7 Sure Steps to Finding Out Who You Are

No matter what kind of relationship interruption we have survived, we can and usually do recover with time. Likely, it took more than a "minute" to arrive at such a decision with so many factors to consider. There were the days, months, or even years trying to mend the brokenness to no avail. It wore us out. 

So, it stands to reason, it will take a season or more to restore our lives; to hit the refresh button on life. Exactly how long depends on many things, including how long we were a couple. There is no need to rush it. In fact, that's probably the worst thing we could do at this point. That doesn't mean we should just stop living, but we can learn to be gentle with ourselves. 

Standing in the Storm

Time is a remarkable healer, repairing our minds and souls from the inside out. If we slow down just a bit and allow it, time--combined with patience, persistence, and prayer--will supply all the tools to build a foundation that will stand in a storm.

Of course, first things first. We must secure what our future income looks like (savings, employment, alimony, etc.) and then explore housing options (family home, new home, a move, etc.) Once the basics are in place, everything else can wait for now.

What could make the rest of the healing period less stressful is finding and using our talents and gifts. The ones we have forgotten about, but still have; those we were born with and haven't used. It is not selfish to take care of ourselves in this way. Call it an indulgence if you will, but it is a necessity. 

Just like our health, if we don't do something about what is bothering us, we will suffer. And we are the only ones who have the insight to care for what we need at this point; the only ones who know what we want. We can call on others for support and should, but we can't expect anyone else to find the key to our happiness.   

Seven Sure Steps

Let's look at these seven steps for discovering who we are deep down inside. In experimenting with some of these ideas, we can unlock the door to our future and find our God-given purpose. Feel free to add to these in your own words.

1. When we admit what we really want to do with our future, our confidence grows.
2.  We discover the possibilities open to us--maybe for the first time--and find faith.
3.  We begin a pattern of lifetime growth and learning, which creates joy.
4.  We let go of fear, skepticism, and failure; in the process, we discover love.  
5.  We find connection with others who are in the same boat and let go of loneliness.
6.  We build a community of support and find strength.
7.  We reach out to others, share our experience, and claim abundance.

Hitting the Mark

The best way to recognize our true potential is by reading the Bible. Why is that true? Because God created each one of us and it’s how He speaks to us. He knows us inside and out and has all the answers about our future no matter what we have done or not done in the past. He still loves us!

If you haven't found a church home yet, don't wait. They usually hold regular classes to help with the search, discovery, and understanding of our spiritual gifts.  

Because we are unique, we all have different needs to begin our journey. But we all have gifts that God graced us with and, no matter what age or status we find ourselves in right now, we can determine exactly what that gift is and how we will use it. When we do that, we have hit the mark!

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. 1 Corinthians 12:4

 

 

Where Can You Find Joy and Satisfaction?

Email surplus 

Sometimes our best days at work can go wrong and cause embarrassment if we are not careful. “Carelessness got the best of this employee. Working as a defense contractor, they [the company] wanted to invite their team to a New Year's Eve party but, unfortunately, the invitation got sent to the wrong group of people.

“They realized their mistake when they started getting replies like 'Am stationed in Italy but will try to make it'. Turns out they had sent the e-vite to a Navy client list whose name was one letter different from their team's. The NYE invitation had been sent to 7,000 sailors.” [as reported by careeraddict.com]

Several funny and sometimes unfortunate events can happen to us the longer we are employed in the work world. It’s just not possible to survive long without collecting some really personal stories. If we are smart enough to save these types of incidents in a file of some sort, then when we retire, we would have enough material to write a book!

What’s the Matter?

Aside from such amusing and absurd situations (we all need to laugh at ourselves now and then), there is nothing funny about getting into the habit of comparing ourselves to others at our workplace, in our families, and our neighborhoods. We need to remember every one of us has unique qualities, gifts, and personalities that suit us and only us.

Unlike a friend in the next office, class, or block, our abilities are different for a reason and for a different purpose. We don’t do ourselves any favors trying to imitate others—in fact, it is self-Destructive with a capital D. Each woman is special and gifted with numerous and exciting traits even if we don’t know what those are right now.

If we become frustrated, perturbed, and unhappy with our lives, it may be an indication we have been comparing ourselves with someone who appears to have everything figured out. Someone who has already accomplished what we want and has moved on to her next goal. We ask ourselves, Why not me? What’s the matter with me?

The answer is we have convinced ourselves that we are in the same category as that other person which is probably not true. Remember, we are each unique. So, we have our own niche to work towards but are unable to discover it because we are too busy looking at the other person. If we are trying to live her life and not our own, we will continually suffer from a distorted view of what we can or cannot accomplish. That leads to a dead end.                    

Plain and Practical Directions

Since we have moved (willingly or not) into a new single-again life (divorced, widowed, or single mom), it’s important to investigate and discover clues about ourselves and our abilities. Taking time to do this will lead to a very satisfying life. We are not saying it will be easy, but it will turn us around so we can see straight ahead.

Addition Blocks

The following seven questions will get us thinking and bring answers we may have never considered before today. This is an important building block for anyone wanting an enjoyable and successful life. Journal the answer to each one as it will lead to more insight:

1. What dreams are burning inside your thoughts?
2. What one thing needs to change for your dream to begin?
3. Describe your ideal environment (house/job/city etc.)
4. Is there a college class you need to take?
5. What did you like to do when you were a child?
6. What habit could be changed for the better?
7. Name one or two friends who are nurturing to you.

“Understand that the what must come before the how. First, choose what you would do. The how usually falls into place of itself.” (Julia Cameron, the Artist’s Way).

A Lifetime of Happiness

Everything happens for a reason and for a purpose. The Creator of the entire Universe knows us better than anyone. Even ourselves. What is even more exciting is God already has a plan for us and is anxious to help us acquire just the right skills, tools, and connections for a lifetime of happiness!    

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (Galatians 6:4-5 NLT).

Who Are You?

Most of us want to be considered as a unique individual. We all know those who have stood out in history like Jackie Kennedy (First Lady), Janet Guthrie (first woman to drive in the Indy 500), or Sandra Day O'Connor (first woman on Supreme Court). We've perhaps known a teacher, who in her spare time became a New York Times best-selling author, a neighbor who won an award for her special recipe key lime pie, or a female Air Force pilot who teaches aeronautical engineering at night.           

Many of us admire our own personal heroes. And some of us may even wish to imitate them because they are so different than anyone else. We forget that what we have inside is just as special and unique as the next woman out there that becomes another Kathryn Bigelow, first woman to win the Oscar for Best Director for the movie, The Hurt Locker (2010 film about the Baghdad war).     

Where is the delete button?

How about those of us who follow the crowd without even thinking? We try becoming a clone of someone we are not, nor never could be, perhaps simply because of our inherent personality or one of many other reasons. Not everyone was meant to be a pilot or a Supreme Court justice.  

We know our current lives have changed drastically through marital discord, and it may not feel as comfortable to be who we once were anymore. We want at times to just hit the delete button on our lives. But since that is not possible, we try to escape and pretend we are someone else. This can happen when we go to the extreme with a total body make-over, forcing our personalities to change, or pushing ourselves into a career that will never make us happy. There is nothing wrong with improvement by any means, but we must know who we are first to make that happen the right way. 

Honesty=Happiness

Our dreams can get seriously side-tracked when we attempt becoming someone we are not. All this striving to change our identity is rarely satisfying or fulfilling and sometimes even dangerous. It eventually even feels a bit dishonest. However, we don’t need to agonize over our lives; God knows what's going on with us. He has already made each one of us uniquely different on purpose and for our purpose. He has a plan!   

It's surprising, but recent studies have even shown the DNA of some identical twins differ. It's a fact, there is no one exactly like us! Our goal is simply to find out how to become us without copying everyone else and their behavior. If we seek God’s will and allow Him to transform our thinking in all we do and say, we will join God in His perfect plan for our lives. In the end, He gets all the credit because we can't do it without Him. And that's something to celebrate!

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" Romans 12:2 NLT