Finding Your Perfect Serenity

Nothing is more welcome for most of us than getting into our own bed between cool, clean sheets and a super soft pillow (or two or three). Cuddling up inside a cozy blanket and closing our eyes to block out the world. We drift away into dreamland intending to enjoy seven or eight hours of calm and quiet. Perfect serenity!

That is one version of the ideal night so we can wake up refreshed and ready to go in the morning. But so many women (including me!) struggle with making this happen on a regular and repeated basis. Aside from the aggravation of not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep, there are some serious health issues we should understand. 

If we drag through our day at work (or home) and doze off at inappropriate times, or we are unable to look our best because we had no energy to get ready for school or work, we might recognize the many symptoms of insomnia.     

Eight is the Best Number 
We might feel that our four hours of restless sleep is adequate because we've been doing that for months. But a good night's sleep (defined by eight hours) encourages restoration and healing for our body. If we feel like we can't remember anything from the staff meeting at work, and we forget to pick up our toddler from the babysitter, this lack of sleep may be on its way to becoming a huge health issue.

The Women's Health organization (part of the U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services) puts this issue into a "nutshell" for us: "Sleep is essential for good health. During sleep, our bodies and brains repair themselves. Some research suggests our brains use the time during sleep to clear away toxins that build up during the day. Sleep is also important for our ability to learn and form memories. Not getting enough sleep puts people at risk for health problems, including high blood pressure, obesity, and depression." Click on the following link to learn more: Women's Health 

Getting the Right Kind of Sleep!

Maybe a more comprehensive list would help us understand a bit more about insomnia so we can speak to our physician for a diagnosis. So, let's try and honestly check off any of the following symptoms that are preventing us from sleeping. Another good place for information is from the Mayo Clinic. Click here: Better Sleep 

• Difficulty falling asleep at night
• Waking up during the night
• Waking up too early
• Not feeling well-rested after a night's sleep
• Daytime tiredness or sleepiness
• Irritability, depression or anxiety
• Difficulty paying attention, focusing on tasks or remembering
• Increased errors or accidents
• Ongoing worries about sleep

Time Solutions that Really Work

There are many things we can try while waiting to see our doctor. Women's Health hits the nail on the head with these suggestions. [Again, click on their link above for more ideas]:

• Set bedtime at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. 
• Do not nap longer than 20 minutes (nor after 3pm)
• Get outside every day for some natural light.
• One or two hours before bedtime, avoid computer screens, mobile phones, or televisions. No electronic devices in the bedroom. [Hard to break the habit but it really works!]
• Follow a regular, relaxing routine at the same time each night when you get ready for bed.
• Go to bed only after winding down and when you are ready to sleep. Do not read in bed, listen to music (with lyrics), or do other activities that engage your mind and keep you awake.
• Keep your bedroom dark, quiet, and extra cool for sleeping. Use a sleep mask or light-blocking curtains. Use earplugs, a fan, or a white noise machine or app on your phone to block out sounds. [Love this one!]
• Do not drink alcohol, caffeine, or use nicotine for at least five hours before bedtime.
• Get regular physical activity during the day. Exercise or physical activity close to bedtime, or anytime in the five or six hours before sleeping, can make it harder to fall asleep.
• Do not eat heavy meals or drink a lot of liquids two to three hours before bed.
• 
• If you still cannot sleep after about 15 minutes of getting into bed and turning out the light, get out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy.
• See your doctor or a sleep specialist if you think that you have insomnia or another sleep problem.

Where's the Switch?

It seems like our minds are like little machines that someone forgot to turn off the switch. So, we have to ask, WHO created and controls our mind? You may or may not know that the One and Only true God created every little piece of us inside and out (see Psalm 139). 

It is obvious that our very first suggestion or tip for improving our sleep habits has to do with speaking to the One who knows us completely--our Creator! He understands our difficulties with this problem. God is just waiting for us to open a conversation with Him. He only requires that we ask for His help. Let's try that tonight and every night. We might really be surprised how well God will react in our favor!

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 NLT).

Nine Ways to Bend the Curve

Make someone's day

It would be reasonable to think that there are not that many greeting cards bought or sent these days as compared to say fifty years ago. Maybe because of the price of a postage stamp. Maybe because the electronic age is in full swing and has basically replaced what they call “snail mail” because we are all in a super-rush these days. Who has any extra time anyway? And there are so many other reasons too.

So, we might be surprised to learn “according to the Greeting Card Association, Americans purchase 6.5 billion greeting cards each year. Hallmark publishes cards in more than 30 languages and distributes them in more than 100 countries.” https://www.hallmark.com/cards/

Wow! Who knew! And this is just one (major) card company; there are also others to add. 

There may be many among us who still enjoy sending and, of course, receiving a welcome note or greeting from a friend or family member. It’s still fun and can brighten our day no matter what is going on in our lives. Sometimes it’s obvious why the card appears in our mailbox—a birthday, congratulations, thank you, or graduation day. It can even deeply touch our hearts if the card is one of sympathy. On all these occasions, we know someone cares and has not forgotten us.

What Are We to Do?

In these strange and terrifying days we live in right now, buying and sending a card to someone may seem very trivial and of little importance. In fact, there are plenty of merchants right now who are going out of business due to all the confusion, illness, and rioting in our world. We surely have never seen such chaos.

But what are we to do? We may be wrong, but it seems that the only solution to returning to “normal” is to:

Be a good neighbor

First, do our part and be responsible to our worldly neighbors by following the guidelines given by medical (not political) professionals. No. No one is trying to take away our freedom! Do we wear seatbelts in our cars? Do we wait at the sign to cross the street? Do we pay for our food or clothing items at the register? And so on. Why? Because if we do, we will enjoy a better world without chaos.

Second, we can try our best to continue caring for other human beings and strive for normalcy. We all know this is true because we as single-again women have been through a chaotic situation ourselves just getting to this point in our lives. We know how good it feels to finally reach a turning point and have a friend encourage us to keep on, keeping on.

In the same way, we can support, encourage, and care for others in many ways. We can manage to do something instead of sitting around twiddling our thumbs or worse yet, participating in rioting (hatred and anger), destroying businesses (stealing/shoplifting), protesting (complaining), and generally stoking the cause rather than finding solutions to our current problems.                 

Nine Ways to Bend the Curve

If we were asked to make a list of what we could individually do to help our friends and neighbors, what would that be? Try it.

1. Buy/make extra face coverings and handing them out to others
2. Cook/bake a dish to share with someone out of work
3. Babysit for a single Mom
4. Smile and thank the clerk at the grocery store
5. Volunteer at a food bank once a week
6. Leave a larger tip to a waitress
7. Pick up groceries for a shut-in neighbor
8. Surprise a friend with a flowering plant
9. Send thank you cards to the local police/fire station/hospital

Your turn. Go ahead and add to this list.

“As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good” (2 Thessalonians 3:13 NLT).

Healing the Wounds

God will hear our prayers

Everyone is hurting right now in some way or another. Even if the virus has not hit our households personally, just watching others suffer is painful. Seeing our family members struggle with job loss is excruciating. Watching multiple members of one family lose their lives is agonizing.

If we can do nothing else, we can all do one thing. In fact, we should be doing this first. We can pray without stopping. God will hear. He wants to see us return to an even better situation than we had in the past. A life with Him and for Him. That IS the solution.

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT).

What Gear Are You In?

Learning to Ride

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It's likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated end result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

    

You may remember those days trying to learn all you could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it wasn't much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! You may ask, Now what? 

What Gear Are You In?

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is very good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it's not always the most pleasant thing we've ever done. But it's necessary, otherwise, we will remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two different kinds of situations where we come from in this chapter of our lives. We either:

(a) have known for a very long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these instances, we probably have been planning in some way for the outcome. We are not saying it is any easier just because we have known it, just that we are aware. 

(b) it is sudden, and sometimes, a shocking event that catches us off-guard. In this instance, we may initially tend to panic and/or experience anger which is entirely normal. Having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

New Gears to Try  

After an initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a pretty good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different and we are not here to tell you when or how to begin a new life. We are here only to support and encourage you in whatever direction you want to go. 

We've been there and hope some of these ideas may find you anxious to build something new:

Paint Colors for Your World

Take baby steps and don't be afraid to try new things.

Grieving can be lonely so it's okay to join a support group.

Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.

Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It's important for the brain.   

Focus on your health and keep moving.

Keep this in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Faith is Your Best Friend!

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who may be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey. Hold out your hand; God will take you there!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1: 5-7 MSG).

Seven Truths to Discover Who You Are

No matter what kind of relationship interruption we have survived, we can and usually do recover with time. In all likelihood, it took more than a "minute" to arrive at such a decision with so many factors to consider. There were the days, months or even years trying to mend the brokenness to no avail. It worn us out.

So it stands to reason, it will take a season or more to restore our lives; to hit the refresh button on life. Exactly how long depends on many things, including how long we were a couple. There is no need to rush it. In fact, that's probably the worse thing we could do at this point. That doesn't mean we should just stop living, but we can learn to be gentle with ourselves.

Time Is the Healer

Time is a remarkable healer, repairing our minds and souls from the inside out. If we slow down just a bit and allow it, time--combined with patience, persistence and prayer--will supply all the tools to build a foundation that will stand in a storm.

Of course, first things first. We must secure what our future income looks like (savings, employment, alimony, etc) and then explore housing options (family home, new home, a move, etc). Once the basics are in place, everything else can wait for now.

What could make the rest of the healing period less stressful is finding and using our talents and gifts. The ones we have forgotten about, but still have; those we were born with and haven't used. It is not selfish to take care of ourselves in this way. Call it an indulgence if you will, but it is a necessity.

Just like our health, if we don't do something about what is bothering us, we will suffer. And we are the only ones who have the insight to care for what we need at this point; the only ones who know what we want. We can call on others for support and should, but we can't expect anyone else to find the key to our happiness.   

Seven Truths

Let's look at these seven benefits of discovering who we are deep down inside. In experimenting with some of these ideas, we can unlock the door to our future and find our God-given purpose. Feel free to add to these in your own words.

1. When we admit what we really want to do with our future, our confidence grows.
2. We discover the possibilities open to us--maybe for the first time--and find faith.
3. We begin a pattern of lifetime growth and learning, which creates joy.
4. We let go of fear, skepticism, and failure; in the process, we discover love.  
5. We find connection with others who are in the same boat and let go of loneliness.
6. We build a community of support and find strength.
7. We reach out to others, share our experience and claim abundance.

Hitting The Mark

The best way to recognize our true potential is by reading the Bible. This is how God speaks to us and He has all the answers about our future. If you haven't found a church home yet, don't wait. They usually hold regular classes to help with the search, discovery and understanding of our spiritual gifts.  

Because we are unique, we all have different needs to begin our journey. But, we all have gifts that God graced us with and, no matter what age or status we find ourselves in right now, we can determine exactly what that gift is and how we will use it. When we do that, we have hit the mark!

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. 1 Corinthians 12:4