Rest and Relaxation

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

March 17th

We all need it sometimes: Rest and Relaxation. 

Today FRESH START MOMENTUM is doing just that!

We will return with a new message on March 23rd. 

Please join us! 

How to Slow Down, Survive and Thrive

Quiet time at the beach

“Create a place in your home…at your work…in your heart…where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.” -- Linus Mundy, Slow-down Therapy

We certainly cannot be reminded too much about the importance of slowing down in this hectic world of ours with its go here, go there, do this, do that mentality. Many experts in stress will tell us if we want to improve our lives,

we need to turn the “noise” down in our heads on a regular basis. It’s the best place to begin a more peaceful life.

In decades past, no one needed to tap us on the shoulder and tell us to sit down and catch our breath. True, the world was a busy place, especially for women who were largely responsible for keeping a home running smoothly all the while feeding, clothing, and bathing five, eight, or even ten children! How they did this is a mystery to us.

Children had regular (and early) bedtimes, the house was finally quiet, and moms then had a chance to catch up with their own thoughts for a change. It was a time to reflect, read, and ruminate. And no one had to force this issue. Of course, two or three generations ago there were no computers, tablets, cell phones, or smart TVs. The world was a quieter place without the noise of Xboxes, Nintendo, or an internet search for the best PC games.

Seven Ideas to Work With

Travel to our extreme world now in 2020. We can all probably agree there are so many ways to rearrange our single-again lives and enjoy the benefits of slowing down. The question is how. Do we have kids to take care of? Yes, some do. Do we have jobs to go to? Yes, some do. This isn’t a fairy-tale story of Cinderella and we are not saying it isn’t hard to be single again. Quite the contrary.

So how do we slow down, survive, and better yet, thrive well as superwomen? First, we must stop pretending our lives are the same as before divorce, death of a spouse, or the harsh reality of struggling as a single mom. They aren’t and that’s a good thing or will be eventually after a necessary period of grief and readjustment we all go through. Really, we promise. Secondly, the time comes when we suddenly realize we have the freedom to organize our lives exactly as we wish. There is no person we have to check-in with or get permission from.

“Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.” -- Linus Mundy, Slow-down Therapy

To get more specific on the How portion of this real-life story, we offer seven ideas, suggestions, and questions to work with even though we know each one of us have a unique life unlike any other. Think about these and add or subtract wherever appropriate.

1. What is the one thing that needs changing immediately? Work on answers.
2. Stress is a killer. Find one peaceful moment each day to recharge.
3. We can ask a friend, family, or neighbor for help and support.
4. What hobby or career have we always wanted to begin?
5. Experiment with “fasting” from TV, Facebook, or Twitter for several days.
6. Stay healthy. For energy start walking around the block or at the gym.
7. Join a women’s Bible study group during the week.         

Who Created All This Beauty?

Here’s a thought: why did God spend time to create our beautiful physical world? Was He required to make 7,500 varieties of apples in the world? Or 4 million different species of flowers? No, He wasn't. As we see it, He simply delighted in variety, detail, and beauty. And how about people? Oh, my! How He loves each one of us no matter where we are or what we are doing to love the life He gave us. Let’s not waste it and then wonder where all our days went.

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. …So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can” (Ecclesiastes 3:11a-12 NLT).

None of Us Want to Be Alone

Alone is a Choice

Many people want to belong to something important where they can make a difference. Some of us join clubs of all kinds. There are groups for moms, book lovers, students, writers, artists, and for cooking, sewing, and working out. Joining one of these sisterhoods helps to encourage and educate us.

Sometimes we have ideas that don’t seem to work out no matter what we do. We need the assistance of others to see how they do things we’ve never thought of as a solution. We learn as our hearts are warmed by their friendliness. Suddenly, the project we’ve been working on becomes much easier. And we breathe.

We were never meant to do things all alone especially now that we are single-again. What would be the point anyways? If we want to share some new ideas, who would we share them with? Want to help in our neighborhood? How would we do it alone? We simply cannot get trapped in our own little world.  

We may not be a mountain climber like Aron Ralston, but in the movie of his true life story, 127 Hours, we witness how a huge boulder traps him in a canyon in Utah. All alone, he had no way to call for help. For five days, he drew “strength and inspiration from his family and friends.” Without them, he probably would still be pleading with the rocks!

Feedback is Important
Living alone can be very similar. How many of us have found ourselves talking out loud to, well, nothing in particular? Of course, we don’t expect an answer (hopefully not), but, strangely, it seems to help every now and then even though the sound of our own voice in the silence may startle us.

Where we really need to hear an answer is when we are hurting, in trouble, feeling defeated, or we just want to express ourselves and get feedback other than our own. A friend who has been through all the mess life can dish out may have surprising insight for us. She can be our backup support when we are dealing with oh! so many dilemmas. And, in turn, we can be hers.

Without friends to share the good and the not-so-good in our lives, we leave ourselves open to the worst thinking patterns. How many times have we blown things out of proportion when left alone? What someone said to us yesterday in good faith today becomes an attack. We see two friends heading out the door together and immediately wonder why they didn’t invite us if they were going to the movies when really one friend was simply supporting the other to a doctor's appointment.  

Hope, Help, or Hazard?

We remember how very bad our lives have gone in years past and wrongly imagine how they will never get any better. We begin to see ourselves in the darkness without any hope. This kind of gloomy thinking can catapult us right into depression in its many forms.

Joining Solves Many Problems

If we are shy or an introvert, it may not be easy to step out and make new friends. Even if we are the social type, moving to a new town or a new job can make us feel reserved and less than confident. It may help to start with this list of ways to join in with others.

1. Exercise/walk/jog in the same place every day. Others will eventually make contact and it will give our smile a workout too.
2. Find a church home nearby and shake hands with the door greeter.
3. Join a class, team, or club. It’s a ready-made group with similar interests.
4. Attend lectures, book signings, poetry groups. A different version of the one above.
5. Accept invitations for coffee or a movie after connecting with someone.

Let’s keep adding to this list and soon our pet will wonder why her food bowl is empty all the time!

New and Old Make Great Friends

The One who created us never intended for us to be alone. The first person on this earth was Adam but God knew Adam needed a companion and so He created Eve. Now, even if we have decided not to date yet, it would be to our advantage to meet new friends as we also keep in touch with some of our old friends. Eventually, we will learn what works best for our new lives and start growing one friendship after another. God knows and loves us like no other could. His “door” is always open when we want to talk. Try it!   

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT).

Are Your Hopes and Dreams Different Now?

Gray Hare (hair)

It’s certainly not surprising to hear nearly eighty percent of women dye their hair something other than their natural color (Clairol 2008 study as reported at Emerita.com, a women’s wellness site). And, of course, women in Hollywood tend to lead the trends. Can we even remember what actress Diane Keaton (74) looked like before her beautiful gray locks? Or actress Jamie Lee Curtis (61) who sported an “icy white” shade at the 2019 Golden Globes? Country singer Emmylou Harris (72) has looked great in white for more than eight years. Singer and actress Rita Moreno is ninety years old and still looks better in light gray!

As we age, our health, and our looks start turning towards a more natural way of life. It becomes apparent to us that maybe, just maybe, we can avoid much of what we thought was necessary for our younger years such as the latest lipstick color (but still a great way to uplift our spirits!), foundation formula, and hair color. It just doesn’t seem as important as it once was.

This is not to say we shouldn’t keep ourselves looking our very best. Not only watching our diet and participating in exercise but once we choose to turn a shade of gray, we may need to find other colors to wear in our make-up and clothing. Gray, silver, and white tend to “wash out” skin color. A brighter, color-coded clothes closet with various “happy” hues can help solve this problem. Try it out on the next shopping trip and bring some new colors into the dressing room—a fun experiment!

Wise Beyond Our Years

Someone once said (it’s been attributed to many people), “The older I get, the wiser my parents get!” It’s a funny quote that pops up every now and then but points out the truth of our circumstances. As single-again women, we have been through more than we thought we could ever handle. Maybe one reason for our natural locks turning a beautiful silver, but also a reason we are much stronger today than ever!

The joy of being on our own are the changes that cause us to become an entirely new person. We are older, yes. We are wiser, yes. And unless we have re-married, we no longer must worry about taking care of another person right now. We can concentrate on how to become a whole and a better person. A woman who welcomes the chance to improve her perspective or attitude about life.

Graying Our Words

The progress we are looking for involves learning how to form plans for our own happiness while at the same time being careful not to follow just any unproven recipe or a supposed solution someone may offer to us. As stated earlier, we are now wiser than we’ve ever been and so we must use our good sense and take everything “with a grain of different.”

It may help to meet with a life coach or counselor to figure out the best direction to go before jumping into things. Experience teaches us that our lives are quite different now and so might our paths, hopes, and dreams. It’s an exciting journey to find out what we can do. Whatever didn’t work in the past, may not work in our present. So, let’s be open to new and wonderful ways of thinking, concepts, and passions. Wow! We are on our way!

A Good Book to Read

We may never have realized that God Himself points us down the correct path for our best life. And it will certainly be different for each one of us. In Psalm 139 of the Bible, it says He knows everything about us. Because God created us perfectly, He knows when we travel, stand up, sit down, rest, what we are going to say, and even our thoughts.

From the time we are born until our hair turns white, God has us in His hands ready to make sure we are blessed when we follow Him in all we do. He is our Guide and Helper and every single moment of our lives is recorded in His divine book! Imagine that: The Book of __ (enter your name) ___.

            

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you” (Isaiah 46:4 NLT).

What Story Do You Want to Tell Now?

Which Way?

Sometimes, we find ourselves on the wrong side. The wrong side of a sports team that lost the game, the wrong side of a job not suited for us, the wrong side of planning a disastrous vacation, the wrong side of a conversation, and even the wrong side of a travel destination.

“A man ended up on the wrong side of the Arctic after boarding a flight 1,400 miles in the OPPOSITE direction! He had followed the wrong queue on the airport tarmac and didn’t realize his mistake until the plane landed. It’s near impossible to get on the wrong flight with all the security measures that airports put in place – but somehow a Canadian man managed it.” (Rosie Gizauskas, thesun.co.uk)

And how about ending up in a cemetery? “My daughter and I were visiting a college in Bangor, Maine. After a nice trip, we had our GPS take us back to the car rental agency. Except … it just didn’t seem like it was taking us the right way. We were in the middle of nowhere and pulled up to a graveyard and the GPS said, ‘You have arrived at your destination.’ We did end up having a pleasant walk around a beautiful cemetery, however.” (Alan Willett, New York, Geico.com)

Story

Rewriting Our Story

We can all surely relate with our own stories. Funny or serious our tales are usually quite embarrassing. Life simply doesn’t allow us, humans, to get by without ending up on the wrong side of whatever now and then. Maybe it was because of a lack of planning. Maybe it was the wrong time, place, or person. It has happened to all of us.

Thankfully, there are second chances. We can usually re-do or un-do our mistakes with a little effort. It may pinch some or hurt for a period of time, but we can and will survive if we are determined to change our outlook and methods. What is amazing is that often when we try, the result is even better than our first attempt.  

“The decisions you make today will determine the stories you tell tomorrow.” (Craig Groeschel, author and pastor of Life Church)

Find the right path

It’s when we resist change and continue with our same thoughts and behavior that it never works out for us and we don’t stop to figure out why. We must realize if what we are doing is not working, then we need to find a different path. And, yes, that is scary because we prefer to stay in our comfort zone—it’s cozy, cushy, and cuddly. And best of all, it doesn’t require anything from us. But staying in that contented environment solves absolutely nothing. We know what a bear looks like after a long winter season of hibernating, right? Podgy, paunchy, and pudgy. Exactly what we don’t care to look like!

Finding Clear Vision

New plans are called for now to avoid living on the wrong side of life. But we are going to need some help and direction. Once we have that, our vision will become clearer. Some people have very supportive family members or friends to call on to brainstorm ideas. (An alternative would be a professional counselor). We can bounce thoughts and viewpoints off them and begin to form perspectives—a better picture in our minds of what a new life can look like. This is exciting!

In the Bible this kind of wisdom is often called discernment and is very valuable to us. We do need to make some plans, but we also must understand that God has a certain purpose for each of us and without asking for His help, our plans will end up on the wrong side of life. So, let’s have a “conference” with Him each morning and brainstorm. He will listen and give excellent directions. The road looks rosy now!

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail” (Proverbs 19:21 NLT).

How Are You Different Than Anyone Else?

A Little Love

There is a story about a woman who decided to go out and celebrate Valentine’s Day by shopping at an expensive jewelry store. She had always wanted a ruby and diamond ring but her now divorced husband always thought that was a frivolous gift he did not want to give her (ever) even though he could well afford it. She found the perfect single band with alternating sparkling diamonds and the most gorgeous color of rubies. It was made for her. At the time, her purchase satisfied the lack of love she was feeling on this first Valentine’s Day alone. It was a choice.        

Friday of this week is the day so many single-again women struggle with lonely feelings. But, there really is no reason for those sensations. It’s all about our choices. It’s about how we treat ourselves. It’s about the love we can share with others. Valentine’s Day is about love. Period. Who says it must be all about a couple’s relationship? Check the greeting card aisle and see that it is about expressing love to close friends, sisters, brothers, children, neighbors, parents, even co-workers.

Shifting Our Viewpoint

When was the last time we had a chance to do what we wanted to make a day special? It’s really been a while! There are several things we can do to change our outlook and make this day mean something. So, let’s have some fun with it! Take a look at these 13 ideas and tips, then add your own:   

Share the Love!

1. Who needs another horrendous date? What I need is coffee, now!
2. Do something nice for a perfect stranger; you’ll feel special.
3. It’s a great day for a total spa treatment.
4. Bake a chocolate cake and take it to your sister!
5. This week: buy a cozy new pair of pajamas.
6. Friday: take the day off work and stay in those new pajamas!
7. Share the love: go out to dinner with friends and surprise each one with a yellow friendship rose.
8. Change-up Tip: invite a friend in and watch movies you never do, like a western, sci-fi, or comedy.
9. Release tension by jogging, working out, painting, biking, journaling, or playing with your pet.
10. Learn something new like the guitar, mosaics, golf, photography
11. When all else fails, remember, it’s just another day on the calendar! Yes, really!  
12. Pick up a copy of the book, The Princesses I Know by Ayla Mae Wild. She grabs our hearts when she says, "Princesses pursue their own adventures instead of waiting for a prince to write their stories for them."
13. And don’t forget rubies and diamonds go on sale this week!

A Truth Nugget

The One Who created us knows what we need when we need it. We can depend on God because He loves us no matter what. He loves us when we feel lonely, depressed, confused or angry. He willingly tells us the truth (in His Word, the Bible) about forgiving others, divorce, our responsibilities, and answered prayer. The best thing about Jesus is He is our Peace, Deliverer, Companion, Fulfillment, and our Love! He is our Everything!    

“If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?... If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?” (Matthew 5:46-47 NLT).

Where Can You Find Joy and Satisfaction?

Email surplus 

Sometimes our best days at work can go wrong and cause embarrassment if we are not careful. “Carelessness got the best of this employee. Working as a defense contractor, they [the company] wanted to invite their team to a New Year's Eve party but, unfortunately, the invitation got sent to the wrong group of people.

“They realized their mistake when they started getting replies like 'Am stationed in Italy but will try to make it'. Turns out they had sent the e-vite to a Navy client list whose name was one letter different from their team's. The NYE invitation had been sent to 7,000 sailors.” [as reported by careeraddict.com]

Several funny and sometimes unfortunate events can happen to us the longer we are employed in the work world. It’s just not possible to survive long without collecting some really personal stories. If we are smart enough to save these types of incidents in a file of some sort, then when we retire, we would have enough material to write a book!

What’s the Matter?

Aside from such amusing and absurd situations (we all need to laugh at ourselves now and then), there is nothing funny about getting into the habit of comparing ourselves to others at our workplace, in our families, and our neighborhoods. We need to remember every one of us has unique qualities, gifts, and personalities that suit us and only us.

Unlike a friend in the next office, class, or block, our abilities are different for a reason and for a different purpose. We don’t do ourselves any favors trying to imitate others—in fact, it is self-Destructive with a capital D. Each woman is special and gifted with numerous and exciting traits even if we don’t know what those are right now.

If we become frustrated, perturbed, and unhappy with our lives, it may be an indication we have been comparing ourselves with someone who appears to have everything figured out. Someone who has already accomplished what we want and has moved on to her next goal. We ask ourselves, Why not me? What’s the matter with me?

The answer is we have convinced ourselves that we are in the same category as that other person which is probably not true. Remember, we are each unique. So, we have our own niche to work towards but are unable to discover it because we are too busy looking at the other person. If we are trying to live her life and not our own, we will continually suffer from a distorted view of what we can or cannot accomplish. That leads to a dead end.                    

Plain and Practical Directions

Since we have moved (willingly or not) into a new single-again life (divorced, widowed, or single mom), it’s important to investigate and discover clues about ourselves and our abilities. Taking time to do this will lead to a very satisfying life. We are not saying it will be easy, but it will turn us around so we can see straight ahead.

Addition Blocks

The following seven questions will get us thinking and bring answers we may have never considered before today. This is an important building block for anyone wanting an enjoyable and successful life. Journal the answer to each one as it will lead to more insight:

1. What dreams are burning inside your thoughts?
2. What one thing needs to change for your dream to begin?
3. Describe your ideal environment (house/job/city etc.)
4. Is there a college class you need to take?
5. What did you like to do when you were a child?
6. What habit could be changed for the better?
7. Name one or two friends who are nurturing to you.

“Understand that the what must come before the how. First, choose what you would do. The how usually falls into place of itself.” (Julia Cameron, the Artist’s Way).

A Lifetime of Happiness

Everything happens for a reason and for a purpose. The Creator of the entire Universe knows us better than anyone. Even ourselves. What is even more exciting is God already has a plan for us and is anxious to help us acquire just the right skills, tools, and connections for a lifetime of happiness!    

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (Galatians 6:4-5 NLT).