How Do We Get Back to Love and Joy?

Christmas Roses for You

The phrase "I love ____" is so common that the true meaning of love has nearly lost its meaning. We become so attached to an object, we associate human feelings to that "thing." Therefore, human affection and constant caring of another person becomes diminished and somewhat unimportant, or casual. Is this, perhaps, where the concept of a "Bah-humbug" idea of Christmas comes from? How do we get back to Love?



Love Is. . .
It's easy to forget this is the season that abounds in love! Cranky attitudes, bad behavior, crime, materialism, greed, and on and on discolors Christmas with a splash of "bleach." Amazingly this year there is even a trend of black, artificial Christmas trees being successfully sold. Strange considering black technically is not even a color (it's the absence of all color)! True, we know about the whimsical pink, blue, purple, and silver trees too. More oddities that many people enjoy immensely. Or we may prefer an all-white tree (another non-color that at least reflects all other colors). The choices are mind-blowing! But back to our point. . .

The kind of love we all look for is unselfish and shares warm, cozy feelings with those around us at home and in our friendships. We gladly decorate our houses to welcome family and neighbors into a gracious home. We put up Christmas trees to light up dreary December days. We plan and shop for just the right present to give to those we love. 

Frosty Christmas Star 

It's amazing how giving becomes a contagious, attractive pursuit, especially during the month of December. And not just with our own families. We've all seen in the malls, the Angel Trees with paper tags of little boys and girls names and ages. We buy and return the gift to the tree and a child is not forgotten. We hear of stories about firemen and policemen giving gifts to children in need. We willingly participate in the U. S. Marines Toys for Tots program.  To Share Your Love, CLICK HERE 


And in our home environment, we lovingly give a gift of joy. Each year our Mom made dozens and dozens of cookies and sweets to fill numerous gift tins. She started in November and baked all the way up to Christmas! We gave out these welcome food gifts and in the process, mom taught us how to share our love. The reward was seeing the expressions on the faces of the receivers!

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. —Tenneva Jordan    

Joy Is. . . 

Of course, the true meaning and joy of Christmas is celebrating the birth of Baby Jesus. In many families and Christian churches, children are welcomed to attend a "Birthday Party" for Jesus and it brings to life the events surrounding this glorious occasion. Then families attend evening or midnight church service, many times with lit candles, where the Christmas Story from the Holy Bible is told to all. What a joy come to life!

"And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them" (Luke 2:6-7 NLT)

[The entire Christmas story can be found in the Holy Bible, Luke 2:1-20]

Ready for Something Different This Year?

Three Wise Men Bring Gifts

Christmas can be celebrated anywhere in many individual ways. It isn't a requirement to participate in all the demanding shopping and gift-giving. It's simply about the birth of Jesus. So, we are here to say, it is absolutely okay to take a break and skip all the commercial "hoop-la" this year if one chooses. The first year as a single-again woman takes some getting used to and a quiet Christmas is good for our souls.  


Sure many of our friends and relatives who can't imagine what we are going through will gasp at the change in our plans for this one year. They might think something else is truly wrong with us. Eventually, they will understand we are just adjusting, not dropping out of the human race! Christmas will simply be on a smaller scale than usual. 


What Does a Quiet Christmas Look Like?
We are definitely not speaking of hibernating in a closet and never coming out until mid-January! Celebrating the best quiet Christmas ever could look like:

• attending dinner with one favorite person instead of joining a massive holiday party with all the background noise 

• shopping online instead of fighting the crowds at the mall

• putting up a tabletop tree instead of spending energy decorating & wrestling with a ceiling-high tree

• using candles and a Nativity set instead of decorating the entire house

Candlelight Service

• Taking a friend to candlelight church service instead of baking 20 pies at the last minute out of guilt

• reading the Christmas story with a niece/nephew while their parents go out

• completely getting away on a little side trip by ourselves

Changing the way we do things now is the way to be strengthened. We can be healed from all the pain, sorrow and worry just by taking care of ourselves; by quietly listening to the God Who loves us beyond a doubt and gave us a special Christmas gift! 

Something Different

There is no way to hear Him speak to us unless we remain quiet. The noise and chaos in the world definitely drowns out His voice. May we suggest you take some special quiet time for yourself and spend it with the One who is anxious to give you a gift of "Comfort and Joy?" We all certainly need that kind of Love! 

"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. . .And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6 NLT).

What Gift Would You Give Yourself?

Finding Christmas Gifts

Oh, yes! It's here! Only 22 days until Christmas! Every single year we reach this point on the calendar and ask ourselves, Where in the world did this year go? It's both strangely melancholy and wonderfully exciting for most people. Sure, you may not be the one that is watching those Hallmark Christmas movies on TV because they are sugary sweet, but something about this time of year probably makes you smile if you try and admit it.

Could it be that this is your first year as a single-again woman whether divorced, widowed, or a single mom? If it is, we truly know and understand those feelings of dread. We've been there and no one is saying you should ignore all of that! We are simply here to encourage you to move through this mess and get to the other side in one piece, with peace. Are you in?

Getting Somewhere
Since we are talking about the giving season, how would you answer this question: What gift would you give yourself right now if you could? Is some of your reluctance this month to budge from the couch tied to not knowing what to do with your new life? Now we are getting somewhere! 

Many women when they get married find themselves giving up a goal or dream or wish for a certain kind of life. In fact, it's nearly expected that she sets aside her purpose to become a housewife (or a domestic engineer as some circles describe the role). Yes, it happens, even in this modern century. Now don't start clenching your teeth in indignation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a "family manager" as we prefer to say; it is hard work, indeed. That admirable position is perfectly okay IF that was your personal dream. Only you can address that subject. We just want to know where do we go from here?  

If we are like many girls graduating high school, someone may have asked us at one point, What do you want to be when you grow up? And the majority of us had some kind of an answer. Some go to college to major in a subject that matches their specific goal. Or maybe to a trade school or an on-the-job training program. But what happens when we marry and never pursue that path in our life? 

Capturing Dreams
Now comes the good news! We are on our own now and can actually recapture those long-ago dreams and make them come true. We hear you, but it is NOT too late! Don't let that be an excuse that holds you back. This is our second chance!   

Getting Ready for Christmas

After decorating the house and wrapping all those Christmas presents for everyone we know, the best gift we can give ourselves is dusting off our life's purpose and plan. It hasn't disappeared--it's just dormant. It has always been there in the back of our minds. 

Start imagining how to reactivate that gift(s) to become the real you. It may need an adjustment or "tweaking" after all these years of "cobwebs," but that's the fun part! Begin creating a life around those abilities and talents. You may even have more than one (and we can assure you they are somehow tied to each other to equal one fantastic life!).

Just Imagine
No one ever got anywhere by themselves. We need each other and we need the best Gift Giver of all--God Himself--Who has always been generous to us. He wants us to become the beautiful, accomplished, and joyful woman He created as we discover His purpose and plan for us. Then we will reach the best life we could ever imagine. 

"Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received...Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress" (1 Timothy 4:14, 15 NLT).
      

How High is Your Balloon?

Big colorful balloons

When we were kids, many of us loved big colorful balloons, especially for our birthdays or other occasions. Some of us adults, still do because they simply make us happy just to look at them and their big bright colors. 

Of course, there are people that really dislike balloons of any kind. Maybe because balloons can be noisy if they POP! and surprise us. Or perhaps they have had a bad episode involving a balloon that reminds them of a scary or dangerous time in their past. Just the loud sound when they burst can trigger nervousness in us and make us jump. That's understandable.

There is a story of a little boy, named Karan, and his friends playing with their balloons each of a different color. They wanted to see whose balloon would fly the highest. Karan believed it had to do with the color of the balloon but his never traveled the highest no matter what color he picked. 

"Karan asked the balloon seller, 'Tell me please, which balloon will go the highest in the sky? Is it the red, the yellow, the green or the blue one?'” The merchant explained it had nothing to do with the color but what it contained. If you want, read the entire short story by clicking the following link: Highest Balloon

How High?
What does that story have to do with us and our situation today? The author of the above story explains: "How high a person will rise in life depends not on his caste, colour or creed, but on his thoughts, confidence, values and character."    

That is a great life lesson for us to remember. After all, we have been given another chance at life. It may not feel that way at this moment, but if we work at it, and don't give up, we will eventually see what lies ahead can be very good, indeed. We have an opportunity now to create momentum in our lives and change whatever we don't like. 

One step at a time

There really is nothing we can't accomplish. But it takes determination and a clear head. How many times have you said, "I wish I could. . ." So, what is holding you back right now? 

Do you hate not having a college degree? There is no age limit on a college application. If that is too scary, start small at a community college. If that isn't what you want or it isn't important right now for you, that's okay. 

Do you want to start your own business? Look into how to do that the right way. Click on this link to learn more: Small Business 

Do you simply want to stay home with your kids? That's great, but don't hibernate; join a mom's group in your neighborhood or even online. Click on this link and be the best mom possible: Moms Are the Best


You Get the Idea! 
Once you start on this exciting track, you'll be amazed at what can happen. But don't forget to check in with your Teacher. He has the perfect plan for you. Find out what God wants you to do and ask for his guidance. He will never let you down, not ever. Just talk to him like a friend. You'll see!

"So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants" (Ephesians 5:15-17 The Message). 

Putting Out the Fire

Fire Out of Control

No one would ever want their world to go up in dense, choking smoke with flames out of control. Yet, it happens to homeowners more often than we can imagine. Currently, in the drought-stricken Southwest, there are massive fires in Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, and in New Mexico where 1.6 million acres of the Santa Fe National Forest has been damaged and the national park is still closed since June 1st. Fires leave devastation in their paths. 

It only takes one small spark to set off a fire that can destroy lives. Tragically, it may start as a man-made fire (accidental or on purpose) through carelessness. Other times it is the result of a lightning storm that spreads destruction for miles and miles. And ironically, there are occasions where the fire begins inside us through the use of our tongues. It's true. With all we have experienced as single-again women to get to this particular point in our lives, we may often lose control of the hurtful words that come out of our mouths before we can stop them.

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."
(Charles R. Swindoll)

Many women harbor anger inside especially now. Actually, it's quite normal and part of the several stages of getting over a divorce including denial, depression, repairing damage, and acceptance. Anger does not feel o.k., but, it is o.k. What? Remember, highly charged emotions like anger are part of us, but that doesn't mean we need to allow our days to completely destroy us. Who would that serve? It gets us nowhere fast. Of course, ignoring the anger and trying to "push" it down inside of us also doesn't work as it leads to more anger followed swiftly by depression. 

The key to moving past this firestorm is changing our "fire-fighting" response. Not all "fires" are the same. When one method isn't working, then we try something better. 
   
Basic Tools to Put Out the Fire
Community. Stay in touch with others. Isolation multiplies problems.
Goals. Concentrate on what you want to see happening in your life.
Change. Embrace something new: home, job, holiday celebrations, or hair-do.
Health. Now is the time to take control and beat that ____ (fill in).
Connection. Find a church home and discover who you are.

Genuine Love

Love Straight from God

Never believe you are not valuable to God! He cares deeply for you as a woman. And He cares what happens to you, even now. Nothing can divert His attention from you. In fact, the Bible says that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate His love from you. Ever!     

God truly understands what we have gone through. Whether it was ten days ago, or ten years ago, He is right beside us holding our right hand in His! It's simply amazing how much He loves each one of us. Has anyone else ever literally died on a cross to save you from yourself? Jesus stretched out His arms and did just that!

"It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell" (James 3:5-6 The Message).

Passion Gone Wrong

Misplaced Passion

There are many, many true stories of revenge--both in long-ago history and in modern times. Maybe even someone close in our own lives has gone through this dark wrong-doing. Think about these two examples of extreme revenge the next time you are experiencing a sense of pay-back. 

Princess Olga of Kiev (capital of Ukraine) experienced and acted upon an act of revenge. She was married to the country's ruler but her husband was killed. The culture she lived in considered her an unwed woman--apparently not worth much. So she was expected to choose a proper mate and had many prospects. But she only wanted revenge for the killing of her husband, not another marriage. To make a long story short, Olga had her many suitors (who wouldn't leave her alone) buried alive! An extreme case of passion gone wrong. (www.unbelievable-facts.com)

Centuries later during the American Civil War a slave named Alec--who didn't invite or enjoy revenge of any kind into his life--found himself in a difficult situation he couldn't avoid, or so he thought [note: we always have a choice]. It's a very long story so we won't try to repeat it. The point is, after the War, this former slave personally shot and killed his former owner. Alec then moved to the northeast United States and bought a 100-acre farm ironically named "Journey's End." He spent the next 50 years of his life alone on his farm. Was it worth it? (Check www.cracked.com for details). 

These are gruesome and extraordinary stories, but we needed to have a jump-off point to see what revenge can really do to us if we are not careful. In our modern day, this is what drives numerous dramas on TV and the movies. What are we to do with those kinds of personal thoughts after we are finally on our own? 

First Reactions: Passion Gone Wrong
We aren't alone. It's pretty common right after we go through the mess of ending an abusive relationship, that our first irrational, emotional reaction may be to get even. With him. With the other woman. With family. With friends. With everyone! But thankfully, it usually turns out to be a knee-jerk reaction. Couldn't we recognize that we have gone through enough drama in our lives and it's time to stop wasting energy and move on to better things? 

We are not saying it is never right to express displeasure or even anger in our lives. That's what "happily ever after" fairy tales are made of. Just too sweet! But being so furious with someone that it causes us to turn into a "monster of revenge" is better left in Hollywood. Consenting to angry outbursts towards others continually wears us down inch by inch. It really solves nothing, but only creates more and more problems down the road and turns us into bitter, unreasonable, pathetic women no one wants to be around.  

A Life Well-Lived

Focus on tying up the loose ends

Our focus right now is better served re-building a new and bright life for ourselves (and children if they are in the picture). We have the opportunity to do this now without someone else pushing and demanding us to be someone we are not. In fact, it can be quite exciting planning a whole new direction to go. If you are constantly distracted by other destructive thoughts, begin a daily journal of what you want your life to look like in the future and have fun making plans. Everyone will wonder where that beautiful smile of yours comes from! 

His Smile Upon You
Our Creator and Father in heaven (unlike any father we have ever known on earth) is always ready to help us with all these run-away emotions. God knows we are human and therefore, we need His hand guiding us to love our neighbor as ourselves. The Bible tells us we can have love, joy, peace, and patience among other wonderful characteristics to get us through this life--if we really want them. Then the really Good News follows in heaven with Him forever!

"Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it" (Romans 12:17-19 The Message). 

How To Separate the Good from the Bad

Winter trees need their rest!

Now that Fall is in full swing, most areas of the country are soon experiencing a massive pile of leaves to rake. Usually not a favorite chore although children enlisted to help end up playing and jumping into piles more than working. A great photo opportunity! It takes a while--and sometimes more than once or twice--to get the job done for the season. The result is a winterized tree that needs plenty of rest.  

Now some people say this is a depressing site. But it doesn't have to be that way. If we think about this natural occurrence its all about survival. According to the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, trees can lose a lot of water in the spring and summer just producing leaves. In the winter they no longer have enough water, so the tree actually "pushes" the leaves off so they can reserve their energy to grow new ones in the spring again. Amazing!

None of us can say we are bare trees waiting for the spring, but we can certainly understand the concept of needing rest to rejuvenate our bodies. No! No! We are not promoting hibernating and never getting our bodies to move just because it is winter. Far from it. We probably need even more exercise in the winter or we could waste away like the leaves. But this week isn't about exercising per se. Whew! Almost lost you there! 

More Good Than Bad
What we want to encourage right now is how to move forward with our single-again lives and really get a head start on what we want to do and where we want to go. It may seem like we are talking about New Years' resolutions, but we are definitely not. We just want to throw out the bad (anything useless or worthless) and issue in all that is good (useful and valuable). It's not so hard. In fact, it may be as simple as picking and choosing some of these ideas (or add your own):  

To Do
1-Make/craft something new and fresh. Wreaths, tree garlands, gifts. Donate or trash the old Christmas decorations.
2-Create at least one new tradition and try a recipe of your own instead of the one that's been in the family for centuries.
3-Change your furniture around. It will change your attitude too.
     

Christmas Nutcracker

To Go
1-Invite a friend or two to a midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

2-When was last time you went ice skating? It's still fun!

3-Have you ever seen a live stage production of The Nutcracker Ballet? No excuses, most towns have one. Grab a friend and just go. Not into ballet? There is also The Nutcracker movie (hint: it just isn't the same though!).

It's All About You

If you haven't discovered it yet, the Fresh Start Momentum blog is all about you. Encouraging and helping you to re-create your old life into a new, successful life. Why? Because maybe you haven't done this before and can't seem to get started. We can help. It really can be better than it is now. They say "it takes a village." We say it takes a community. A group of other women who have gone through this mess.

We also know it takes Someone in control to be our Guide. Someone who knows you inside and out. . .all the pain, sorrow, and grief that has tried to bring you down. But He also knows your heart. He created it. He created you. And God is the most important part of your past, present, and future. Just know He didn't cause your divorce but He knows everything that happened from beginning to end. And He is ready to take you in His arms and never let you go. You are that valuable to Him!

"He is ready to separate the chaff [anything false, useless, worthless, wicked, evil] from the wheat [everything true, useful, and valuable] with his winnowing [sifting] fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire" Matthew 3:12 NLT. (Emphasis added).