What Story Do You Want to Tell Now?

Which Way?

Sometimes, we find ourselves on the wrong side. The wrong side of a sports team that lost the game, the wrong side of a job not suited for us, the wrong side of planning a disastrous vacation, the wrong side of a conversation, and even the wrong side of a travel destination.

“A man ended up on the wrong side of the Arctic after boarding a flight 1,400 miles in the OPPOSITE direction! He had followed the wrong queue on the airport tarmac and didn’t realize his mistake until the plane landed. It’s near impossible to get on the wrong flight with all the security measures that airports put in place – but somehow a Canadian man managed it.” (Rosie Gizauskas, thesun.co.uk)

And how about ending up in a cemetery? “My daughter and I were visiting a college in Bangor, Maine. After a nice trip, we had our GPS take us back to the car rental agency. Except … it just didn’t seem like it was taking us the right way. We were in the middle of nowhere and pulled up to a graveyard and the GPS said, ‘You have arrived at your destination.’ We did end up having a pleasant walk around a beautiful cemetery, however.” (Alan Willett, New York, Geico.com)

Story

Rewriting Our Story

We can all surely relate with our own stories. Funny or serious our tales are usually quite embarrassing. Life simply doesn’t allow us, humans, to get by without ending up on the wrong side of whatever now and then. Maybe it was because of a lack of planning. Maybe it was the wrong time, place, or person. It has happened to all of us.

Thankfully, there are second chances. We can usually re-do or un-do our mistakes with a little effort. It may pinch some or hurt for a period of time, but we can and will survive if we are determined to change our outlook and methods. What is amazing is that often when we try, the result is even better than our first attempt.  

“The decisions you make today will determine the stories you tell tomorrow.” (Craig Groeschel, author and pastor of Life Church)

Find the right path

It’s when we resist change and continue with our same thoughts and behavior that it never works out for us and we don’t stop to figure out why. We must realize if what we are doing is not working, then we need to find a different path. And, yes, that is scary because we prefer to stay in our comfort zone—it’s cozy, cushy, and cuddly. And best of all, it doesn’t require anything from us. But staying in that contented environment solves absolutely nothing. We know what a bear looks like after a long winter season of hibernating, right? Podgy, paunchy, and pudgy. Exactly what we don’t care to look like!

Finding Clear Vision

New plans are called for now to avoid living on the wrong side of life. But we are going to need some help and direction. Once we have that, our vision will become clearer. Some people have very supportive family members or friends to call on to brainstorm ideas. (An alternative would be a professional counselor). We can bounce thoughts and viewpoints off them and begin to form perspectives—a better picture in our minds of what a new life can look like. This is exciting!

In the Bible this kind of wisdom is often called discernment and is very valuable to us. We do need to make some plans, but we also must understand that God has a certain purpose for each of us and without asking for His help, our plans will end up on the wrong side of life. So, let’s have a “conference” with Him each morning and brainstorm. He will listen and give excellent directions. The road looks rosy now!

“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail” (Proverbs 19:21 NLT).

How Are You Different Than Anyone Else?

A Little Love

There is a story about a woman who decided to go out and celebrate Valentine’s Day by shopping at an expensive jewelry store. She had always wanted a ruby and diamond ring but her now divorced husband always thought that was a frivolous gift he did not want to give her (ever) even though he could well afford it. She found the perfect single band with alternating sparkling diamonds and the most gorgeous color of rubies. It was made for her. At the time, her purchase satisfied the lack of love she was feeling on this first Valentine’s Day alone. It was a choice.        

Friday of this week is the day so many single-again women struggle with lonely feelings. But, there really is no reason for those sensations. It’s all about our choices. It’s about how we treat ourselves. It’s about the love we can share with others. Valentine’s Day is about love. Period. Who says it must be all about a couple’s relationship? Check the greeting card aisle and see that it is about expressing love to close friends, sisters, brothers, children, neighbors, parents, even co-workers.

Shifting Our Viewpoint

When was the last time we had a chance to do what we wanted to make a day special? It’s really been a while! There are several things we can do to change our outlook and make this day mean something. So, let’s have some fun with it! Take a look at these 13 ideas and tips, then add your own:   

Share the Love!

1. Who needs another horrendous date? What I need is coffee, now!
2. Do something nice for a perfect stranger; you’ll feel special.
3. It’s a great day for a total spa treatment.
4. Bake a chocolate cake and take it to your sister!
5. This week: buy a cozy new pair of pajamas.
6. Friday: take the day off work and stay in those new pajamas!
7. Share the love: go out to dinner with friends and surprise each one with a yellow friendship rose.
8. Change-up Tip: invite a friend in and watch movies you never do, like a western, sci-fi, or comedy.
9. Release tension by jogging, working out, painting, biking, journaling, or playing with your pet.
10. Learn something new like the guitar, mosaics, golf, photography
11. When all else fails, remember, it’s just another day on the calendar! Yes, really!  
12. Pick up a copy of the book, The Princesses I Know by Ayla Mae Wild. She grabs our hearts when she says, "Princesses pursue their own adventures instead of waiting for a prince to write their stories for them."
13. And don’t forget rubies and diamonds go on sale this week!

A Truth Nugget

The One Who created us knows what we need when we need it. We can depend on God because He loves us no matter what. He loves us when we feel lonely, depressed, confused or angry. He willingly tells us the truth (in His Word, the Bible) about forgiving others, divorce, our responsibilities, and answered prayer. The best thing about Jesus is He is our Peace, Deliverer, Companion, Fulfillment, and our Love! He is our Everything!    

“If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?... If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?” (Matthew 5:46-47 NLT).

Where Can You Find Joy and Satisfaction?

Email surplus 

Sometimes our best days at work can go wrong and cause embarrassment if we are not careful. “Carelessness got the best of this employee. Working as a defense contractor, they [the company] wanted to invite their team to a New Year's Eve party but, unfortunately, the invitation got sent to the wrong group of people.

“They realized their mistake when they started getting replies like 'Am stationed in Italy but will try to make it'. Turns out they had sent the e-vite to a Navy client list whose name was one letter different from their team's. The NYE invitation had been sent to 7,000 sailors.” [as reported by careeraddict.com]

Several funny and sometimes unfortunate events can happen to us the longer we are employed in the work world. It’s just not possible to survive long without collecting some really personal stories. If we are smart enough to save these types of incidents in a file of some sort, then when we retire, we would have enough material to write a book!

What’s the Matter?

Aside from such amusing and absurd situations (we all need to laugh at ourselves now and then), there is nothing funny about getting into the habit of comparing ourselves to others at our workplace, in our families, and our neighborhoods. We need to remember every one of us has unique qualities, gifts, and personalities that suit us and only us.

Unlike a friend in the next office, class, or block, our abilities are different for a reason and for a different purpose. We don’t do ourselves any favors trying to imitate others—in fact, it is self-Destructive with a capital D. Each woman is special and gifted with numerous and exciting traits even if we don’t know what those are right now.

If we become frustrated, perturbed, and unhappy with our lives, it may be an indication we have been comparing ourselves with someone who appears to have everything figured out. Someone who has already accomplished what we want and has moved on to her next goal. We ask ourselves, Why not me? What’s the matter with me?

The answer is we have convinced ourselves that we are in the same category as that other person which is probably not true. Remember, we are each unique. So, we have our own niche to work towards but are unable to discover it because we are too busy looking at the other person. If we are trying to live her life and not our own, we will continually suffer from a distorted view of what we can or cannot accomplish. That leads to a dead end.                    

Plain and Practical Directions

Since we have moved (willingly or not) into a new single-again life (divorced, widowed, or single mom), it’s important to investigate and discover clues about ourselves and our abilities. Taking time to do this will lead to a very satisfying life. We are not saying it will be easy, but it will turn us around so we can see straight ahead.

Addition Blocks

The following seven questions will get us thinking and bring answers we may have never considered before today. This is an important building block for anyone wanting an enjoyable and successful life. Journal the answer to each one as it will lead to more insight:

1. What dreams are burning inside your thoughts?
2. What one thing needs to change for your dream to begin?
3. Describe your ideal environment (house/job/city etc.)
4. Is there a college class you need to take?
5. What did you like to do when you were a child?
6. What habit could be changed for the better?
7. Name one or two friends who are nurturing to you.

“Understand that the what must come before the how. First, choose what you would do. The how usually falls into place of itself.” (Julia Cameron, the Artist’s Way).

A Lifetime of Happiness

Everything happens for a reason and for a purpose. The Creator of the entire Universe knows us better than anyone. Even ourselves. What is even more exciting is God already has a plan for us and is anxious to help us acquire just the right skills, tools, and connections for a lifetime of happiness!    

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (Galatians 6:4-5 NLT).

Who Do You Believe and Trust In?

Purple sky

We are mentally able to believe in many things. Some commendable and some ridiculous. There remains a society that believes the earth is flat! In 1995, a patent was given for a Fork Alarm to time one’s eating! Now there’s something we could use. How many people do we know that are superstitious? All it takes to believe some things are a faith conviction that it is possible. 

More reasonable, however, we often believe people we know rather than strangers or even celebrities. Our parents probably had an influence on us, and we believed they could do just about anything (based on how much we trusted them). Growing up, teachers, grandparents, siblings, friends, and pastors were on our list of those we trusted. We may or may not have had a spouse we could trust, until one day we couldn’t anymore for many good reasons including lack of integrity and dishonesty.

What About Faith?

Faith in someone’s character, therefore, is built on trust and knowledge. It isn’t something we can see or touch, but it is something that is unseen, like the wind. We can feel the wind on our skin and see it moving a tree branch or leaf, and so, we believe it exists. We know what it “feels like” to trust someone and so, over time, we believe in that person.   

The Bible tells us “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.” Of course, that statement is not to be taken literally. It is just pointing out that it takes very little true faith in something or someone to believe in possibilities.

As single-again women (and that includes divorced, widowed, and single moms), we have already “jumped over” many hurdles and stumbling blocks in our way on the road to possibilities. Our fresh start journey has not been easy by any means. But we found a way to grow that tiny mustard seed, and now we are watching it bloom large in our life. And we must keep on growing and thriving. So, how do we do that?

Seven Proven Faith Possibilities

1. We are stronger than we think: we have made it this far and are in one piece.
2. We have seen the worse in someone: we know that trust is built up over time.
3. We have a clear purpose: we are starting to recognize unfulfilled dreams.
4. We know which direction to take: going forward gets us to our destination.
5. We know the risks: lack of faith in God leads to danger.
6. We recognize where faith originated: just like the wind, we can believe in Jesus.
7. We can know and trust God: the Bible teaches us how to do this very thing.

He Gets Us!

No matter how many times our human relationships have hurt or deceived us, our Lord Jesus knows our heartache and pain. He was distressed and rejected by his own friends and family. He was tormented and tortured by his enemies. He gets us!

The Bible: God's Word

Jesus loved us enough to be willing to die for us. And this is exactly why we can, with faith, believe Him and trust in Him. Now, He simply holds out His right hand to comfort and guide us on this fresh start journey.           

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

Do You Want to Build a Peaceful Life?

Strive for Peace 

Today we celebrate the birthday and achievements of Martin Luther King, Jr. He was a Baptist minister whose passion drove him to publicly support peace and non-violent means to end segregation in America during the 1960s. He was both admired and despised, esteemed and insignificant, prominent and an instigator.

However we choose to view him and what he stood for, we must admit he wished for nothing but change to come. For peace to rule our nation. For discrimination to be wiped out. MLK was eventually awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964. Four years later he was assassinated.

Where Exactly is Peace Found?

All of us must work hard at creating peace in our lives. Single-again women may find it even more difficult right after a breakup or divorce, but it can be done if we don’t give up! The rewards are worth it. Let's consider some practical ways to start building our most peaceful life now.

·                     Just like the support groups repeat at each meeting, it's important to take one step at a time. That’s not just a cliché because rushing through this period in our lives will make for a shaky foundation. Start with whatever is most important right this moment. Is it a job? A better or more appropriate place to live? A new passion? Finding new friends? Tackling one victory at a time will not be so overwhelming.

·                     Find the positives every day. Go forward, not left, right, or backwards. Dwelling on all the mess of the past and how hard it is to get out of bed, will not get us anywhere. Before snuggling under the nightly covers, make a small “To-Do” list of no more than three things. Set the alarm, program the coffeemaker, schedule the calendar to get moving after waking. If it helps, we can turn on happy music when cleaning the house. There are a million ways to make this happen. Now, things are looking up!

·                     Build a community of people to depend on. A new single-again life requires single-again friends to do things with and to call on when we need help. They have been in our shoes. They know how to do this thing called "living." Welcome their invitations to go places or to join a club and find a new hobby.

·                     We know that mistakes happen. Don’t freak out, just learn from them or else risk repeating them and, who wants that? Get on our computers and read up on how to build positive lives. Try several new ways to make this happen because everything we’ve tried in the past may not have worked out. Our confidence will soar as we see results!

·                     No fantasies! They aren't real and will only cause us frustration. If having a large mansion isn't in the budget right now, find something that is beautiful and that we can be proud of showing. Simple is good. Anyway, it's trendy to go "minimalist" in the decorating arena. Two hundred and fifty dollar jeans are not reasonable; only shop the "sale" racks (or better yet, discount stores) for clothes.

·                     Know that true and lasting peace only comes from God. He has been called the Prince of Peace so His intervention in our lives will make everything right in our world. Without Him, difficulties will continue to pile onto each other, and we will get lost once again. He's there. He has the answers. Let’s not leave Him out of our plans.

The Icing on the Cake: Patience

None of the above tips will work without Patience as a companion. Take a breath and remember these two truths:

Challenges - we grow and mature through the "ugly stuff" in our lives. Yes, there is a reason for everything we experience; no one is exempt. Even a rose has thorns! We can find our purpose for the thorns in our sides, if only we show a little tenacity and patience. We can do this!

Attitudes - how we react and treat others with patience will amaze them. Break the mold and be willing to display the kind and loving woman inside. It's really contagious!

“For the Scriptures say, ‘If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days…Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT).

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance…” (Rev 2:2a NLT).

Will Your New Home Feel Just Like Your Old Home?

Your Own Safety Zone

The oldest house in America, built in the year 1637 in Massachusetts, still stands after eight generations of families. What amazing construction and solid foundation it obviously had from the beginning, and, there wasn’t even any Home Depot in those days! The owner (architect) surely required the workers (builders) to listen to his direction and wise expertise. The result still remains!

Attempting to build our own haven--our safety zone--without the correct tools, materials, and know-how will quickly shake our foundation to the core. We want our new life to stand on its own for a very long time. Like a home built on solid rock. We want to do all we can to protect and secure a better future.

  

Blueprint Examiner

Putting some effort into finding out what went wrong in our past, will prevent us from repeating the same mistakes. It will give us insight into how to readjust and improve our thinking and actions in any new relationship. This is not a “blame and shame” game. There is no room for that here. This is an honest look at the blueprint that wasn’t right for us from the beginning.

We start by asking ourselves some hard, but important questions. We are all different women with unique situations. So, the answers must come from our own open, frank, and sincere observation of ourselves. Additionally, it’s always a good idea to speak with a counselor. Without spending time finding the answers to the following questions, the “new” home will mysteriously feel just like the “old” home.

·                     What steps have been taken to heal?

·                     Are there still problems to resolve?

·                     What unmet personal goals do we need to work on?

·                     Are we ready yet for another relationship?

·                     How long ago did we meet this new man?

·                     Have we spent family dinners, holidays, and get-togethers with him?

·                     Do we have the same faith, beliefs, likes, and dislikes?

·                     Have we prayed for discernment in this relationship?

·                     Have we seen him at his best, as well as his worse?

·                     If there are children, do we get along with each other’s children?

·                     Is there affection on both sides?

Build your best life!

These are by no means all the issues to consider when approaching another marriage in the future. We are smart women and now know what we need in a relationship, and what we don’t. How we get the relationship God intends for us will require caution, personal examination, and daily conversation with God.

    

Get the Best Architect

God wisely advises us to listen to Him and follow His direction. He asks this of us so that we will be protected under His loving hand. . .so that we will have adequate shelter from the storms of life that threaten to destroy us.

The best blueprint for our home on earth is recorded in the pages between Genesis through Revelation in the Bible. Be sure to check this Answer Book.          

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock” (Matthew 7:24 NLT).

What Is Your Best Asset?

Looking forward

Most vehicles normally can go forward as well as backward. We've seen trains travel in reverse in order to either switch tracks or connect with a different car or caboose. But they most certainly do this quickly in order to go forward which is their main purpose to get to a new destination. 

Obviously, our cars go forward and backward so we can maneuver properly in and out of garages, parking spaces, and so forth. Yet both trains and cars constantly deal with the danger of traveling backward and avoiding an accident. Amazingly, planes have no way to move in reverse! They can only go forward on the ground. And believe it or not, crash statistics show flying is the safest way to travel. Now there is something to remember in the New Year!

Happy New Year 2020
This is a brand new year and we are tempted to look back over 2019 to reminisce about things that have happened to us. True, we do need to learn lessons from yesterday, but constantly dwelling on every regrettable past event is a danger to our future and like a train traveling backward unable to stop!

We can imagine what would happen if that occurred. Derailment. An alarm should go off in our heads right about now. We simply cannot move forward with our new lives while we are simultaneously stumbling backward. It's so much more exciting to travel ahead and see the sites!

This is perhaps the best chance we will get this year. A chance to celebrate and then make plans for a better future. Why wouldn’t we want all that? In fact, we may already have vague plans in the back of our minds that we wish to activate but are not quite sure how to go about it. Or maybe we haven't found the time yet to think about plans. (Careful. Don't look backward!)

With five days already into 2020 (and a new decade!), it's time to start our newly acquired single-again life or at least another year into our single-again life. Whatever we choose to do, let’s not just sit there until we hear the radio announcer say, “Only 23 days until Christmas!” Grab a pen and notebook or journal and make some notes—we’re in this together. Here we go:

You think you have problems?

Clear thinking is an asset. Avoid vagueness in making plans. Instead, be specific and strive for developed ideas. Write down just one specific sentence or short paragraph that describes an ideal situation. I want to work in the business world (vague). I am going to apply for the digital marketing position at ExploreTech this week (specific). This gets the idea out of our brains and onto paper where we can see it and start planning. 

Something new. Be open to new possibilities. Working at jobs we did not enjoy in our past gives us a clue what not to do if we want to be happy. List three ideas to try even if it means accepting a temporary entry-level position. More satisfaction, less stress until that promotion comes along.

Build relationships. It may be time for a few new friends (while hanging on to some good, loyal friends), especially those in the same situation. They are out there if we look for them! We might discover someone who likes what we like at a new job, a friendly neighbor, or supportive Christian friends. 

Face Forward
Looking back into our past keeps God from moving us forward. Repeat that sentence out loud! Write it on the refrigerator. Even before we were born, God made good plans for us, not plans for disaster (that was human error). He's just been waiting for us to face forward and listen. With God all things are possible. Nothing is too difficult for him even miracles to help us recover from our messy lives. Therefore, we need him in our corner, especially now. Just ask him—he loves helping us! 

"May he grant your heart's desires and make all your plans succeed" (Psalm 20:4 NLT).