How to Save Our Sanity This Christmas

Christmas can be celebrated in several ways. True, traditions are personal and precious for most of us (especially if we have small children still at home), but it doesn’t mean we must adhere to old patterns forever. Now that we are on our own as single-again women, it just might be fun and much less stressful if we change things up a bit.  

It isn't a requirement to participate in all the demanding in-person shopping and gift-giving which, of course, in 2020 could be a safety issue. Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus—always has been, always will be. So, we are here to say, it is okay to take a break from tradition and skip all the commercial "hoop-la" this year if one chooses. We understand the first few years without a spouse takes some getting used to and a quiet Christmas is good for our souls.  

Sure, many of our friends and relatives who don't fathom what we are going through will gasp at the change in our plans for this one year. They might think something is terribly wrong with us. Depending on our own attitudes, eventually, they will understand we are merely adjusting, not dropping out of the human race! Christmas will simply be on a smaller scale than usual.

What Might a Quiet Christmas Look Like?

We are not speaking of hibernating in a closet and never coming out until mid-January! Celebrating the best quiet Christmas ever could look like:

• inviting one favorite person to dinner instead of joining a massive holiday party with all the background noise
• shopping online instead of fighting the crowds at the mall
• putting up a tabletop tree (or two or three) instead of spending energy decorating and wrestling with a ceiling-high tree 
• using candles and a Nativity set instead of decorating the entire house
• taking a friend to candlelight church service instead of baking nine pies at the last minute out of guilt
• reading the Christmas story found in the Holy Bible, Luke 2:1-21 with a niece/nephew while their parents go out
• completely getting away on a little side trip by ourselves

Saving Our Sanity for Another Season

Changing the way we do things now may save our sanity and is one of the best ways to strengthen ourselves. We can be healed from all the pain, sorrow, and worry just by taking care of ourselves; by quietly listening to the God Who loves us beyond doubt. There is no way to hear Him speak to us unless we remain quiet. The noise and chaos in the world drown out His voice. So, we can do Christmas quietly this year and see a difference in our hearts and minds as we prepare for a better year ahead!

“For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. . .And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6 NLT).

 

How to Slow Down, Survive and Thrive

Quiet time at the beach

“Create a place in your home…at your work…in your heart…where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.” -- Linus Mundy, Slow-down Therapy

We certainly cannot be reminded too much about the importance of slowing down in this hectic world of ours with its go here, go there, do this, do that mentality. Many experts in stress will tell us if we want to improve our lives,

we need to turn the “noise” down in our heads on a regular basis. It’s the best place to begin a more peaceful life.

In decades past, no one needed to tap us on the shoulder and tell us to sit down and catch our breath. True, the world was a busy place, especially for women who were largely responsible for keeping a home running smoothly all the while feeding, clothing, and bathing five, eight, or even ten children! How they did this is a mystery to us.

Children had regular (and early) bedtimes, the house was finally quiet, and moms then had a chance to catch up with their own thoughts for a change. It was a time to reflect, read, and ruminate. And no one had to force this issue. Of course, two or three generations ago there were no computers, tablets, cell phones, or smart TVs. The world was a quieter place without the noise of Xboxes, Nintendo, or an internet search for the best PC games.

Seven Ideas to Work With

Travel to our extreme world now in 2020. We can all probably agree there are so many ways to rearrange our single-again lives and enjoy the benefits of slowing down. The question is how. Do we have kids to take care of? Yes, some do. Do we have jobs to go to? Yes, some do. This isn’t a fairy-tale story of Cinderella and we are not saying it isn’t hard to be single again. Quite the contrary.

So how do we slow down, survive, and better yet, thrive well as superwomen? First, we must stop pretending our lives are the same as before divorce, death of a spouse, or the harsh reality of struggling as a single mom. They aren’t and that’s a good thing or will be eventually after a necessary period of grief and readjustment we all go through. Really, we promise. Secondly, the time comes when we suddenly realize we have the freedom to organize our lives exactly as we wish. There is no person we have to check-in with or get permission from.

“Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.” -- Linus Mundy, Slow-down Therapy

To get more specific on the How portion of this real-life story, we offer seven ideas, suggestions, and questions to work with even though we know each one of us have a unique life unlike any other. Think about these and add or subtract wherever appropriate.

1. What is the one thing that needs changing immediately? Work on answers.
2. Stress is a killer. Find one peaceful moment each day to recharge.
3. We can ask a friend, family, or neighbor for help and support.
4. What hobby or career have we always wanted to begin?
5. Experiment with “fasting” from TV, Facebook, or Twitter for several days.
6. Stay healthy. For energy start walking around the block or at the gym.
7. Join a women’s Bible study group during the week.         

Who Created All This Beauty?

Here’s a thought: why did God spend time to create our beautiful physical world? Was He required to make 7,500 varieties of apples in the world? Or 4 million different species of flowers? No, He wasn't. As we see it, He simply delighted in variety, detail, and beauty. And how about people? Oh, my! How He loves each one of us no matter where we are or what we are doing to love the life He gave us. Let’s not waste it and then wonder where all our days went.

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. …So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can” (Ecclesiastes 3:11a-12 NLT).

How to Find Peace, Quiet, And Calm Sleep

My own bed! 

Nothing is more welcome for most people than getting into our own bed between cool, clean sheets and a super soft pillow (or two or three). Cuddling up inside a cozy blanket and closing our eyes to block out the world. We drift away into dreamland intending to enjoy seven or eight hours of calm and quiet. Perfect serenity!

That is one version of the ideal night so we can wake up refreshed and ready to go in the morning. But so many women struggle with making this happen on a regular and repeated basis including this blog writer! Aside from the aggravation of not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep, there are some serious health issues we should understand. 

If we drag through our day at work (or home) and doze off at inappropriate times, or we are unable to look our best because we had no energy to get ready for school or work, we might recognize the many symptoms of insomnia.     

What's the big deal about sleep? 
We might feel that our four hours of restless sleep is adequate because we've been doing that for months. But a good night's sleep encourages restoration and healing for our body. If we feel like we can't remember anything from the staff meeting at work, and we forget to pick up our toddler from the babysitter, this lack of sleep may be on its way to becoming a huge health issue.

The Women's Health organization puts this issue into a "nutshell" for us: "Sleep is essential for good health. During sleep, our bodies and brains repair themselves. Some research suggests our brains use the time during sleep to clear away toxins that build up during the day. Sleep is also important for our ability to learn and form memories. Not getting enough sleep puts people at risk for health problems, including high blood pressure, obesity, and depression." Click on the following link to learn more: Women's Health 

That's me!

Lack of time and sleep

Maybe a more comprehensive list would help us come to a conclusion of insomnia so we can speak to our physician for a diagnosis. So let's try and honestly check off any of the following symptoms. And then click on the following Mayo Clinic link for more information: Better Sleep   

• Difficulty falling asleep at night
• Waking up during the night
• Waking up too early
• Not feeling well-rested after a night's sleep
• Daytime tiredness or sleepiness
• Irritability, depression or anxiety
• Difficulty paying attention, focusing on tasks or remembering
• Increased errors or accidents
• Ongoing worries about sleep

Tips to try at home
There are many things we can try for our lack of sleep before we see our doctor for a prescription. Women's Health hits the nail on the head with these suggestions. [Again click on their link above for more ideas]:

• Try to go to sleep at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. 
• Do not nap longer than 30 minutes (nor after 3pm)
• Get outside every day for some natural light.
• One-two hours before bedtime, avoid computer screens, mobile phones, or televisions. No electronic devices in the bedroom. [Hard to break the habit but really works!]
• Follow a regular, relaxing routine at the same time each night when you get ready for bed.
• Go to bed only after winding down and when you are ready to sleep. Do not read in bed, listen to music, or do other activities that engage your mind and keep you awake.
• Keep your bedroom dark, quiet, and cool for sleeping. Use a sleep mask or light-blocking curtains. Use earplugs, a fan, or a white noise machine or app on your phone to block out sounds. [Love this one!]
• Do not drink alcohol, caffeine, or use nicotine for at least five hours before bedtime.
• Get regular physical activity during the daytime. Exercise or physical activity close to bedtime, or anytime in the five or six hours before sleeping, can make it harder to fall asleep.
• Do not eat heavy meals or drink a lot of liquids two to three hours before bed.
• If you still cannot sleep after about 15 minutes of getting into bed and turning out the light, get out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy.
• See your doctor or a sleep specialist if you think that you have insomnia or another sleep problem.

Mind if I sleep now?

Where's the switch?
It seems like our minds are like little machines that someone forgot to turn off the switch. So we have to ask, WHO created and controls our mind? You may or may not know that the One and Only true God created every little piece of us inside and out. 

So, it is obvious that our very first suggestion or tip for improving our sleep habits has to do with speaking to the One who knows us completely--our Creator! He understands our difficulties with this problem. God is just waiting for us to open a conversation with Him. He only requires that we ask for His help. Let's try that tonight and every night. We might really be surprised how well God will react in our favor!

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 NLT).

Ready for Something Different This Year?

Three Wise Men Bring Gifts

Christmas can be celebrated anywhere in many individual ways. It isn't a requirement to participate in all the demanding shopping and gift-giving. It's simply about the birth of Jesus. So, we are here to say, it is absolutely okay to take a break and skip all the commercial "hoop-la" this year if one chooses. The first year as a single-again woman takes some getting used to and a quiet Christmas is good for our souls.  


Sure many of our friends and relatives who can't imagine what we are going through will gasp at the change in our plans for this one year. They might think something else is truly wrong with us. Eventually, they will understand we are just adjusting, not dropping out of the human race! Christmas will simply be on a smaller scale than usual. 


What Does a Quiet Christmas Look Like?
We are definitely not speaking of hibernating in a closet and never coming out until mid-January! Celebrating the best quiet Christmas ever could look like:

• attending dinner with one favorite person instead of joining a massive holiday party with all the background noise 

• shopping online instead of fighting the crowds at the mall

• putting up a tabletop tree instead of spending energy decorating & wrestling with a ceiling-high tree

• using candles and a Nativity set instead of decorating the entire house

Candlelight Service

• Taking a friend to candlelight church service instead of baking 20 pies at the last minute out of guilt

• reading the Christmas story with a niece/nephew while their parents go out

• completely getting away on a little side trip by ourselves

Changing the way we do things now is the way to be strengthened. We can be healed from all the pain, sorrow and worry just by taking care of ourselves; by quietly listening to the God Who loves us beyond a doubt and gave us a special Christmas gift! 

Something Different

There is no way to hear Him speak to us unless we remain quiet. The noise and chaos in the world definitely drowns out His voice. May we suggest you take some special quiet time for yourself and spend it with the One who is anxious to give you a gift of "Comfort and Joy?" We all certainly need that kind of Love! 

"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. . .And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6 NLT).

Making the Most of the Day After THE Day

It's the day after. . . It's over, but just beginning. We may not have gotten all we wanted in the agreement of our disagreement, but it is our life. It is what it is. No sense stomping our feet. Ban the worry. Kick the fear. Shatter the feeling. Drown the overwhelming dread. This is our life and better yet, this is a fresh start. We want to keep the momentum going (after all, a moving object is hard to destroy, right?).

Contemplations

So to ease up and take a much needed break, nothing is more encouraging than sitting before a sunrise or sunset (depending on if you are a morning or evening kind of woman) while reflecting on:

The reasons why we are blessed with this fresh start:

1. It’s a surprising wake-up call

2. Offers to us a brand new day with new mercies

3. Bestows hope for all things

4. Gives us reason to jump up with joy

5. It's God's love-gift to us

6. Perfectly colors our world

7. Keeps us humble

8. Provides peace to our mind, body and soul

9. Reminds us of our Creator

10. Primary subject of artistic expression

11. Can share it, but not lose it

12. What dreams are made of

13. Best movie endings
14. Brings a release of tears

15. Leaves us with ideas for tomorrow

16. Conclusion to a wonderful day

17. Proof God is alive and in control

These are only seventeen reasons to be grateful. Obviously, there are many, many more we could fill our journals with--in fact, go ahead and try it. Taking a break is a highly avoided activity, but it's no reason for any kind of guilt. Breaks are actually an excellent form of free personal therapy! Without a regular habit of stillness and contemplation to calm our minds, we will never hear from God.

The Clamor is Deafening!

Too many of us have said, "I never hear from God." Could it be because we live in constant noise and chaos? God is gentle. He whispers. He listens. He is patient. Thank Him for that alone! And for bringing us this far.

We can find a favorite, quiet place to go to and carve out a time to spend with Him. For most of us, this place is in the outdoors. It could be near a river or creek, a hillside, a park, a forest, or even our backyard, porch, balcony, or living room. Someplace. Somewhere. He is waiting to spend time with each of us. Can you hear Him now?

“Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, 'This is the way you should go,' whether to the right or to the left" Isaiah 30:21 NLT.