Seasons of Growing

We all have preferences on how to do certain things, especially in our own homes. Some women want absolutely nothing sitting on top of the bare kitchen counters creating a type of minimalist room, while others might want to put away the small appliances but display their most beautiful canisters for aesthetic reasons. It makes them happy!

Maybe we like decorating with lots of colors and our neighbor next door enjoys a neutral black and white palette. A crazy “fad” in the 1960s showed up in homes to cover all one’s living room furniture in clear plastic! Sticky in the summer and cold in the winter to sit on kept not only the dirt off the couch but also any house guests! Truly, choice makes the world an interesting place, indeed.      

The one personal choice that seems so amusing—or maybe irritating to some—is whether to place bathroom toilet paper in the “over” or the “under” position! How many of us can admit shaking our heads while visiting a home that displayed the opposite of what we prefer in our bathroom? Or the same situation at a place of business. Have you ever actually changed that roll to the other side thinking someone incorrectly placed it? Okay, it’s always great to have something to laugh about. Go right ahead, it will feel great!  

Blooms of Every Kind

The truth is personal choices are not always so humorous. When we were much younger, and maybe not very mature, we all made plenty of mistakes. Everything from skipping classes in college (or even dropping out for no good reason) to reckless drinking and driving, quitting a good job, getting married too young or buying a car or larger house than we could afford. The list is endless.

We’ve all been there in varying degrees and activities. And we learned. Eventually, we learned to do what was right, even if it took us years. Isn’t that where we are right now? As single-again women, we have made necessary decisions to better our lives. Our choices haven’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but we can find joy in new beginnings.

Of course, we still have plenty to learn because life is a continual teacher. If we keep an open mind, a warm heart, and an energetic spirit, our lives will flourish like a well-watered garden. This is no time to sit back and do nothing. 

Assuming we want to thrive and prosper, it will require effort every single day. There used to be a lovable saying that appeared on all sorts of decorative items that could apply here: Bloom where you are planted. Our “garden” may be in a different location now, but with tender love and care, we can grow both “annuals” for one season and “perennials” that last for a very long time. Here are some “seeds” to get us going:  

                     

“Annuals”

Taking community college classes

Seasonal work to supplement income

Downsizing our home

Visiting a salon and getting a new look

“Perennials”

Improving our health

Asking for that promotion

Establishing a monthly budget

Finding/joining a church home

Coming and Going

Whatever choices we need to make to get where we want to go, it can’t and won’t happen by ourselves. If we want our lives to improve at all, we need a Gardener for life. God is the One who cares about us coming and going, over and under, past, present and future, beginning to end. He is the Vine, we are the branches and we need His nourishment every single day: fall, winter, spring, and summer.

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more” John 15:1-2 NLT.          

Standing For the Answer

This week in America we are reminded of what it means to be an American. Tomorrow, September 11th is Patriot Day. The time when we stop for at least a bit of time to remember those who died or were injured on our own soil during the terrorist attacks in 2001. Later this month on Friday, September 21st, we do the same thing for National POW/MIA Recognition Day.

It’s never a time to celebrate, of course. However, these are days when we can fly our flag with its red and white stripes and 50 stars against a blue background with pride. Why is it important to observe these days? It’s knowing we still stand to support our country no matter what we have gone through in the past. We are America strong! And the men and women who fight for us each day in our military know that better than anyone. We must not ever forget those who died for us or we have no choice but to repeat the past.

Standing Strong in Conflict

In our own lives, we too may have to fight personal battles to survive. We have already been through the worst possible conflict just getting to this point. Every day can be a struggle, especially when we are on our own. It’s a complicated problem to figure out the best way to do things. So many questions yet to find answers for. What do I do next? Should I change jobs or find a job? Which way do I turn? What city do I want to live in? How do I deal with my ex-in-laws where the kids are concerned? Who gets the kids for vacations? And it goes on and on.     

But we don’t have to fight our skirmishes alone. Believe it or not, the CDC reports there are nearly 814,000 divorces currently. That figure actually seems low considering there are 2.1 million marriages. No longer is it a “secret” to be kept in the closet. Regardless, that is plenty enough to find at least a few other women in our same situation.

Join Your Heart With Others

There is simply no need to wrestle by ourselves constantly fighting battles. Just like our military, no one could possibly survive such odds. So the time is now to talk to someone. It could be a close family member or trusted friend that will just listen while we “vent.” It could be a professional counselor, a pastor/minister, or a support group. The idea is not to “do life” with no one on your side.  

Others who have gone through different stages of a break-up will have ideas, suggestions, things we haven’t thought of yet, and important steps for us to take to re-create a better life. If we choose to retreat and hide-out, so that no one recognizes we are fighting a losing battle, our strength will atrophy like muscles that are never exercised. We can also waste time running around in circles trying to find solutions that will work for us. Or not. And aren’t we plain sick and tired of that kind of life?

Needed R&R

Yes, we have faced personal attacks of humiliation, psychological abuse and maybe even physical abuse, as well as abandonment, loss of affection, and destruction of faithfulness. We faced our Enemy! And now we can raise our flag of endurance, strength of character, and determination. But remember, we didn’t do it alone then. God was right by our side, holding our right hand the entire time. And we can’t go forward alone either!

“Are you tired? Worn out?. . .Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG.

What Gets Us Off Track?

Quite some time ago, if an employee worked hard on her assignments and projects, she would earn more promotions and greater salary. Most of this effort was accomplished without the help of other co-workers. Her success depended solely on her own efforts. Companies knew no other way to operate. Much has changed in the 21^st Century.      

Today, that kind of anti-community environment is nearly unheard of as demonstrated by the top three companies to work for in America:

#1 spot is Google, which has set the gold standard for teamwork, and encouraging innovation and fun on the job. They like to see employees coaching each other and creating a “community” environment. This obviously works to the employees’ advantage, as the average annual salary for an entry-level software developer is $100,000 (according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics).

#2 is Bristol-Myers Squibb, the biopharmaceutical giant that has a “desirable culture of gender diversity with 54% female and 46% male.” Average starting salary for a research scientist is $75,000 (according to Glassdoor recruiting site).

#3 place is the top-of-the-line, cyber-security software company, Symantec, providing an average salary for a software engineer of $94,000 (Glassdoor).

Survivor Reality

No, we are not trying to recruit anyone here. We are just providing examples and demonstrating that in today’s world, it’s definitely harder to survive on our own. If we are not pro-community minded and willing to be part of a team, we might experience less success on our own.

Yes! We found our community!

It is true that more people than ever are currently seeking to open their own businesses and become their own bosses. But even in those situations, a team of people will get the company to its goal better and faster. Even sole owners regularly consult with others on how to perform certain tasks. No matter what we choose as a career, it just isn’t possible to survive alone.

The same is especially true when we are single-again women. Strong women, yes. Innovative, tenacious, and determined, certainly. However, in our own individual lives, we know we need help with many daily chores, how to do certain things, where to go to find answers, and who can teach us to handle our bank account, grocery list, or our next job promotion. We need our own community!

Doing life alone, without a dependable circle of friends, makes it easy to start comparing ourselves to others. There is no good in that as we simply end up experiencing various forms of fear and negativity and don’t even know why. We are cut off from the abundant life God wants for us. Google has the right idea. It encourages its employees “to become teachers and coach one another to help build a more creative, satisfied, and intimate community.”

Staying on Track

If we have no friendship with God (spending time with him and seeking his answers) and with other women in this season of life, we have no fellowship at all. We are left on our own. Once we see the advantages of growing our own community, we see how God is the One who has provided our lives with peace, joy, and contentment. And that is the perfect place to begin!

“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15 NLT.

Is Worry Ruining Your Life?

New Season. New Start. Ready. Set. Go...The Fresh Start Momentum blog that you are reading right now is changing just a bit starting today (no we are not going away, so let your friends know about it). Through experience, we have learned Mondays are your most favorite and popular day to start your week off right. So, that is what we will do: give you the best articles we can manage once a week and allow you to "digest" the content the rest of the week. We appreciate your participation!

The Big What If 
Sending our young ones off to school or even our young adults off to college is a nerve-racking experience, especially for moms. It’s a tense moment to realize they are at the age where they can walk out the door without us on their heels and without us making most of their decisions for them. We can barely wait until they return home.

The day has finally arrived where we must put our trust in our children to do what they have been taught. But this doesn’t make it any easier for us. We quickly turn to worry about all sorts of things that might happen to them. It’s the big What if? It gets us every time! What if. . .they lose their lunch money? What if. . .they get lost and don’t know where to go? What if. . .their primary college class is canceled? What if. . they get the worst roommate? What if. . .someone hurts them outside of class? Sometimes, it goes on and on until we see them again.

Two Sides of the Coin

However, there is a distinct difference between worry and concern. Whether it is children, our job, finances, or finding a new home, worry produces no immediate answers. It only causes us to think non-stop about all the problems and fears we can imagine. Our mind is so busy with this task, we can not get anything else done. Worry provides no viable solution and it feels like we are being choked.

On the other hand, concern uses our feelings of being interested in and caring about someone or something, so we can actively find a way to be helpful--rather than smothering--in our relationships. So we can work out the problem and come up with a plan that moves us forward. Concern moves us to place our trust in that other person believing they can now handle their own lives.

In a nutshell, worry is inactive and unable to change anything, except to damage our health. Whereas concern participates in bringing about solutions and is busy finding the most appropriate ways for us to show our love or to handle the most complicated matters. It’s two sides of the same coin.

Ripples in Motion

How might we practice or train ourselves to use concern, rather than worry, in any situation? Just know, we understand it’s not easy to break unpleasant habits like worrying, but just like with any “addiction,” once we conquer the “enemy,” we win the “war!” We could start with one of the following ideas and practice it until it becomes natural. Then move on to the next (no particular order). The ripple effect will be amazing! You also may have some great ways of your own to add to the list:

Involvement. Think about joining a mom’s or women’s group. They are great for talking things out with others in the same situation.

Engage. Now that the house is quiet, find a new job or register for a community college class in an area that piques your interest. Get excited!

Ask. If there is a complicated problem, there is no shame in asking someone who knows for assistance. Be brave! There is always a handy person, teacher, neighbor, or family member willing to pitch in and help.

Inquire. Find out the procedure ahead of time if your child gets sick at school, needs tutoring, or can’t find their way. Have a plan.

Trust. This is the difficult one but will benefit not only you but also anyone else involved. Once we have done everything we can, it’s time to let go. This creates positive feedback and encourages responsibility.

Getting Smarter

We have all been given exactly what we need to make life work. It’s just that we often never use our own abilities and numerous gifts God has given us. Maybe we don’t have enough trust in ourselves or are too shy to try something different. God never wants us to worry. In fact, He insists on it knowing how destructive worry can become.

Instead, He has provided His own solutions to our problems. He encourages us to practice going to Him first in prayer. Each day will be less stressful if we “check in” with God and ask for His help for the upcoming day whatever it might include. We pray for not only ourselves, but our children, family, friends, neighbors, city, state, nation, and the world in general. Then, His answers come through to us as we read His answer in the Bible. It’s God's best way of communicating with us. And it works!

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” Matthew 6:27 NLT.

Devotion, Dedication, and Diligence

Today, Fresh Start Momentum completes our SUMMER SISTER SERIES highlighting the lives of some famous and amazing women who might just encourage us in our struggles. True stories that can give us insights for our lives in the 21st Century and how all women--married or not--have always been important throughout history. We hope you enjoyed reading about how other courageous women--our "sisters"--made their lives count in the face of danger, endurance, defeat, drama, and, of course, love. If you missed any part, refer back to the Week One blog on July 9th. Love you all, sisters!

We All Need Someone Who Cares
Someone who is devoted one hundred percent to our well-being, especially when we are in trouble. As children, we may seek this from our parents. Even as adults, we like to know we can call on one or both of our parents for care and comfort. Of course, there comes a day when our elderly parents will seek the same from us.

Devotion comes in various forms and, often, is misunderstood. It can be taken as a tool of selfishness. A way to get something in exchange for a pretense of love. True loyalty and faithfulness are rare. It requires putting aside all of one’s own needs to care for another. We may see this in a mother who cares for a special needs child. Or a daughter who cares for an invalid parent putting aside her own dreams and wishes.

A Story of Undying Devotion

One famous woman was just like that kind of person but not in the way you may think. Mary Magdalene, from the town of Magdala near the Lake of Tiberias, never knew the man in Galilee everyone spoke about as a Teacher. But once she was cured of horrible diseases and seven evil spirits by Jesus, she became undyingly grateful and dedicated to His care. Painstakingly so. She became His follower and even began contributing to His ministry.

Mary Magdalene’s belief in Jesus was so strong, she never left His side when he was facing a torturous and cruel death. She couldn’t look away. She stood helplessly at the cross through it all. A few other women were also there, including the mother of Jesus, but none stayed with Him during the entire ordeal, except Mary Magdalene. She even witnessed His body being laid in the tomb and kept a vigil throughout the night. And even that wasn’t enough. In the very early morning before dawn, she left and then immediately returned with spices to anoint His body.

Approaching the tomb, she was frozen with shock to see the large, heavy stone removed that covered the tomb opening! Mary Magdalene began crying with great sorrow. Who could have taken Him? An angel in white sitting on the right-hand side of the tomb said "HE IS RISEN! He is not here".  

Suddenly, she heard the Lord say her name out loud. We all most certainly would have jumped a foot if that had happened to us. She called out, Rabboni! (Teacher) and wanted to run and hug Him, but He forbade her saying, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father. Go instead and tell my brothers and disciples.

Mary Magdalene did just as she was told, but the disciples did not believe her. They discovered the same thing when they went to see for themselves.

Historical records say Mary Magdalene returned to Jerusalem and was never heard from again.

Where Do We Place Our Devotion?

Too many people in history have had the wrong impression of Mary Magdalene. But she knew the right thing to do and did it. She didn’t worry about what others said about her.

“The idea that this Mary was ‘the woman who was a sinner,’ or that she was unchaste, is groundless.” (Today’s Dictionary of the Bible, Bethany House Publishers).

The story of Mary Magdalene can be found in any of the four gospels in the Holy Bible, but the complete story is best found in John 20:1-18.

Who Sees You?

Today, Fresh Start Momentum continues our SUMMER SISTER SERIES highlighting the lives of some famous and amazing women who might just encourage us in our struggles. True stories that can give us insights for our lives in the 21st Century and how all women--married or not--have always been important throughout history. Join us for the final two weeks as we showcase our "sisters."

Many of us have never taken a look at our family tree. Where we came from and where we are going. We haven't even found out who our ancestors were, what they did for a living, and what effect they had on our lives. This week we take a look at the story of a downtrodden woman who lived in misery. Read on and see if you can relate to the existence she endured, then (here's the best part): try to recognize her worth that ended in fulfillment.

Desert Wanderings

It’s not very common today, but slaves or “maidservants” were acceptable in Biblical times. They were expected to do exactly what they were commanded to do and remain quiet. Slave or not, Hagar was a brave woman with a mind of her own. She knew she could be of some value, if only for her labor and the fact she could bear children. And this would become her history that still affects us today!

Hagar served Sarai/Sarah, Abram/Abraham's wife, who had not borne any children at all, even though she was in her 90s. As an answer to infertility, surrogate mothers were used then as now. Contrary to what we may think, it is nothing new. Hagar was expected to do just that for Sarah when she was sent to be Abraham's second wife.

Here was the problem: after Hagar became pregnant, she began to despise Sarah, who in turn, treated Hagar so badly she ran away. We are all humans, after all. We demean and discredit others when things don’t go our way. We cause them to do things they might have never done. We don’t consult the Lord for His direction in our lives. We then, just go about doing whatever we please and, often, turn around and blame God.

Promises and Plans

But God wasn’t going to let Hagar go. God would send her a son named Ishmael (a pretty wild and hard to control kid!) to provide her with a family. He promised that her descendants would grow to so many, she wouldn’t be able to count them. And that is exactly what happened.

He SEES us! 

When Hagar witnessed this promise come true, she knowingly said, You are the God who sees me. This is a heart-pounding statement that we would do well to remember. When we think God is not anywhere near, we are mistaken. When we think He does not hear us, we are mistaken. When we think He has no plans or promises for us, we are mistaken. He is everywhere, all the time, and in every way.  

For this reason, Hagar gave a special name to the well where the angel first found her. It is still there to this day in Beersheba, Israel. Hagar's many ancestors live there to this day.

"The angel of the Lord also said to her: You are now with child and you will have a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery" (Genesis 16:11 NIV).

Find the story of Hagar in the Holy Bible, Genesis, Chapters 16; 21.   

Any Drama in Your Family Lately?

Today, Fresh Start Momentum continues with a SUMMER SISTER SERIES highlighting the lives of some famous and amazing women who might just encourage us in our struggles. True stories that can give us insights for our lives in the 21st Century and how all women--married or not--have always been important throughout history. Join us each Monday for the next three weeks as we showcase our "sisters."

Fierce Devotion

Mothers are sometimes fiercely devoted to their children. It is not unusual for moms to give up and sacrifice for them to make sure they have want they need or are entitled to receiving. It truly brings anguish to a mom to see her child in want. If she can do anything at all for the child, she will do it. This has happened since the beginning of time. It appears God created moms with a certain little gene no one else has that is activated when her child is born. It can not be ignored when it comes to her child. A woman named Rebekah had this trait as well.

Love Begins

At the request of Abraham, Rebekah had been brought from another land to marry his son, Isaac. Rebekah was known as a courteous and kind woman. She also “was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her.” Rebekah had no problem traveling to become someone’s wife. In those days, arranged marriages were common and considered fortunate.

Often, the woman was given expensive gifts such as the “gold nose ring weighing a beka [⅕ oz] and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels [one shekel weighs ⅖ oz]” given to Rebekah. Upon returning to Canaan, she immediately married Isaac, but remained without children for twenty years!

Isaac believed in the Lord and in prayer. He remained in continual prayer until the Lord blessed him and Rebekah with twin sons, Jacob and Esau. From the very beginning (even in the womb), the two brothers were constantly fighting each other. Surely, this caused great distress for their parents. And it changed everyone involved.      

Love Hurts

In most families, playing favorites with one child over another can result in severe discord among, not only the siblings but between the mom and dad. At times it can get way out of hand as lying, dishonesty, malice, and hatred (to name but a few habits) causes irreparable damage in the family. Parents that started out loving all their children with delight and pride turns into an entirely different home when one child is shut out of love and affection.

There are no perfect parents, just as there are no perfect children. Agree? Esau became the favorite child of Isaac. Jacob became Rebekah’s favorite. Husband against wife. Brother against brother. The worse relationships there couldn’t be. Even in today’s world, this is still happening.

Rebekah overheard her husband promising Esau his inheritance. She wanted that for Jacob and convinced Jacob to deceive his father into giving him Esau’s birthright. Jacob didn’t believe it would work, but Rebekah said if it did not, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just go and do what I say. . .” And so he did. Esau was shut out of his blessing. When he found out, Esau planned on killing Jacob over the swindling.

And the world spins on and on and on. Where will the drama stop? What can we as mothers do to end the strife in our own families? It is up to us to maintain loving relationships with each of our children, even in a single parent home. No one said it would be easy. But it can be done.

"Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her. . ." Genesis 24:67 NIV.

[The entire story of Rebekah can be found in Genesis 24-27; 49:31].