How to Make the Next Chapter of Our Lives Better

Living in Montana while in high school, there were many school days that were so frigid outdoor temperatures were reported at negative fifty-two degrees! There just was not enough clothing to put on to stay warm. People native to Montana somewhat expect such cold weather.  

But this winter, it seems the news of horrific weather has dropped into Texas of all places. “Snow fell in east Texas, with wind chills reaching minus sixteen degrees Fahrenheit in Dallas. At least parts of all 254 counties in Texas were under either a winter storm watch or a winter storm warning…2.6 million people in Texas were experiencing power blackouts.” [Yuliya Talmazan, NBC News, 2/15/2021]

Not all of us live in such ultra-cold places, however, everyone lives in a state where some kind of extreme weather occurs during the course of a year. If it is not cold, it is heat as in 134 degrees air temperature in Greenland Ranch, CA, more than a century ago (renamed Furnace Creek, rightly so, where the highest recorded ground surface temperature on Earth was recorded at 201 degrees in 1972!). The somewhat “cooler” 128 degrees was recorded in Lake Havasu City, AZ, in 1994. [World Almanac 2021, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.; and National Geographic Concise Atlas of the World, Fourth Edition, 2016].

Our Response Matters

Living a contented life can be challenging if we do not resist complaining all the time. What exactly will frustrate our plans in life is a guessing game. Weather, location, travel, jobs, schools, friends, and sometimes family are all contenders. Annoyances, aggravations, and even anger can cause many of us to want to scream.

For the most part, we cannot effectively influence what other people do, but we can control our response and how we feel. In a world that tends to speed through every twenty-four-hour period rarely stopping for a pause like a Nascar racer trying to break the track record, burnout is usually the result. Many a professional athlete “retires” from his/her sport before reaching the age of 40!

Of course, when we are young (and sometimes reckless or foolish), we wrongly believe (a) we will live forever and (b) no harm will ever slow us down. One of these choices is certainly not ever true and the other choice is, well, perhaps somewhat true if we are fortunate.

Each decade of our lives brings us closer to realizing we are--“oh, my stars” --speeding, just like the racecar driver, to our final performance! We suddenly embrace a great need to accomplish things we never got around to doing. We guess that is where the idea of a “bucket list” first came about in the world (or it could have been the two men who encouraged us in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List).

Sheer Determination

We are not trying to say every woman has missed meeting her goals or is lacking in any sort of professional arena. On the contrary, we undoubtedly notice, rarely do we ever sit down or sit still no matter what season of life we are navigating. It takes a great bit of energy, stamina, and sheer determination to juggle more than one job at a time just to pay the bills, go to night school, or raise a family of four or five by ourselves.

These types of situations may have held us back for the time being, but women are notorious for never giving up! Why else would one of us walk into a college freshman biology class at age twenty-four just to get a degree before age thirty? Or spend an entire day in the college library?

We know that we know that we know it can be done! Most of the heartaches, headaches, and hindrances we already experienced were all part of building a life of endurance and superb character so we could make the next chapter of our lives even better. We have not missed anything. We are right where we are supposed to be today. So, let’s go for it!

Our Plan and Purpose is Waiting

We were created with much love by the one and only true God who created the entire Universe. He knows what we know, and He knows what we do not yet know. This is why He is smiling down on us and is thrilled to see us not giving up because He has a certain plan and purpose for us that we have not achieved.

We can surely talk to Him daily and let Him know how grateful we are that He is our caring and loving heavenly Father and our Guide for life.

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night” (Genesis 8:22 NLT).

 

Truth, Trust, and Tenacity for a Better You

Water--very, very deep water—can be terrifying, especially to someone who can not swim! The deepest ocean is the Pacific at 14,040 feet and covers over 60 million square miles according to The World Almanac 2021. It is the stuff Hollywood movies are still famous for such as “Jaws” (1975), “The Perfect Storm” (2000), and even Disney’s “Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea” (1954).

Of course, thrill-seeking surfers travel the world looking for the largest waves they can find. A Brazilian surfer in 2017 conquered an eighty-foot wave at Nazare, Portugal, and broke a record (nationalgeographic.com). Think he was terrified? Probably not for long.

A Better You is on the Horizon

It takes a lot of faith and practice to accomplish something like surfing. Our single-again world is probably much tamer but still requires plenty of faith on our part. When we first find ourselves alone (much different than lonely), we may feel lost and a little shaky. It is new to us. It is something we most likely have never done before. We have no idea what to do or even where to go. All of this is normal, but, thankfully, not permanent.

Sound familiar? We understand. We know because it has happened to many, many women. It is going to take practice and plenty of courage to go after what we need to survive. But we have faith it can be done if we stick with our individual plans!

To start with, there are many friends, groups, and organizations ready and willing to help us. We are not alone. Keep saying that: I am NOT alone! And repeat--I am NOT alone! Perfect. That was Step One.

Step Two is gaining just a bit of understanding about what faith is and how to get it. It is not that hard to define, but faith is necessary if we want our lives to move forward. In simple terms, if something is true (for instance the phrase above I am NOT alone!), then it deserves our trust. It deserves to become part of us as we become a tenacious (strong) woman. It may take additional learning and more practice, but that is an abbreviated version of our faith.

Finally, Step Three—eliminating doubt--goes hand-in-hand with faith. This step is not quite as easy because it can creep up on us before we know it, but it is possible to drain it of any energy taking up space in our minds. Eventually, it will become natural for us as we become more and more certain about which direction we want to go. We will start believing in ourselves and then we will know—minus the doubt--we are riding the right “wave.”   

Deep Peace is Possible

Once faith becomes our friend and doubt is put on the back shelf, we will begin to experience a deep peace in our being. And that is what we are after. A powerful life we can call our own without the turmoil and chaos of the past.

God Himself is called the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). It is His gift to us when we decide to accept His presence in our lives. God wants nothing but the best for us even in this single-again season of life. Nothing we have ever done can cancel out any of His plans. He deeply loves us, and He proved it by giving us His Son, Jesus, who sacrificed His life so we could spend eternity in heaven with Him.

Imagine that! What a faith-full gift.

“But when you ask [for wisdom], you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6 NIV).

How to Change Our Little Corner of the World

It is easy to get worn out by so many things in life today. Stress can certainly weigh a person down. There is a story about a college professor who brought a glass of water into the classroom and asked his students how much it weighed. Most of the answers ranged from eight to sixteen ounces.

Then the professor asked what would happen if he held the glass for a few minutes, or an hour, or even a whole day without setting it down. The answer, of course, would be that it would cause aching and increasing pain in his arm causing him physical stress.

The story is much longer with details than we are not stating here [click here to read Short Story ] but the conclusion is thought-provoking. “You should not carry the stress long enough that it begins to ache and paralyze your life. It is important to let go of your stresses. Don’t carry your stress all day and always remember to put the glass down before you go to bed!”

Five “We Can” Challenges

Good advice. Stress gets to all of us at one time or another and we agree there has been more than enough over the past year whether it is the pandemic, the riots, or our pocketbooks. The tension from stress causes a change in the way we think about ourselves either for better or worse. For instance, we want to be that person who strives for peace or calm, but what do we actually produce in our personal lives? How do we act toward others?

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." -- Chinese proverb

It is easy to think all we have to do is run away from the world and hide our heads under a pillow. Just ignore what is going on around us and everything will be fine. But we admit burying our heads does not work well for long as we would, of course, suffocate!

We are looking here for some answers. What can we do? Naturally, there is no one right solution for every one of us. We are all unique individuals, but we can try to come up with a few ideas that will work overall to change our little corner of the world for the better. Perhaps we can pick out just one or two of the following suggestions to start and then add to them.

1. We can open a journal or a calendar (there are apps for both of these) and start listing where our time goes. How can we change anything if we supposedly have no time?

2. We can make a list of how we would enjoy helping someone:

• Helping a handicapped neighbor take out her garbage.
• Dog sitting for someone for a couple hours.
• Volunteering on a regular basis at a women’s shelter or pregnancy center.  
• Paying for a stranger’s groceries in line behind us.
• Offering a ride to a person’s doctor appt

3. We can start (or continue) to look for a job that is satisfying. Try in the service industry to be a real help to someone in need.

4. We can spend regular and consistent time either in the morning or evening reading one page in the Bible and reading one page in a devotional book.

5. We can challenge ourselves to be a good example to our family and friends by choosing kind words, being helpful, listening rather than talking, and watching good and wholesome TV, movies, and music videos.

The Choice is Ours

Now we see that “We can” if we really want to be the one who promotes peace, joy, and love to those around us. Do we want to see a change in the world? We ARE that change!

In case we have not thought about it in a while, remember that God will never, ever force us to do anything. We can sit back and just complain about what is going on in the world. Or we can please the Lord by taking care of each other here on earth. By the way, we need to take care of ourselves too so we will have the energy to be of help to others.

Be the change the world needs!

“Oh, that I had wings like a dove; then I would fly away and rest!” (Psalm 55:6 NLT).

“Get me out of here on dove wings; I want some peace and quiet. I want a walk in the country, I want a cabin in the woods. I’m desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather.” (Psalm 55:7-8 MSG).

 

 

How to Shape and Sculpture Something New from Something Old

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It is likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

We may fondly remember those days trying to learn all we could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it was not much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! Now what? 

Act Two

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is incredibly good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it is not always the most pleasant thing we have ever done. But it is necessary, otherwise, we remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two possible scenarios that brought us to this chapter in our lives.

(a) we have known for an exceptionally long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these cases, we probably planned in some way for the inevitable outcome. We are not saying it was any easier just because we expected it, just that we were aware. 

(b) it was a sudden, and sometimes, shocking event that caught us off-guard. In this circumstance, we may have initially panicked and/or experienced anger both of which were entirely normal. Please know having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

Discovering the Best Direction  

After the initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a fairly good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different, and we are not here to say when or how to begin a new life. We are simply here to support and encourage each other and find the best direction to go.  

We have been there through the anxiety and frustration, and hope some of these ideas may be useful in building something new:

• Take baby steps and do not be afraid to try new things.
• Grieving can be lonely, so it is okay to join a support group.
• Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.
• Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It is important for the brain.   
• Focus on healthy living and keep moving.

Keep this concept in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Reaching Out

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who might be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey.

Remember the painting called, The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo? It is a very moving depiction of how much God takes care of us. In it, God gives life to Adam by reaching out His hand and tenderly touching Adam. Did God need to do that? No. But we, and obviously Michelangelo, believe He did it with love anyway.

Hold out your hand; God will take it!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).