Separating the Good from the Bad

Capture Fall Leaves

Last week, autumn 2019 visibly revealed itself with massive piles of leaves to rake in many areas of the country. Usually not a favorite chore for adults although children enlisted to help thoroughly enjoy themselves and eventually end up playing and jumping into the piles more than working to clear them. A great photo opportunity! It takes a while--and sometimes more than once or twice--to get the job done for the season. The result is winterized yards and trees that need plenty of rest.  

Now some people say this is a depressing sight. But it doesn't have to be that way. If we think about this natural occurrence, it’s all about survival. According to the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, trees can lose a lot of water in the spring and summer just producing leaves. In the winter they no longer have enough water, so the tree actually "pushes" the leaves off the branch so they can reserve their energy to grow new ones in the spring again. Amazing!

None of us can say we are bare trees waiting for the spring, but we can certainly understand the concept of needing rest to rejuvenate our bodies. No! No! We are not promoting hibernating and never getting our bodies to move just because it is winter. Far from it. We probably need even more exercise in the winter, or we could waste away like the leaves. But this week isn't about exercising per se. Whew! Almost lost you there! 

Better Than Bad
What we want to encourage right now is how to move forward as single-again women and really get a head start on what we want to do and where we want to go. It may seem like we are talking about New Years' resolutions, but we are not. We just want to throw out the bad (anything useless or worthless) and issue in all that is good (useful and valuable). It's not so hard. In fact, it may be as simple as picking and choosing some of these fun seasonal ideas (or add your own):  

To Do
1-Make/craft something new and fresh. Wreaths, tree garlands, gifts. Donate or trash the old Fall and Christmas decorations (they belonged to another era).

Try a New Recipe

2-Create at least one new tradition and try a recipe of your own instead of the one that's been in the family for centuries.

3-Change your furniture around. Add new pillows. It will change your attitude too.

To Go

1-Invite a friend or two to a midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

2-When was the last time you went ice skating? It's still fun!

3-How many of us have ever seen a live stage production of The Nutcracker Ballet? No excuses, most towns have this classic between now and Christmas. Grab a friend and just go. Not into ballet? There is also The Nutcracker movie (hint: it just isn't the same though!).

It Takes a Community

Hopefully, with an open mind and heart, we may discover that the Fresh Start Momentum blog is all about us—women who are trying to survive adversity, heartache, and misery! We want to encourage and help as many women as possible all around the globe to re-create an old life into a new, successful life. Why? Because maybe we haven't done this before and can't seem to get started. But it really can be better than it is now. Some people say, "it takes a village." We say it takes a community. A group of other women who have gone through this mess.

That’s just part of it though. We also know it takes Someone in control to be our Helper—our Guide. Someone who knows us inside and out. . .all the pain, sorrow, and grief that has tried to bring us down. Amazingly, He also knows our heart. He created it! He created each one of us as unique and special in all ways. And God is the most important part of our past, present, and future. Just know one important thing--He didn't cause our divorce, but He knows everything that happened from beginning to end. Now He is ready to take us in His arms and never let us go. We are that valuable to Him!

"He is ready to separate the chaff [anything false, useless, worthless, wicked, evil] from the wheat [everything true, useful, and valuable] with his winnowing [sifting] fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire" (Matthew 3:12 NLT). (Emphasis added).   

Are We Ready to Jump into Chapter Two?

Chapter 2

Life really looks different from an opposing angle. A long time ago a movie named Chapter Two came out about two people who had each just experienced devastating change in their lives. She, an actress and recently divorced, and he, mourning the death of his wife. One is ready for what the future might hold and the other remains lost, eaten up by guilt.

Our situations could be going through very similar “chapters.” It takes time to adjust and a lot of courage to even want a different life than our previous one. We simply can’t imagine how we will ever make it on our own. Unfortunately, some of us try and hang on and on and on to no avail. It’s as if we no longer have a purpose or any possibilities that we can see. That’s certainly understandable and it’s okay to take however much time as we need.  

The Next Page

The trouble is 99.9% of us had no choice whether we left, or he did. Once the decision was made by one party, the inevitable happened. Of course, death is an entirely different crisis. It’s a startling and permanent change--an unstable turning point. The one common denominator in all these outcomes is the fact we all need support and encouragement to get to the next chapter.

So, we will take the time to sort out some of our feelings and decide at least the first two or three steps needed to get the momentum going. We can (able) do this! However, if we find ourselves hibernating for too long and holding back from our friends and family, that’s a red flag. Don’t go there! That’s a sure sign we want to “throw in the towel” and have a pity party. Not pretty at all.

Of course, we are not saying we should give up on ever turning to the next page in our stories and, instead, transform into the neighborhood hag no one wants to be around. There are positive ways to move forward so let’s explore.

Five Positive Ideas

    We all need friends. The best #1 suggestion: find a church home to join. Most will have a women’s group that meets regularly.

Coffee Anyone?

    Family is important. Touchbase by inviting one of them to coffee sooner than later.

Encouragement. There is absolutely no shame or intimidation in joining a weekly support group of others going through the same thing.

Fun! Look through the closet or garage to find those hobby items stashed away long ago and get busy having fun (and maybe profit).

Growth. Find a class in a subject that has always sounded interesting. Become an expert in it and then volunteer as a teacher at a community college.

Numerous Chapters

It’s easy to dwell on all our troubles, so easy! There is no benefit, however, in doing that. We have gone through what feels like the fires of hell and have come to this point in our lives. God has given us this chance to make things right once and for all. Why wouldn’t we?

We can hear Him if we listen for His voice. One of the best ways He “speaks” to us is through His fabulous book called the Holy Bible. It contains 66 books and numerous chapters and verses of instruction. It covers every single subject and topic about our lives that we can even think of!

A Christian Bible can be purchased in a Christian bookstore or even online at such sites such as [click here:] Lifeway           

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord” (Psalm 119:1 NLT).

“Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word” (Psalm 119:37 NLT).

Celebrating Our Journey Together!

Enough

Three years ago this week, this blog was launched as a tribute and encouragement to single-again women everywhere. Women who have experienced too much sorrow, hurt, pain, and garbage, too soon in their lives. With this dissolution staring us in the face, Fresh Start Momentum (FSM) moved forward in 2016 believing every woman, regardless of race, color, age, or nationality, is valuable to herself and others, worthy of respect, and extraordinary in all she strives to become. She is honored for her persistence and perseverance. She is priceless. WE are priceless!

A Brand New World

It’s been a wild and exciting ride sharing these posts. Hopefully, they have brought enjoyment while at the same time have been practical and forward-thinking. FSM continues to encourage every woman--whether divorced, widowed, or a single mom--to live a life of confidence and strength, as our journey grows and expands into a brand new world. Striving to invigorate and energize our lives, FSM stands beside each one of us cheering our efforts to build momentum into a brand new Fresh Start because new and better days are ahead for all of us!

Over the last few years, women from all over the world--including Ukraine, Spain, Japan, France, Portugal, Israel, Brazil, Poland, Germany, Russia, the United Kingdom, Pakistan, and the United States among many others--have stopped to read these blog messages. We are part of this "testament" of courageous women anxious to re-invent our lives as we grow through past disaster and devastation. No matter where we live out our lives, FSM is truly thankful for each one of you!   

We must keep reminding ourselves not to give up, but to seek answers, get out of our own way, and stay "plugged in" for the long haul, then we are ready to build, or re-build, a single-again life that brings with it all the peace and joy we could ever imagine. The important lesson of "replacement" teaches how to exchange the lie that we are worthless, with the truth that we can accomplish anything we can dream. The journey begins in our minds which no one can take from us.

The Key of Belonging 

We hope to share knowledge, wisdom, ideas, and tips on living the most powerful and persuasive lives we can with what we have been given. It is never too late to begin. No matter what has happened in the past, going forward with confidence is all that counts.

We are planning for the coming year to continue finding what makes each one of us excited to get out of bed each day. This is our time now and we just can’t waste it and let it go without a thought. As always, FSM is determined not to cultivate an atmosphere of gloom and doom. And we hope you join us in that endeavor in your home. There’s too much of that “disease” going around. We have much more important and fun things to do here.

The Key of Belonging

A “key” to take and put in our pockets right now is the fact, we belong to each other; we are a community of strong women. Sure, we can’t all meet in person, but a place of belonging (even a virtual one) is important to dissolve the no-one-cares-about-me feelings that can get us down. Let's be determined to not let that happen! Realize our lives are different now and in many ways better. This requires a new paradigm or pattern and a fresh way of looking at possibilities that we each can create for ourselves. FSM is here throughout 2019-2020 to inspire us to get the momentum going and keep it going. Achieving this momentum will help us to help others in our shoes. And the wheels spin on and on and on and.......

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Every woman was shaped by the Creator of the Universe. His love of our individual, inherent worth is beyond imagination. In turn, we are called to influence those around us. We can not affect others positively without first becoming our true selves. God uses all kinds of women, all around the world to accomplish His purpose. He has a plan to bring us fresh hope and a bright future. Who else can promise that? It all starts with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him, and only Him, all things are possible. This is what the Lord says:

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for" (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).

How to Find Peace, Quiet, And Calm Sleep

My own bed! 

Nothing is more welcome for most people than getting into our own bed between cool, clean sheets and a super soft pillow (or two or three). Cuddling up inside a cozy blanket and closing our eyes to block out the world. We drift away into dreamland intending to enjoy seven or eight hours of calm and quiet. Perfect serenity!

That is one version of the ideal night so we can wake up refreshed and ready to go in the morning. But so many women struggle with making this happen on a regular and repeated basis including this blog writer! Aside from the aggravation of not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep, there are some serious health issues we should understand. 

If we drag through our day at work (or home) and doze off at inappropriate times, or we are unable to look our best because we had no energy to get ready for school or work, we might recognize the many symptoms of insomnia.     

What's the big deal about sleep? 
We might feel that our four hours of restless sleep is adequate because we've been doing that for months. But a good night's sleep encourages restoration and healing for our body. If we feel like we can't remember anything from the staff meeting at work, and we forget to pick up our toddler from the babysitter, this lack of sleep may be on its way to becoming a huge health issue.

The Women's Health organization puts this issue into a "nutshell" for us: "Sleep is essential for good health. During sleep, our bodies and brains repair themselves. Some research suggests our brains use the time during sleep to clear away toxins that build up during the day. Sleep is also important for our ability to learn and form memories. Not getting enough sleep puts people at risk for health problems, including high blood pressure, obesity, and depression." Click on the following link to learn more: Women's Health 

That's me!

Lack of time and sleep

Maybe a more comprehensive list would help us come to a conclusion of insomnia so we can speak to our physician for a diagnosis. So let's try and honestly check off any of the following symptoms. And then click on the following Mayo Clinic link for more information: Better Sleep   

• Difficulty falling asleep at night
• Waking up during the night
• Waking up too early
• Not feeling well-rested after a night's sleep
• Daytime tiredness or sleepiness
• Irritability, depression or anxiety
• Difficulty paying attention, focusing on tasks or remembering
• Increased errors or accidents
• Ongoing worries about sleep

Tips to try at home
There are many things we can try for our lack of sleep before we see our doctor for a prescription. Women's Health hits the nail on the head with these suggestions. [Again click on their link above for more ideas]:

• Try to go to sleep at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. 
• Do not nap longer than 30 minutes (nor after 3pm)
• Get outside every day for some natural light.
• One-two hours before bedtime, avoid computer screens, mobile phones, or televisions. No electronic devices in the bedroom. [Hard to break the habit but really works!]
• Follow a regular, relaxing routine at the same time each night when you get ready for bed.
• Go to bed only after winding down and when you are ready to sleep. Do not read in bed, listen to music, or do other activities that engage your mind and keep you awake.
• Keep your bedroom dark, quiet, and cool for sleeping. Use a sleep mask or light-blocking curtains. Use earplugs, a fan, or a white noise machine or app on your phone to block out sounds. [Love this one!]
• Do not drink alcohol, caffeine, or use nicotine for at least five hours before bedtime.
• Get regular physical activity during the daytime. Exercise or physical activity close to bedtime, or anytime in the five or six hours before sleeping, can make it harder to fall asleep.
• Do not eat heavy meals or drink a lot of liquids two to three hours before bed.
• If you still cannot sleep after about 15 minutes of getting into bed and turning out the light, get out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy.
• See your doctor or a sleep specialist if you think that you have insomnia or another sleep problem.

Mind if I sleep now?

Where's the switch?
It seems like our minds are like little machines that someone forgot to turn off the switch. So we have to ask, WHO created and controls our mind? You may or may not know that the One and Only true God created every little piece of us inside and out. 

So, it is obvious that our very first suggestion or tip for improving our sleep habits has to do with speaking to the One who knows us completely--our Creator! He understands our difficulties with this problem. God is just waiting for us to open a conversation with Him. He only requires that we ask for His help. Let's try that tonight and every night. We might really be surprised how well God will react in our favor!

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 NLT).

What Is Growing Inside Our Hearts?

A grateful heart

We often hear people say something like, "I hope you have a Happy Birthday!" Or, "I hope my plans for finding a new job work out." Where do we suppose these thoughts and wishes come from? 

Positive thoughts such as these are truly an act of faith welling up inside us. We can't see them, but they rise to the surface and pour out of our hearts, minds, and mouths. We can effectively practice and use positive words to encourage others (or ourselves) and make everyone feel less concerned about an upcoming situation.

This type of “kindness” attitude causes our soul to rejoice--like a little giggle creeping up--when we place our faith in things God has already planned and arranged for our lives. We become a sort of “ambassador” spreading as much love and joy around us as we can share, and this world certainly needs as much of that as we can give out! Of course, we have no idea what will happen to us next week, next summer, or next year. But our Creator knows. He knows! We just must be willing to trust Him. 

Sure, not everything that takes place in our lives is great. Or fun. Or what we want. That is because none of us are perfect. We make mistakes. We don't pay attention to what we are doing. We waste time, talents, and tempo and that affects our lives daily.    

But there is a better way to live and enjoy life. First, we can define faith as what we cannot see with our eyes, nor can we predict future events with our minds. We must rely on our faith. If we are open to this idea and principle of faith, then, secondly, we know through experience that our faith fluctuates at times just because we are all human. It's like a thermometer. When we are sad, depressed, or even apathetic about things in our lives, our faith takes a dive and barely registers. If we are happy, joyful, content and positive, our faith soars! 

What’s the Solution?
Is there something we can do when our faith is low? This answer may seem too simple and quite the opposite of what we are now thinking, but the solution is actually thankfulness! Yes, that's right. Stay with me now--there is something positive we can do to change our situation. Expressing gratitude and courting depression at the same time just doesn’t work. So, if we can practice and find a way to gather up even a bit of gratefulness, we can change feelings of depression a little at a time!

[Note: this is not a clinical or professional opinion about diagnosed depression. Please see your family doctor or a mental health professional for further discussion on this subject].         

Since faith is something that can't be seen, we are suggesting keeping an on-going, daily journal about thankfulness and gratitude for every tiny thing God has given us! It's not a big chunk of time out of our day. Just take three-and-a-half minutes each evening before bed and record three things we are grateful for from that day. Be specific for big as well as all the little things each day. Thank you, God, for yellow roses in my garden, fresh snow on the mountaintop, a new sweater to wear, getting eight hours of sleep, friends who call, a new book to read, food in my refrigerator, and an answer to my prayer for physical healing. Of course, use your own words.

Our faith thermometer

Result? When you write down what you are grateful for, it can be seen later or tomorrow or next month. This reminder really, really works to increase the temperature of our faith thermometer! 

Moving Mountains

If we give God a chance, He will bless us with all the promises He has to help us enjoy a satisfying and abundant life. It's when we leave Him out of our plans--out of our lives--that things get all messed up. One of the amazing gifts God gives us is free will. We can do whatever we choose to do right or wrong; God will not stand in our way. But if we ignore His direction and plans for our lives, we cannot really expect our faith to grow. It is our hope and faith in Him that will make our paths straight. The Bible tells us that even if our faith is only as small as a mustard seed, it can move mountains! (Matthew 17:20). Nothing is impossible with God on our side.

"Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see" (Hebrews 11:1 NLT).