What Chapter Are You On?

Life really looks different from opposing angles. A long time ago an interesting movie named Chapter Two came out about two people who had each just experienced devastating change in their lives. She, an actress and recently divorced, and he, mourning the death of his wife. One is ready for what the future might hold and the other remains lost, eaten up by guilt.

Our situations could be going through remarkably similar “chapters.” It takes time to adjust and a lot of courage to even want a different life than our previous one. We simply can’t imagine how we will ever make it on our own. Unfortunately, some of us try and hang on and on and on to no avail. It’s as if we no longer have a purpose or any possibilities that we can see. That’s certainly understandable and it’s okay to take however much time as we need.  

Turning the Page

The trouble is 99.9% of us had no choice whether we left, or he did. Once the decision was made by one party, the inevitable happened. Of course, the death of a spouse is an entirely different crisis. It’s a startling and permanent change--an unstable turning point. The one common denominator in all these outcomes is the fact we all need support and encouragement to get to the next chapter.

So, we will take the time to sort out some of our feelings and decide at least the first two or three steps needed to get the momentum going. We can do this! However, if we find ourselves hibernating for too long and holding back from our friends and family, that’s a red flag. Don’t go there! That’s a sure sign we want to “throw in the towel” and have a pity party. Not pretty at all.

Of course, we are not saying we should give up on ever turning to the next page in our stories and, instead, transform into the neighborhood hag no one wants to be around. There are positive ways to move forward so let’s explore.

Five Positive Ideas

    We all need friends. The best #1 suggestion: find a church home to explore our faith and join their women’s group that meets regularly.

Family is important. Touchbase with others by inviting one of them to coffee sooner than later.

Encouragement. There is absolutely no shame or intimidation in joining a weekly support group of others going through the same thing.

Fun! Look through the closet or garage to find those hobby items stashed away long ago and get busy having fun (and maybe profit).

Growth. Find a class in a subject that has always sounded interesting. Become an expert in it and then volunteer as a teacher at a community college.

Numerous Chapters

It’s easy to dwell on all our troubles, so easy! There is no benefit, however, in doing that. We have gone through what feels like the fires of hell and have come to this point in our lives. God has given us this chance to make things right once and for all. Why wouldn’t we?

We can hear Him if we listen for His voice. One of the best ways He “speaks” to us is through His life-changing book called the Holy Bible. It contains 66 books and numerous chapters and verses of instruction. It covers every single subject and topic about our lives that we can even think of!

A Christian Bible can be purchased in a Christian bookstore or even online at such sites as [click here:] Lifeway           

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord” (Psalm 119:1 NLT).

“Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word” (Psalm 119:37 NLT).

 

 

9 Ways to Make All Wrongs Right

Hate is never the answer to hate. History has proven this truth over and over. Yet there are those who still allow extreme, out-of-control emotions to fill themselves with hostility leading to violent attacks and aggression toward others. And, yes, sadly, loss of someone's life is almost always a part of it.     

“On a day like today, there are many directions we can go in our prayer...We can be in sorrow, in anger even...including anger at God for letting something like this happen." Instead, El Paso Rev Mike Lewis urged them [funeral attendees] to "have faith and to love one another, especially those who are hard to love.” (www.latimes.com)

Making Good Decisions Better

Let's be clear, though, and not get the wrong idea. In no way does God ever cause the hatred that can destroy others. Only pure evil lashing out with arms of fire can cause such violence.

“Scripture shows that God did not create evil and does not promote it; rather, it describes God’s actions in combating it. God limits the impact of evil, warns us of the dangers of evil, acts to stop the spread of evil, gives us an escape from evil, and will eventually defeat evil forever." [gotquestions.org] 

Something many people do not understand is the free will God willingly gives each one of us. He gave us that gift of free will because he loves us and wants us to make good decisions that will benefit our lives and those we love and that he cares about (which is everyone he has created). Never would God want us to use free will as part of a plan to kill others! 

Choices, Challenges, and Changes

How about our own choices and decisions since we became single-again women? It's understandable our own emotions were running high while dealing with all the challenges required to get to a better place in our lives. The shift in marital status alone may have caused a change of living arrangements, school (for both us and/or our children), new friends or a new job, and certainly finances. All stress-caused emotions. It certainly wasn’t easy looking in the mirror each morning at someone we didn’t even recognize. We've all been there in one way or another. We changed. We are still changing. Hopefully for the better.

However, it’s possible we are still not in a good place. Our lives are crawling very slowly, and they are not quite where we want them to be. We haven’t moved out of the anxiety phase and may even be heading towards depression. How many times have we pulled the covers over our heads in the morning? Pretended to exist solely on potato chips, cookies, and ice cream just because we couldn’t find the energy to cook a decent meal? It happens and is quite common but tolerated only to a certain degree. Eventually either we move or some outside force will move us. What we don’t want is watching our lives get buried in the mundane.  

Rather than ignoring all these unhealthy symptoms, it’s time to gain some momentum. We know we cannot change others around us (we’ve tried!), nor can they change us. We are the only ones who can do the changing and isn’t that a good thought? We finally get to create our lives exactly the way we want them. Something that may have held us back so far is thinking we need to re-create our old lives and we just don’t know where to begin. Frankly, that is the number one major stumbling block because our old life is gone. It's like trying to fix something without any workable parts. Our new life is here right now! And that is exciting because we are not going to re-create anything—we are going to start fresh.    

Get ready to have some fun! Here are nine ideas or suggestions that will set our feet in motion. Try one or all of them:

Choices – 

Adopt that new pet we’ve always wanted

Join a club (i.e., health, art, book) and make new friends

Pick a non-profit organization and volunteer

Challenges – 

Turn a hobby into a new business

Take a class in computer graphics, French, or cooking

Write a book (memoir, children’s, etc)

Changes – 

Move to a new neighborhood or state

Get a new hairdo, including color

Adopt a new nutrition plan and get healthier

It’s Simple: Love God and Love Others

Are we the one who can help lessen the impact of evil? Sounds difficult, but God obviously gave us the freedom of choice and gifts/talents to use. If we can find just one little way to show love to a neighbor or a stranger in need, it’s a start. We can decide to do our part. Will we?

“God has provided the one and only means to make all wrongs right.” Part of that plan is to accept Him as Lord and Savior and then help another to do the same before it's too late. “One day, God’s plan to defeat and destroy evil [sin] will be fully complete.” [gotquestions.org]

"The world's sin is unbelief in me" (John 16:9 NLT).

 

You Have the Power to Change Things

Once we use, say, or experience something over and over we become used to it and can take it for granted. For instance, how many sayings or phrases have we used just this week or month that flew out of our mouths without even thinking about them? That is just so cool! Awesome! What’s your problem? That was really great! Don’t put all your eggs in one basket! Time heals all wounds!

And how many things do we just let slip by without even thinking? One of the major events we can easily take for granted is our right to vote because we are of the generation where we have always had that privilege available. [Don’t worry we are not going to have a political advertisement for any one person. That’s a personal decision].    

But here is a question: what event is taking place this year celebrating a major milestone for women? It is important because it gave each one of us the power to change things. Yet, we take it for granted and don’t exercise our personal right when it counts the most because we think our one vote doesn’t matter much. That is entirely false! The 19^th Amendment giving women the right to vote was ratified on August 18, 1920, after a long battle back and forth in our country. So, we ask ourselves, how many years in the last 40, 50, or even 80 have we made the time to walk up and fill out a voting ballot (or at least drop one in the mail)? Change doesn’t happen unless we do something!

Change Doesn’t Just Happen

We single-again women (divorced, widowed, and single moms) know all about change. As wives, it was what we wanted and hoped for a better union and healthy communication while at the same time trying to figure things out in our abusive relationship.

Certain change—as in the death of a spouse or when a new father walks out on the mom and infant baby —is not at all a welcome act by any means. It threatens our stability and causes a chain reaction of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (known as the Kubler-Ross stages of grief model).

Not everyone goes through each of the stages or even in the same order. Everyone experiences change in their own way and in their own time. The death of a spouse, for instance, maybe expected after a long and harrowing illness. Or it could have been unexpected such as a heart attack or sudden injury. Each one of these women will have heartache but experience grief in a different way. Even in these cases, change doesn’t happen unless we do something.

Follow the Leader

Our lives are not the same anymore. This we know—no one needs to tell us that fact. But we may not have stopped to realize, our lives are pleading for change. What have we done recently to make changes for the better? Or are we still, sedentary, and stagnant? Even if it’s only one small thing we can do today, it will be worth the effort.     

Life is definitely on the go. It waits for no one. While we are sitting at home mindlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine, our clocks are ticking. We can never get back the minutes that were given to us this morning as we woke up. It could have been the minutes we might have used to find a beautiful new home instead of staying in the one that depresses us. In the last hour, we could have had lunch with a friend we haven’t seen in such a long time. Change doesn’t happen unless we do something.

Our God of heaven and earth is excited for us to begin a new thing with the lives He has given us. He knows our situation and is more than willing to help us find solutions for the future. But He won’t force us to do anything we don’t want to do. We only must be willing to follow His lead. Although God never changes, our human lives change constantly. And that is why we need His help every minute, every hour, every day. He’s the best problem-solver. Make the change happen!

“Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both” (Ecclesiastes 11:6 NLT).

 

Who Wrote Your Story?

Some creative people may have written an original article, essay, book, or poem they wanted to share with others. They likely researched how to copyright it and make it their own (or a publisher-provided service). That layer of protection forever gave the writer solid proof and the rights to the written material. Not seeking copyright would put a person at risk if anyone else claimed it as their own. It would become a lengthy court battle.

In 2008, John Marzulli of the New York Daily News reported a fascinating "3-Way Battle" over the rights to the famous poem, Footprints in the Sand. Eventually, it was established that the late Mary Stevenson of Long Island, New York, was the 1939 author although she never knew about needing to copyright anything (she was 14 years old at the time). 

"Stevenson's main proof of authorship is an early copy of the poem, penned on yellow notepaper that has allegedly passed a forensic examination," says Marzulli. The glitch here is that the other two women who claim ownership of the poem have each "copyrighted" their verses with slightly different versions. 

No More Regrets

Like Stevenson's poem mentions, we also may feel as if God has left us on our own to figure things out and that can be a lonely place. A previous marriage or relationship hit rock bottom way too soon. Now we are walking on a sandy white beach with no one to help guide and direct us. One set of footprints. 

But wait! Read the last line of the poem:

"During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." 

We see the Lord has always been there with us throughout our entire relationship and even now that we are single-again women. He has given us that promise, and He will never ever go back on His Word! [See many images of the entire poem on-line].

Maybe it never occurred to us, or it was just too difficult amidst all the chaos in our life at the time, to reach out and ask for the Lord's presence, protection, and provision. If we have done that, then we know it can literally be a life-changing decision and one we will never regret. 

Don't wait to experience the best of the best life ever imagined. Isn’t that why we have struggled to get here? Many people hesitate to believe it's possible to have something so much better than they have ever had in the past. Or they try something else in its place--sometimes for years and years without getting any answers--but the empty hole inside of their heart will not disappear like magic. God wants to completely fill it with His L-O-V-E if we will only open the door! 

The Simple Truth

This isn't a bunch of nonsense! It's the simplest truth in the world. And that is the problem. Too many people think that accepting the Lord Jesus into their lives is just way too simple for it to be true. Why? Because all it takes is literally inviting Him into our lives using our own words.  

Right where we are, right now, we can begin by acknowledging how our life has become a mess and that we genuinely want to change it all with His help. We want to fill that hole in our hearts with His love. Isn't that true? We can just let Him know we believe anything is possible with Him writing the poem. He knows. He gets us! 

It's as simple as that, dear one. 

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).

 

How to Dig Our Way Out of the Jungle

 Many of us in this season of staying indoors and disinfecting everything have discovered how we all eventually reach a point in our homes when we cannot ignore the numerous piles of junk any longer. We even have the typical “junk drawer” where every bit and piece of our belongings end up in that one spot.

Stacks of magazines we keep for years thinking that after the first reading we will go back someday and re-read them. We justify that kind of hoarding as “reference material” and it makes us feel better than if we called it trash. Before this pandemic, many of us gravitated to weekend garage sales (yep, I’m raising my hand too) and purchased another person’s junk they no longer wanted. Some of it was especially useful but, occasionally we bought items just because they looked like something we might be able to use. Then we threw them into a box in the garage, forgot about them, and they ended up in our own garage sale the following year. Oh, my!

The summer organization bug is in full swing especially now. We start thinking of what we can do to clear out all the rubbish. If we never, ever discard anything--fearing we will need it someday--we could become a candidate for one of those TV hoarding shows. It’s like trying to dig our way out of a jungle that is about to devour us.

Finding Our True Happiness

Those are all lifeless objects that we think we need, so we keep them. It appears our hoarding gives us a sense of security, which of course, is false. But the same thing goes on in our brains, emotions, and spirits. We get bogged down worrying about every little thing, most of which we can do nothing about.

Money, or the lack of it causes much stress as most of us know. But don’t get caught believing money provides happiness. It does not! How many famously rich millionaires do we know that are truly happy? It might appear that way at first, but an excess of money generally brings an excess of responsibility, which equals excess stress. Think of all those lottery stories of winners one year after their big win. Many of them are worse off than if they had never gambled because they cannot keep up with all their new possessions. Believe it or not, many people fall into bankruptcy when the money is all gone!

Of course, money is not the only worry in life. We can get overwhelmed by relationships that have gone wrong, working at a job we hate, trying to survive after divorce, dealing with child custody, health issues, finding supportive friends, car repairs, anxiety, dieting, disappointment, and doubt. And on, and on, and on.

This is exactly why God commands us [Matthew 6:25-28] not to worry! This is not a suggestion. He is serious about this subject. Why? Because worries are endless; they consume us. Only God knows our anguish when worry devours us. He never wants us in that state of unhappiness and mental chaos. And better yet, He has the answers to our dilemmas. God is just waiting for us to come to Him with our concerns.

Life-Long Learning

If we find ourselves completely worry-free (really?), the opposite problem may become our enemy. Pleasure. Too much of the wrong kind can steer us into a state of denial. We find ourselves hanging with an unsuitable crowd. Doing what we never thought we would. Ignoring our standards and principles. Filling every minute of the day and night pursuing bodily enjoyment, earthly treasures, and worshiping ourselves.

Please don’t get the incorrect idea here. God wants us to be happy and content. He is all about us finding our joy--joy and love in friendships and close relationships. Discovering His plan and purpose for our lives can be the absolute best kind of pleasure; a fulfillment of everything we hope for. Living in God’s world, where He is ready and able to handle our worries and concerns, will provide us a way to grow stronger and stronger every day. Now, that’s a thing of beauty!

“This is what the story means: The seed is God’s message. The seed that fell among the thorny weeds is like those who hear God’s teaching, but they let the worries, riches, and pleasures of this life keep them from growing and producing good fruit” (Luke 8:11, 14 NCV).

 

 

Nothing Can Keep Us Down Now!

The Golden Gate Bridge spans the one-mile-wide strait connecting San Francisco Bay and the Pacific Ocean. It's an amazing trip to take and a beautiful site across the 1.7 miles including an average height of 220 feet above the water! For anyone afraid of heights it can be scary looking down. Yet, it is not the longest bridge in America. In Louisiana, we would travel 23.83 miles across the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway and feel a bit dizzy! It certainly seems like a never-ending trip. 

 Just like crossing on one of these bridges, our new journey as single-again women may seem endless and a bit scary to say the least. Every new experience--moving to a different house or city, learning how to use a monthly budget to pay the bills when in the past he did all that, preparing a resume maybe for the first time, and sleeping alone in the middle of the bed--is intimidating and daunting. 

Bring on the Adventure 

All these frightening experiences may appear to be a test of our will and determination, our adventurous spirit. Maybe we think we don’t even have any such adventure left in us. Probably not true since we have already gone through knee-deep "mud" in our life to get to this point right here. That stands for "Congratulations!" 

Doing things on our own for the first time has undoubtedly been an unfamiliar struggle. How about negotiating a deal on a new home lease or purchasing a new car? Or getting the correct tool out to fix the leaky bathroom sink when we don’t have money to hire a plumber? And of course, there is the dilemma of applying for a job when our computer experience is ten years old.     

The fact is it hasn't been easy and most likely will continue to try our patience until we practice, practice, practice! But with each successful step we take, our determination and confidence will automatically kick-in. Nothing can keep us down now! 

Starting Point

We know now that we can make it if we want, but of course, no one can force us if we choose not to try. But then, where would we go from there? So, assuming we trust ourselves, our question may be, How? How can we move ahead and make good decisions?  

We are not alone. It might help to have a few real and concrete examples of women who took a chance, used their determination, and jumped into a new life even though everything tried to push them down. 

[Click on First Examples from mydomaine.com]: 

Viola Davis - "Davis’s childhood explains a lot about her work ethic today. Growing up in poverty, she often faced hunger—even resorting to digging through dumpsters to find food. But she didn’t let this crush her. In fact, it fueled her and pushed her to do better for herself. “I tell my daughter every morning, ‘Now, what are the two most important parts of you?’ and she says, ‘My head and my heart.’ Because that’s what I’ve learned in the foxhole. What gets you through life is the strength of character and strength of spirit and love.” 

Connie Britton - "Before she was cast as Tami Taylor on Friday Night Lights at age 39, Britton experienced her fair share of “heartbreak” from roles that got away—including missing out on the female lead in Jerry Maguire to Renée Zellweger. She never let that stop her though. With a positive “everything happens for a reason” attitude, Britton accepted the role as the football coach’s wife on the hit network series." [Note: she also starred later in the series, Nashville].

[And these two Next Examples are from Good Housekeeping]: 

Wendy Kopp, Founder, Teach for America - "It was her senior thesis at Princeton — a plan to create a corps of desperately needed teachers for schools in low-income neighborhoods. Twenty years later, Teach for America has trained more than 24,000 teachers and reached three million students." 

Sally Ride, Astronaut, and Astrophysicist - "The first American woman — finally — in space, 1983. Overall, Ride was the third woman in space after USSR. At the age of 32, she remains the youngest American astronaut to have traveled to space."

The Point

Yes, they are all famous. No, none of them started out that way. They had to fight for everything they received and came from backgrounds just like many of us. Think about it. Click on the links provided and read their whole stories. Next, we can ask, what are we really dreaming of doing with our lives? 

The Main Author and Defender

We are precious in the eyes of our Creator. He waits for us to come and talk to Him about all the garbage in our life. God has solutions that we need. He is the Author of our story and the best Defender we will ever need or want. He genuinely cares about us and our lives; always has, always will. Therefore, He gave us a Spirit that craves adventure. Are we ready to begin?

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm" (Exodus 14:14 NLT). 

 

 

How Will Things All Work Out?

“Jeannie worked as a neonatal nurse at a hospital in Rockford, Illinois, for ten years when she met the shoebox baby. She was in the special care nursery when she noticed a young boy in a hooded sweatshirt holding a shoebox and crying…inside the shoebox was a three-pound infant. Wrapped in a dish towel, the tiny newborn wore a doll’s onesie. The baby boy had been born six-weeks premature.

 

“The medical staff treated him for hypothermia, dehydration and an infection from the household scissors used to cut his umbilical cord. Despite the harrowing conditions, God used Jeannie to help work all things out for good!

 

“As hospital staff did everything to save the newborn, his teenage father waited outside, sobbing uncontrollably. Jeannie kept him posted on his baby’s progress. And once the infant’s condition stabilized, she explained to the young, terrified dad that if he gave up his baby that day, he’d no longer be able to receive updates on his health. She reminded him he could take his time in exploring options rather than make an impulsive decision. The boy took the parental bracelets Jeannie offered him so that he and the baby’s mother could come back to visit him. The young couple returned the next day, and every day after for several weeks.”

 

“This is one of the cases I won’t forget,” said the doctor who treated the shoebox baby. There was someone looking down on him.”

 

[Click on the following Shoebox link to read the rest of this true story and others like it from godupdates.com]

 

Shoebox

 

The World is Still Spinning

It’s been nearly five months since many of us have had any chance to venture outside our homes. Maybe to keep a doctor’s appointment or to stock up on whatever groceries we can find on the shelves. But other than that, if we are responsibly following medical guidelines, we are basically hibernating.

It isn’t surprising then when feelings of aloneness (different than loneliness) invade our minds. But no matter what is going on in our own lives, we can find many, many stories of hope out there like the one above if we try. And we desperately need that right now. Even in this tumultuous world, it will lift our spirits when we hear about how hope and inspiration remind us the world is still spinning!

We have all had many ups and downs in our lives including divorce, widowhood, and maybe even our own story of a premature infant. Sadness does not escape anyone. It is what we do with those agonizing moments in our lives that will make a difference. How will God “work all things out for good” in our individual lives?

The plain truth is that God will never force us to do what we don’t want to do. Don’t misunderstand. He created us and has a great plan for our lives because he loves us. Have we ever given a gift to someone just because we loved them? God does that too. He delights in showing us how satisfying and fulfilling our life can be if we only choose to listen to Him. But He won’t pressure, coerce, or threaten us. He’s not that kind of God. He would rather love us.

A Love Gift

It’s all about our choices. Teen parents chose to bring their premature infant to a hospital for care rather than abandoning the baby. They didn’t have to be that responsible or loving.

Jeannie, the neonatal nurse chose to jump right in and help save a three-pound infant. She could have wasted her time by judging the teen parents and refusing to allow them a chance to change their minds. Jeannie’s job was to tend to the baby. But she also chose to love those teen parents.

We also have many, many choices day in and day out to make. Especially now that we are on our own for however long. Like we mentioned, God never forces us to do anything. But He certainly will guide and lead us to do the right thing. To love when we can choose to turn the other cheek. Love—it’s his trademark and design for our lives because he created us, and we belong to him.

“And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you” (Psalm 39:7 NLT).