Do You Want to Build a Peaceful Life?

Strive for Peace 

Today we celebrate the birthday and achievements of Martin Luther King, Jr. He was a Baptist minister whose passion drove him to publicly support peace and non-violent means to end segregation in America during the 1960s. He was both admired and despised, esteemed and insignificant, prominent and an instigator.

However we choose to view him and what he stood for, we must admit he wished for nothing but change to come. For peace to rule our nation. For discrimination to be wiped out. MLK was eventually awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964. Four years later he was assassinated.

Where Exactly is Peace Found?

All of us must work hard at creating peace in our lives. Single-again women may find it even more difficult right after a breakup or divorce, but it can be done if we don’t give up! The rewards are worth it. Let's consider some practical ways to start building our most peaceful life now.

·                     Just like the support groups repeat at each meeting, it's important to take one step at a time. That’s not just a cliché because rushing through this period in our lives will make for a shaky foundation. Start with whatever is most important right this moment. Is it a job? A better or more appropriate place to live? A new passion? Finding new friends? Tackling one victory at a time will not be so overwhelming.

·                     Find the positives every day. Go forward, not left, right, or backwards. Dwelling on all the mess of the past and how hard it is to get out of bed, will not get us anywhere. Before snuggling under the nightly covers, make a small “To-Do” list of no more than three things. Set the alarm, program the coffeemaker, schedule the calendar to get moving after waking. If it helps, we can turn on happy music when cleaning the house. There are a million ways to make this happen. Now, things are looking up!

·                     Build a community of people to depend on. A new single-again life requires single-again friends to do things with and to call on when we need help. They have been in our shoes. They know how to do this thing called "living." Welcome their invitations to go places or to join a club and find a new hobby.

·                     We know that mistakes happen. Don’t freak out, just learn from them or else risk repeating them and, who wants that? Get on our computers and read up on how to build positive lives. Try several new ways to make this happen because everything we’ve tried in the past may not have worked out. Our confidence will soar as we see results!

·                     No fantasies! They aren't real and will only cause us frustration. If having a large mansion isn't in the budget right now, find something that is beautiful and that we can be proud of showing. Simple is good. Anyway, it's trendy to go "minimalist" in the decorating arena. Two hundred and fifty dollar jeans are not reasonable; only shop the "sale" racks (or better yet, discount stores) for clothes.

·                     Know that true and lasting peace only comes from God. He has been called the Prince of Peace so His intervention in our lives will make everything right in our world. Without Him, difficulties will continue to pile onto each other, and we will get lost once again. He's there. He has the answers. Let’s not leave Him out of our plans.

The Icing on the Cake: Patience

None of the above tips will work without Patience as a companion. Take a breath and remember these two truths:

Challenges - we grow and mature through the "ugly stuff" in our lives. Yes, there is a reason for everything we experience; no one is exempt. Even a rose has thorns! We can find our purpose for the thorns in our sides, if only we show a little tenacity and patience. We can do this!

Attitudes - how we react and treat others with patience will amaze them. Break the mold and be willing to display the kind and loving woman inside. It's really contagious!

“For the Scriptures say, ‘If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days…Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT).

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance…” (Rev 2:2a NLT).

Are We Ready to Jump into Chapter Two?

Chapter 2

Life really looks different from an opposing angle. A long time ago a movie named Chapter Two came out about two people who had each just experienced devastating change in their lives. She, an actress and recently divorced, and he, mourning the death of his wife. One is ready for what the future might hold and the other remains lost, eaten up by guilt.

Our situations could be going through very similar “chapters.” It takes time to adjust and a lot of courage to even want a different life than our previous one. We simply can’t imagine how we will ever make it on our own. Unfortunately, some of us try and hang on and on and on to no avail. It’s as if we no longer have a purpose or any possibilities that we can see. That’s certainly understandable and it’s okay to take however much time as we need.  

The Next Page

The trouble is 99.9% of us had no choice whether we left, or he did. Once the decision was made by one party, the inevitable happened. Of course, death is an entirely different crisis. It’s a startling and permanent change--an unstable turning point. The one common denominator in all these outcomes is the fact we all need support and encouragement to get to the next chapter.

So, we will take the time to sort out some of our feelings and decide at least the first two or three steps needed to get the momentum going. We can (able) do this! However, if we find ourselves hibernating for too long and holding back from our friends and family, that’s a red flag. Don’t go there! That’s a sure sign we want to “throw in the towel” and have a pity party. Not pretty at all.

Of course, we are not saying we should give up on ever turning to the next page in our stories and, instead, transform into the neighborhood hag no one wants to be around. There are positive ways to move forward so let’s explore.

Five Positive Ideas

    We all need friends. The best #1 suggestion: find a church home to join. Most will have a women’s group that meets regularly.

Coffee Anyone?

    Family is important. Touchbase by inviting one of them to coffee sooner than later.

Encouragement. There is absolutely no shame or intimidation in joining a weekly support group of others going through the same thing.

Fun! Look through the closet or garage to find those hobby items stashed away long ago and get busy having fun (and maybe profit).

Growth. Find a class in a subject that has always sounded interesting. Become an expert in it and then volunteer as a teacher at a community college.

Numerous Chapters

It’s easy to dwell on all our troubles, so easy! There is no benefit, however, in doing that. We have gone through what feels like the fires of hell and have come to this point in our lives. God has given us this chance to make things right once and for all. Why wouldn’t we?

We can hear Him if we listen for His voice. One of the best ways He “speaks” to us is through His fabulous book called the Holy Bible. It contains 66 books and numerous chapters and verses of instruction. It covers every single subject and topic about our lives that we can even think of!

A Christian Bible can be purchased in a Christian bookstore or even online at such sites such as [click here:] Lifeway           

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord” (Psalm 119:1 NLT).

“Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word” (Psalm 119:37 NLT).

What Is Growing Inside Our Hearts?

A grateful heart

We often hear people say something like, "I hope you have a Happy Birthday!" Or, "I hope my plans for finding a new job work out." Where do we suppose these thoughts and wishes come from? 

Positive thoughts such as these are truly an act of faith welling up inside us. We can't see them, but they rise to the surface and pour out of our hearts, minds, and mouths. We can effectively practice and use positive words to encourage others (or ourselves) and make everyone feel less concerned about an upcoming situation.

This type of “kindness” attitude causes our soul to rejoice--like a little giggle creeping up--when we place our faith in things God has already planned and arranged for our lives. We become a sort of “ambassador” spreading as much love and joy around us as we can share, and this world certainly needs as much of that as we can give out! Of course, we have no idea what will happen to us next week, next summer, or next year. But our Creator knows. He knows! We just must be willing to trust Him. 

Sure, not everything that takes place in our lives is great. Or fun. Or what we want. That is because none of us are perfect. We make mistakes. We don't pay attention to what we are doing. We waste time, talents, and tempo and that affects our lives daily.    

But there is a better way to live and enjoy life. First, we can define faith as what we cannot see with our eyes, nor can we predict future events with our minds. We must rely on our faith. If we are open to this idea and principle of faith, then, secondly, we know through experience that our faith fluctuates at times just because we are all human. It's like a thermometer. When we are sad, depressed, or even apathetic about things in our lives, our faith takes a dive and barely registers. If we are happy, joyful, content and positive, our faith soars! 

What’s the Solution?
Is there something we can do when our faith is low? This answer may seem too simple and quite the opposite of what we are now thinking, but the solution is actually thankfulness! Yes, that's right. Stay with me now--there is something positive we can do to change our situation. Expressing gratitude and courting depression at the same time just doesn’t work. So, if we can practice and find a way to gather up even a bit of gratefulness, we can change feelings of depression a little at a time!

[Note: this is not a clinical or professional opinion about diagnosed depression. Please see your family doctor or a mental health professional for further discussion on this subject].         

Since faith is something that can't be seen, we are suggesting keeping an on-going, daily journal about thankfulness and gratitude for every tiny thing God has given us! It's not a big chunk of time out of our day. Just take three-and-a-half minutes each evening before bed and record three things we are grateful for from that day. Be specific for big as well as all the little things each day. Thank you, God, for yellow roses in my garden, fresh snow on the mountaintop, a new sweater to wear, getting eight hours of sleep, friends who call, a new book to read, food in my refrigerator, and an answer to my prayer for physical healing. Of course, use your own words.

Our faith thermometer

Result? When you write down what you are grateful for, it can be seen later or tomorrow or next month. This reminder really, really works to increase the temperature of our faith thermometer! 

Moving Mountains

If we give God a chance, He will bless us with all the promises He has to help us enjoy a satisfying and abundant life. It's when we leave Him out of our plans--out of our lives--that things get all messed up. One of the amazing gifts God gives us is free will. We can do whatever we choose to do right or wrong; God will not stand in our way. But if we ignore His direction and plans for our lives, we cannot really expect our faith to grow. It is our hope and faith in Him that will make our paths straight. The Bible tells us that even if our faith is only as small as a mustard seed, it can move mountains! (Matthew 17:20). Nothing is impossible with God on our side.

"Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see" (Hebrews 11:1 NLT).