Moving on to a Happier Place

Thankfully, our days are created in twenty-four-hour segments. If they were any longer, we may not be able to handle all of it. Of course, we wish we had more hours in the day to get all the things on our To-Do lists done. But that is much like driving on one of those round-about traffic circles and not being able to get off.

Circles can be scary. Think of all those carnival rides that spin so fast our heads feel like exploding. Circular saws are dangerous enough to cut a finger off. And Merry-Go-Rounds on playgrounds can cause injuries. Where are the beginning and the end? That is how our days go when we do nothing but worry about the next thing we need to do, or what will happen if we don’t get somewhere, or what is happening with our children when really, they are just fine.

It seems there are thousands of things we constantly worry about without stopping. The trouble with that kind of thinking is the worries just pile up one upon the other from each day. Today we are still worrying about all the things we didn’t solve yesterday. Add that to today’s problems, plus start stressing over tomorrow’s fears, and “bingo” we have a major breakdown in the making.

Getting in the Right Lane

The good news is we always have a choice! We can choose a different way to handle our daily anxieties and stop our nagging minds from calling out for attention. It’s a habit we’ve created, or grown up with, that finally causes us enough pain that we want to do something about it.

Just as in solving any personal problem, it takes courage to change our lives for the better. We’ve already seen that take place in our lives when we moved on from one bad situation to a happier place. And there were plenty of worries one after another to handle, many times on our own. But we did it--we are here and thriving!

Our new lives can continue to improve if, with determination, we choose to find an answer to the worry that plagues us. It’s simply annoying and, instead of helping us to get things done as we might think, worry distracts us from accomplishing what we intend to do in the first place.

We are not saying that there will never be anything in our lives to care about again. Of course, there will be. But there is a difference between worry--which solves nothing and keeps us on that never-ending round-about--and concern, which involves us in the solution of a problem, either our own or another’s. Concern causes us to be troubled enough to get up and do something. And even to help someone find their own answer.

Slow It Down

So, how do we begin to change the pattern? First, we have to understand many of the worries we have are (wo)man-made. We load our days with way too many things to do. We get in a rush and cause accidents. We chase after more money and more things to keep up with the neighbors. We get in the way of the lives of others. Consider these:

• Prioritize our To-Do lists A (most important) to C (least important/backburner).
• Plan appointments allowing enough time for each. Don’t pile them up like blocks. It’s okay to say “No” when necessary.
• Simplify our homes, finances, and wants (which are different than needs).
• Listen and support those we care about but allow them to handle their own problems.

Final Step

We have the perfect cure for all our worries and that is God Himself. He already has a plan for our lives, and He waits for us to stop stressing and trust Him, so He can send us blessings. Every single problem we face, He has the solution for us in the Bible. All we really need to be concerned about is our souls, rather than the cares of the world.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:34 NLT).

 

How Will You Make Your Life Count?

There are some who have built up enough courage to attempt the sport of rock climbing. Indoor or outdoor, climbing is a vertical risk (combined with horizontal moves), but it does offer fitness and fun with a heavy dose of adrenaline. Done right, a beginner will seek out instruction and a guide first. And, yes, as in any sport, there is certain equipment to obtain like special climbing shoes, helmets, harnesses, carabiners, ropes, and chalk for a good grip. Oh, and do not forget the crash pads!   

Then there are those of us who would rather keep our limbs intact for a while and stick to ground sports. Whichever method of exercise we could choose, there is always some degree of risk and, therefore, we need to get instruction and then practice, practice, practice. Our bodies cannot stay healthy without some kind of movement. We were made that way to last a lifetime.

Our Choice

Our hearts and minds are also fragile, inner parts to take care of. We have been through enough heartache to become experts at recognizing when we need to take a deep breath, seek out a friend, and just sit down and talk. We owe ourselves that much.

Nowhere does it say we have to go, go, go as if we are on a never-ending treadmill. It is not only okay to slow it down and take a break, but also strongly recommended that we do it for our own sanity. Let us just understand that it takes some time to be able to live on our own successfully. To figure out what to do and when to do it.

Establishing a daily routine will help. One reason why we cannot get out of bed at times is because there is no reason to put our feet on the floor. It’s just simpler to stay under the covers since we have nothing to do, no one else to take care of, no purpose, and no short or long-term goals.

True, making breakfast for one is not necessarily exciting. But it does not have to be that way. Vary the kind of food for each day if that sounds like fun. Once a month or more, try eating out with a friend and sharing coffee and conversation. Whatever it takes so we can look forward to the day will be worth the effort.

Basic “Take Care” Instructions

There are many ways to get our adrenaline going each day. Start with a basic routine and build excitement into it little by little. Do not just sit around and let everyone else have all the fun!

• Soon as the feet hit the floor, drink eight ounces of room temperature water to get organs moving (with lemon, if wanted). Set it out the night before. Remember, ice cold water causes the body to work harder to warm it up to internal body temperature.  
• Try a new soap and jump in the shower to wake up while the coffee/tea is brewing.
• Easy breakfast: protein bar or cheese plus a favorite fruit. Really, it is the most important meal of the day to avoid “crashing” mid-morning.
• Check your calendar, digital day planner, or whatever device is available to keep a schedule of daily activities. This is imperative even if unemployed at the moment.    

Build in the Fun!

• Sign up for Zumba, hiking, biking, or join a swim class to train the body to move.
• Plan a lunch with a friend once a month.
• Add restful activities like cooking, baking, an art class, or book club.
• Balance life by volunteering at a non-profit organization to help someone in need.    

There are so many things to do with ourselves now that we are free to enjoy the good things. Once we learn we are able to create a new and different life, we will not have time to spend an extra minute in bed.

No Fear

There is absolutely no reason to fear anything we want to do. We have a heavenly Father who will guide us and keep us safe. God enjoys seeing us use the gifts He has freely given us. He also gave us the most important gift of spending eternity with Him when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. So, see. . .He has our backs!

“But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever” (Psalm 73:2, 23, 26 NLT).

 

Are We Ready to Make the Hard Choices?

When someone is smart, we call them “wise as an owl.” But when referring to a person in that manner, we could make an enemy really quick. That is because owls--according to those who work with them--know the owl cannot be trained to do even the simplest of tasks. Unlike parrots, hawks, pigeons, or even our parakeets, who all can be taught to do a variety of amazing feats, owls are what we might lovingly refer to as simple-minded, as in unable to be trained or to learn anything.

Without even knowing, we have often used this common phrase solely based on how the owl species look. It is all in their extremely large eyes compared to the size of their much smaller head. They just look like they are focusing and paying attention to us, so we equate that with intelligence. Especially when they have to turn their entire head to look at something!

Using 100 Percent

There are many, many things we do not know about a lot of things. Most of us can readily admit to that concept, even though there has always been a myth that we only use ten percent of our brains. Actually, numerous scientists have proved otherwise. Recently, John Henley, a neurologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, stated, "Evidence would show over a day you use 100 percent of the brain". It is just that at any one time during the day, we may only use ten percent!

Why Should We Care?

Nothing is more distasteful than a person who constantly tries to point out his/her knowledge on every single subject. It seems they lack perhaps not intelligence, but a sense of humility in all things. They seem to have lost the ability to judge their own importance.

We may have experienced this type of person in our last relationship. Nothing we did or said made any difference to him at all. Our values and opinions were unimportant, and we were made to feel small. This may not have just happened in our home; it may have happened at the place where we worked or with friends and even family.

The truth is that cleverness and what we call “smarts” are considered the most attractive in the world. We see it in the news, sitcoms, and movies all the time. It makes for superb entertainment ratings. Now do not misunderstand. We are definitely not talking about authentic education and earning well-deserved degrees with accolades. That is certainly to be rewarded!

The subjects here are the antics and nonsense that go on with someone who is trying to convince others of how much they know. Making sure we understand that they are right and there is no discussion of the matter. They get the last word above all. Those of us who have been through such a petulant relationship, know we have to make the hard choices.

God’s WORD is Our Truth

The only One who truly knows our value is Jesus. He is the Humble One who loves us beyond all imagination. Be assured He was right there when we were being beaten down, cheated on, and tossed out. He got us to where we are now--standing on our own two feet ready to have Him as our only Master.

Know that we are not owls. . .we are God’s W.O.R.D.: Women of Renewed Devotion (c)!

“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, ‘He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness’ ” (1 Corinthians 3:19 NLT).

 

 

 

9 Ways to Make All Wrongs Right

Hate is never the answer to hate. History has proven this truth over and over. Yet there are those who still allow extreme, out-of-control emotions to fill themselves with hostility leading to violent attacks and aggression toward others. And, yes, sadly, loss of someone's life is almost always a part of it.     

“On a day like today, there are many directions we can go in our prayer...We can be in sorrow, in anger even...including anger at God for letting something like this happen." Instead, El Paso Rev Mike Lewis urged them [funeral attendees] to "have faith and to love one another, especially those who are hard to love.” (www.latimes.com)

Making Good Decisions Better

Let's be clear, though, and not get the wrong idea. In no way does God ever cause the hatred that can destroy others. Only pure evil lashing out with arms of fire can cause such violence.

“Scripture shows that God did not create evil and does not promote it; rather, it describes God’s actions in combating it. God limits the impact of evil, warns us of the dangers of evil, acts to stop the spread of evil, gives us an escape from evil, and will eventually defeat evil forever." [gotquestions.org] 

Something many people do not understand is the free will God willingly gives each one of us. He gave us that gift of free will because he loves us and wants us to make good decisions that will benefit our lives and those we love and that he cares about (which is everyone he has created). Never would God want us to use free will as part of a plan to kill others! 

Choices, Challenges, and Changes

How about our own choices and decisions since we became single-again women? It's understandable our own emotions were running high while dealing with all the challenges required to get to a better place in our lives. The shift in marital status alone may have caused a change of living arrangements, school (for both us and/or our children), new friends or a new job, and certainly finances. All stress-caused emotions. It certainly wasn’t easy looking in the mirror each morning at someone we didn’t even recognize. We've all been there in one way or another. We changed. We are still changing. Hopefully for the better.

However, it’s possible we are still not in a good place. Our lives are crawling very slowly, and they are not quite where we want them to be. We haven’t moved out of the anxiety phase and may even be heading towards depression. How many times have we pulled the covers over our heads in the morning? Pretended to exist solely on potato chips, cookies, and ice cream just because we couldn’t find the energy to cook a decent meal? It happens and is quite common but tolerated only to a certain degree. Eventually either we move or some outside force will move us. What we don’t want is watching our lives get buried in the mundane.  

Rather than ignoring all these unhealthy symptoms, it’s time to gain some momentum. We know we cannot change others around us (we’ve tried!), nor can they change us. We are the only ones who can do the changing and isn’t that a good thought? We finally get to create our lives exactly the way we want them. Something that may have held us back so far is thinking we need to re-create our old lives and we just don’t know where to begin. Frankly, that is the number one major stumbling block because our old life is gone. It's like trying to fix something without any workable parts. Our new life is here right now! And that is exciting because we are not going to re-create anything—we are going to start fresh.    

Get ready to have some fun! Here are nine ideas or suggestions that will set our feet in motion. Try one or all of them:

Choices – 

Adopt that new pet we’ve always wanted

Join a club (i.e., health, art, book) and make new friends

Pick a non-profit organization and volunteer

Challenges – 

Turn a hobby into a new business

Take a class in computer graphics, French, or cooking

Write a book (memoir, children’s, etc)

Changes – 

Move to a new neighborhood or state

Get a new hairdo, including color

Adopt a new nutrition plan and get healthier

It’s Simple: Love God and Love Others

Are we the one who can help lessen the impact of evil? Sounds difficult, but God obviously gave us the freedom of choice and gifts/talents to use. If we can find just one little way to show love to a neighbor or a stranger in need, it’s a start. We can decide to do our part. Will we?

“God has provided the one and only means to make all wrongs right.” Part of that plan is to accept Him as Lord and Savior and then help another to do the same before it's too late. “One day, God’s plan to defeat and destroy evil [sin] will be fully complete.” [gotquestions.org]

"The world's sin is unbelief in me" (John 16:9 NLT).

 

How to Conquer Seven Destructive Invaders

Best Fall Colors

Roots may start small but, eventually--with loving care, pampering, and feeding--they grow into beautiful plants, flowers, or a tree in our yard. It's a slow process, but watching the progress is quite satisfying and soon we see the lush result of our efforts.

Sometimes, especially for those of us who are not gardeners, the plants start wilting, turn brown and ugly, and never grow into anything beautiful. It's like a poison that invades the entire root and we are not even aware of the cause!

Our Roots Are Growing!

Since we are now on our own as single-again women, we have the fantastic choice of starting a beautiful "garden" with our lives. Yes, we do understand it's extremely difficult to even think about what to do or how to do it at this point. So, we ask ourselves, what if I just don't do anything? What if I just sit here all day long twirling my thumbs? What if I use the time to start blaming others for my problems?

Those certainly are choices too. We can just stop caring for ourselves and allow our "roots" to stop growing. No one is saying we can't do that if we desire. But it will require one thing. It will require that we admit we have given up. If we believe that hopeless thought, then inertia will take control of our lives and nothing good will sprout in us. We are still breathing, but not thriving. Existing, but unable to move. We need nourishment so we can grow!

The point here is that we are stronger than all those moments of disappointments, abuse (physical or emotional), resentments, and pain. We are here, aren't we? Regardless of what we think about what happened to us, we have not given up by any means! We have fought with everything we have in us to get to this point. Our roots are growing, slowly maybe, but growing nonetheless! Congratulations, sister!

Seven Destructive Invaders

Friendly Invader

One simple truth about gardens is they require constant weeding or unpleasant things begin to flourish. Our lives are like that too. After what we have been through, we most certainly will need to clear all the harmful and destructive invaders to free ourselves completely.  

Think about the following "invaders or poisonous weeds." We have all had them spring up into our hearts, sometimes repeatedly. The Bible says we have a spiritual "thief" (enemy) who will destroy us if we don’t pay attention. So, take these seven invaders seriously:

Bitterness

Disappointment

Resentment

Grudges

Jealousy

Conflict/Arguments
Hatred

[Please note: If any of these feelings bother you to the point of destruction, please speak immediately with a counselor.]

God plainly says, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT). In other words, He is our answer.

A Flourishing and Glorious Garden

There is solid help available both in this world and from God, our Heavenly Father. He provides us a Helper called the Holy Spirit to guide us through all the "destructive invaders" so we can create a flourishing and glorious garden. One beautiful Truth to hang onto is: we will receive many blessings if we seek God instead of listening to the thief/enemy.  

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many" (Hebrews 12:15 NLT).

Seasons of Growing

We all have preferences on how to do certain things, especially in our own homes. Some women want absolutely nothing sitting on top of the bare kitchen counters creating a type of minimalist room, while others might want to put away the small appliances but display their most beautiful canisters for aesthetic reasons. It makes them happy!

Maybe we like decorating with lots of colors and our neighbor next door enjoys a neutral black and white palette. A crazy “fad” in the 1960s showed up in homes to cover all one’s living room furniture in clear plastic! Sticky in the summer and cold in the winter to sit on kept not only the dirt off the couch but also any house guests! Truly, choice makes the world an interesting place, indeed.      

The one personal choice that seems so amusing—or maybe irritating to some—is whether to place bathroom toilet paper in the “over” or the “under” position! How many of us can admit shaking our heads while visiting a home that displayed the opposite of what we prefer in our bathroom? Or the same situation at a place of business. Have you ever actually changed that roll to the other side thinking someone incorrectly placed it? Okay, it’s always great to have something to laugh about. Go right ahead, it will feel great!  

Blooms of Every Kind

The truth is personal choices are not always so humorous. When we were much younger, and maybe not very mature, we all made plenty of mistakes. Everything from skipping classes in college (or even dropping out for no good reason) to reckless drinking and driving, quitting a good job, getting married too young or buying a car or larger house than we could afford. The list is endless.

We’ve all been there in varying degrees and activities. And we learned. Eventually, we learned to do what was right, even if it took us years. Isn’t that where we are right now? As single-again women, we have made necessary decisions to better our lives. Our choices haven’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but we can find joy in new beginnings.

Of course, we still have plenty to learn because life is a continual teacher. If we keep an open mind, a warm heart, and an energetic spirit, our lives will flourish like a well-watered garden. This is no time to sit back and do nothing. 

Assuming we want to thrive and prosper, it will require effort every single day. There used to be a lovable saying that appeared on all sorts of decorative items that could apply here: Bloom where you are planted. Our “garden” may be in a different location now, but with tender love and care, we can grow both “annuals” for one season and “perennials” that last for a very long time. Here are some “seeds” to get us going:  

                     

“Annuals”

Taking community college classes

Seasonal work to supplement income

Downsizing our home

Visiting a salon and getting a new look

“Perennials”

Improving our health

Asking for that promotion

Establishing a monthly budget

Finding/joining a church home

Coming and Going

Whatever choices we need to make to get where we want to go, it can’t and won’t happen by ourselves. If we want our lives to improve at all, we need a Gardener for life. God is the One who cares about us coming and going, over and under, past, present and future, beginning to end. He is the Vine, we are the branches and we need His nourishment every single day: fall, winter, spring, and summer.

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more” John 15:1-2 NLT.