How to Make the Next Chapter of Our Lives Better

Living in Montana while in high school, there were many school days that were so frigid outdoor temperatures were reported at negative fifty-two degrees! There just was not enough clothing to put on to stay warm. People native to Montana somewhat expect such cold weather.  

But this winter, it seems the news of horrific weather has dropped into Texas of all places. “Snow fell in east Texas, with wind chills reaching minus sixteen degrees Fahrenheit in Dallas. At least parts of all 254 counties in Texas were under either a winter storm watch or a winter storm warning…2.6 million people in Texas were experiencing power blackouts.” [Yuliya Talmazan, NBC News, 2/15/2021]

Not all of us live in such ultra-cold places, however, everyone lives in a state where some kind of extreme weather occurs during the course of a year. If it is not cold, it is heat as in 134 degrees air temperature in Greenland Ranch, CA, more than a century ago (renamed Furnace Creek, rightly so, where the highest recorded ground surface temperature on Earth was recorded at 201 degrees in 1972!). The somewhat “cooler” 128 degrees was recorded in Lake Havasu City, AZ, in 1994. [World Almanac 2021, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.; and National Geographic Concise Atlas of the World, Fourth Edition, 2016].

Our Response Matters

Living a contented life can be challenging if we do not resist complaining all the time. What exactly will frustrate our plans in life is a guessing game. Weather, location, travel, jobs, schools, friends, and sometimes family are all contenders. Annoyances, aggravations, and even anger can cause many of us to want to scream.

For the most part, we cannot effectively influence what other people do, but we can control our response and how we feel. In a world that tends to speed through every twenty-four-hour period rarely stopping for a pause like a Nascar racer trying to break the track record, burnout is usually the result. Many a professional athlete “retires” from his/her sport before reaching the age of 40!

Of course, when we are young (and sometimes reckless or foolish), we wrongly believe (a) we will live forever and (b) no harm will ever slow us down. One of these choices is certainly not ever true and the other choice is, well, perhaps somewhat true if we are fortunate.

Each decade of our lives brings us closer to realizing we are--“oh, my stars” --speeding, just like the racecar driver, to our final performance! We suddenly embrace a great need to accomplish things we never got around to doing. We guess that is where the idea of a “bucket list” first came about in the world (or it could have been the two men who encouraged us in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List).

Sheer Determination

We are not trying to say every woman has missed meeting her goals or is lacking in any sort of professional arena. On the contrary, we undoubtedly notice, rarely do we ever sit down or sit still no matter what season of life we are navigating. It takes a great bit of energy, stamina, and sheer determination to juggle more than one job at a time just to pay the bills, go to night school, or raise a family of four or five by ourselves.

These types of situations may have held us back for the time being, but women are notorious for never giving up! Why else would one of us walk into a college freshman biology class at age twenty-four just to get a degree before age thirty? Or spend an entire day in the college library?

We know that we know that we know it can be done! Most of the heartaches, headaches, and hindrances we already experienced were all part of building a life of endurance and superb character so we could make the next chapter of our lives even better. We have not missed anything. We are right where we are supposed to be today. So, let’s go for it!

Our Plan and Purpose is Waiting

We were created with much love by the one and only true God who created the entire Universe. He knows what we know, and He knows what we do not yet know. This is why He is smiling down on us and is thrilled to see us not giving up because He has a certain plan and purpose for us that we have not achieved.

We can surely talk to Him daily and let Him know how grateful we are that He is our caring and loving heavenly Father and our Guide for life.

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night” (Genesis 8:22 NLT).

 

On Our Way to the Mountaintop

In the unexpected health struggle we dragged ourselves through in 2020, most of us noticed a sharp decline in personal activity. In fact, we are still staying at home with very few exceptions to go out. Cooking has become a new experience. Bingeing on TV is, unfortunately, becoming a habit. Our circadian rhythm is out of whack! Sound familiar? None of these activities offer us much benefit. Happily, some other pursuits in our lives have increased for the better.

Maybe some of us are walking or hiking more around the neighborhood which is increasing the well-being of our bodies. Phone calls to or from friends we haven’t spoken to in a while is a welcome connection. Getting some projects done around the house that was put off way too long are suddenly calling us.

Still, life has gotten slightly boring overall. There is only so much housecleaning we can do! Now we can understand children in the summer when they complain to their moms, “I’m bored!” Kids have shown us that when we are truly bored, we tend to get ourselves into trouble. 

Look Forward to the Highest Point

Apparently, we have fallen into a deep valley of doldrums and disinterest. It’s a herculean challenge to climb out and join the rest of the world. Just moving seems impossible. We feel stuck as if we are struggling in quicksand, and nothing is working for us the way it should. Ever been there? If we are not careful, this valley can easily turn into yet another personal health crisis.

The valley represents our “low altitude point” and it can become dangerous as it drags us down with nowhere to go. Our single-again lives may certainly feel like this valley. Our days consist of a lack of enthusiasm, no purpose, and inertia. Is this what we expected our lives would be like once we mustered up the courage to step out on our own? Hopefully not! This awareness should make us irritated enough to do something about it!

Focusing on our “mountaintop”—the highest point we can individually achieve in life--and staying there to claim victory over everything that is wrong in our lives is a worthy goal for 2021. But here is a nugget of truth: No one starts out on a mountaintop. We all begin in a valley!   

Arlene Blum has had a full life. She is an American mountaineer, writer, and environmental health scientist. Blum is best known for organizing and leading an eleven-woman ascent of the tenth highest mountain in the world, Annapurna in Nepal (China) which, until then, had been climbed by only eight people (all men). She did the same thing at Denali near Anchorage, Alaska, and Mount Everest in Nepal [Wikipedia]. And just like us, Blum started out at the bottom of a valley.

Lydia Pounamu Bradey is a New Zealand mountaineer. She became the first woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. She has gone on to summit the mountain five more times. [Wikipedia]. And guess what? Bradey started out at the bottom of a valley.

Life is Sweeter Up Here

We all start out in a valley. Without the “valleys” in our life (grief, heartache, trials, troubles, and tribulations), we have no “mountaintop” to climb, and nothing to look forward to (victory, passion, possibilities, and purpose). Finding our own mountaintop makes life so much sweeter. How uninteresting and boring would our lives become if we only had flat land without any curves and twists and turns to keep the excitement going? This is basically the reason people love to take road trips—to conquer restlessness and create an incentive to get out of bed!

So, what can we do to start our climb and brighten our future? Now that we are single-again, we can stop ignoring all the things we’ve wanted to do but couldn’t for one reason or another. We all have passions hidden away in our hearts and minds. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that” is a favorite verse from Galatians 6:4 (The Message). We start by finding our passion.

What is possible? These are things that might be an answer to our search, but we need to try them out first. There’s nothing wrong with trying. We are sure the two women mountaineers had many “tries” before finally reaching their mountaintop. Jesus once said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26b NLT). Great advice!

Once we work through those two steps (and they may take some time but that’s okay), we reach our true purpose. And, of course, this is different for each one of us because we were created as unique human beings. No one is like us. And we should never try becoming someone else. God delighted in creating us just the way we are. When we arrive at our purpose, we’ll know it, if we don't give up!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

 

How Did We Get to This Point?

Beautiful but deadly 

In 1831, Moses Alexander, age ninety-three, married Mrs. Frances Tompkins, age one-hundred five in the town of Bath, New York. It is recorded that the newlyweds were both found dead in their bed the following morning. (True story as recorded in the genealogical tables of the book, Kentucky Marriages, 1797-1865. These facts were found in the book, 2201 Fascinating Facts by David Louis, 1983). Please excuse our morbidity, but it just goes to show, life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect.

Certainly, there are both advantages and snares of our human condition whether we are married or “single-again” --divorced, widowed, or a single mom. Unfortunately, many women dwell on all the negatives and in so doing, cause themselves plenty of grief and anguish. If someone is married, single suddenly looks better. If single, the desire to be married is of utmost importance always in front of their minds. It reminds us of a spider’s web—spun from beautiful silk threads, but sticky enough to instantly trap its prey. It looks good on the outside but is deadlier than we expect! 

Truly, we have numerous opportunities to make the best of our single-again lives and not be weighed down with why, why, why. There is a reason (or several) for where we are right now in this season of life so, there is no need to wonder if we have “missed” something better. We have not. In fact, it is up to us now to unfold our lives exactly the way we want them to blossom.

The Five W’s for Life

Stay with us now and discover where this could possibly lead. One of the most insightful books ever written about why we are here on this earth at this time in history is The Purpose-Driven© Life by Rick Warren 2002, a New York Times bestseller. As far as we see, it is filled with the who, what, why, when, and where to give direction to all of our lives. Be sure to pick this up and read, or re-read, it immediately.

Where will your path lead?

The major point made in Warren’s book is that if we are to find out how our lives are following a certain path, discovering our purpose is the key and it “must begin with God.” He created us and already had a plan for our lives before we were even conceived. That is amazing!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalm 139:13, 16 NLT).

Those are simply beautiful verses that clearly say the God of all creation loves each one of us dearly. He cares about every little minute of our lives, every day. Yes, we “hear” some who will say, “Then why did God cause my divorce?” The important point is, He didn’t cause any of that. We, as humans involved in a broken world, did. God never planned for our spouse to have an affair. Or abuse us. Or abandon us. But He did carry us right through that awful time in our lives. We know because we are here. God still loves us!    

            

Blessed We Are!

It’s important we do not allow our shaded past to control what we do now. We have a specific purpose ahead of us. Another chance. A great future. And the best part: God is walking right alongside us showing us where to go and what to do. Who is more blessed than us?

“…In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities…I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible” (1 Corinthians 7:34-35 NLT).

Life is Sweeter at the Top

No one to play with!

In this unexpected health struggle in the world right now, most of us have noticed a sharp decline in personal activity. We are staying at home with very few exceptions to go out. We are cooking a lot more. And maybe watching more TV. None of these activities offer us much benefit. However, after a few weeks of all that, some other things in our lives have increased for the better.

Maybe some of us are walking or hiking more around the neighborhood which is increasing the well-being of our bodies. Phone calls to or from friends we haven’t spoken to in a while is a welcome connection. Getting some projects done around the house that were put off way too long are suddenly calling us.

Still, life has gotten slightly boring overall. There is only so much housecleaning we can do! Now we can understand children in the summer when they complain to their moms, “I’m bored!” Kids have shown us that when we are truly bored, we tend to get ourselves into trouble. 

Mountain Climbing is Exhilarating

Apparently, we have fallen into a deep valley of boredom. It’s a herculean challenge to climb out and join the rest of the world. It seems impossible. We feel stuck as if we are struggling in quicksand, and nothing is working for us the way it should. Ever been there? If we are not careful, this valley can turn into depression.

The valley represents our “low altitude point” and it can become dangerous as it drags us down with nowhere to go. Our single-again lives may feel like this valley. Our days are consumed with boredom, no purpose, and inertia. Is this what we expected our lives would be like once we mustered up the courage to step out on our own? Hopefully not!

A Long Climb

We would much rather live on our “mountaintop”—our high point--and stay there forever claiming victory over everything that is wrong in our lives. But here is a nugget of truth: No one starts out on a mountaintop. We all begin in a valley!   

Arlene Blum has had a full life. She is an American mountaineer, writer, and environmental health scientist. Blum is best known for organizing and leading an eleven-woman ascent of the tenth highest mountain in the world, Annapurna in Nepal (China) which, until then, had been climbed by only eight people (all men). She did the same thing at Denali near Anchorage, Alaska, and Mount Everest in Nepal [Wikipedia]. Blum started out at the bottom in a valley.

Lydia Pounamu Bradey is a New Zealand mountaineer. She became the first woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. She has gone on to summit the mountain five more times. [Wikipedia]. Bradey started out at the bottom in a valley.

Life is Sweeter Up Here

We all start out in a valley. Without the “valleys” in our life (grief, heartache, trials, troubles, and tribulations), we have no “mountaintop” to climb, and nothing to look forward to (victory, passion, possibilities, and purpose). Finding the mountaintop makes life so much sweeter. How uninteresting and boring would our lives become if we only had flat land without any curves and twists and turns to keep the excitement going? This is basically the reason people love to take road trips—to conquer boredom and have an incentive to get out of bed!

Victory is sweet!

So, what can we do to start our next climb and taste the victory? Now that we are single-again, we can stop ignoring all the things we’ve wanted to do but couldn’t for one reason or another. We all have passions hidden away in our hearts and minds. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that” is a favorite verse from Galatians 6:4 (The Message). We start by finding our passion.

What is possible? These are things that might be an answer to our search, but we need to try them out first. There’s nothing wrong with trying. We are sure the two women mountaineers had many “tries” before finally reaching their mountaintop. Jesus once said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26b NLT). Great advice!

Once we work through those two steps (and they may take some time but that’s okay), we reach our true purpose. And, of course, this is different for each one of us because we were created as unique human beings. No one is like us. And we should never try becoming someone else. God delighted in creating us just the way we are. When we arrive at our purpose, we’ll know it, if we don't give up!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

Feeling Stuck? This One Thing Will Fix It

Library of Learning

Some of us, if not most, have taken a college class of some sort—either for a four-year degree, just for a semester, or a night course. Maybe we have attended a seminar or two for our employers. Or, more popular in this electronic age, perhaps a podcast (a series of digital audio or video episodes) was more easily accessed to study a subject.

Whichever method we chose to “enlighten” our viewpoint and learn something new, sometimes it became more than we expected. More involvement was required (homework anyone?). Interactions with other participants working in teams seemed to slow us down or bore us. We quickly lost interest. Our brain did not comprehend our part in the process and therefore, the knowledge never had a chance to grow. We got stuck!

One Thing to Get Us Unstuck 

It’s happened to all of us at one time or another. Nothing to feel bad or guilty about though. We simply didn’t check all the requirements of the course and ended up taking the class or seminar just because our best friend was doing it or because it sounded like the popular thing to do. That’s how it usually presents itself. And it’s always a bad idea!

The better choice is to find out what we truly like to do—and are good at--and stick with that idea even if no one else understands us. It's the one thing that will get us unstuck! Even if others try to distract us or persuade us not to go that way, we know deep down inside what we want out of life. If not, then we can expect to feel less than fulfilled, frustrated, and ready to quit before the search has done us any good. 

Grow deep in good soil

Listen, that is not us! We are stronger than we think, but we won’t really know until we go after what we were made for in the first place. After all, who got us safely here at this surprising point in life anyway? Let’s take a moment and be perfectly clear and honest. God did not orchestrate our divorce as many may think. In fact, He said, “For I hate divorce!” [Malachi 2:16]. But, He was right there beside us anyway holding our right hand and helping us to stand on our own two feet when we could do nothing else. Saving us from permanent harm. He was the One who kindly brought us to this point because He still has a plan and purpose for each of us, even now!

          

Teacher of Love

So, let that “lesson” sink deep into our brains so we won’t forget it. God has a message: He loves you—even as a single-again woman! He loves me! He loves each one of us! He can do nothing else because He is the very definition of love. Where we come into this plan, is to simply “signup” for His “class” on life and stick with it. He has been keeping that “syllabus” (our purpose) safely in His hand until we were able to accept His message. This is your perfect time. And your choice.

“This is what the story means: The seed is God’s message. . .The seed that fell on the rock is like those who hear God’s teaching and accept it gladly, but they don’t allow the teaching to go deep into their lives. They believe for a while, but when trouble comes, they give up” (Luke 8:11; 13 NCV).

What Gift Would You Give Yourself?

Finding Christmas Gifts

Oh, yes! It's here! Only 22 days until Christmas! Every single year we reach this point on the calendar and ask ourselves, Where in the world did this year go? It's both strangely melancholy and wonderfully exciting for most people. Sure, you may not be the one that is watching those Hallmark Christmas movies on TV because they are sugary sweet, but something about this time of year probably makes you smile if you try and admit it.

Could it be that this is your first year as a single-again woman whether divorced, widowed, or a single mom? If it is, we truly know and understand those feelings of dread. We've been there and no one is saying you should ignore all of that! We are simply here to encourage you to move through this mess and get to the other side in one piece, with peace. Are you in?

Getting Somewhere
Since we are talking about the giving season, how would you answer this question: What gift would you give yourself right now if you could? Is some of your reluctance this month to budge from the couch tied to not knowing what to do with your new life? Now we are getting somewhere! 

Many women when they get married find themselves giving up a goal or dream or wish for a certain kind of life. In fact, it's nearly expected that she sets aside her purpose to become a housewife (or a domestic engineer as some circles describe the role). Yes, it happens, even in this modern century. Now don't start clenching your teeth in indignation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a "family manager" as we prefer to say; it is hard work, indeed. That admirable position is perfectly okay IF that was your personal dream. Only you can address that subject. We just want to know where do we go from here?  

If we are like many girls graduating high school, someone may have asked us at one point, What do you want to be when you grow up? And the majority of us had some kind of an answer. Some go to college to major in a subject that matches their specific goal. Or maybe to a trade school or an on-the-job training program. But what happens when we marry and never pursue that path in our life? 

Capturing Dreams
Now comes the good news! We are on our own now and can actually recapture those long-ago dreams and make them come true. We hear you, but it is NOT too late! Don't let that be an excuse that holds you back. This is our second chance!   

Getting Ready for Christmas

After decorating the house and wrapping all those Christmas presents for everyone we know, the best gift we can give ourselves is dusting off our life's purpose and plan. It hasn't disappeared--it's just dormant. It has always been there in the back of our minds. 

Start imagining how to reactivate that gift(s) to become the real you. It may need an adjustment or "tweaking" after all these years of "cobwebs," but that's the fun part! Begin creating a life around those abilities and talents. You may even have more than one (and we can assure you they are somehow tied to each other to equal one fantastic life!).

Just Imagine
No one ever got anywhere by themselves. We need each other and we need the best Gift Giver of all--God Himself--Who has always been generous to us. He wants us to become the beautiful, accomplished, and joyful woman He created as we discover His purpose and plan for us. Then we will reach the best life we could ever imagine. 

"Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received...Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress" (1 Timothy 4:14, 15 NLT).
      

Who Believes in You Today?

Receiving a job promotion can be exciting. And it doesn’t matter if we advance to head waitress, senior saleswoman, or the CEO; we are finally being recognized for our ability. That’s a big deal because it means someone believes in us. We know we worked hard and long for this day. It meant overtime hours in some cases, but we were dedicated and did what we had to do to get the job done. We did it!

Subsequently, we may be asked to give up some old ways of doing things and learn new policies or programs that fit our position. We may be asked to supervise other employees. We may even be given authority to hire and fire people. New skills will be required; it’s all part of the agreement if we want to become part of the work family.

We All Have Choices

It was our choices over a period of time that brought the vote of confidence and a promotion our way. We could have gone many different directions, but we made the best decisions and ended up right where we had hoped. It’s never easy to map out a future and stick with the steps that will eventually take us there. It takes perseverance, patience, and character.

Your character is essentially the sum of your habits.

(Pastor Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life)

Recommended First Steps to Success

• Know yourself and your needs
• Get the right education
• Go after a job that suits you
• Believe in yourself   
• Keep orderly balance in your life: God, family, work
• It’s up to you to live in peace with everyone
• Grow up, but never give up!

We Get the Best Gift of All

God chose us (we didn’t choose Him) before we were even born to become His children. He offers us a better “position”--a new life--to spend eternity with Him. It isn’t anything we do, it is just a wonderful gift from Him. It is our choice to accept His offer and enjoy the best life we could possibly imagine as his precious daughters--once and for all!

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. Ephesians 1:11 (The Message)