How to Get Back on Track and Love Life

If it has been a long time since bowling was a favorite Friday night league sport, we can relate. Our bowling ball, however, is probably somewhere in the back of the closet collecting dust. “One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.” (Don Carter/golftrainingand practicegear.com)

We started thinking about how life is like throwing a bowling ball: it often falls into the gutter and needs someone to get it out and onto the right path. That was always one frustrating drawback about bowling. And our lives may feel that way too at times. We just need some help getting back on track and pointed in the right direction!

Confidence and Feeling Good

Now that we are single-again and mostly on our own, it is going to take lots of practice and trial and error before we are good at it. Anyone great at any creative dream spends many days and even years learning what will work best for them. It is not just automatic, and we should not expect instant success.

“I’ll have you know I threw a gutter ball and I only cried for twenty minutes.” (SpongeBob character/pinterest.com)

Sometimes, it is to our advantage to seek ideas, suggestions, and guidance from those professionals who specialize in our situations. If not in person, then at the very least, we need to visit the library and start reading about how to navigate our new lives. There are so many books on the topic it will take a while to get to the bottom of whatever is holding us back from moving forward. But we can do it!

This kind of effort will give us plenty of confidence and a “feel-good” approach to our life. We will find out how to turn a depressed state of mind into a more optimistic way of living. We’ll find ourselves smiling more. People will begin looking at us and wonder how in the world we are handling things with such a wonderful attitude.

Admittedly, we will all need a little boost once in a while. We are not saying that life is going to suddenly grow perfect roses and we will never need any instruction again. Unfortunately, life just isn’t that simple, and we don’t want to lead anyone down the fantasy of a “yellow brick road.”

We would rather get more real and suggest three views to start us off on the right path. Any of these can be adjusted, added to, ignored, or deleted. It’s up to each of us what to do. But one thing we sincerely hope no one does is simply do nothing.

• Find one of these books (or similar) to start:

Living Unbroken: Reclaiming Your Life and Your Heart After Divorce (Tracie Miles)

Living and Loving After Betrayal (Steven Stosny Ph.D.)

• Speaking about roses:

Plant one or two rose bushes in celebration of a new life.

• Take a day trip (check with local college) and make it an adventure with a friend.

Best Told Stories

Our best reference is the Holy Bible. For some reason, there are those women in the world right now who have a false belief that God does not care for females. But that is a total lie and is supported by those who have not read the Bible at all.

Of course, God created males and females for a reason, and he delights in both. Some of the best stories are about those courageous women of the Bible whom God loved. We suggest picking up a copy of the Bible (or purchasing one online) and look up these names: Esther, Deborah, Ruth, Naomi, Mary (mother of Jesus), Rachel, and Mary Magdalene among hundreds of others.

Try completing this sentence with your name: God has always loved _____.

“Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life” (Proverbs 4:13 NIV).

 

How to Listen to That Little Voice Inside

Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending.

–Carl Bard aka Carl Sandburg (American writer and editor)

Nearly all of us will not soon forget the name Amanda Gorman from this day forward because she was the star of the show just a few days ago as she read with absolute perfect diction her beautiful and touching poem for the Inauguration. Only twenty-two years old and she had the courage to tackle a dream of hers and present it to the world! We will surely hear and see more of her again. Amazing!

Sure, we may not be shaping our twenties or even thirties any longer, but whether we admit it or not, every single one of us has a dream (or two) we want to fulfill. A dream we have not had the time or courage to study. It is that little voice deep inside our thoughts that has been nagging us since we were born. We really want to make it a part of us because we fundamentally know—we have always known--it is an element of our personality. So, what is holding us back?

Seven Starters for Our List

Many issues, incidents, circumstances, and even ourselves (lack of confidence, procrastination, etc.), have derailed and prevented us from seeking our best path. Of course, life itself may very well have gotten in the way. It is certainly a full-time job, for instance, raising a family and an honorable one at that. Hats off to every one of us! As single-again women, we can recognize that along the way, there were unavoidable difficulties, dilemmas, and drawbacks. Whew! But we made it!

Since we cannot actually “go back” and reproduce our life, we agree with Carl Bard that the best place to begin is now! Forget the “age” number—it is a non-issue at this point. Twenty-two-year-olds are not the only poets out there. We have plenty of reasons to get back on track especially if we have not ever attempted to fulfill that dream of ours.

There are at least seven steps to adopt and get started on the path to “now.” Some of these may be familiar and already a part of our plans, so stay with us and see how far they can take us. Pick and choose what works for you. It is not required to do all of these! Also, feel free to add your own ideas as we go along.

1. Some people enjoy creating a “vision” board. It is a visible picture that can serve as daily encouragement. Use poster board or similar and start pasting photos that have been cut out of magazines relating to your dream.
2. Journaling is another way to get those creative thoughts out of our brains and onto concrete possibilities. It easily becomes addictive and feels like we are on the right path.
3. Research the subject of your dream on-line or at a library (if one is open during this pandemic). Find out what it will take to get started. Or go on Amazon for a book to keep as a reference (see Resources below).
4. Once the subject is settled in our brain, it is extremely helpful to subscribe to an actual print copy (our favorite) or at the very least, a You-Tube channel about the subject.         
5. If there is one available, sign-up for a class to learn as much as possible about the subject, and meet others doing the same. We all need a type of support group for encouragement.
6. 
   This is important: take care of yourself in the process! Find just one little way a week to improve on physical “movement.” Notice we did not say, exercise. That is a word that will stop us in our tracks. Any kind of movement (making the bed, gardening, walking indoors or outdoors, using stairs, etc) will keep our brains from getting old before their time (look it up, it is proven)!     
7. Resources. Start building your own personal library. Try these books for starters:

• What Color is Your Parachute? (2021 by Richard N. Bolles)
• Do What You Are (Paul D. Tieger)
• Repurpose Your Career: A Practical Guide for the 2^nd Half of Life (Marc Miller)

 Are We on the Right Path?

Now that we are on our way and have a starting point, let us not allow anyone to stop us. We have already been there, done that! What we need, instead, is a good guide just like many travelers consult when they begin a long and complicated journey.

The one guide who is readily available 24/7 is the same God who created the entire Universe—the sun, moon, rainbows, planets, and every single star that he loved so much he gave each of them a name! He is the ONE who knows us inside and out. He gave us a purpose for a purpose and is thrilled we want to begin right now!

How could he not be our perfect guide?

The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray (Psalm 25:8 NLT).

For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die (Psalm 48:14 NLT).

 

Let’s Flip a Coin

Two sides to every coin

Many of us at some time in our lives have probably collected one kind of object or another. Some serious things and plenty of silly things too. A long time ago this writer was a member of the Bell Collectors Club displaying upwards of nearly 100 different kinds of bells including china, porcelain, metal, and even wooden ones from all over the world. At some point, upon moving to a new home, eighty of the bells were broken and such was the end of bell collecting.

The next collection displayed was a teddy bear collection. Darling creatures they were and so fun to gather. A family member even built two long, wooden benches just the right height for displaying the teddy bears! Again, moving to a different city and not having room for the entire collection prompted this collector to donate them to a children’s shelter.

Heads or Tails?

Now, although there was never a coin collection in this home, we know experts estimate there are 10 million Americans who are profoundly serious about their coins (ngccoin.com). That is a lot of people! The largest and most impressive coin collection is in the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C. that has 1.6 million coin objects which probably makes coins the number one collected item anywhere.    

We heard a quote recently that reminded us of all those coins.

The flip side of doubt is faith.

We’ve all seen two people settle a discussion by saying, “Let’s flip a coin.” So, of course, we know coins have two sides--a front (“heads”) and a back (“tails”). [We pause here just to accurately point out that according to experts, technically coins have three sides which include an outer border called the “edge.”]      

What do we see?

What we are concerned about today is that in our single-again lives, it is most likely we will experience both doubt and faith. Matter of fact, we can’t imagine one without the other--they go together—two sides of the same coin. It may explain why we struggle at times with draining doubt or how we can effectively use simple faith. We are only looking at one side. Are we ignoring one part of the problem to deal with the other?

Doubt. Period.     

The quote above could be turned around. It could say the flip side of faith is doubt and it would still be true. We all share moments when we have a lack of confidence in believing what is going on in our lives. We pretend everything is okay but truthfully, we have a difficult time getting through the day. Nothing seems right anymore. We simply don’t trust it will ever be different than right this moment. We doubt. Period. And we don’t stop to flip over the coin!

What does God say about our doubt? “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart” (Mark 11:23 NLT).

Keep Your Bible Close

Faith Is Where It All Begins

Let’s flip the coin over to the front. Primarily, the whole idea of faith is trust. If we honestly believe something good in our lives can happen and place our trust in God to guide us, we will begin to act on those thoughts. We begin to learn and understand by reading God’s Word (the Bible) every day that He loves us and wants nothing but the best for us. Faith is where it all begins!    

“You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete” (James 2:22 NLT).

Do We Want to Get Well?

We may still at times struggle with doubt in our lives. It happens. We must expect it and be prepared because it can make us ill in more ways than one. But if we keep our faith intact and know where to turn when it gets low (the Bible), we can absolutely be assured God created us, loves us, protects us, and provides for us. And the best news of all: we are His daughters! And that will never change. We can count on it!

“And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over” (Mark 5:34 NLT).

 

That's Not Who You Are Anymore

Lost bottle in the ocean

It's hard to say what we were thinking about in second grade. Our memory may not be that sharp any longer. But Laura Terry may not soon forget her second-grade science experiment.  

In 2017, Terry and her classmates were studying ocean currents and thought they could test it out by placing messages in bottles, sealing them, and sending them out to sea from their town of Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Terry never expected anything to happen to her bottle except that it would sink. Nearly two years later, her bottle was found on Doohoma Beach in western Ireland! [Ann Smajstria, Cox Media Group]. 

A grandmother in Ireland walking on the beach found Terry's bottle with a note inside and subsequently wrote to the girl at her school. Out of 70 bottles sent out, five have been found including one in Portugal and three in France. Wow! What an amazing science lesson.

That’s Not Who You Are

In today's culture though, we are nearly buried in electronic message sites like the top five Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and SnapChat to name but a few! Of course, good ole email and texts are still available. A message in a bottle, though, is so much more romantic, wouldn't you say? (Who can forget Kevin Costner, Robin Wright, and Paul Newman in the Message in a Bottle movie?). 

But today's blog is not about the internet. Whew! We are sliding back down out of the clouds and trying to figure out our role as a single-again woman and how we can go about changing our communication methods. Because what worked in our past may not work in our new world anymore.

We've come through one of the worst experiences of our lives. The good news is we've made it to the other side and are still intact. Congratulations! So now what do we do? In some cases, especially if we have young children, we may unavoidably have to face our former spouse and possibly former in-laws every now and then. 

Of course, when that happens, we can rage, scream, and freak out but hopefully, that's not who we are now. Yes, it's been a whirlwind of decisions, decisions, and more decisions heaped on our shoulders. It could make anyone feel like a witch from the movies. So, one more time, let's say it out loud, that's not who we are anymore.

Five Messages to Start Your Plan

Did someone say Relax?

If you are serious about becoming a better communicator, then grab a notebook and take down some ideas (no, you are not going to send it out to sea):

--Breathe. Make it a goal several times each day to deeply inhale/exhale. Amazing how good this feels.

--Relax. Of course, this goes along with breathing. Shoulders down!

--Plan. If you know the upcoming situation, practice what you will say.

--Listen. Ask questions and find out what the other person really wants (hint: address only one subject at a time, not your entire past).

--Speak with confidence. If you have never tried it, think of joining the Toastmasters organization. Nearly every city in the country has a club. 

These are only but a few, so go ahead and research it and then keep adding to your list above. You've got this! 

Never Stop Learning

Have you ever said Someone needs to write a book about this? Well, Someone did. He is God Himself and He knows exactly how you feel past, present, and even your future. Really. The Bible is His book written just for you. Most Bibles today have a section in the back called Index or Concordance. You can look up any number of topics such as “Speech,” “Confidence,” “Change,” and “Listening.” Careful though, you may not be able to put it down!           

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right" (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT).

How High is Your Balloon?

Big colorful balloons

When we were kids, many of us loved big colorful balloons, especially for our birthdays or other occasions. Some of us adults, still do because they simply make us happy just to look at them and their big bright colors. 

Of course, there are people that really dislike balloons of any kind. Maybe because balloons can be noisy if they POP! and surprise us. Or perhaps they have had a bad episode involving a balloon that reminds them of a scary or dangerous time in their past. Just the loud sound when they burst can trigger nervousness in us and make us jump. That's understandable.

There is a story of a little boy, named Karan, and his friends playing with their balloons each of a different color. They wanted to see whose balloon would fly the highest. Karan believed it had to do with the color of the balloon but his never traveled the highest no matter what color he picked. 

"Karan asked the balloon seller, 'Tell me please, which balloon will go the highest in the sky? Is it the red, the yellow, the green or the blue one?'” The merchant explained it had nothing to do with the color but what it contained. If you want, read the entire short story by clicking the following link: Highest Balloon

How High?
What does that story have to do with us and our situation today? The author of the above story explains: "How high a person will rise in life depends not on his caste, colour or creed, but on his thoughts, confidence, values and character."    

That is a great life lesson for us to remember. After all, we have been given another chance at life. It may not feel that way at this moment, but if we work at it, and don't give up, we will eventually see what lies ahead can be very good, indeed. We have an opportunity now to create momentum in our lives and change whatever we don't like. 

One step at a time

There really is nothing we can't accomplish. But it takes determination and a clear head. How many times have you said, "I wish I could. . ." So, what is holding you back right now? 

Do you hate not having a college degree? There is no age limit on a college application. If that is too scary, start small at a community college. If that isn't what you want or it isn't important right now for you, that's okay. 

Do you want to start your own business? Look into how to do that the right way. Click on this link to learn more: Small Business 

Do you simply want to stay home with your kids? That's great, but don't hibernate; join a mom's group in your neighborhood or even online. Click on this link and be the best mom possible: Moms Are the Best


You Get the Idea! 
Once you start on this exciting track, you'll be amazed at what can happen. But don't forget to check in with your Teacher. He has the perfect plan for you. Find out what God wants you to do and ask for his guidance. He will never let you down, not ever. Just talk to him like a friend. You'll see!

"So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants" (Ephesians 5:15-17 The Message). 

What Can We Do About Stress?

"Always the wish that you may find patience enough in yourself to endure, and simplicity enough to believe; that you may acquire more and more confidence in that which is difficult. . ." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Bohemian-Austrian Poet, 1875-1926).

This quote might have just been the perfect encouragement written on a greeting card and then given to the 515 participants of the 2018 Scripps National Spelling Bee in May. Surely it took lots of patience to get through the eight rounds of the competition. Finally, a fourteen-year-old boy from McKinney, Texas, Karthik Nemmani was declared the winner. With apparent courage, but maybe not as much confidence as we would think, he correctly spelled the word "koinonia." Some of us may have stumbled over our tongue trying to say, spell, or define that word which means "Christian fellowship or communion with God, or more commonly with fellow Christians." 

Patience Perfected
In our single-again lives, seems like we should each adopt the Rilke quote above as our own encouragement and read it daily. We absolutely need all the patience we can get because life has a nagging way of creating stress everywhere we turn. The woman in the elevator seems completely put together. Our neighbor is the best mom on the block. Our friend has boundless energy that we crave. We get passed over at work for a promotion because we lack certain credentials. 

The list is endless and more items are attached each day. Finances, coworkers, hunger or dehydration, needing a break, solving a personal problem, and on and on. What can we do about it? The next time you feel hands clenching, irritability, or a muscle kink in your neck, stop and try these: 

Breathe in deep and slow, then out even slower. 
Recline into a comfortable position and practice releasing tension head to toe. 
Turn on quiet, instrumental music and really listen to it. 
Be open to finding causes for the impatience.
Join a support team and call someone instead of drowning in anger.

Be a Believer
Of course, none of us will ever be perfect. We will have ups and downs, sometimes on a daily basis. Impatience and even anger are normal human traits but we don't need to let them change our core personality. The key is deciding what to do with these emotions when they invade our lives. Start with believing in yourself as a strong woman. You can do this! With that belief in place, we can decide to "boil over" with destructive emotions or get serious about managing our lives in a positive way. It's up to us. There is much you can do immediately, so click on this resource to get started: 

Mind Tools to Handle Stress

Best Seller
Did you know the very best instruction book to handle our stress, impatience, anger, difficulties, and endurance is a best seller and has never been out of print? True. Besides chapters and verses, it contains a "Help" menu in the back section. Just look up any of the above emotions and it will give you the answer to solve the problem. Amazing! It's called the Bible and is our best reference book by far!     

"May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus" (Romans 15:5 NLT).