How Do We Get What We Want Now?

“However, if I were to let my life be taken over by what is urgent, I might very well never get around to what is essential. It's so easy to spend your whole time being preoccupied with urgent matters and never starting to live, really live.” (Henri J.M. Nouwen, Dutch Catholic Priest, and Professor at University of Notre Dame, Yale and Harvard Divinity schools)  

In our ultra-busy, keyboard world, how do we find enough hours to get anything done? Do we make time for what is important? Seems our ringtones and touch sounds would successfully remind us what to do and when since they are so “smart.” 

That Was Then, This is Now 

Many of us grew up under a firm hand that required perfection. Things had to be done exactly right at the exact time. This taught us to expect the world, our world, to never fall under a human mistake of any kind. We may have even lived with a spouse that expected the same thing in his wife. It created a lot of guilt and turned us into stressed-out women. 

Our lives may still feel like a whirlwind, but feelings cannot really be trusted. They change from moment to moment. What is true is that we are smart women and that does not change! We have been through enough to know what we want now. We may not know quite how to get it just yet, but we have ideas running around in our heads.

First, let us sit down and start a notebook. We can get those what-do-I-do-now thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. They will become real goals and the strain and pressure will stop giving us headaches. Get some colorful dividers for different categories important to us. Suggestions: Dreams, Designs, and Drawings. Plans, Patterns, and Projects. Keep going. Have fun with it! 

If we are naturally visual people, why not cut out photos from magazines that represent our goals and paste them into our notebooks? On the other hand, if we are more comfortable with being a tactile person, try painting and create mixed-media pages. By the way, if there are still children at home, show them they can start their own Dream Notebook. This will help them get excited about life too and they will be way ahead of the game of life!    

Meet the Creator of Dreams

God did not mean for us to be so weary and worried all the time. He has plans for us and a lot to say about our needs (hint: being discontent with life is not one of them). 

Making ourselves frantic if the pillowcases never got white enough in the laundry will rob us of our joy. This is why it is so important to get in touch with God daily. First thing in the morning while the coffee, tea, or hot chocolate is brewing is the perfect time to ask what plans He has for each of us today. He has a perfect answer and is delighted with the kind of women we are! 

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31 NLT).

 

Small Steps on the Road to Wholeness

It is a must. We have to take care of ourselves now more than ever. That is if we do not want to see a "hag" in the mirror one morning and scare ourselves half to death. It is especially important if we have children at home yet to take care of. Otherwise, we may find them eating from the family pet's food bowl! 

Here are some of the questions: how do we gain the strength we lost while dealing with a devastating event? How do we re-invent our lives? Being physically exhausted and emotionally fatigued prevents us from living to our fullest capacity. In the long run, it only empties our bank accounts as we seek medical services and try to get well.

Not feeling our absolute best blocks us from doing what we need and want to do to survive. Surely, we have some new and exciting plans now for ourselves. We do not want to repeat what we went through in the past, do we? Of course not. All the dreams we had while still married can now be fulfilled to perfection--no one is holding us back. Yes, world! We can do this.    

Feeling down all the time and not caring if we get back up also keeps us from creating the abundant joy we crave and is available to us. We are not saying all the possible solutions need to be done at once. Being drained requires that we take small and specific, but consistent, steps on the road to recovery. 

The truth is, we can help no one else until we take care of our physical and mental selves. This is not a selfish thing! We need the energy to move forward into tomorrow. We have heard it before--participate in a good nutrition plan, regular exercise, and balance that with some fun thrown in and exciting ways to pamper ourselves and we are on our way to a new adventure. Those are the first building blocks to physical and emotional health. The way in which we do it, or not (anyone hate exercise but love the pampering?) will be different for each one of us and at a different pace. Whatever we feel we can do at the moment is the right step for us. It does not matter what anyone else thinks. Just keep the momentum going!  

How Solid Is Our Home?

Our spiritual well-being is an even more important connection to wholeness. Without this type of support from God, nothing else in our lives will work properly. No worries, though, because He provides the necessary solid rock solutions to grab onto when we feel we will fall. He is always there to catch us! God is the Rock, solid as can be. Remember that a home built on sand will not stand. Eventually, it will sink. We need a solid foundation that will stand the test of time.  

He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:2

 

 

Are We Ready to Make the Hard Choices?

When someone is smart, we call them “wise as an owl.” But when referring to a person in that manner, we could make an enemy really quick. That is because owls--according to those who work with them--know the owl cannot be trained to do even the simplest of tasks. Unlike parrots, hawks, pigeons, or even our parakeets, who all can be taught to do a variety of amazing feats, owls are what we might lovingly refer to as simple-minded, as in unable to be trained or to learn anything.

Without even knowing, we have often used this common phrase solely based on how the owl species look. It is all in their extremely large eyes compared to the size of their much smaller head. They just look like they are focusing and paying attention to us, so we equate that with intelligence. Especially when they have to turn their entire head to look at something!

Using 100 Percent

There are many, many things we do not know about a lot of things. Most of us can readily admit to that concept, even though there has always been a myth that we only use ten percent of our brains. Actually, numerous scientists have proved otherwise. Recently, John Henley, a neurologist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, stated, "Evidence would show over a day you use 100 percent of the brain". It is just that at any one time during the day, we may only use ten percent!

Why Should We Care?

Nothing is more distasteful than a person who constantly tries to point out his/her knowledge on every single subject. It seems they lack perhaps not intelligence, but a sense of humility in all things. They seem to have lost the ability to judge their own importance.

We may have experienced this type of person in our last relationship. Nothing we did or said made any difference to him at all. Our values and opinions were unimportant, and we were made to feel small. This may not have just happened in our home; it may have happened at the place where we worked or with friends and even family.

The truth is that cleverness and what we call “smarts” are considered the most attractive in the world. We see it in the news, sitcoms, and movies all the time. It makes for superb entertainment ratings. Now do not misunderstand. We are definitely not talking about authentic education and earning well-deserved degrees with accolades. That is certainly to be rewarded!

The subjects here are the antics and nonsense that go on with someone who is trying to convince others of how much they know. Making sure we understand that they are right and there is no discussion of the matter. They get the last word above all. Those of us who have been through such a petulant relationship, know we have to make the hard choices.

God’s WORD is Our Truth

The only One who truly knows our value is Jesus. He is the Humble One who loves us beyond all imagination. Be assured He was right there when we were being beaten down, cheated on, and tossed out. He got us to where we are now--standing on our own two feet ready to have Him as our only Master.

Know that we are not owls. . .we are God’s W.O.R.D.: Women of Renewed Devotion (c)!

“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. As the Scriptures say, ‘He traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness’ ” (1 Corinthians 3:19 NLT).

 

 

 

Has Your Life Ever Surprised You?

Decades travel at the speed of a “don’t blink, you’ll miss it” kind of rush. When we were teens or young adults, we thought we would never, ever see the time when we were called “senior citizens.” But, sure enough, every single one of us arrives blinking our eyes in surprise and wonder! Of course, when we finally do get to our mountaintop, our minds play tricks on us and we still think we are twenty years younger than reality.

Life is Still Good if We Give It a Chance

Every season of our lives has its pros and cons. In our college years, life started happening all at once. Joyfully or not, we were separating from our parents and envisioning a lifetime of great success, the “I can’t live without you” type of perfect relationships, and happily doing things our way.

Between our 30s and 40s, life started revealing its true nature. Things were different than we originally imagined but still manageable. Our energies slowed a bit and then took off again, as we adjusted our goals to fit our lifestyles. Here we learned the difference between “Me, Me, Me” and “We, We, We.” Life was good as long as we were willing to open our hearts and minds to the world.

Midlife comes onto the scene with a vengeance! For some, it is a shock to look in the mirror and discover a new landscape or an entirely new life. Now we remember all those things we wanted to do thirty years prior before interruptions and distractions took over. We start making plans, realizing time is beginning to speed up.

The good news is that we can look around and see new possibilities we never knew we had. According to the aarp.org blog, currently, 108.7 million people in the U. S. are over age fifty and growing, and 53.5 percent are women. We are not alone by any means. Amazingly, there are 36.02 million single households. If we genuinely want to do something with the next twenty-five, forty, or fifty years, we need to be willing to get out of the house and meet others in our “tribe.”

Blocks, Books, and Bricks

Think about it: our experiences pile one on top of the other for our entire lives like building blocks. They create for us an entire “library” of knowledgeable events (how to do things), good and bad. We cannot actually go back in history and re-do our lives. But we can go forward, call on our learning episodes and make things new and different. Ready? Start here:

• Lifelong Learning - always beneficial and fun, we can choose something to learn or participate in doing. Local colleges provide a regular schedule of one-time classes.
• Travel Groups – now that the pandemic is slowing and travel reservations are opening again (get fully vaccinated to make things safer), how many of the fifty U. S. states have we seen? How about that foreign country we dreamed of stepping foot on? Day trips are also a great way to see sites and meet others without a big commitment.
• Community Events – in every hometown, there are plenty of occasions to use our skills, learn new ones, or volunteer and make our neighborhoods better.
• Church Groups - just ask and get involved at church. They can always use our help and it is a great way to meet others and feel useful.
• Dating - please note dating clubs, organizations, and especially online dating, are not recommended by this author. They rarely result in any worthwhile or permanent relationship, are sometimes costly, and can actually be dangerous for the novice. However, if a one-on-one connection with another human being sounds good, get out and join with others in some of the above groups. They may lead to meeting someone with similar interests. And that is a particularly good beginning!

We Are Never Alone

No matter our circumstances and lifestyle at the moment, there is a way to make a difference with our days and use the gifts and talents God has given us. He provides what we need when we need it if we just ask Him. God is always ready to help and will never, ever leave us alone. Just finding the determination to do something with our lives that is worthwhile and beneficial is Step Two. Step One is placing our faith and trust in the One True God. He has our backs!

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7 NIV).

 

 

Can You See Through the Fog of Change?

We may ask, is my life ever going to be right again? Aside from the pandemic, which is catastrophic enough, how are we supposed to get back to normal--whatever that is--after such a devastating and heart-breaking ending to our marriage? Certainly, it would be much easier to just throw up our hands and scream, it is never going to be the same again, so why try?

It does appear that way when we cannot see past the fog of change. We naturally resist transformation in any form, whether it is good for our hearts, minds, and souls or not. But here is the stinging question: do we really want the same unloving relationship? The one with no affection? The one that lost its electrifying connection? No, of course not. We would like to have the charming person we first met. But not the morphed version that came later. Never that!

Building a Better Life

Then, the sun comes out and we see the light! Every single person on the face of this earth shifts and shuffles from day to day. Minute by minute. Inch by inch. The irony lies in the fact, we cannot change each other. Ever. Practice saying that out loud! We can only change ourselves and our response to that person.

Each individual has to look in the mirror and say, I have a problem, and I need to fix it. Until that happens, no improvement can be expected. It is like banging our heads against a brick wall. Useless.

Our initial impulse is to take those bricks...and throw them? No! We did not say that now did we. Those bricks are useful for building a better life, not for re-arranging someone’s skull! That is the best life for us at this particular time and place. What that architecture looks like will be different for each one of us.

• Some of us will seek and share a new, mature relationship with all the perks.
• Some will plant a seed and grow on an individual level first.
• Some will find that outlets for creative expression in education, work, and extracurricular activities are more important to them at the moment.

There are no incorrect blueprints here. Only that we never let the momentum stop!

Who Can We Talk to About Our Life?

It is as if God is saying with outstretched arms, Fear not, dear child of mine, I am here. If you only let me, you will see how this will all work out. Let us sit down and talk. Can’t we just see and hear Him saying that to us?

“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen” (Jeremiah 29:11-12 The Message).

 

 

How to Pick Yourself Up Off the Floor

In a churchyard in Wales (United Kingdom), there are the words, “Here lieth the body of William Edwards of Cacreg, who departed this life 24th February, Anno Domini 1668, age one hundred and sixty-eight.” This man must surely have had a secret that the rest of us do not know about living and dying!

Many people do, in fact, want to live for an exceptionally long time, but maybe not that long! Some of us would simply enjoy having a life where we had enough time to accomplish everything on our “bucket list.”

[Just for fun, CLICK on the following message from our archives]

Momentum Bucket List

The Next 50

Truly, no one would likely want to spend the rest of their life working at their jobs or professions much past retirement age. Of course, that number varies widely. Some retire early, excited to begin their next great adventure. And some stick with working until someone or something pushes them out the door. There may also be a valid financial need that keeps us there. In whatever way we handle our later years, it will depend on what we did or did not do with the first 50 years.

One thing to realize right away is that it is never too late for an adjustment, no matter which decade we live in right now. There are numerous books available that explain that very fact. Especially in our single-again lifestyle, we may absolutely need to find a different way to do things. We are not alone. Just think of all the many, many people during this Covid-19 pandemic that have gone through devastations of all kinds and have had to start over.

Losing jobs through layoffs, bankruptcies, house fires, weather catastrophes, and illnesses are just some of the many examples of having to pick ourselves up off the floor and begin again. We are reminded of the familiar thought of “getting back on the horse” after falling off. Somewhere down deep inside ourselves, there is a reservoir that has been left untapped for this exact season of our life.

When we try, really try, and do not give up, we will find new ways to do things, resources we did not know we had, friends who will come through for us, help from all directions, and a sense of peace at the bottom of that well. The key to all this is not just sitting back and having a pity party, but standing on our own two feet, dusting off our behinds, and putting that foot right back in the stirrup. When others see this in us, they will want to join our “party.”

This is No Fantasy

Nothing is more attractive than succeeding when life wants to knock us down like falling fence posts. Soon, we will not even remember what “disaster” feels like. We will be too busy organizing and arranging our lives just the way we have dreamed they could and should be. It is true! This is not a fantasy; it is our life. We do not have time to ignore the possibilities waiting for us. One absolute fact: no one else will work and create a new life for us, but they will want to jump in and be a part of it.

Once we are on our way and can relax, then we can help others going through exactly what we did. Sometimes that is the reason why God gives us these challenges. He expects us to use the experience and knowledge we have developed to help our neighbors. They are valuable commodities to share. We can use our gifts and talents to find a unique way to walk alongside another woman. From quite simple ideas of encouragement, we can make someone’s life turn around for good.

“Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (Psalm 34:12, 14 NLT). 

Replacing Distraction for Creativity

Van Gogh, Monet, and Da Vinci are in the Top 10 Classics of Artists. Among the Top 10 Modern Masters of Art, we find O’Keeffe, Kandinsky, and Picasso. And the list goes on. Sometimes it took years for these artists to complete a masterpiece after many failed attempts. Some artists were not even known until after they died.

We all have some type of creativity, as that is how human beings were created. We may not hold a paintbrush in our hands and sit at an easel, but there is something in our lives we are good at creating. It could be the flute we played in the marching band in high school or the ballet shoes hanging in the closet for years.

Our creativity may not lie in the arts at all. It might be how exactly we are at calculating sales projections, how we naturally lead the group in the PTA meetings, our knack for baking bread, or hosting a grand opening at the local museum. Any number of activities can fulfill our gift of creativity.

Your Beating Heart

We can know we are gifted in certain areas when we anxiously wait until we get to do it again. It comes easy to us and we delight in the pure joy of it. Our artistic gift fills our thinking, and we employ feedback from friends to learn even more. We happily make continual plans for it all the time. We read and research the subject and strive to improve our skills. It is our purpose!

Some of us have a purpose that has remained dormant for years. We either haven’t taken the time to discover what it is, or we put only a half-hearted try into developing our gift. Just because we got distracted with other things for years, does not mean we don’t have any creativity.

Isn’t It Time?

Today is perfect for dusting off the ideas we have stored in the back of our minds. Most likely, we already know what we want and can do with the rest of our lives. But maybe it’s a little hazy and we need to be pointed in the right direction. If that seems reasonable, try these resources:

Books

What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard N. Bolles

A Compendium for Conscious Creators by Orna Ross

Discovering Joy in Your Creativity by Women of Faith

Websites (click on link)

Pinterest

Creativity for Women

Creativity and Divorce

What an Artist!

Of all living things God breathed life into, humans are His masterpieces. YOU are His masterpiece and there is no one else like you! None. You are the original and there are no copies. He takes delight in that fact.

God has a reason for creating you. A purpose just for you to do good, so others will learn from you who He is and praise Him as the One true God. That’s a big assignment, but God already knew you could do it in your own special, unique way. No one else can do it just exactly like you!

The Bible says, “In the beginning God created. . .” He is the One and Only Creator of all and has always created from the beginning of time and is still creating new life every day. He never stops and He never makes a mistake. What an artist He is! To discover your best life, get to know this Master of All.  

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).