You Have the Power to Change Things

Once we use, say, or experience something over and over we become used to it and can take it for granted. For instance, how many sayings or phrases have we used just this week or month that flew out of our mouths without even thinking about them? That is just so cool! Awesome! What’s your problem? That was really great! Don’t put all your eggs in one basket! Time heals all wounds!

And how many things do we just let slip by without even thinking? One of the major events we can easily take for granted is our right to vote because we are of the generation where we have always had that privilege available. [Don’t worry we are not going to have a political advertisement for any one person. That’s a personal decision].    

But here is a question: what event is taking place this year celebrating a major milestone for women? It is important because it gave each one of us the power to change things. Yet, we take it for granted and don’t exercise our personal right when it counts the most because we think our one vote doesn’t matter much. That is entirely false! The 19^th Amendment giving women the right to vote was ratified on August 18, 1920, after a long battle back and forth in our country. So, we ask ourselves, how many years in the last 40, 50, or even 80 have we made the time to walk up and fill out a voting ballot (or at least drop one in the mail)? Change doesn’t happen unless we do something!

Change Doesn’t Just Happen

We single-again women (divorced, widowed, and single moms) know all about change. As wives, it was what we wanted and hoped for a better union and healthy communication while at the same time trying to figure things out in our abusive relationship.

Certain change—as in the death of a spouse or when a new father walks out on the mom and infant baby —is not at all a welcome act by any means. It threatens our stability and causes a chain reaction of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (known as the Kubler-Ross stages of grief model).

Not everyone goes through each of the stages or even in the same order. Everyone experiences change in their own way and in their own time. The death of a spouse, for instance, maybe expected after a long and harrowing illness. Or it could have been unexpected such as a heart attack or sudden injury. Each one of these women will have heartache but experience grief in a different way. Even in these cases, change doesn’t happen unless we do something.

Follow the Leader

Our lives are not the same anymore. This we know—no one needs to tell us that fact. But we may not have stopped to realize, our lives are pleading for change. What have we done recently to make changes for the better? Or are we still, sedentary, and stagnant? Even if it’s only one small thing we can do today, it will be worth the effort.     

Life is definitely on the go. It waits for no one. While we are sitting at home mindlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine, our clocks are ticking. We can never get back the minutes that were given to us this morning as we woke up. It could have been the minutes we might have used to find a beautiful new home instead of staying in the one that depresses us. In the last hour, we could have had lunch with a friend we haven’t seen in such a long time. Change doesn’t happen unless we do something.

Our God of heaven and earth is excited for us to begin a new thing with the lives He has given us. He knows our situation and is more than willing to help us find solutions for the future. But He won’t force us to do anything we don’t want to do. We only must be willing to follow His lead. Although God never changes, our human lives change constantly. And that is why we need His help every minute, every hour, every day. He’s the best problem-solver. Make the change happen!

“Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both” (Ecclesiastes 11:6 NLT).

 

Who Wrote Your Story?

Some creative people may have written an original article, essay, book, or poem they wanted to share with others. They likely researched how to copyright it and make it their own (or a publisher-provided service). That layer of protection forever gave the writer solid proof and the rights to the written material. Not seeking copyright would put a person at risk if anyone else claimed it as their own. It would become a lengthy court battle.

In 2008, John Marzulli of the New York Daily News reported a fascinating "3-Way Battle" over the rights to the famous poem, Footprints in the Sand. Eventually, it was established that the late Mary Stevenson of Long Island, New York, was the 1939 author although she never knew about needing to copyright anything (she was 14 years old at the time). 

"Stevenson's main proof of authorship is an early copy of the poem, penned on yellow notepaper that has allegedly passed a forensic examination," says Marzulli. The glitch here is that the other two women who claim ownership of the poem have each "copyrighted" their verses with slightly different versions. 

No More Regrets

Like Stevenson's poem mentions, we also may feel as if God has left us on our own to figure things out and that can be a lonely place. A previous marriage or relationship hit rock bottom way too soon. Now we are walking on a sandy white beach with no one to help guide and direct us. One set of footprints. 

But wait! Read the last line of the poem:

"During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." 

We see the Lord has always been there with us throughout our entire relationship and even now that we are single-again women. He has given us that promise, and He will never ever go back on His Word! [See many images of the entire poem on-line].

Maybe it never occurred to us, or it was just too difficult amidst all the chaos in our life at the time, to reach out and ask for the Lord's presence, protection, and provision. If we have done that, then we know it can literally be a life-changing decision and one we will never regret. 

Don't wait to experience the best of the best life ever imagined. Isn’t that why we have struggled to get here? Many people hesitate to believe it's possible to have something so much better than they have ever had in the past. Or they try something else in its place--sometimes for years and years without getting any answers--but the empty hole inside of their heart will not disappear like magic. God wants to completely fill it with His L-O-V-E if we will only open the door! 

The Simple Truth

This isn't a bunch of nonsense! It's the simplest truth in the world. And that is the problem. Too many people think that accepting the Lord Jesus into their lives is just way too simple for it to be true. Why? Because all it takes is literally inviting Him into our lives using our own words.  

Right where we are, right now, we can begin by acknowledging how our life has become a mess and that we genuinely want to change it all with His help. We want to fill that hole in our hearts with His love. Isn't that true? We can just let Him know we believe anything is possible with Him writing the poem. He knows. He gets us! 

It's as simple as that, dear one. 

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).

 

How to Dig Our Way Out of the Jungle

 Many of us in this season of staying indoors and disinfecting everything have discovered how we all eventually reach a point in our homes when we cannot ignore the numerous piles of junk any longer. We even have the typical “junk drawer” where every bit and piece of our belongings end up in that one spot.

Stacks of magazines we keep for years thinking that after the first reading we will go back someday and re-read them. We justify that kind of hoarding as “reference material” and it makes us feel better than if we called it trash. Before this pandemic, many of us gravitated to weekend garage sales (yep, I’m raising my hand too) and purchased another person’s junk they no longer wanted. Some of it was especially useful but, occasionally we bought items just because they looked like something we might be able to use. Then we threw them into a box in the garage, forgot about them, and they ended up in our own garage sale the following year. Oh, my!

The summer organization bug is in full swing especially now. We start thinking of what we can do to clear out all the rubbish. If we never, ever discard anything--fearing we will need it someday--we could become a candidate for one of those TV hoarding shows. It’s like trying to dig our way out of a jungle that is about to devour us.

Finding Our True Happiness

Those are all lifeless objects that we think we need, so we keep them. It appears our hoarding gives us a sense of security, which of course, is false. But the same thing goes on in our brains, emotions, and spirits. We get bogged down worrying about every little thing, most of which we can do nothing about.

Money, or the lack of it causes much stress as most of us know. But don’t get caught believing money provides happiness. It does not! How many famously rich millionaires do we know that are truly happy? It might appear that way at first, but an excess of money generally brings an excess of responsibility, which equals excess stress. Think of all those lottery stories of winners one year after their big win. Many of them are worse off than if they had never gambled because they cannot keep up with all their new possessions. Believe it or not, many people fall into bankruptcy when the money is all gone!

Of course, money is not the only worry in life. We can get overwhelmed by relationships that have gone wrong, working at a job we hate, trying to survive after divorce, dealing with child custody, health issues, finding supportive friends, car repairs, anxiety, dieting, disappointment, and doubt. And on, and on, and on.

This is exactly why God commands us [Matthew 6:25-28] not to worry! This is not a suggestion. He is serious about this subject. Why? Because worries are endless; they consume us. Only God knows our anguish when worry devours us. He never wants us in that state of unhappiness and mental chaos. And better yet, He has the answers to our dilemmas. God is just waiting for us to come to Him with our concerns.

Life-Long Learning

If we find ourselves completely worry-free (really?), the opposite problem may become our enemy. Pleasure. Too much of the wrong kind can steer us into a state of denial. We find ourselves hanging with an unsuitable crowd. Doing what we never thought we would. Ignoring our standards and principles. Filling every minute of the day and night pursuing bodily enjoyment, earthly treasures, and worshiping ourselves.

Please don’t get the incorrect idea here. God wants us to be happy and content. He is all about us finding our joy--joy and love in friendships and close relationships. Discovering His plan and purpose for our lives can be the absolute best kind of pleasure; a fulfillment of everything we hope for. Living in God’s world, where He is ready and able to handle our worries and concerns, will provide us a way to grow stronger and stronger every day. Now, that’s a thing of beauty!

“This is what the story means: The seed is God’s message. The seed that fell among the thorny weeds is like those who hear God’s teaching, but they let the worries, riches, and pleasures of this life keep them from growing and producing good fruit” (Luke 8:11, 14 NCV).

 

 

Nothing Can Keep Us Down Now!

The Golden Gate Bridge spans the one-mile-wide strait connecting San Francisco Bay and the Pacific Ocean. It's an amazing trip to take and a beautiful site across the 1.7 miles including an average height of 220 feet above the water! For anyone afraid of heights it can be scary looking down. Yet, it is not the longest bridge in America. In Louisiana, we would travel 23.83 miles across the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway and feel a bit dizzy! It certainly seems like a never-ending trip. 

 Just like crossing on one of these bridges, our new journey as single-again women may seem endless and a bit scary to say the least. Every new experience--moving to a different house or city, learning how to use a monthly budget to pay the bills when in the past he did all that, preparing a resume maybe for the first time, and sleeping alone in the middle of the bed--is intimidating and daunting. 

Bring on the Adventure 

All these frightening experiences may appear to be a test of our will and determination, our adventurous spirit. Maybe we think we don’t even have any such adventure left in us. Probably not true since we have already gone through knee-deep "mud" in our life to get to this point right here. That stands for "Congratulations!" 

Doing things on our own for the first time has undoubtedly been an unfamiliar struggle. How about negotiating a deal on a new home lease or purchasing a new car? Or getting the correct tool out to fix the leaky bathroom sink when we don’t have money to hire a plumber? And of course, there is the dilemma of applying for a job when our computer experience is ten years old.     

The fact is it hasn't been easy and most likely will continue to try our patience until we practice, practice, practice! But with each successful step we take, our determination and confidence will automatically kick-in. Nothing can keep us down now! 

Starting Point

We know now that we can make it if we want, but of course, no one can force us if we choose not to try. But then, where would we go from there? So, assuming we trust ourselves, our question may be, How? How can we move ahead and make good decisions?  

We are not alone. It might help to have a few real and concrete examples of women who took a chance, used their determination, and jumped into a new life even though everything tried to push them down. 

[Click on First Examples from mydomaine.com]: 

Viola Davis - "Davis’s childhood explains a lot about her work ethic today. Growing up in poverty, she often faced hunger—even resorting to digging through dumpsters to find food. But she didn’t let this crush her. In fact, it fueled her and pushed her to do better for herself. “I tell my daughter every morning, ‘Now, what are the two most important parts of you?’ and she says, ‘My head and my heart.’ Because that’s what I’ve learned in the foxhole. What gets you through life is the strength of character and strength of spirit and love.” 

Connie Britton - "Before she was cast as Tami Taylor on Friday Night Lights at age 39, Britton experienced her fair share of “heartbreak” from roles that got away—including missing out on the female lead in Jerry Maguire to Renée Zellweger. She never let that stop her though. With a positive “everything happens for a reason” attitude, Britton accepted the role as the football coach’s wife on the hit network series." [Note: she also starred later in the series, Nashville].

[And these two Next Examples are from Good Housekeeping]: 

Wendy Kopp, Founder, Teach for America - "It was her senior thesis at Princeton — a plan to create a corps of desperately needed teachers for schools in low-income neighborhoods. Twenty years later, Teach for America has trained more than 24,000 teachers and reached three million students." 

Sally Ride, Astronaut, and Astrophysicist - "The first American woman — finally — in space, 1983. Overall, Ride was the third woman in space after USSR. At the age of 32, she remains the youngest American astronaut to have traveled to space."

The Point

Yes, they are all famous. No, none of them started out that way. They had to fight for everything they received and came from backgrounds just like many of us. Think about it. Click on the links provided and read their whole stories. Next, we can ask, what are we really dreaming of doing with our lives? 

The Main Author and Defender

We are precious in the eyes of our Creator. He waits for us to come and talk to Him about all the garbage in our life. God has solutions that we need. He is the Author of our story and the best Defender we will ever need or want. He genuinely cares about us and our lives; always has, always will. Therefore, He gave us a Spirit that craves adventure. Are we ready to begin?

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm" (Exodus 14:14 NLT). 

 

 

How Will Things All Work Out?

“Jeannie worked as a neonatal nurse at a hospital in Rockford, Illinois, for ten years when she met the shoebox baby. She was in the special care nursery when she noticed a young boy in a hooded sweatshirt holding a shoebox and crying…inside the shoebox was a three-pound infant. Wrapped in a dish towel, the tiny newborn wore a doll’s onesie. The baby boy had been born six-weeks premature.

 

“The medical staff treated him for hypothermia, dehydration and an infection from the household scissors used to cut his umbilical cord. Despite the harrowing conditions, God used Jeannie to help work all things out for good!

 

“As hospital staff did everything to save the newborn, his teenage father waited outside, sobbing uncontrollably. Jeannie kept him posted on his baby’s progress. And once the infant’s condition stabilized, she explained to the young, terrified dad that if he gave up his baby that day, he’d no longer be able to receive updates on his health. She reminded him he could take his time in exploring options rather than make an impulsive decision. The boy took the parental bracelets Jeannie offered him so that he and the baby’s mother could come back to visit him. The young couple returned the next day, and every day after for several weeks.”

 

“This is one of the cases I won’t forget,” said the doctor who treated the shoebox baby. There was someone looking down on him.”

 

[Click on the following Shoebox link to read the rest of this true story and others like it from godupdates.com]

 

Shoebox

 

The World is Still Spinning

It’s been nearly five months since many of us have had any chance to venture outside our homes. Maybe to keep a doctor’s appointment or to stock up on whatever groceries we can find on the shelves. But other than that, if we are responsibly following medical guidelines, we are basically hibernating.

It isn’t surprising then when feelings of aloneness (different than loneliness) invade our minds. But no matter what is going on in our own lives, we can find many, many stories of hope out there like the one above if we try. And we desperately need that right now. Even in this tumultuous world, it will lift our spirits when we hear about how hope and inspiration remind us the world is still spinning!

We have all had many ups and downs in our lives including divorce, widowhood, and maybe even our own story of a premature infant. Sadness does not escape anyone. It is what we do with those agonizing moments in our lives that will make a difference. How will God “work all things out for good” in our individual lives?

The plain truth is that God will never force us to do what we don’t want to do. Don’t misunderstand. He created us and has a great plan for our lives because he loves us. Have we ever given a gift to someone just because we loved them? God does that too. He delights in showing us how satisfying and fulfilling our life can be if we only choose to listen to Him. But He won’t pressure, coerce, or threaten us. He’s not that kind of God. He would rather love us.

A Love Gift

It’s all about our choices. Teen parents chose to bring their premature infant to a hospital for care rather than abandoning the baby. They didn’t have to be that responsible or loving.

Jeannie, the neonatal nurse chose to jump right in and help save a three-pound infant. She could have wasted her time by judging the teen parents and refusing to allow them a chance to change their minds. Jeannie’s job was to tend to the baby. But she also chose to love those teen parents.

We also have many, many choices day in and day out to make. Especially now that we are on our own for however long. Like we mentioned, God never forces us to do anything. But He certainly will guide and lead us to do the right thing. To love when we can choose to turn the other cheek. Love—it’s his trademark and design for our lives because he created us, and we belong to him.

“And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you” (Psalm 39:7 NLT).

Nine Ways to Bend the Curve

Make someone's day

It would be reasonable to think that there are not that many greeting cards bought or sent these days as compared to say fifty years ago. Maybe because of the price of a postage stamp. Maybe because the electronic age is in full swing and has basically replaced what they call “snail mail” because we are all in a super-rush these days. Who has any extra time anyway? And there are so many other reasons too.

So, we might be surprised to learn “according to the Greeting Card Association, Americans purchase 6.5 billion greeting cards each year. Hallmark publishes cards in more than 30 languages and distributes them in more than 100 countries.” https://www.hallmark.com/cards/

Wow! Who knew! And this is just one (major) card company; there are also others to add. 

There may be many among us who still enjoy sending and, of course, receiving a welcome note or greeting from a friend or family member. It’s still fun and can brighten our day no matter what is going on in our lives. Sometimes it’s obvious why the card appears in our mailbox—a birthday, congratulations, thank you, or graduation day. It can even deeply touch our hearts if the card is one of sympathy. On all these occasions, we know someone cares and has not forgotten us.

What Are We to Do?

In these strange and terrifying days we live in right now, buying and sending a card to someone may seem very trivial and of little importance. In fact, there are plenty of merchants right now who are going out of business due to all the confusion, illness, and rioting in our world. We surely have never seen such chaos.

But what are we to do? We may be wrong, but it seems that the only solution to returning to “normal” is to:

Be a good neighbor

First, do our part and be responsible to our worldly neighbors by following the guidelines given by medical (not political) professionals. No. No one is trying to take away our freedom! Do we wear seatbelts in our cars? Do we wait at the sign to cross the street? Do we pay for our food or clothing items at the register? And so on. Why? Because if we do, we will enjoy a better world without chaos.

Second, we can try our best to continue caring for other human beings and strive for normalcy. We all know this is true because we as single-again women have been through a chaotic situation ourselves just getting to this point in our lives. We know how good it feels to finally reach a turning point and have a friend encourage us to keep on, keeping on.

In the same way, we can support, encourage, and care for others in many ways. We can manage to do something instead of sitting around twiddling our thumbs or worse yet, participating in rioting (hatred and anger), destroying businesses (stealing/shoplifting), protesting (complaining), and generally stoking the cause rather than finding solutions to our current problems.                 

Nine Ways to Bend the Curve

If we were asked to make a list of what we could individually do to help our friends and neighbors, what would that be? Try it.

1. Buy/make extra face coverings and handing them out to others
2. Cook/bake a dish to share with someone out of work
3. Babysit for a single Mom
4. Smile and thank the clerk at the grocery store
5. Volunteer at a food bank once a week
6. Leave a larger tip to a waitress
7. Pick up groceries for a shut-in neighbor
8. Surprise a friend with a flowering plant
9. Send thank you cards to the local police/fire station/hospital

Your turn. Go ahead and add to this list.

“As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good” (2 Thessalonians 3:13 NLT).

Healing the Wounds

God will hear our prayers

Everyone is hurting right now in some way or another. Even if the virus has not hit our households personally, just watching others suffer is painful. Seeing our family members struggle with job loss is excruciating. Watching multiple members of one family lose their lives is agonizing.

If we can do nothing else, we can all do one thing. In fact, we should be doing this first. We can pray without stopping. God will hear. He wants to see us return to an even better situation than we had in the past. A life with Him and for Him. That IS the solution.

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT).

How Did We Get to This Point?

Beautiful but deadly 

In 1831, Moses Alexander, age ninety-three, married Mrs. Frances Tompkins, age one-hundred five in the town of Bath, New York. It is recorded that the newlyweds were both found dead in their bed the following morning. (True story as recorded in the genealogical tables of the book, Kentucky Marriages, 1797-1865. These facts were found in the book, 2201 Fascinating Facts by David Louis, 1983). Please excuse our morbidity, but it just goes to show, life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect.

Certainly, there are both advantages and snares of our human condition whether we are married or “single-again” --divorced, widowed, or a single mom. Unfortunately, many women dwell on all the negatives and in so doing, cause themselves plenty of grief and anguish. If someone is married, single suddenly looks better. If single, the desire to be married is of utmost importance always in front of their minds. It reminds us of a spider’s web—spun from beautiful silk threads, but sticky enough to instantly trap its prey. It looks good on the outside but is deadlier than we expect! 

Truly, we have numerous opportunities to make the best of our single-again lives and not be weighed down with why, why, why. There is a reason (or several) for where we are right now in this season of life so, there is no need to wonder if we have “missed” something better. We have not. In fact, it is up to us now to unfold our lives exactly the way we want them to blossom.

The Five W’s for Life

Stay with us now and discover where this could possibly lead. One of the most insightful books ever written about why we are here on this earth at this time in history is The Purpose-Driven© Life by Rick Warren 2002, a New York Times bestseller. As far as we see, it is filled with the who, what, why, when, and where to give direction to all of our lives. Be sure to pick this up and read, or re-read, it immediately.

Where will your path lead?

The major point made in Warren’s book is that if we are to find out how our lives are following a certain path, discovering our purpose is the key and it “must begin with God.” He created us and already had a plan for our lives before we were even conceived. That is amazing!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalm 139:13, 16 NLT).

Those are simply beautiful verses that clearly say the God of all creation loves each one of us dearly. He cares about every little minute of our lives, every day. Yes, we “hear” some who will say, “Then why did God cause my divorce?” The important point is, He didn’t cause any of that. We, as humans involved in a broken world, did. God never planned for our spouse to have an affair. Or abuse us. Or abandon us. But He did carry us right through that awful time in our lives. We know because we are here. God still loves us!    

            

Blessed We Are!

It’s important we do not allow our shaded past to control what we do now. We have a specific purpose ahead of us. Another chance. A great future. And the best part: God is walking right alongside us showing us where to go and what to do. Who is more blessed than us?

“…In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities…I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible” (1 Corinthians 7:34-35 NLT).