7 Sure Steps to Finding Out Who You Are

No matter what kind of relationship interruption we have survived, we can and usually do recover with time. Likely, it took more than a "minute" to arrive at such a decision with so many factors to consider. There were the days, months, or even years trying to mend the brokenness to no avail. It wore us out. 

So, it stands to reason, it will take a season or more to restore our lives; to hit the refresh button on life. Exactly how long depends on many things, including how long we were a couple. There is no need to rush it. In fact, that's probably the worst thing we could do at this point. That doesn't mean we should just stop living, but we can learn to be gentle with ourselves. 

Standing in the Storm

Time is a remarkable healer, repairing our minds and souls from the inside out. If we slow down just a bit and allow it, time--combined with patience, persistence, and prayer--will supply all the tools to build a foundation that will stand in a storm.

Of course, first things first. We must secure what our future income looks like (savings, employment, alimony, etc.) and then explore housing options (family home, new home, a move, etc.) Once the basics are in place, everything else can wait for now.

What could make the rest of the healing period less stressful is finding and using our talents and gifts. The ones we have forgotten about, but still have; those we were born with and haven't used. It is not selfish to take care of ourselves in this way. Call it an indulgence if you will, but it is a necessity. 

Just like our health, if we don't do something about what is bothering us, we will suffer. And we are the only ones who have the insight to care for what we need at this point; the only ones who know what we want. We can call on others for support and should, but we can't expect anyone else to find the key to our happiness.   

Seven Sure Steps

Let's look at these seven steps for discovering who we are deep down inside. In experimenting with some of these ideas, we can unlock the door to our future and find our God-given purpose. Feel free to add to these in your own words.

1. When we admit what we really want to do with our future, our confidence grows.
2.  We discover the possibilities open to us--maybe for the first time--and find faith.
3.  We begin a pattern of lifetime growth and learning, which creates joy.
4.  We let go of fear, skepticism, and failure; in the process, we discover love.  
5.  We find connection with others who are in the same boat and let go of loneliness.
6.  We build a community of support and find strength.
7.  We reach out to others, share our experience, and claim abundance.

Hitting the Mark

The best way to recognize our true potential is by reading the Bible. Why is that true? Because God created each one of us and it’s how He speaks to us. He knows us inside and out and has all the answers about our future no matter what we have done or not done in the past. He still loves us!

If you haven't found a church home yet, don't wait. They usually hold regular classes to help with the search, discovery, and understanding of our spiritual gifts.  

Because we are unique, we all have different needs to begin our journey. But we all have gifts that God graced us with and, no matter what age or status we find ourselves in right now, we can determine exactly what that gift is and how we will use it. When we do that, we have hit the mark!

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. 1 Corinthians 12:4

 

 

That's Not Who You Are Anymore

Lost bottle in the ocean

It's hard to say what we were thinking about in second grade. Our memory may not be that sharp any longer. But Laura Terry may not soon forget her second-grade science experiment.  

In 2017, Terry and her classmates were studying ocean currents and thought they could test it out by placing messages in bottles, sealing them, and sending them out to sea from their town of Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Terry never expected anything to happen to her bottle except that it would sink. Nearly two years later, her bottle was found on Doohoma Beach in western Ireland! [Ann Smajstria, Cox Media Group]. 

A grandmother in Ireland walking on the beach found Terry's bottle with a note inside and subsequently wrote to the girl at her school. Out of 70 bottles sent out, five have been found including one in Portugal and three in France. Wow! What an amazing science lesson.

That’s Not Who You Are

In today's culture though, we are nearly buried in electronic message sites like the top five Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and SnapChat to name but a few! Of course, good ole email and texts are still available. A message in a bottle, though, is so much more romantic, wouldn't you say? (Who can forget Kevin Costner, Robin Wright, and Paul Newman in the Message in a Bottle movie?). 

But today's blog is not about the internet. Whew! We are sliding back down out of the clouds and trying to figure out our role as a single-again woman and how we can go about changing our communication methods. Because what worked in our past may not work in our new world anymore.

We've come through one of the worst experiences of our lives. The good news is we've made it to the other side and are still intact. Congratulations! So now what do we do? In some cases, especially if we have young children, we may unavoidably have to face our former spouse and possibly former in-laws every now and then. 

Of course, when that happens, we can rage, scream, and freak out but hopefully, that's not who we are now. Yes, it's been a whirlwind of decisions, decisions, and more decisions heaped on our shoulders. It could make anyone feel like a witch from the movies. So, one more time, let's say it out loud, that's not who we are anymore.

Five Messages to Start Your Plan

Did someone say Relax?

If you are serious about becoming a better communicator, then grab a notebook and take down some ideas (no, you are not going to send it out to sea):

--Breathe. Make it a goal several times each day to deeply inhale/exhale. Amazing how good this feels.

--Relax. Of course, this goes along with breathing. Shoulders down!

--Plan. If you know the upcoming situation, practice what you will say.

--Listen. Ask questions and find out what the other person really wants (hint: address only one subject at a time, not your entire past).

--Speak with confidence. If you have never tried it, think of joining the Toastmasters organization. Nearly every city in the country has a club. 

These are only but a few, so go ahead and research it and then keep adding to your list above. You've got this! 

Never Stop Learning

Have you ever said Someone needs to write a book about this? Well, Someone did. He is God Himself and He knows exactly how you feel past, present, and even your future. Really. The Bible is His book written just for you. Most Bibles today have a section in the back called Index or Concordance. You can look up any number of topics such as “Speech,” “Confidence,” “Change,” and “Listening.” Careful though, you may not be able to put it down!           

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right" (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT).