How to Build a Life from What You Have

Find a gear and take off!

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It's likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

    

We may remember those days trying to learn all we could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it wasn't much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! Now what? 

What Gear Is Next?

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is very good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it's not always the most pleasant thing we've ever done. But it's necessary, otherwise, we will remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two different kinds of situations where we come from in this chapter of our lives. We either:

(a) have known for a very long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these instances, we probably have been planning in some way for the outcome. We are not saying it is any easier just because we have known it, just that we are aware. 

(b) it is sudden, and sometimes, a shocking event that catches us off-guard. In this instance, we may initially tend to panic and/or experience anger which is entirely normal. Having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

New Gears to Try  

After an initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a pretty good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different, and we are not here to tell you when or how to begin a new life. We are here only to support and encourage you in whatever direction you want to go. 

We've been there and hope some of these ideas may find you anxious to build something new:

Take baby steps and don't be afraid to try new things.

Grieving can be lonely so it's okay to join a support group.

Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.

Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It's important for the brain.   

Focus on your health and keep moving.

Keep this in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Faith is Your Best Friend!

Coffee with a friend. Yummy!

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who might be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey. Hold out your hand; God will take you there!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG).

Facing the Unknown Takes Courage

Loading up to go

Today is Veteran's Day in the U.S. and No Better Time Than Now to Take a Break from Our Usual Message! 

We owe our sincere Thank You to all the men and women of every single war who fought and sacrificed their lives in one way or another for our freedom! Some of us remember firsthand the stories that have been told because we personally know friends and family members who have our deepest gratitude. 

"There are approximately 389,292 veterans remaining of the 16 million who served our nation in World War II. [Dept of Veterans Affairs]. The oldest living WWII veteran today is 113 years old!” (He has been named a “supercentenarian”).

"9,087,000 military personnel served on active duty during the Vietnam Era (Aug. 5, 1964-May 7, 1975)." [Veterans Administration]

"2.7 million service members have been to the war zones of Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001 and over half of them have deployed more than once. Many times, that number of Americans have borne the costs of war as spouses, parents, children, and friends cope with their loved ones’ absence, mourn their deaths, or greet the changed person who often returns." [Watson Institute-Brown University]

These are only three of the most recent in our memories. In 243 years on our own U.S. soil, veterans have fought over 25 wars for our freedom [Our Country published by Silver Burdett Ginn, Inc.; and Wikipedia].

From a Women’s Perspective
Please understand, no one likes war. No one. Obviously, we wouldn't be enjoying American freedom if it were not for our military. And military spouses and children should not be forgotten either. It takes great courage to "hang in" when the unknown must be faced every single day. Never knowing where or when they will need to pack up and go live somewhere else. Spending years waiting while their spouse is overseas. Children who never learn to make permanent friends because it takes time and time is elusive in the military. Today, stop and thank a military family you know or see. Just do it. They deserve respect and honor! 

Being part of the military sometimes takes its toll on women with devastating results. "The divorce rate among both officers and enlisted men and women over 2014 was 3.1 percent, only slightly higher than the 2005 rate of 3 percent. The newly released statistics show that the rate has steadily declined since 2011 when it reached a high watermark of 3.7 percent." [The Pentagon, U.S. Dept of Defense] 

Where is the Good News?

In a world filled with evil people, sometimes war is necessary to prevent an even greater evil. If Hitler had not been defeated by World War II, how many more millions would have been murdered? If the American Civil War had not been fought, how much longer would African-Americans have had to suffer as slaves? These are just two examples of attempts to destroy evil.  

"It is an error to say that God never supports a war. Jesus is not a pacifist. The most important thing we can be doing in a time of war is to be praying for Godly wisdom for our leaders, praying for the safety of our military, praying for a quick resolution to conflicts, and praying for a minimum of casualties among civilians on both sides." 

For a further study, click on this link from GotQs.com:
WHY WAR?

“There is…a time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:8 NLT). 

Were You Made for Such a Time as This?

Queens, princesses, duchesses, and other female royalty around the world are often fascinating to us. For example, Meghan Markle became known as Duchess of Sussex when she married Prince Harry. Since then, we seem to pay special attention to the royals especially of the United Kingdom. Probably, a large part of that is because the Duchess is an American-born woman and is not yet a British citizen as there are many requirements for that to happen and it’s a slow process.

We could think about our own heritage and look back into our ancestry to see where we came from and the history of our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and on and on. We may be surprised or shocked to find out some fascinating facts, especially if we never knew anyone on one side of our family tree or the other.  

A few years ago, my own family tree expanded by a tremendous explosion! Since my biological father passed away during the WWII era, his history was never exposed to me. But suddenly, after being contacted by a supposed first cousin (later verified, of course), twenty-one first cousins were discovered on my father’s family tree that was never known to me previously. To shorten this long story, there was an immediate family reunion that happily lasted for days. And my Google contact list has grown into a garden of delight!

Generations of History

Many people already know their family history, but maybe not. Or not well. It could be great fun to start this project and with so many websites out there to support a search, it isn’t difficult. How many generations back could we discover? Where are our ancestors from? What did they do for a living? And how did our families eventually end up in America where we were born?

These answers could not only be fun to discover but may be quite important to pass on to our children or siblings. It was sad for me to find out there were all these cousins I could have grown up with if only I had known of their existence. Instead, decades melted away with no contact. Don’t let that happen to your family.

Just like the old famous song by Louis Armstrong says, “What a Wonderful World” this could be if we only allow it. And knowing our history is all part of the process to keep it going. Some of us have boxes and boxes of photos lying around the house (yes, millennials, before the 1980s we had photo film that needed to be developed which created a “hard copy” photo to keep). Okay, we were smiling when we said that, so relax, we know it is a digital world now. In fact, we can even take those hard copies and have them turned into a digital video or file folder to keep forever.

Five Keepsakes to Start

What other things can we do to create family keepsakes to pass on? Try these five and then add your own:

A journal for each child

Child’s growth chart (enlarged) for the wall  

Fill a shadow box with old keepsakes from the attic or closet

Start a journal for each child (even grown ones!). Write a weekly letter

Frame that handwritten family recipe from great-grandmother

Create framed pencil/watercolor drawings of the kids

Delicate Parts

After all that activity, be sure to sit and relax and read the one book that contains hundreds of fascinating family stories like a courageous woman named Esther who became a Queen, a female judge named Deborah, and a daughter and beloved mother-in-law named Ruth and Naomi.

It’s one way we will find out that we ourselves were created with loving care and not by accident, but with a purpose. Open the Bible and start with Psalm 139. In verse 13 it says gently, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” It is so important to see that God, the Creator of all knew each one of us long before we were even born.

It’s our original family history written by our Heavenly Father and the one and only true God who created the entire universe!

“. . .Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14b NLT).

How to Live in Peace and Harmony Every Day of the Year

Get to the Answer

Thankfully, we’ve been given the intelligence to know and decide how to act in any situation. In other words, we inherently know right from wrong. But is it easy to make good decisions? Absolutely not! We know this by how long it took us to change our own lives for the better. But we finally did it when we had the best information.

One of the uncontrolled parts of our previously married life is that some of us, or we could say most of us, were “commanded” daily by our significant other to do some things we knew were not right at the time. But because we were pushed emotionally and, sometimes, physically until we complied, we resisted and didn’t act on our own decision. A very uncomfortable position, indeed.   

Making Informed Decisions

Now that we are on our own, we can strive to live in peace and harmony with others without giving up our common sense and moral values. Sometimes it's very difficult to lean in that direction, especially when certain questionable activities make us cringe and even doubt our beliefs because of the popularity of it all. This week on Thursday, October 31st is one of those misunderstood occasions that can tend to rub us the wrong way. Not everyone believes or celebrates Halloween. We want to do what we know is right for us, but how do we do that?

First, let’s remember we are each free to determine how we should act and why. There is absolutely no judgment here, only some truths we may have never considered. Celebrating Halloween or not is our decision alone, but to do that, we need knowledge of the subject: some pertinent information and historical facts to consider that will help us make an informed decision along the way. Amazingly, God has a lot to say about this subject. So, it is important for us to settle now how we want to reflect our Christian lives to others.

Second, we would be correct in saying the Bible does not mention the actual word Halloween. And perhaps for some people, there is nothing evil about children’s “happy and cute” costumes in general. But we should at least ask, is Halloween anti-Christian? When talking about the “darker” aspects of this October day, absolutely! So, we must figure out exactly how we feel about this “celebration” and how we want to handle it.   

Do No Harm  

The Bible: God's Truth to Us

God, however, didn’t leave us to figure it all out by ourselves. He’s good that way. He has our backs! God has definite instructions for us about certain questionable practices, no matter what day it is! Here are some eye-opening facts we previously may not have even thought much about:

Considered innocent by some people, the following activities are extremely harmful to us according to God’s Word (look up the corresponding verses to discover why):

·                     witchcraft and fortune-telling (Lev 19:26)

·                     occult (Acts 8:9-24)

·                     sorcery (Acts 13:6-11)

·                     magic (Acts 19:19)

·                     mediums and necromancers (Lev 19:31, 20:6)

·                     divination, casting spells, seances, channeling (Deut 18:9-12)

As if those customs were not enough, the Bible speaks in general about unexplored subjects such as:

·                     no such thing as ghosts (of deceased persons) (2 Cor 11:14-15)

·                     there are, however, good angels (Isa 6:2-6)

·                     there are also evil demons (Lk 8:2)

In addition to the above, Satan (our enemy) and his many demons are real! And they can and will deceive and convince us it’s okay to participate in activities such as psychics, seances, tarot cards, Ouija boards, crystal balls, and horoscopes to mislead, corrupt, and destroy us! This shows the importance of reading the Bible daily, otherwise, how will we ever know the truth?  

Amazing Truth

“Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them” (Ephesians 5:11 NLT).

“Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe--some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them--then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong” (Romans: 14:22-23 MSG).

How to Conquer Seven Destructive Invaders

Best Fall Colors

Roots may start small but, eventually--with loving care, pampering, and feeding--they grow into beautiful plants, flowers, or a tree in our yard. It's a slow process, but watching the progress is quite satisfying and soon we see the lush result of our efforts.

Sometimes, especially for those of us who are not gardeners, the plants start wilting, turn brown and ugly, and never grow into anything beautiful. It's like a poison that invades the entire root and we are not even aware of the cause!

Our Roots Are Growing!

Since we are now on our own as single-again women, we have the fantastic choice of starting a beautiful "garden" with our lives. Yes, we do understand it's extremely difficult to even think about what to do or how to do it at this point. So, we ask ourselves, what if I just don't do anything? What if I just sit here all day long twirling my thumbs? What if I use the time to start blaming others for my problems?

Those certainly are choices too. We can just stop caring for ourselves and allow our "roots" to stop growing. No one is saying we can't do that if we desire. But it will require one thing. It will require that we admit we have given up. If we believe that hopeless thought, then inertia will take control of our lives and nothing good will sprout in us. We are still breathing, but not thriving. Existing, but unable to move. We need nourishment so we can grow!

The point here is that we are stronger than all those moments of disappointments, abuse (physical or emotional), resentments, and pain. We are here, aren't we? Regardless of what we think about what happened to us, we have not given up by any means! We have fought with everything we have in us to get to this point. Our roots are growing, slowly maybe, but growing nonetheless! Congratulations, sister!

Seven Destructive Invaders

Friendly Invader

One simple truth about gardens is they require constant weeding or unpleasant things begin to flourish. Our lives are like that too. After what we have been through, we most certainly will need to clear all the harmful and destructive invaders to free ourselves completely.  

Think about the following "invaders or poisonous weeds." We have all had them spring up into our hearts, sometimes repeatedly. The Bible says we have a spiritual "thief" (enemy) who will destroy us if we don’t pay attention. So, take these seven invaders seriously:

Bitterness

Disappointment

Resentment

Grudges

Jealousy

Conflict/Arguments
Hatred

[Please note: If any of these feelings bother you to the point of destruction, please speak immediately with a counselor.]

God plainly says, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT). In other words, He is our answer.

A Flourishing and Glorious Garden

There is solid help available both in this world and from God, our Heavenly Father. He provides us a Helper called the Holy Spirit to guide us through all the "destructive invaders" so we can create a flourishing and glorious garden. One beautiful Truth to hang onto is: we will receive many blessings if we seek God instead of listening to the thief/enemy.  

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many" (Hebrews 12:15 NLT).

How to Grow and Spread Your Wings

A new pair of shoes

A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, “My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?” “I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,” was the boy’s reply.

The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel.

By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy’s feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, “No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?”

As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words: “Are you God’s wife?” (Author unknown. A story as told in mirthandmotivation.com).

Turning Corners

So many times, we tend to ignore what is right before us. Especially now when we have just gone through a devastating period in our lives, our problems seem insurmountable and we see nothing else in our path. Each day is difficult. Each hour is excruciating. Each minute is painful.  

These types of feelings are natural and expected especially when our circumstances are brand new to us and it hasn’t been very long at all since we became single-again women (divorced, widowed, single mom). At this point, don’t let anyone tell you not to feel the sorrow and distress. There is a certain time period where we all go through the stages of grief.

Spread your wings and fly!

Eventually at some point, we will turn a corner and begin to feel better with each passing day as we put one foot in front of the other. This is when our eyes open a little wider and we can lift our heads. We might even surprise ourselves simply by smiling—at ourselves and others too.

Now is the opportunity to figure out what to do with our lives. How to live differently because, obviously, we are different. Unfortunately, many women try and continue to make everything remain exactly as it was; this is usually a very bad idea that holds us back from growing and spreading our wings!           

Hanging Out with Friends

“Life is 10% what happens and 90% of how you react to it.” (Charles Swindoll, pastor, and author).

Just like the “wise” woman in the (likely fictional) story above, we might try and not dwell on ourselves so much that we forget what is happening in the lives of other people. Of course, the story does not indicate if the woman was single or not, but it seems to us that she was at the very least, generous, kind, and unselfish.    

One of the changes we may have already experienced as a single-again woman is that our circle of “friends” seems to have evolved into several new relationships. We find ourselves gravitating towards other women going through the same scenario. That’s a great sign!

Why? Because we are learning how to spread our wings and have become interested in finding out how others have successfully changed their lives for the better. We are “hanging out” with those who can provide insight, intuition, and intelligence about something we know little about.

Arms Wide Open

The greatest insight we can possess is to recognize that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us above and beyond what we can imagine. He is unlike any earthly father we have ever known.

He cares deeply what we have experienced and what happened to us before and after the change in our marital status. He is waiting for us each to turn to Him with all our sorrows, grief, heartache, and pain. His arms are wide open! Run to Him now!                 

“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces” (Prov 13:20 MSG).

Do You Wish for More Time at Work?

Relax and Kick Your Feet Up

"Stress and relaxation cannot exist at the same time--just as darkness cannot exist where there is light!" (Sue Ingebretson, author, speaker, and certified holistic health care practitioner) CLICK HERE for Sue's Blog       

Most of us overdose on way too much stress and not enough relaxation making us a "stressaholic". We get busy from the moment our feet hit the ground in the morning and then we fall into bed (sometimes literally!) at night without ever calming down. We have jobs and careers, people to take care of, chores to get done, and never enough time to enjoy the benefits of relaxation.  

Leisure activities such as reading, working on a hobby, journaling, crafts, sewing, sports, exercising and so on are a necessary part of resting our minds and bodies. Notice we left out "screen" time--TV, computers, social media, texting--which sucks out brain cells and leaves us feeling worse (okay, we cannot prove it here, but ask any life/health coach and you'll hear the expert result).

We all probably have some type of calendar to organize and plan our lives. So, we can put that tool to good use by scheduling our leisure time! Yes, we can get into the habit of doing just that! One other important stress-reduction method is to only work five days a week at our regular job to allow “downtime” on the weekends. Once we get into a practice of taking breaks such as these, we’ll most likely see an improvement in less stress and better health. 

Readjusting Our Lifestyles

There is a reason why a regular workday has always been set to cover eight hours of activity. Because more than eight hours nonstop shows up in our lack of productivity and is the perfect recipe for stress. Wow! In 2019 that sounds so antiquated, doesn't it? 

Especially in America where we have stretched and stretched the acceptable workday into 12-16 hours to the point that if we do not work those crazy hours, we may be considered lazy or unproductive! That is sad. Someone once said, "No one on their deathbed ever said they wished they had spent more time at work." 

Stress anyone?

Work hours around the world vary. For example, Eastern Europe has a higher number of daily work hours than the U.S., but Western European countries typically work 35 hours per week on the average, especially France. And in Spain, there is a Siesta (break) from 2:00-5:00pm with long lunches and healthy afternoon naps followed by a late nightlife!  

Wherever we work, and the more we work per day at a job, career, or at home, the more stress will show up in our life. The only way to combat this health danger is to treat relaxation as a necessary component to our schedule. 

Somehow, we need to think seriously about ways to reduce our stress level or accept the fact we will visit the doctor's office more and more. Even though we are getting near to the end of the year, it’s still the perfect time to readjust our lifestyles for the sake of our health. If we are in our 20s, 30s, or even 40s and are in good shape, this might seem silly to "program" relaxation into our day. But with each decade that passes, it will definitely become more and more obvious we have to do something! Better to begin now.

Using Our Brains to Calm Our Body

Relax with a book

It's been said it takes 21 days to create a new habit. So, we can just start with one fun activity and add it to our calendar. Go easy: for example, 11-21 minutes per day of reading a great short story before bed will have an amazing effect on our sleep and sleep is when our bodies repair any damage from the day. After three weeks, add one more fun thing like walking for 16 minutes before work, or journaling. Whatever makes us smile will do the trick! 

Peace of Mind Once and For All

Life can be so difficult at times; we need a Helper. God knew how stressed we would get and so He already planned on leaving us Someone named the Holy Spirit that would live in our hearts. He's the best stress-busting gift of all! Whenever we are ready, we can just ask Him to come into our heart and He gladly will!  

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" (John 14:27 NLT).