A Little Taste of the Unknown is a Big Deal!

It might feel strange to find ourselves all alone as single-again women. Add to that the isolation during this pandemic and we arrive at a distinct tingling sensation making us want to shiver--maybe for the first time in our life. Many of us blundered through "Drive-in Movie" high school days (yes, that was our reality), Homecoming football games and living with our parents to bunking with three other college roommates four states away. Suddenly before we could blink an eye, we were madly combing all the wedding magazines looking for the perfect dress, best flowers, and honeymoon destinations! 

Up to that point, we were never totally alone on our own. Sound familiar? Now we might call this the "Season of Survival" and it can be scarier than jumping out of a plane into the unknown for the first time. What if we panic? What if our parachute doesn't open? What if the pilot misses the designated spot and we land in the depths of the ocean weighted down and no way out? All the What Ifs rushing into our brains at once can overload our circuits! 

Without a Hint of Giving Up!

In the wild, survival of the fittest is the rule. There are many, many fascinating TV documentaries from channels such as National Geographic that show this harsh reality. Even though we may cringe and have compassion for the smallest babies of the jungle, we surely know it can be no other way. Thankfully, our reality is probably a bit tamer! 

It would be a logical guess that if we have made it thus far to be reading this week's Fresh Start Momentum blog, we have already moved through at least a few (if not numerous) facets of survival. Congratulations! In case no one has pointed it out yet, we ARE strong enough to not only exist as a single-again women but to continue to live and prosper on our own if that is our choice.    

We are among the many who have had a little taste of the unknown and are still here to talk about it. That is a big deal indeed! And now we can positively continue trying to figure out all the different angles of how to make our lives the best they can be without a hint of giving up. There is no room for that nonsense anyway, right?

No matter our age right now, what could we say is the next most important development we want to see take place in our life? (Hint: it will be different for each and every woman, so just take the time to really sit and think about this one (maybe journal it) and come up with an answer or maybe two.)

The Beginning, Middle, and the End

Yes, this really is the beginning of our new life in every way possible. Sure, it is our choice to make it a great one or let it become stale and unproductive. But all that will do is prevent a Middle from happening. And then there will be no room left for a legacy at the End. Think about it. 

The truth is, only God—the Creator of every single one of us--knows exactly what our Beginning, Middle, and End look like. He can see it all. We can only see a small portion of our life because blinders block much of the view. Our only choice is to ask Him how to survive in the first place and follow His direction. We have only questions and more questions. God has all the right answers! 

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:13 NLT).

               

How Can You Keep Up with Your Hopes and Dreams?

It is certainly not surprising to hear nearly seventy-five percent of American women dye their hair something other than their natural color as compared to just seven percent in 1950 (Clairol 2008 study as reported at Emerita.com, a women’s wellness site). Of course, women in Hollywood tend to lead the trends. We usually expect to see women such as Helen Mirren (age 75) and Blythe Danner (77) display their beautiful locks in their natural state. But even younger ones choose to sport a change like Kate Winslet (46) and Lady Gaga (34). And at 89 years young, Puerto Rican actress Rita Moreno is still gorgeous! 

Let’s face it --as we age, our health, and our looks start turning towards a more natural way of life. It becomes apparent to us that maybe, just maybe, we can avoid much of what we thought was necessary for our younger years such as the latest lipstick color (but still a great way to uplift our spirits!), foundation formula, and hair color. It just does not seem as important as it once was.

This is not to say we should not keep ourselves looking our absolute best. Not only watching our diet and participating in exercise but once we choose to turn a shade of gray, we may need to find other colors to wear in our make-up and clothing. Gray, silver, and white tend to “wash out” skin color. A brighter, color-coded clothes closet with various “happy” hues can help solve this problem. Try it out on the next shopping trip and bring some new colors into the dressing room—a fun experiment!

Finding Joy Every Step of the Way

Someone once said (it’s been attributed to many people), “The older I get, the wiser my parents get!” It’s a funny quote that pops up every now and then but points out the truth of our circumstances. As single-again women, we have been through more than we thought we could ever handle. Maybe one reason for our natural locks turning a beautiful silver, but also a reason we are much stronger today than ever!

The joy of living on our own are the changes that cause us to become an entirely new person. We are older, yes. We are wiser, yes. And unless we have re-married, we no longer must worry about taking care of another person right now. If we want to become an all-around better person, we can choose to concentrate on keeping up with our hopes and dreams that were put on a shelf a long time ago! We then start seeing a woman who welcomes the chance to improve her perspective or attitude about life.

The progress we are looking for involves learning how to form plans for our own happiness while at the same time being careful not to follow just any unproven recipe or a supposed solution someone may offer to us. We are now wiser than we’ve ever been and so we must use our good sense and take everything “with a grain of different.”

It may help to meet with a life coach or counselor to figure out the best direction to go before jumping into things. Experience teaches us that our lives are quite different now and so might our paths, hopes, and dreams. It’s an exciting journey to find out what we can do. Whatever didn’t work in the past, may not work in our present. So, let’s be open to new and wonderful ways of thinking, concepts, and passions. Wow! We are on our way!

A Good Book to Read

We may never have realized that God Himself points us down the correct path for our best life. And it will certainly be different for each one of us. In Psalm 139 of the Bible, it says He knows everything about us. Of course, He does because God created us perfectly (He does not make mistakes), He knows when we travel, stand up, sit down, rest, what we are going to say, and even our thoughts.

From the time we are born until way past when our hair turns white, God has us in His hands ready to make sure we are blessed when we follow Him in all we do. He is our Guide, Helper, and the Author of every single moment of our lives as recorded in His divine book! Imagine that: 

The Book of ___ (enter your name) ___by The Creator of the Universe.

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you” (Isaiah 46:4 NLT).

 

On Our Way to the Mountaintop

In the unexpected health struggle we dragged ourselves through in 2020, most of us noticed a sharp decline in personal activity. In fact, we are still staying at home with very few exceptions to go out. Cooking has become a new experience. Bingeing on TV is, unfortunately, becoming a habit. Our circadian rhythm is out of whack! Sound familiar? None of these activities offer us much benefit. Happily, some other pursuits in our lives have increased for the better.

Maybe some of us are walking or hiking more around the neighborhood which is increasing the well-being of our bodies. Phone calls to or from friends we haven’t spoken to in a while is a welcome connection. Getting some projects done around the house that was put off way too long are suddenly calling us.

Still, life has gotten slightly boring overall. There is only so much housecleaning we can do! Now we can understand children in the summer when they complain to their moms, “I’m bored!” Kids have shown us that when we are truly bored, we tend to get ourselves into trouble. 

Look Forward to the Highest Point

Apparently, we have fallen into a deep valley of doldrums and disinterest. It’s a herculean challenge to climb out and join the rest of the world. Just moving seems impossible. We feel stuck as if we are struggling in quicksand, and nothing is working for us the way it should. Ever been there? If we are not careful, this valley can easily turn into yet another personal health crisis.

The valley represents our “low altitude point” and it can become dangerous as it drags us down with nowhere to go. Our single-again lives may certainly feel like this valley. Our days consist of a lack of enthusiasm, no purpose, and inertia. Is this what we expected our lives would be like once we mustered up the courage to step out on our own? Hopefully not! This awareness should make us irritated enough to do something about it!

Focusing on our “mountaintop”—the highest point we can individually achieve in life--and staying there to claim victory over everything that is wrong in our lives is a worthy goal for 2021. But here is a nugget of truth: No one starts out on a mountaintop. We all begin in a valley!   

Arlene Blum has had a full life. She is an American mountaineer, writer, and environmental health scientist. Blum is best known for organizing and leading an eleven-woman ascent of the tenth highest mountain in the world, Annapurna in Nepal (China) which, until then, had been climbed by only eight people (all men). She did the same thing at Denali near Anchorage, Alaska, and Mount Everest in Nepal [Wikipedia]. And just like us, Blum started out at the bottom of a valley.

Lydia Pounamu Bradey is a New Zealand mountaineer. She became the first woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. She has gone on to summit the mountain five more times. [Wikipedia]. And guess what? Bradey started out at the bottom of a valley.

Life is Sweeter Up Here

We all start out in a valley. Without the “valleys” in our life (grief, heartache, trials, troubles, and tribulations), we have no “mountaintop” to climb, and nothing to look forward to (victory, passion, possibilities, and purpose). Finding our own mountaintop makes life so much sweeter. How uninteresting and boring would our lives become if we only had flat land without any curves and twists and turns to keep the excitement going? This is basically the reason people love to take road trips—to conquer restlessness and create an incentive to get out of bed!

So, what can we do to start our climb and brighten our future? Now that we are single-again, we can stop ignoring all the things we’ve wanted to do but couldn’t for one reason or another. We all have passions hidden away in our hearts and minds. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that” is a favorite verse from Galatians 6:4 (The Message). We start by finding our passion.

What is possible? These are things that might be an answer to our search, but we need to try them out first. There’s nothing wrong with trying. We are sure the two women mountaineers had many “tries” before finally reaching their mountaintop. Jesus once said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26b NLT). Great advice!

Once we work through those two steps (and they may take some time but that’s okay), we reach our true purpose. And, of course, this is different for each one of us because we were created as unique human beings. No one is like us. And we should never try becoming someone else. God delighted in creating us just the way we are. When we arrive at our purpose, we’ll know it, if we don't give up!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

 

Looking Forward to Better Things in 2021

Most vehicles with wheels, or even rails, normally can go forward as well as backward. We've seen trains travel in reverse to either switch tracks or connect with a different car or caboose. But they most certainly do this quickly to go forward which is their main purpose to get to a new destination. 

Obviously, our cars go forward and backward so we can maneuver properly in and out of garages, parking spaces, and so forth. Yet both trains and cars constantly deal with the danger of traveling backward and avoiding an accident. Amazingly, planes have no way to move in reverse! They can only go forward on the ground. And believe it or not, crash statistics show flying is the safest way to travel. Now there is something to remember!

Making the Most of 2021
In four days we will arrive in another New Year and many of us will be anxiously looking forward to this one for sure! Yet, we won’t soon forget about things that have happened to us, some incredibly sad and others completely devastating. True, we usually learn lessons from our yesterdays, but constantly dwelling on every regrettable past event is a danger to our future and like a train traveling backward unable to stop!

We can imagine what would happen if that occurred. Derailment. An alarm should go off in our heads right about now. We simply cannot move forward with our new lives while we are simultaneously going backward. It's so much more exciting to travel ahead and see the sites!

This is our chance. We have a New Year to celebrate and can make plans for a better future. We may even have some vague ideas in the back of our minds that we can activate, but we’re not quite sure how to go about it. Or maybe we haven't found the time yet to think about hopes and dreams. (Careful. Don't look backward!)

With 2021 arriving at the end of this week, it's time to start our new single-again life. Grab a pen and notebook or journal and jot down some thoughts. Here we go:

Clear Thinking. Avoid vagueness. Instead, strive for developed ideas. Write down just one specific sentence or short paragraph that describes what should happen now to get moving. This gets the idea out of our heads and onto paper where we can see it and start planning. 

Something New. If there have been boring jobs in the past that were just not satisfying, list three occupations you’ve dreamed about and that you know you are good at even if it means accepting an entry-level position. Promotions will happen soon enough, and you'll be much happier!

Building Relationships. It may be time for some new friends (while hanging on to some good friends), especially those in the same situation. They are there. You must look for them. This could be at a new job, a friendly neighbor, or supportive Christian friends. 

Whatever you don’t do today, you are less likely to do tomorrow. 

(Win the Day by Mark Batterson, author and lead pastor, National Community Church, Washington D.C.)

 

Face Forward
Looking back into our past keeps God from moving us forward. Repeat that out loud! Write it on the refrigerator. Even before we were born, God made good plans for us. Not plans for disaster (that was a human error). He's just been waiting for us to face forward and listen. With God absolutely nothing is impossible. Therefore, we need Him in our corner, especially now. Just ask Him! 

"May he grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed" (Psalm 20:4 NLT).

What's the REAL Story for 2020?

"Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus."

"At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire (the first census taken). All returned to their own ancestral towns to register for this census. And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David’s ancient home. He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee. He took with him Mary, to whom he was engaged, who was now expecting a child.

"And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.

The Shepherds and Angels

"That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.”

"Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying, 

“Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”

"When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

"They hurried to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. After seeing him, the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. It was just as the angel had told them."

(Luke 1:30-31; 2:1-20 NLT).

 

How to Save Our Sanity This Christmas

Christmas can be celebrated in several ways. True, traditions are personal and precious for most of us (especially if we have small children still at home), but it doesn’t mean we must adhere to old patterns forever. Now that we are on our own as single-again women, it just might be fun and much less stressful if we change things up a bit.  

It isn't a requirement to participate in all the demanding in-person shopping and gift-giving which, of course, in 2020 could be a safety issue. Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus—always has been, always will be. So, we are here to say, it is okay to take a break from tradition and skip all the commercial "hoop-la" this year if one chooses. We understand the first few years without a spouse takes some getting used to and a quiet Christmas is good for our souls.  

Sure, many of our friends and relatives who don't fathom what we are going through will gasp at the change in our plans for this one year. They might think something is terribly wrong with us. Depending on our own attitudes, eventually, they will understand we are merely adjusting, not dropping out of the human race! Christmas will simply be on a smaller scale than usual.

What Might a Quiet Christmas Look Like?

We are not speaking of hibernating in a closet and never coming out until mid-January! Celebrating the best quiet Christmas ever could look like:

• inviting one favorite person to dinner instead of joining a massive holiday party with all the background noise
• shopping online instead of fighting the crowds at the mall
• putting up a tabletop tree (or two or three) instead of spending energy decorating and wrestling with a ceiling-high tree 
• using candles and a Nativity set instead of decorating the entire house
• taking a friend to candlelight church service instead of baking nine pies at the last minute out of guilt
• reading the Christmas story found in the Holy Bible, Luke 2:1-21 with a niece/nephew while their parents go out
• completely getting away on a little side trip by ourselves

Saving Our Sanity for Another Season

Changing the way we do things now may save our sanity and is one of the best ways to strengthen ourselves. We can be healed from all the pain, sorrow, and worry just by taking care of ourselves; by quietly listening to the God Who loves us beyond doubt. There is no way to hear Him speak to us unless we remain quiet. The noise and chaos in the world drown out His voice. So, we can do Christmas quietly this year and see a difference in our hearts and minds as we prepare for a better year ahead!

“For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. . .And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6 NLT).

 

7 Sure Steps to Finding Out Who You Are

No matter what kind of relationship interruption we have survived, we can and usually do recover with time. Likely, it took more than a "minute" to arrive at such a decision with so many factors to consider. There were the days, months, or even years trying to mend the brokenness to no avail. It wore us out. 

So, it stands to reason, it will take a season or more to restore our lives; to hit the refresh button on life. Exactly how long depends on many things, including how long we were a couple. There is no need to rush it. In fact, that's probably the worst thing we could do at this point. That doesn't mean we should just stop living, but we can learn to be gentle with ourselves. 

Standing in the Storm

Time is a remarkable healer, repairing our minds and souls from the inside out. If we slow down just a bit and allow it, time--combined with patience, persistence, and prayer--will supply all the tools to build a foundation that will stand in a storm.

Of course, first things first. We must secure what our future income looks like (savings, employment, alimony, etc.) and then explore housing options (family home, new home, a move, etc.) Once the basics are in place, everything else can wait for now.

What could make the rest of the healing period less stressful is finding and using our talents and gifts. The ones we have forgotten about, but still have; those we were born with and haven't used. It is not selfish to take care of ourselves in this way. Call it an indulgence if you will, but it is a necessity. 

Just like our health, if we don't do something about what is bothering us, we will suffer. And we are the only ones who have the insight to care for what we need at this point; the only ones who know what we want. We can call on others for support and should, but we can't expect anyone else to find the key to our happiness.   

Seven Sure Steps

Let's look at these seven steps for discovering who we are deep down inside. In experimenting with some of these ideas, we can unlock the door to our future and find our God-given purpose. Feel free to add to these in your own words.

1. When we admit what we really want to do with our future, our confidence grows.
2.  We discover the possibilities open to us--maybe for the first time--and find faith.
3.  We begin a pattern of lifetime growth and learning, which creates joy.
4.  We let go of fear, skepticism, and failure; in the process, we discover love.  
5.  We find connection with others who are in the same boat and let go of loneliness.
6.  We build a community of support and find strength.
7.  We reach out to others, share our experience, and claim abundance.

Hitting the Mark

The best way to recognize our true potential is by reading the Bible. Why is that true? Because God created each one of us and it’s how He speaks to us. He knows us inside and out and has all the answers about our future no matter what we have done or not done in the past. He still loves us!

If you haven't found a church home yet, don't wait. They usually hold regular classes to help with the search, discovery, and understanding of our spiritual gifts.  

Because we are unique, we all have different needs to begin our journey. But we all have gifts that God graced us with and, no matter what age or status we find ourselves in right now, we can determine exactly what that gift is and how we will use it. When we do that, we have hit the mark!

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. 1 Corinthians 12:4