Do You Want to Build a Peaceful Life?

Strive for Peace 

Today we celebrate the birthday and achievements of Martin Luther King, Jr. He was a Baptist minister whose passion drove him to publicly support peace and non-violent means to end segregation in America during the 1960s. He was both admired and despised, esteemed and insignificant, prominent and an instigator.

However we choose to view him and what he stood for, we must admit he wished for nothing but change to come. For peace to rule our nation. For discrimination to be wiped out. MLK was eventually awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964. Four years later he was assassinated.

Where Exactly is Peace Found?

All of us must work hard at creating peace in our lives. Single-again women may find it even more difficult right after a breakup or divorce, but it can be done if we don’t give up! The rewards are worth it. Let's consider some practical ways to start building our most peaceful life now.

·                     Just like the support groups repeat at each meeting, it's important to take one step at a time. That’s not just a cliché because rushing through this period in our lives will make for a shaky foundation. Start with whatever is most important right this moment. Is it a job? A better or more appropriate place to live? A new passion? Finding new friends? Tackling one victory at a time will not be so overwhelming.

·                     Find the positives every day. Go forward, not left, right, or backwards. Dwelling on all the mess of the past and how hard it is to get out of bed, will not get us anywhere. Before snuggling under the nightly covers, make a small “To-Do” list of no more than three things. Set the alarm, program the coffeemaker, schedule the calendar to get moving after waking. If it helps, we can turn on happy music when cleaning the house. There are a million ways to make this happen. Now, things are looking up!

·                     Build a community of people to depend on. A new single-again life requires single-again friends to do things with and to call on when we need help. They have been in our shoes. They know how to do this thing called "living." Welcome their invitations to go places or to join a club and find a new hobby.

·                     We know that mistakes happen. Don’t freak out, just learn from them or else risk repeating them and, who wants that? Get on our computers and read up on how to build positive lives. Try several new ways to make this happen because everything we’ve tried in the past may not have worked out. Our confidence will soar as we see results!

·                     No fantasies! They aren't real and will only cause us frustration. If having a large mansion isn't in the budget right now, find something that is beautiful and that we can be proud of showing. Simple is good. Anyway, it's trendy to go "minimalist" in the decorating arena. Two hundred and fifty dollar jeans are not reasonable; only shop the "sale" racks (or better yet, discount stores) for clothes.

·                     Know that true and lasting peace only comes from God. He has been called the Prince of Peace so His intervention in our lives will make everything right in our world. Without Him, difficulties will continue to pile onto each other, and we will get lost once again. He's there. He has the answers. Let’s not leave Him out of our plans.

The Icing on the Cake: Patience

None of the above tips will work without Patience as a companion. Take a breath and remember these two truths:

Challenges - we grow and mature through the "ugly stuff" in our lives. Yes, there is a reason for everything we experience; no one is exempt. Even a rose has thorns! We can find our purpose for the thorns in our sides, if only we show a little tenacity and patience. We can do this!

Attitudes - how we react and treat others with patience will amaze them. Break the mold and be willing to display the kind and loving woman inside. It's really contagious!

“For the Scriptures say, ‘If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days…Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT).

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance…” (Rev 2:2a NLT).

Separating the Good from the Bad

Capture Fall Leaves

Last week, autumn 2019 visibly revealed itself with massive piles of leaves to rake in many areas of the country. Usually not a favorite chore for adults although children enlisted to help thoroughly enjoy themselves and eventually end up playing and jumping into the piles more than working to clear them. A great photo opportunity! It takes a while--and sometimes more than once or twice--to get the job done for the season. The result is winterized yards and trees that need plenty of rest.  

Now some people say this is a depressing sight. But it doesn't have to be that way. If we think about this natural occurrence, it’s all about survival. According to the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, trees can lose a lot of water in the spring and summer just producing leaves. In the winter they no longer have enough water, so the tree actually "pushes" the leaves off the branch so they can reserve their energy to grow new ones in the spring again. Amazing!

None of us can say we are bare trees waiting for the spring, but we can certainly understand the concept of needing rest to rejuvenate our bodies. No! No! We are not promoting hibernating and never getting our bodies to move just because it is winter. Far from it. We probably need even more exercise in the winter, or we could waste away like the leaves. But this week isn't about exercising per se. Whew! Almost lost you there! 

Better Than Bad
What we want to encourage right now is how to move forward as single-again women and really get a head start on what we want to do and where we want to go. It may seem like we are talking about New Years' resolutions, but we are not. We just want to throw out the bad (anything useless or worthless) and issue in all that is good (useful and valuable). It's not so hard. In fact, it may be as simple as picking and choosing some of these fun seasonal ideas (or add your own):  

To Do
1-Make/craft something new and fresh. Wreaths, tree garlands, gifts. Donate or trash the old Fall and Christmas decorations (they belonged to another era).

Try a New Recipe

2-Create at least one new tradition and try a recipe of your own instead of the one that's been in the family for centuries.

3-Change your furniture around. Add new pillows. It will change your attitude too.

To Go

1-Invite a friend or two to a midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

2-When was the last time you went ice skating? It's still fun!

3-How many of us have ever seen a live stage production of The Nutcracker Ballet? No excuses, most towns have this classic between now and Christmas. Grab a friend and just go. Not into ballet? There is also The Nutcracker movie (hint: it just isn't the same though!).

It Takes a Community

Hopefully, with an open mind and heart, we may discover that the Fresh Start Momentum blog is all about us—women who are trying to survive adversity, heartache, and misery! We want to encourage and help as many women as possible all around the globe to re-create an old life into a new, successful life. Why? Because maybe we haven't done this before and can't seem to get started. But it really can be better than it is now. Some people say, "it takes a village." We say it takes a community. A group of other women who have gone through this mess.

That’s just part of it though. We also know it takes Someone in control to be our Helper—our Guide. Someone who knows us inside and out. . .all the pain, sorrow, and grief that has tried to bring us down. Amazingly, He also knows our heart. He created it! He created each one of us as unique and special in all ways. And God is the most important part of our past, present, and future. Just know one important thing--He didn't cause our divorce, but He knows everything that happened from beginning to end. Now He is ready to take us in His arms and never let us go. We are that valuable to Him!

"He is ready to separate the chaff [anything false, useless, worthless, wicked, evil] from the wheat [everything true, useful, and valuable] with his winnowing [sifting] fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire" (Matthew 3:12 NLT). (Emphasis added).   

What Gets Us Off Track?

Quite some time ago, if an employee worked hard on her assignments and projects, she would earn more promotions and greater salary. Most of this effort was accomplished without the help of other co-workers. Her success depended solely on her own efforts. Companies knew no other way to operate. Much has changed in the 21^st Century.      

Today, that kind of anti-community environment is nearly unheard of as demonstrated by the top three companies to work for in America:

#1 spot is Google, which has set the gold standard for teamwork, and encouraging innovation and fun on the job. They like to see employees coaching each other and creating a “community” environment. This obviously works to the employees’ advantage, as the average annual salary for an entry-level software developer is $100,000 (according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics).

#2 is Bristol-Myers Squibb, the biopharmaceutical giant that has a “desirable culture of gender diversity with 54% female and 46% male.” Average starting salary for a research scientist is $75,000 (according to Glassdoor recruiting site).

#3 place is the top-of-the-line, cyber-security software company, Symantec, providing an average salary for a software engineer of $94,000 (Glassdoor).

Survivor Reality

No, we are not trying to recruit anyone here. We are just providing examples and demonstrating that in today’s world, it’s definitely harder to survive on our own. If we are not pro-community minded and willing to be part of a team, we might experience less success on our own.

Yes! We found our community!

It is true that more people than ever are currently seeking to open their own businesses and become their own bosses. But even in those situations, a team of people will get the company to its goal better and faster. Even sole owners regularly consult with others on how to perform certain tasks. No matter what we choose as a career, it just isn’t possible to survive alone.

The same is especially true when we are single-again women. Strong women, yes. Innovative, tenacious, and determined, certainly. However, in our own individual lives, we know we need help with many daily chores, how to do certain things, where to go to find answers, and who can teach us to handle our bank account, grocery list, or our next job promotion. We need our own community!

Doing life alone, without a dependable circle of friends, makes it easy to start comparing ourselves to others. There is no good in that as we simply end up experiencing various forms of fear and negativity and don’t even know why. We are cut off from the abundant life God wants for us. Google has the right idea. It encourages its employees “to become teachers and coach one another to help build a more creative, satisfied, and intimate community.”

Staying on Track

If we have no friendship with God (spending time with him and seeking his answers) and with other women in this season of life, we have no fellowship at all. We are left on our own. Once we see the advantages of growing our own community, we see how God is the One who has provided our lives with peace, joy, and contentment. And that is the perfect place to begin!

“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15 NLT.