A Little Taste of the Unknown is a Big Deal!

It might feel strange to find ourselves all alone as single-again women. Add to that the isolation during this pandemic and we arrive at a distinct tingling sensation making us want to shiver--maybe for the first time in our life. Many of us blundered through "Drive-in Movie" high school days (yes, that was our reality), Homecoming football games and living with our parents to bunking with three other college roommates four states away. Suddenly before we could blink an eye, we were madly combing all the wedding magazines looking for the perfect dress, best flowers, and honeymoon destinations! 

Up to that point, we were never totally alone on our own. Sound familiar? Now we might call this the "Season of Survival" and it can be scarier than jumping out of a plane into the unknown for the first time. What if we panic? What if our parachute doesn't open? What if the pilot misses the designated spot and we land in the depths of the ocean weighted down and no way out? All the What Ifs rushing into our brains at once can overload our circuits! 

Without a Hint of Giving Up!

In the wild, survival of the fittest is the rule. There are many, many fascinating TV documentaries from channels such as National Geographic that show this harsh reality. Even though we may cringe and have compassion for the smallest babies of the jungle, we surely know it can be no other way. Thankfully, our reality is probably a bit tamer! 

It would be a logical guess that if we have made it thus far to be reading this week's Fresh Start Momentum blog, we have already moved through at least a few (if not numerous) facets of survival. Congratulations! In case no one has pointed it out yet, we ARE strong enough to not only exist as a single-again women but to continue to live and prosper on our own if that is our choice.    

We are among the many who have had a little taste of the unknown and are still here to talk about it. That is a big deal indeed! And now we can positively continue trying to figure out all the different angles of how to make our lives the best they can be without a hint of giving up. There is no room for that nonsense anyway, right?

No matter our age right now, what could we say is the next most important development we want to see take place in our life? (Hint: it will be different for each and every woman, so just take the time to really sit and think about this one (maybe journal it) and come up with an answer or maybe two.)

The Beginning, Middle, and the End

Yes, this really is the beginning of our new life in every way possible. Sure, it is our choice to make it a great one or let it become stale and unproductive. But all that will do is prevent a Middle from happening. And then there will be no room left for a legacy at the End. Think about it. 

The truth is, only God—the Creator of every single one of us--knows exactly what our Beginning, Middle, and End look like. He can see it all. We can only see a small portion of our life because blinders block much of the view. Our only choice is to ask Him how to survive in the first place and follow His direction. We have only questions and more questions. God has all the right answers! 

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:13 NLT).

               

Looking Forward to What Lies Ahead

New growth is exciting!

We might feel odd to find ourselves all alone--a tingling sensation making us want to shiver--maybe for the first time in our life. We probably went from our "Drive-in Movie" high school days, Homecoming football games, and living with our parents to anticipating the fun we would have bunking with three other college roommates four states away. Suddenly before we could blink an eye, we were madly combing all the wedding magazines looking for the perfect dress, best flowers, and honeymoon destinations! 

Let’s face it—most of us at that point had never been totally alone and on our own. Sound familiar? Fast forward to today and here we go again! We might call this the "Season of Survival" in more ways than one and it’s scarier than jumping out of a plane into the unknown for the first time. What if we panic? What if our parachute doesn't open? What if the pilot missed the designated spot and we land in the depths of the ocean weighted down and no way out? All the What Ifs rushing into our brain at once can overload our circuits! 

Are We Strong Enough to Survive?

In the wild, the survival of the fittest is the rule. There are many, many fascinating TV documentaries from National Geographic that shows this harsh reality. Even though we may cringe and have compassion for the smallest babies of the jungle, we surely know it can be no other way. Thankfully, our reality is probably a bit tamer! 

It would be an indisputable fact that if we have made it this far as a single-again woman and are reading this week's blog, we have already moved through at least a few (if not numerous) phases of survival. Congratulations! In case no one has pointed it out yet, we ARE strong enough to not only exist as a strong and determined woman (think of Scarlett in the classic movie, Gone With the Wind) but to continue to live and prosper on your own if that is our choice.    

Choose a survival place

We are among the many who have had a little taste of the unknown and are still here to tell about it. That's a big deal indeed! And now we can positively continue figuring out all the different angles of how to make our lives the best they can be without a hint of giving up. There's no room for that nonsense anyway, right? No matter what our age right now, what could we say is the next most important survival change? Consider the following question.

What do we want to see happen? (Hint: it will be different for each woman, so just take the time to really sit and think about this one, make notes, and come up with a workable answer.)

The Beginning, Middle, and the End

Yes, this really is the Beginning of our new lives in every way possible. It is our choice to make it a great one or let it become stale and unproductive which will prevent a Middle from happening. Then it follows there will be no room left for a legacy at the End. Think about it. 

The truth is, only God knows exactly what our Beginning, Middle, and End look like. He can see it all because He created us for a purpose and is not willing to let us go. We can only see a small portion of our life because blinders block much of the view. Our only choice is to ask God how to survive in the first place and follow His direction. We only have questions. God has all the right answers! 

"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection...No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:12-13 NLT).

None of Us Want to Be Alone

Alone is a Choice

Many people want to belong to something important where they can make a difference. Some of us join clubs of all kinds. There are groups for moms, book lovers, students, writers, artists, and for cooking, sewing, and working out. Joining one of these sisterhoods helps to encourage and educate us.

Sometimes we have ideas that don’t seem to work out no matter what we do. We need the assistance of others to see how they do things we’ve never thought of as a solution. We learn as our hearts are warmed by their friendliness. Suddenly, the project we’ve been working on becomes much easier. And we breathe.

We were never meant to do things all alone especially now that we are single-again. What would be the point anyways? If we want to share some new ideas, who would we share them with? Want to help in our neighborhood? How would we do it alone? We simply cannot get trapped in our own little world.  

We may not be a mountain climber like Aron Ralston, but in the movie of his true life story, 127 Hours, we witness how a huge boulder traps him in a canyon in Utah. All alone, he had no way to call for help. For five days, he drew “strength and inspiration from his family and friends.” Without them, he probably would still be pleading with the rocks!

Feedback is Important
Living alone can be very similar. How many of us have found ourselves talking out loud to, well, nothing in particular? Of course, we don’t expect an answer (hopefully not), but, strangely, it seems to help every now and then even though the sound of our own voice in the silence may startle us.

Where we really need to hear an answer is when we are hurting, in trouble, feeling defeated, or we just want to express ourselves and get feedback other than our own. A friend who has been through all the mess life can dish out may have surprising insight for us. She can be our backup support when we are dealing with oh! so many dilemmas. And, in turn, we can be hers.

Without friends to share the good and the not-so-good in our lives, we leave ourselves open to the worst thinking patterns. How many times have we blown things out of proportion when left alone? What someone said to us yesterday in good faith today becomes an attack. We see two friends heading out the door together and immediately wonder why they didn’t invite us if they were going to the movies when really one friend was simply supporting the other to a doctor's appointment.  

Hope, Help, or Hazard?

We remember how very bad our lives have gone in years past and wrongly imagine how they will never get any better. We begin to see ourselves in the darkness without any hope. This kind of gloomy thinking can catapult us right into depression in its many forms.

Joining Solves Many Problems

If we are shy or an introvert, it may not be easy to step out and make new friends. Even if we are the social type, moving to a new town or a new job can make us feel reserved and less than confident. It may help to start with this list of ways to join in with others.

1. Exercise/walk/jog in the same place every day. Others will eventually make contact and it will give our smile a workout too.
2. Find a church home nearby and shake hands with the door greeter.
3. Join a class, team, or club. It’s a ready-made group with similar interests.
4. Attend lectures, book signings, poetry groups. A different version of the one above.
5. Accept invitations for coffee or a movie after connecting with someone.

Let’s keep adding to this list and soon our pet will wonder why her food bowl is empty all the time!

New and Old Make Great Friends

The One who created us never intended for us to be alone. The first person on this earth was Adam but God knew Adam needed a companion and so He created Eve. Now, even if we have decided not to date yet, it would be to our advantage to meet new friends as we also keep in touch with some of our old friends. Eventually, we will learn what works best for our new lives and start growing one friendship after another. God knows and loves us like no other could. His “door” is always open when we want to talk. Try it!   

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT).