How to Live in Peace and Harmony Every Day of the Year

Get to the Answer

Thankfully, we’ve been given the intelligence to know and decide how to act in any situation. In other words, we inherently know right from wrong. But is it easy to make good decisions? Absolutely not! We know this by how long it took us to change our own lives for the better. But we finally did it when we had the best information.

One of the uncontrolled parts of our previously married life is that some of us, or we could say most of us, were “commanded” daily by our significant other to do some things we knew were not right at the time. But because we were pushed emotionally and, sometimes, physically until we complied, we resisted and didn’t act on our own decision. A very uncomfortable position, indeed.   

Making Informed Decisions

Now that we are on our own, we can strive to live in peace and harmony with others without giving up our common sense and moral values. Sometimes it's very difficult to lean in that direction, especially when certain questionable activities make us cringe and even doubt our beliefs because of the popularity of it all. This week on Thursday, October 31st is one of those misunderstood occasions that can tend to rub us the wrong way. Not everyone believes or celebrates Halloween. We want to do what we know is right for us, but how do we do that?

First, let’s remember we are each free to determine how we should act and why. There is absolutely no judgment here, only some truths we may have never considered. Celebrating Halloween or not is our decision alone, but to do that, we need knowledge of the subject: some pertinent information and historical facts to consider that will help us make an informed decision along the way. Amazingly, God has a lot to say about this subject. So, it is important for us to settle now how we want to reflect our Christian lives to others.

Second, we would be correct in saying the Bible does not mention the actual word Halloween. And perhaps for some people, there is nothing evil about children’s “happy and cute” costumes in general. But we should at least ask, is Halloween anti-Christian? When talking about the “darker” aspects of this October day, absolutely! So, we must figure out exactly how we feel about this “celebration” and how we want to handle it.   

Do No Harm  

The Bible: God's Truth to Us

God, however, didn’t leave us to figure it all out by ourselves. He’s good that way. He has our backs! God has definite instructions for us about certain questionable practices, no matter what day it is! Here are some eye-opening facts we previously may not have even thought much about:

Considered innocent by some people, the following activities are extremely harmful to us according to God’s Word (look up the corresponding verses to discover why):

·                     witchcraft and fortune-telling (Lev 19:26)

·                     occult (Acts 8:9-24)

·                     sorcery (Acts 13:6-11)

·                     magic (Acts 19:19)

·                     mediums and necromancers (Lev 19:31, 20:6)

·                     divination, casting spells, seances, channeling (Deut 18:9-12)

As if those customs were not enough, the Bible speaks in general about unexplored subjects such as:

·                     no such thing as ghosts (of deceased persons) (2 Cor 11:14-15)

·                     there are, however, good angels (Isa 6:2-6)

·                     there are also evil demons (Lk 8:2)

In addition to the above, Satan (our enemy) and his many demons are real! And they can and will deceive and convince us it’s okay to participate in activities such as psychics, seances, tarot cards, Ouija boards, crystal balls, and horoscopes to mislead, corrupt, and destroy us! This shows the importance of reading the Bible daily, otherwise, how will we ever know the truth?  

Amazing Truth

“Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them” (Ephesians 5:11 NLT).

“Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe--some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them--then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong” (Romans: 14:22-23 MSG).

How to Conquer Seven Destructive Invaders

Best Fall Colors

Roots may start small but, eventually--with loving care, pampering, and feeding--they grow into beautiful plants, flowers, or a tree in our yard. It's a slow process, but watching the progress is quite satisfying and soon we see the lush result of our efforts.

Sometimes, especially for those of us who are not gardeners, the plants start wilting, turn brown and ugly, and never grow into anything beautiful. It's like a poison that invades the entire root and we are not even aware of the cause!

Our Roots Are Growing!

Since we are now on our own as single-again women, we have the fantastic choice of starting a beautiful "garden" with our lives. Yes, we do understand it's extremely difficult to even think about what to do or how to do it at this point. So, we ask ourselves, what if I just don't do anything? What if I just sit here all day long twirling my thumbs? What if I use the time to start blaming others for my problems?

Those certainly are choices too. We can just stop caring for ourselves and allow our "roots" to stop growing. No one is saying we can't do that if we desire. But it will require one thing. It will require that we admit we have given up. If we believe that hopeless thought, then inertia will take control of our lives and nothing good will sprout in us. We are still breathing, but not thriving. Existing, but unable to move. We need nourishment so we can grow!

The point here is that we are stronger than all those moments of disappointments, abuse (physical or emotional), resentments, and pain. We are here, aren't we? Regardless of what we think about what happened to us, we have not given up by any means! We have fought with everything we have in us to get to this point. Our roots are growing, slowly maybe, but growing nonetheless! Congratulations, sister!

Seven Destructive Invaders

Friendly Invader

One simple truth about gardens is they require constant weeding or unpleasant things begin to flourish. Our lives are like that too. After what we have been through, we most certainly will need to clear all the harmful and destructive invaders to free ourselves completely.  

Think about the following "invaders or poisonous weeds." We have all had them spring up into our hearts, sometimes repeatedly. The Bible says we have a spiritual "thief" (enemy) who will destroy us if we don’t pay attention. So, take these seven invaders seriously:

Bitterness

Disappointment

Resentment

Grudges

Jealousy

Conflict/Arguments
Hatred

[Please note: If any of these feelings bother you to the point of destruction, please speak immediately with a counselor.]

God plainly says, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT). In other words, He is our answer.

A Flourishing and Glorious Garden

There is solid help available both in this world and from God, our Heavenly Father. He provides us a Helper called the Holy Spirit to guide us through all the "destructive invaders" so we can create a flourishing and glorious garden. One beautiful Truth to hang onto is: we will receive many blessings if we seek God instead of listening to the thief/enemy.  

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many" (Hebrews 12:15 NLT).

How to Grow and Spread Your Wings

A new pair of shoes

A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, “My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?” “I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,” was the boy’s reply.

The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel.

By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy’s feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, “No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?”

As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words: “Are you God’s wife?” (Author unknown. A story as told in mirthandmotivation.com).

Turning Corners

So many times, we tend to ignore what is right before us. Especially now when we have just gone through a devastating period in our lives, our problems seem insurmountable and we see nothing else in our path. Each day is difficult. Each hour is excruciating. Each minute is painful.  

These types of feelings are natural and expected especially when our circumstances are brand new to us and it hasn’t been very long at all since we became single-again women (divorced, widowed, single mom). At this point, don’t let anyone tell you not to feel the sorrow and distress. There is a certain time period where we all go through the stages of grief.

Spread your wings and fly!

Eventually at some point, we will turn a corner and begin to feel better with each passing day as we put one foot in front of the other. This is when our eyes open a little wider and we can lift our heads. We might even surprise ourselves simply by smiling—at ourselves and others too.

Now is the opportunity to figure out what to do with our lives. How to live differently because, obviously, we are different. Unfortunately, many women try and continue to make everything remain exactly as it was; this is usually a very bad idea that holds us back from growing and spreading our wings!           

Hanging Out with Friends

“Life is 10% what happens and 90% of how you react to it.” (Charles Swindoll, pastor, and author).

Just like the “wise” woman in the (likely fictional) story above, we might try and not dwell on ourselves so much that we forget what is happening in the lives of other people. Of course, the story does not indicate if the woman was single or not, but it seems to us that she was at the very least, generous, kind, and unselfish.    

One of the changes we may have already experienced as a single-again woman is that our circle of “friends” seems to have evolved into several new relationships. We find ourselves gravitating towards other women going through the same scenario. That’s a great sign!

Why? Because we are learning how to spread our wings and have become interested in finding out how others have successfully changed their lives for the better. We are “hanging out” with those who can provide insight, intuition, and intelligence about something we know little about.

Arms Wide Open

The greatest insight we can possess is to recognize that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us above and beyond what we can imagine. He is unlike any earthly father we have ever known.

He cares deeply what we have experienced and what happened to us before and after the change in our marital status. He is waiting for us each to turn to Him with all our sorrows, grief, heartache, and pain. His arms are wide open! Run to Him now!                 

“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces” (Prov 13:20 MSG).

Do You Wish for More Time at Work?

Relax and Kick Your Feet Up

"Stress and relaxation cannot exist at the same time--just as darkness cannot exist where there is light!" (Sue Ingebretson, author, speaker, and certified holistic health care practitioner) CLICK HERE for Sue's Blog       

Most of us overdose on way too much stress and not enough relaxation making us a "stressaholic". We get busy from the moment our feet hit the ground in the morning and then we fall into bed (sometimes literally!) at night without ever calming down. We have jobs and careers, people to take care of, chores to get done, and never enough time to enjoy the benefits of relaxation.  

Leisure activities such as reading, working on a hobby, journaling, crafts, sewing, sports, exercising and so on are a necessary part of resting our minds and bodies. Notice we left out "screen" time--TV, computers, social media, texting--which sucks out brain cells and leaves us feeling worse (okay, we cannot prove it here, but ask any life/health coach and you'll hear the expert result).

We all probably have some type of calendar to organize and plan our lives. So, we can put that tool to good use by scheduling our leisure time! Yes, we can get into the habit of doing just that! One other important stress-reduction method is to only work five days a week at our regular job to allow “downtime” on the weekends. Once we get into a practice of taking breaks such as these, we’ll most likely see an improvement in less stress and better health. 

Readjusting Our Lifestyles

There is a reason why a regular workday has always been set to cover eight hours of activity. Because more than eight hours nonstop shows up in our lack of productivity and is the perfect recipe for stress. Wow! In 2019 that sounds so antiquated, doesn't it? 

Especially in America where we have stretched and stretched the acceptable workday into 12-16 hours to the point that if we do not work those crazy hours, we may be considered lazy or unproductive! That is sad. Someone once said, "No one on their deathbed ever said they wished they had spent more time at work." 

Stress anyone?

Work hours around the world vary. For example, Eastern Europe has a higher number of daily work hours than the U.S., but Western European countries typically work 35 hours per week on the average, especially France. And in Spain, there is a Siesta (break) from 2:00-5:00pm with long lunches and healthy afternoon naps followed by a late nightlife!  

Wherever we work, and the more we work per day at a job, career, or at home, the more stress will show up in our life. The only way to combat this health danger is to treat relaxation as a necessary component to our schedule. 

Somehow, we need to think seriously about ways to reduce our stress level or accept the fact we will visit the doctor's office more and more. Even though we are getting near to the end of the year, it’s still the perfect time to readjust our lifestyles for the sake of our health. If we are in our 20s, 30s, or even 40s and are in good shape, this might seem silly to "program" relaxation into our day. But with each decade that passes, it will definitely become more and more obvious we have to do something! Better to begin now.

Using Our Brains to Calm Our Body

Relax with a book

It's been said it takes 21 days to create a new habit. So, we can just start with one fun activity and add it to our calendar. Go easy: for example, 11-21 minutes per day of reading a great short story before bed will have an amazing effect on our sleep and sleep is when our bodies repair any damage from the day. After three weeks, add one more fun thing like walking for 16 minutes before work, or journaling. Whatever makes us smile will do the trick! 

Peace of Mind Once and For All

Life can be so difficult at times; we need a Helper. God knew how stressed we would get and so He already planned on leaving us Someone named the Holy Spirit that would live in our hearts. He's the best stress-busting gift of all! Whenever we are ready, we can just ask Him to come into our heart and He gladly will!  

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" (John 14:27 NLT). 

Separating the Good from the Bad

Capture Fall Leaves

Last week, autumn 2019 visibly revealed itself with massive piles of leaves to rake in many areas of the country. Usually not a favorite chore for adults although children enlisted to help thoroughly enjoy themselves and eventually end up playing and jumping into the piles more than working to clear them. A great photo opportunity! It takes a while--and sometimes more than once or twice--to get the job done for the season. The result is winterized yards and trees that need plenty of rest.  

Now some people say this is a depressing sight. But it doesn't have to be that way. If we think about this natural occurrence, it’s all about survival. According to the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, trees can lose a lot of water in the spring and summer just producing leaves. In the winter they no longer have enough water, so the tree actually "pushes" the leaves off the branch so they can reserve their energy to grow new ones in the spring again. Amazing!

None of us can say we are bare trees waiting for the spring, but we can certainly understand the concept of needing rest to rejuvenate our bodies. No! No! We are not promoting hibernating and never getting our bodies to move just because it is winter. Far from it. We probably need even more exercise in the winter, or we could waste away like the leaves. But this week isn't about exercising per se. Whew! Almost lost you there! 

Better Than Bad
What we want to encourage right now is how to move forward as single-again women and really get a head start on what we want to do and where we want to go. It may seem like we are talking about New Years' resolutions, but we are not. We just want to throw out the bad (anything useless or worthless) and issue in all that is good (useful and valuable). It's not so hard. In fact, it may be as simple as picking and choosing some of these fun seasonal ideas (or add your own):  

To Do
1-Make/craft something new and fresh. Wreaths, tree garlands, gifts. Donate or trash the old Fall and Christmas decorations (they belonged to another era).

Try a New Recipe

2-Create at least one new tradition and try a recipe of your own instead of the one that's been in the family for centuries.

3-Change your furniture around. Add new pillows. It will change your attitude too.

To Go

1-Invite a friend or two to a midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

2-When was the last time you went ice skating? It's still fun!

3-How many of us have ever seen a live stage production of The Nutcracker Ballet? No excuses, most towns have this classic between now and Christmas. Grab a friend and just go. Not into ballet? There is also The Nutcracker movie (hint: it just isn't the same though!).

It Takes a Community

Hopefully, with an open mind and heart, we may discover that the Fresh Start Momentum blog is all about us—women who are trying to survive adversity, heartache, and misery! We want to encourage and help as many women as possible all around the globe to re-create an old life into a new, successful life. Why? Because maybe we haven't done this before and can't seem to get started. But it really can be better than it is now. Some people say, "it takes a village." We say it takes a community. A group of other women who have gone through this mess.

That’s just part of it though. We also know it takes Someone in control to be our Helper—our Guide. Someone who knows us inside and out. . .all the pain, sorrow, and grief that has tried to bring us down. Amazingly, He also knows our heart. He created it! He created each one of us as unique and special in all ways. And God is the most important part of our past, present, and future. Just know one important thing--He didn't cause our divorce, but He knows everything that happened from beginning to end. Now He is ready to take us in His arms and never let us go. We are that valuable to Him!

"He is ready to separate the chaff [anything false, useless, worthless, wicked, evil] from the wheat [everything true, useful, and valuable] with his winnowing [sifting] fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire" (Matthew 3:12 NLT). (Emphasis added).   

Are We Ready to Jump into Chapter Two?

Chapter 2

Life really looks different from an opposing angle. A long time ago a movie named Chapter Two came out about two people who had each just experienced devastating change in their lives. She, an actress and recently divorced, and he, mourning the death of his wife. One is ready for what the future might hold and the other remains lost, eaten up by guilt.

Our situations could be going through very similar “chapters.” It takes time to adjust and a lot of courage to even want a different life than our previous one. We simply can’t imagine how we will ever make it on our own. Unfortunately, some of us try and hang on and on and on to no avail. It’s as if we no longer have a purpose or any possibilities that we can see. That’s certainly understandable and it’s okay to take however much time as we need.  

The Next Page

The trouble is 99.9% of us had no choice whether we left, or he did. Once the decision was made by one party, the inevitable happened. Of course, death is an entirely different crisis. It’s a startling and permanent change--an unstable turning point. The one common denominator in all these outcomes is the fact we all need support and encouragement to get to the next chapter.

So, we will take the time to sort out some of our feelings and decide at least the first two or three steps needed to get the momentum going. We can (able) do this! However, if we find ourselves hibernating for too long and holding back from our friends and family, that’s a red flag. Don’t go there! That’s a sure sign we want to “throw in the towel” and have a pity party. Not pretty at all.

Of course, we are not saying we should give up on ever turning to the next page in our stories and, instead, transform into the neighborhood hag no one wants to be around. There are positive ways to move forward so let’s explore.

Five Positive Ideas

    We all need friends. The best #1 suggestion: find a church home to join. Most will have a women’s group that meets regularly.

Coffee Anyone?

    Family is important. Touchbase by inviting one of them to coffee sooner than later.

Encouragement. There is absolutely no shame or intimidation in joining a weekly support group of others going through the same thing.

Fun! Look through the closet or garage to find those hobby items stashed away long ago and get busy having fun (and maybe profit).

Growth. Find a class in a subject that has always sounded interesting. Become an expert in it and then volunteer as a teacher at a community college.

Numerous Chapters

It’s easy to dwell on all our troubles, so easy! There is no benefit, however, in doing that. We have gone through what feels like the fires of hell and have come to this point in our lives. God has given us this chance to make things right once and for all. Why wouldn’t we?

We can hear Him if we listen for His voice. One of the best ways He “speaks” to us is through His fabulous book called the Holy Bible. It contains 66 books and numerous chapters and verses of instruction. It covers every single subject and topic about our lives that we can even think of!

A Christian Bible can be purchased in a Christian bookstore or even online at such sites such as [click here:] Lifeway           

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord” (Psalm 119:1 NLT).

“Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word” (Psalm 119:37 NLT).

Celebrating Our Journey Together!

Enough

Three years ago this week, this blog was launched as a tribute and encouragement to single-again women everywhere. Women who have experienced too much sorrow, hurt, pain, and garbage, too soon in their lives. With this dissolution staring us in the face, Fresh Start Momentum (FSM) moved forward in 2016 believing every woman, regardless of race, color, age, or nationality, is valuable to herself and others, worthy of respect, and extraordinary in all she strives to become. She is honored for her persistence and perseverance. She is priceless. WE are priceless!

A Brand New World

It’s been a wild and exciting ride sharing these posts. Hopefully, they have brought enjoyment while at the same time have been practical and forward-thinking. FSM continues to encourage every woman--whether divorced, widowed, or a single mom--to live a life of confidence and strength, as our journey grows and expands into a brand new world. Striving to invigorate and energize our lives, FSM stands beside each one of us cheering our efforts to build momentum into a brand new Fresh Start because new and better days are ahead for all of us!

Over the last few years, women from all over the world--including Ukraine, Spain, Japan, France, Portugal, Israel, Brazil, Poland, Germany, Russia, the United Kingdom, Pakistan, and the United States among many others--have stopped to read these blog messages. We are part of this "testament" of courageous women anxious to re-invent our lives as we grow through past disaster and devastation. No matter where we live out our lives, FSM is truly thankful for each one of you!   

We must keep reminding ourselves not to give up, but to seek answers, get out of our own way, and stay "plugged in" for the long haul, then we are ready to build, or re-build, a single-again life that brings with it all the peace and joy we could ever imagine. The important lesson of "replacement" teaches how to exchange the lie that we are worthless, with the truth that we can accomplish anything we can dream. The journey begins in our minds which no one can take from us.

The Key of Belonging 

We hope to share knowledge, wisdom, ideas, and tips on living the most powerful and persuasive lives we can with what we have been given. It is never too late to begin. No matter what has happened in the past, going forward with confidence is all that counts.

We are planning for the coming year to continue finding what makes each one of us excited to get out of bed each day. This is our time now and we just can’t waste it and let it go without a thought. As always, FSM is determined not to cultivate an atmosphere of gloom and doom. And we hope you join us in that endeavor in your home. There’s too much of that “disease” going around. We have much more important and fun things to do here.

The Key of Belonging

A “key” to take and put in our pockets right now is the fact, we belong to each other; we are a community of strong women. Sure, we can’t all meet in person, but a place of belonging (even a virtual one) is important to dissolve the no-one-cares-about-me feelings that can get us down. Let's be determined to not let that happen! Realize our lives are different now and in many ways better. This requires a new paradigm or pattern and a fresh way of looking at possibilities that we each can create for ourselves. FSM is here throughout 2019-2020 to inspire us to get the momentum going and keep it going. Achieving this momentum will help us to help others in our shoes. And the wheels spin on and on and on and.......

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Every woman was shaped by the Creator of the Universe. His love of our individual, inherent worth is beyond imagination. In turn, we are called to influence those around us. We can not affect others positively without first becoming our true selves. God uses all kinds of women, all around the world to accomplish His purpose. He has a plan to bring us fresh hope and a bright future. Who else can promise that? It all starts with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him, and only Him, all things are possible. This is what the Lord says:

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for" (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).