presents for everyone we know, the best gift we can give ourselves is dusting off our life's purpose and plan. It hasn't disappeared--it's just dormant. It has always been there in the back of our minds. 

Start imagining how to reactivate that gift(s) to become the real you. It may need an adjustment or "tweaking" after all these years of "cobwebs," but that's the fun part! Begin creating a life around those abilities and talents. You may even have more than one (and we can assure you they are somehow tied to each other to equal one fantastic life!).

Just Imagine
No one ever got anywhere by themselves. We need each other and we need the best Gift Giver of all--God Himself--Who has always been generous to us. He wants us to become the beautiful, accomplished, and joyful woman He created as we discover His purpose and plan for us. Then we will reach the best life we could ever imagine. 

"Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received...Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress" (1 Timothy 4:14, 15 NLT).