How to Listen to That Little Voice Inside

Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending.

–Carl Bard aka Carl Sandburg (American writer and editor)

Nearly all of us will not soon forget the name Amanda Gorman from this day forward because she was the star of the show just a few days ago as she read with absolute perfect diction her beautiful and touching poem for the Inauguration. Only twenty-two years old and she had the courage to tackle a dream of hers and present it to the world! We will surely hear and see more of her again. Amazing!

Sure, we may not be shaping our twenties or even thirties any longer, but whether we admit it or not, every single one of us has a dream (or two) we want to fulfill. A dream we have not had the time or courage to study. It is that little voice deep inside our thoughts that has been nagging us since we were born. We really want to make it a part of us because we fundamentally know—we have always known--it is an element of our personality. So, what is holding us back?

Seven Starters for Our List

Many issues, incidents, circumstances, and even ourselves (lack of confidence, procrastination, etc.), have derailed and prevented us from seeking our best path. Of course, life itself may very well have gotten in the way. It is certainly a full-time job, for instance, raising a family and an honorable one at that. Hats off to every one of us! As single-again women, we can recognize that along the way, there were unavoidable difficulties, dilemmas, and drawbacks. Whew! But we made it!

Since we cannot actually “go back” and reproduce our life, we agree with Carl Bard that the best place to begin is now! Forget the “age” number—it is a non-issue at this point. Twenty-two-year-olds are not the only poets out there. We have plenty of reasons to get back on track especially if we have not ever attempted to fulfill that dream of ours.

There are at least seven steps to adopt and get started on the path to “now.” Some of these may be familiar and already a part of our plans, so stay with us and see how far they can take us. Pick and choose what works for you. It is not required to do all of these! Also, feel free to add your own ideas as we go along.

1. Some people enjoy creating a “vision” board. It is a visible picture that can serve as daily encouragement. Use poster board or similar and start pasting photos that have been cut out of magazines relating to your dream.
2. Journaling is another way to get those creative thoughts out of our brains and onto concrete possibilities. It easily becomes addictive and feels like we are on the right path.
3. Research the subject of your dream on-line or at a library (if one is open during this pandemic). Find out what it will take to get started. Or go on Amazon for a book to keep as a reference (see Resources below).
4. Once the subject is settled in our brain, it is extremely helpful to subscribe to an actual print copy (our favorite) or at the very least, a You-Tube channel about the subject.         
5. If there is one available, sign-up for a class to learn as much as possible about the subject, and meet others doing the same. We all need a type of support group for encouragement.
6. 
   This is important: take care of yourself in the process! Find just one little way a week to improve on physical “movement.” Notice we did not say, exercise. That is a word that will stop us in our tracks. Any kind of movement (making the bed, gardening, walking indoors or outdoors, using stairs, etc) will keep our brains from getting old before their time (look it up, it is proven)!     
7. Resources. Start building your own personal library. Try these books for starters:

• What Color is Your Parachute? (2021 by Richard N. Bolles)
• Do What You Are (Paul D. Tieger)
• Repurpose Your Career: A Practical Guide for the 2^nd Half of Life (Marc Miller)

 Are We on the Right Path?

Now that we are on our way and have a starting point, let us not allow anyone to stop us. We have already been there, done that! What we need, instead, is a good guide just like many travelers consult when they begin a long and complicated journey.

The one guide who is readily available 24/7 is the same God who created the entire Universe—the sun, moon, rainbows, planets, and every single star that he loved so much he gave each of them a name! He is the ONE who knows us inside and out. He gave us a purpose for a purpose and is thrilled we want to begin right now!

How could he not be our perfect guide?

The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray (Psalm 25:8 NLT).

For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die (Psalm 48:14 NLT).

 

A Little Taste of the Unknown is a Big Deal!

It might feel strange to find ourselves all alone as single-again women. Add to that the isolation during this pandemic and we arrive at a distinct tingling sensation making us want to shiver--maybe for the first time in our life. Many of us blundered through "Drive-in Movie" high school days (yes, that was our reality), Homecoming football games and living with our parents to bunking with three other college roommates four states away. Suddenly before we could blink an eye, we were madly combing all the wedding magazines looking for the perfect dress, best flowers, and honeymoon destinations! 

Up to that point, we were never totally alone on our own. Sound familiar? Now we might call this the "Season of Survival" and it can be scarier than jumping out of a plane into the unknown for the first time. What if we panic? What if our parachute doesn't open? What if the pilot misses the designated spot and we land in the depths of the ocean weighted down and no way out? All the What Ifs rushing into our brains at once can overload our circuits! 

Without a Hint of Giving Up!

In the wild, survival of the fittest is the rule. There are many, many fascinating TV documentaries from channels such as National Geographic that show this harsh reality. Even though we may cringe and have compassion for the smallest babies of the jungle, we surely know it can be no other way. Thankfully, our reality is probably a bit tamer! 

It would be a logical guess that if we have made it thus far to be reading this week's Fresh Start Momentum blog, we have already moved through at least a few (if not numerous) facets of survival. Congratulations! In case no one has pointed it out yet, we ARE strong enough to not only exist as a single-again women but to continue to live and prosper on our own if that is our choice.    

We are among the many who have had a little taste of the unknown and are still here to talk about it. That is a big deal indeed! And now we can positively continue trying to figure out all the different angles of how to make our lives the best they can be without a hint of giving up. There is no room for that nonsense anyway, right?

No matter our age right now, what could we say is the next most important development we want to see take place in our life? (Hint: it will be different for each and every woman, so just take the time to really sit and think about this one (maybe journal it) and come up with an answer or maybe two.)

The Beginning, Middle, and the End

Yes, this really is the beginning of our new life in every way possible. Sure, it is our choice to make it a great one or let it become stale and unproductive. But all that will do is prevent a Middle from happening. And then there will be no room left for a legacy at the End. Think about it. 

The truth is, only God—the Creator of every single one of us--knows exactly what our Beginning, Middle, and End look like. He can see it all. We can only see a small portion of our life because blinders block much of the view. Our only choice is to ask Him how to survive in the first place and follow His direction. We have only questions and more questions. God has all the right answers! 

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:13 NLT).

               

How Can You Keep Up with Your Hopes and Dreams?

It is certainly not surprising to hear nearly seventy-five percent of American women dye their hair something other than their natural color as compared to just seven percent in 1950 (Clairol 2008 study as reported at Emerita.com, a women’s wellness site). Of course, women in Hollywood tend to lead the trends. We usually expect to see women such as Helen Mirren (age 75) and Blythe Danner (77) display their beautiful locks in their natural state. But even younger ones choose to sport a change like Kate Winslet (46) and Lady Gaga (34). And at 89 years young, Puerto Rican actress Rita Moreno is still gorgeous! 

Let’s face it --as we age, our health, and our looks start turning towards a more natural way of life. It becomes apparent to us that maybe, just maybe, we can avoid much of what we thought was necessary for our younger years such as the latest lipstick color (but still a great way to uplift our spirits!), foundation formula, and hair color. It just does not seem as important as it once was.

This is not to say we should not keep ourselves looking our absolute best. Not only watching our diet and participating in exercise but once we choose to turn a shade of gray, we may need to find other colors to wear in our make-up and clothing. Gray, silver, and white tend to “wash out” skin color. A brighter, color-coded clothes closet with various “happy” hues can help solve this problem. Try it out on the next shopping trip and bring some new colors into the dressing room—a fun experiment!

Finding Joy Every Step of the Way

Someone once said (it’s been attributed to many people), “The older I get, the wiser my parents get!” It’s a funny quote that pops up every now and then but points out the truth of our circumstances. As single-again women, we have been through more than we thought we could ever handle. Maybe one reason for our natural locks turning a beautiful silver, but also a reason we are much stronger today than ever!

The joy of living on our own are the changes that cause us to become an entirely new person. We are older, yes. We are wiser, yes. And unless we have re-married, we no longer must worry about taking care of another person right now. If we want to become an all-around better person, we can choose to concentrate on keeping up with our hopes and dreams that were put on a shelf a long time ago! We then start seeing a woman who welcomes the chance to improve her perspective or attitude about life.

The progress we are looking for involves learning how to form plans for our own happiness while at the same time being careful not to follow just any unproven recipe or a supposed solution someone may offer to us. We are now wiser than we’ve ever been and so we must use our good sense and take everything “with a grain of different.”

It may help to meet with a life coach or counselor to figure out the best direction to go before jumping into things. Experience teaches us that our lives are quite different now and so might our paths, hopes, and dreams. It’s an exciting journey to find out what we can do. Whatever didn’t work in the past, may not work in our present. So, let’s be open to new and wonderful ways of thinking, concepts, and passions. Wow! We are on our way!

A Good Book to Read

We may never have realized that God Himself points us down the correct path for our best life. And it will certainly be different for each one of us. In Psalm 139 of the Bible, it says He knows everything about us. Of course, He does because God created us perfectly (He does not make mistakes), He knows when we travel, stand up, sit down, rest, what we are going to say, and even our thoughts.

From the time we are born until way past when our hair turns white, God has us in His hands ready to make sure we are blessed when we follow Him in all we do. He is our Guide, Helper, and the Author of every single moment of our lives as recorded in His divine book! Imagine that: 

The Book of ___ (enter your name) ___by The Creator of the Universe.

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you” (Isaiah 46:4 NLT).

 

On Our Way to the Mountaintop

In the unexpected health struggle we dragged ourselves through in 2020, most of us noticed a sharp decline in personal activity. In fact, we are still staying at home with very few exceptions to go out. Cooking has become a new experience. Bingeing on TV is, unfortunately, becoming a habit. Our circadian rhythm is out of whack! Sound familiar? None of these activities offer us much benefit. Happily, some other pursuits in our lives have increased for the better.

Maybe some of us are walking or hiking more around the neighborhood which is increasing the well-being of our bodies. Phone calls to or from friends we haven’t spoken to in a while is a welcome connection. Getting some projects done around the house that was put off way too long are suddenly calling us.

Still, life has gotten slightly boring overall. There is only so much housecleaning we can do! Now we can understand children in the summer when they complain to their moms, “I’m bored!” Kids have shown us that when we are truly bored, we tend to get ourselves into trouble. 

Look Forward to the Highest Point

Apparently, we have fallen into a deep valley of doldrums and disinterest. It’s a herculean challenge to climb out and join the rest of the world. Just moving seems impossible. We feel stuck as if we are struggling in quicksand, and nothing is working for us the way it should. Ever been there? If we are not careful, this valley can easily turn into yet another personal health crisis.

The valley represents our “low altitude point” and it can become dangerous as it drags us down with nowhere to go. Our single-again lives may certainly feel like this valley. Our days consist of a lack of enthusiasm, no purpose, and inertia. Is this what we expected our lives would be like once we mustered up the courage to step out on our own? Hopefully not! This awareness should make us irritated enough to do something about it!

Focusing on our “mountaintop”—the highest point we can individually achieve in life--and staying there to claim victory over everything that is wrong in our lives is a worthy goal for 2021. But here is a nugget of truth: No one starts out on a mountaintop. We all begin in a valley!   

Arlene Blum has had a full life. She is an American mountaineer, writer, and environmental health scientist. Blum is best known for organizing and leading an eleven-woman ascent of the tenth highest mountain in the world, Annapurna in Nepal (China) which, until then, had been climbed by only eight people (all men). She did the same thing at Denali near Anchorage, Alaska, and Mount Everest in Nepal [Wikipedia]. And just like us, Blum started out at the bottom of a valley.

Lydia Pounamu Bradey is a New Zealand mountaineer. She became the first woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. She has gone on to summit the mountain five more times. [Wikipedia]. And guess what? Bradey started out at the bottom of a valley.

Life is Sweeter Up Here

We all start out in a valley. Without the “valleys” in our life (grief, heartache, trials, troubles, and tribulations), we have no “mountaintop” to climb, and nothing to look forward to (victory, passion, possibilities, and purpose). Finding our own mountaintop makes life so much sweeter. How uninteresting and boring would our lives become if we only had flat land without any curves and twists and turns to keep the excitement going? This is basically the reason people love to take road trips—to conquer restlessness and create an incentive to get out of bed!

So, what can we do to start our climb and brighten our future? Now that we are single-again, we can stop ignoring all the things we’ve wanted to do but couldn’t for one reason or another. We all have passions hidden away in our hearts and minds. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that” is a favorite verse from Galatians 6:4 (The Message). We start by finding our passion.

What is possible? These are things that might be an answer to our search, but we need to try them out first. There’s nothing wrong with trying. We are sure the two women mountaineers had many “tries” before finally reaching their mountaintop. Jesus once said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26b NLT). Great advice!

Once we work through those two steps (and they may take some time but that’s okay), we reach our true purpose. And, of course, this is different for each one of us because we were created as unique human beings. No one is like us. And we should never try becoming someone else. God delighted in creating us just the way we are. When we arrive at our purpose, we’ll know it, if we don't give up!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).