Where Can You Find Peace and Happiness?

A very popular 1985 movie, Back to the Future, was eventually voted the twenty-third greatest film ever made. One reason it was so popular was the fact we like to fantasize about romantic or historic places we would have enjoyed visiting. We can imagine what it would have been like to be in a certain time period and what we would have become while there.

Of course, there are times and places we would definitely have dreaded, like during the European Black Plague in the 1300s, or before the invention of penicillin, or even in Turkey during the middle ages where a person could be put to death for just  drinking a cup of coffee! Ouch!

When it comes right down to it, we are in a much better place--without the sci-fi time travel--now that we are starting a new journey. New life. Exciting adventures. Freedom. It may be a struggle at first that takes a lot of courage and panache. But it’s a spirit of determination to go forward and not let anything get us down. We have survived and so, we know we can continue to do the same if we stay on track.

Brighter Light

Our new world is a time of second chances. Who wouldn’t want the opportunity to make things better this time around? Sure, we may not have chosen to become single-again, but we can certainly learn to see our lives in a different light. A brighter light that can open up numerous possibilities.

Things do happen for a reason. There is no such thing as coincidence. Once we get past all the sorrow, struggle, and strain of reinventing our lives, we will reach a point where we can look back and see we are much better off. It will happen if we just stay on course. And then from there, we can move forward with confidence.

Once we arrive at our “happy place,” good things begin. Here we need a word of caution: do not try and force events to take place. We can use our natural gifts and talents to create with ease the world we have always wanted. The wise advice to “do what you love and it will never feel like work” applies to our current situation like a glove.

Relax and have a cup of tea!

Taking the time to invent a happy and successful life will be one of our best attributes that will attract others. Don’t we all love cheerful people who ooze love and joy for all around them? Trying to stretch and reach for a life we are not prepared for yet, will only pull our mental muscles into a knot that is painful. Better to take it slowly and enjoy each day to the fullest right where we are at the moment.

No Surprises

One Person who already knows how much we desire another close relationship is God Himself. Our singleness is not a surprise to Him. He understands our human mistakes of the past and has placed us in a better place that He prepared in advance for us. When we grow to the point where we have healed--where a time comes for us to move into a union with someone new--He will let us know! Until then, we can simply enjoy His presence in our lives.    

“Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. . .” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NLT).

Have You Reached the Mountaintop?

Decades travel at the speed of a “don’t blink, you’ll miss it” kind of rush. When we were teens or young adults, we thought we would never, ever see the time when we were called “senior citizens.” But, sure enough, every single one of us arrive blinking our eyes in surprise and wonder! Of course, when we finally do get to our mountaintop, our minds play tricks on us and we still think we are twenty years younger than reality.

For Such a Time

Every season of our lives has its pros and cons. In our college years, life started happening all at once. Joyfully or not, we were separating from our parents and envisioning a lifetime of great success, the “I can’t live without you” type of perfect relationships, and happily doing things our way.

Between our 30s and 40s, life started revealing its true nature. Things were different than we originally imagined, but still manageable. Our energies slowed a bit, and then took off again, as we adjusted our goals to fit our lifestyles. Here we learned the difference between “Me, Me, Me” and “We, We, We.” Life was good as long as we were willing to open our hearts and minds to the world.

What color is your reflection?

Midlife comes onto the scene with a vengeance! For some it’s a shock to look in the mirror and discover a new landscape or an entirely new life. Now we remember all those things we wanted to do thirty years prior before interruptions and distractions took over. We start making plans, realizing time is starting to speed up.

The good news is that we can look around and see new possibilities we never knew we had. Currently, 108.7 million people in the U. S. are over age fifty and growing, 53.5 percent are women, with 40 percent of men and women living as single/single-again. So we are not alone by any means. If we truly want to do something with the next fifty years, we need to be willing to get out of the house and meet others in our “tribe.”

Five Ideas to Begin Now

Thinking about it, our experiences pile one on top of the other for our entire lives. They build for us an entire “library” of knowledgeable events, good and bad. We can not actually go back in history and re-do our lives. But we can go forward, call on our learning episodes and make things new and different. We could start with these ideas:

• Lifelong Learning - always beneficial and fun, pick something you’ve wanted to learn or participate in doing. Local colleges provide a regular schedule of one-time classes.
• Travel Groups - how many of the U. S. states have you seen? How about that foreign country you’ve dreamed of stepping foot on? Day trips are also a great way to see sites and meet others without a big commitment.
• Community Events - right in your own hometown, there are plenty of occasions to use your skills, learn new ones, or volunteer and make your neighborhood better.
• Church Groups - just ask and you’ll see your church can always use your help. You’ll feel useful and needed for sure.
• Dating - please note dating clubs, organizations, and especially online dating, is not recommended by this author. They rarely result in any permanent relationship, are sometimes costly, and can actually be dangerous for the novice. However, if you feel you are ready to begin a new relationship, getting out and joining with others in some of the above groups may lead to meeting someone with similar interests. And that is a very good beginning!

Golden Days

No matter our circumstances and lifestyle at the moment, there is a way to make a difference with our days. God provides what we need, when we need it, if we just ask. He is always ready to help and will never, ever leave us. Just having a determination to do something with our lives that is worthwhile and beneficial is Step Two. Step One is placing our faith in the One true God. We can do that, can’t we?

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7 NIV).

Recognizing Our Own Sadness

Lemons are a favorite taste among most of us. Think of how often we enjoy things like lemon meringue pie, lemon drop candies, and of course, lemonade in the summer. Cooks use it in all sorts of mouth-watering recipes. And, of course, some people, but not all, like the taste of lemon on fish. If we travel through the very warm states of California, Arizona, and Texas, we will see the numerous crops of nearly all of the citrus fruits, except oranges and grapefruits which are grown mainly in Florida. Right about now, our mouths are probably puckering up just thinking about juicy wonders.       

Seeing Ourselves

Other than foods, when we consider how we affect others in our everyday connections, we may make others think about the sour taste of lemons. It’s a trait we may wish to change, but sometimes, we do not even recognize we have such a characteristic. An actor once said, “I don’t think of myself like other people see me” and this could very well be true of all of us at certain times.

We prefer to see ourselves as sweet and agreeable. Maybe most days we are just like that description. If we grew up with a mother or relative that we adored and sincerely loved, we wanted to be just like her. So we imitated her gentle disposition and the manner in which she came into contact with friends, family, and strangers alike.

But maybe being kind, sweet, and thoughtful wasn’t our natural tendency and we had to really practice and work at it. We didn’t have the adults around us that could give us a good example of such a person. As adulthood approached with all its ups and downs, difficulties, and adversities, it changed us or, at the very least, brought out the worse in us.

The type of job one has also trains us to become whatever a particular industry expects. Yes, employers do want employees who demonstrate kindness to customers or clients at all times, but global competition is the main focus in many--if not most--companies. From senior vice presidents and managers to waitresses, cab drivers, and grocery clerks, we all understand what it takes to keep a job.

Where There Is a Way

Unless we find ways to relax, balance work and home life, and strive to enjoy life, our opposing tendencies can get the better of us. We then, unknowingly, take it out on each other. Instead of listening with courtesy, speaking with love, and reaching out with forgiveness to each other, the measurement of our sour and bitter attitude can and will turn others away from us. This is exactly the opposite of what we really need in our lives, as we entirely miss the opportunities to combat loneliness, experience love, grow in faith, and expand hope. Let’s try something different:

• 

  Parakeet Companions

  Find the cause of our discontent: change jobs; get caregiver or babysitting help; speak with a counselor
• Escape the house: get out with friends; vary housekeeping schedule with fun activities; take an interesting class
• Get a companion: if the house is too quiet, get a roommate; a pet; turn music on every day; or start dating again
• No overtime: arrange work duties so that overtime is kept to a minimum; spend quality time with others; skip the laundry and give yourself a facial
• Goals: make time now to finally accomplish your life-long passion

The Door Is Always Open

Changing attitudes is certainly not easy. It takes practice day in and day out. The one place we can affect our own outlook on life is when we are spending quiet time with God. It’s an everyday experience and he will not fail to bring us to a whole new level of peace and joy. We can do it anyplace, anytime and it costs absolutely nothing other than minutes we carve out for our own well-being. He’s waiting and He has the answers!

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)

Who Can You Count On?

It’s devastating to lose a friend anytime. It hurts the heart and it takes awhile to adjust our thinking. Here we are talking about the season of friendships that once were beneficial to both parties, and then they reach a point where they simply drift off in different directions. It may be that common ideas and interests brought us together and they served a purpose for a time. And that is all good.

Unlike high school or college where we made lifelong friends with certain unbreakable connections through shared experiences, as adults we meet and get to know others mainly through our activities or employment. We work alongside them and share our thoughts, understandings, and viewpoints about a variety of subjects. It’s helpful for each person to share perspectives in this way.

There Is a Time

Some of these type friendships can develop into something more for us. As each one gets to know the other more intimately outside work or organizations, we form a way to grow together and see each other as valuable for who we are. There’s no competition. It’s a grown up, give-and-take relationship built on honesty and trust. These friendships tend to last.

At other times, we come to know that not all acquaintances were meant for a “permanent bond” type of arrangement and that’s okay. The glue just doesn’t hold and serves no purpose after a period of time in which we helped each other accomplish a goal or sort through a dilemma, as in a co-worker or teammate.

As it says in the Book of Ecclesiastes, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” We can not expect for every link with another adult to turn into something more. Something that will bolster our agenda and bring us glory without giving back the same.

What is of much more importance is finding those few friends who we can encourage and uplift. Finding out how we can be the best possible friend to another woman. We can set aside our own needs, at least for a moment, and be interested enough to find out how their life is going.

What Do We Really Know?

We may know the “basics” of what our friend is all about, but we could challenge ourselves with these nine often ignored questions to see how much we really do know about our friend:

• How long has she been married or single-again?
• How many kids does she have and their names and ages?
• Does she have a church home?
• Where did she graduate from? What did she study?
• What does she do for a living? Or what is her passion?
• What is her favorite color, book, recipe?
• What is her greatest personal challenge?
• What are her long-term goals?
• What is her favorite restaurant?

Think. . .

None of these questions are for the purpose of gossip! These are areas that will help you to help her. Think about it. Our friend doesn’t need a handout, but she could use a hand up now and then.  

If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NCV)  

The Price Tag of Wisdom

Original objects of art seem to be of grand importance, especially to the ultra rich. They are testaments to the type of lifestyle that shouts of wealth, affluence, and opulence. And they are imitated all over the world. In 1978 at Sotheby’s in London, the greatest sum ever paid for art objects at one auction on one day totaled $11.8 million.  

Sure these material objects can be passed down as an investment in a person’s will, but one thing is sure: no one can take it with them when they die. Nor can we take any object with us at the time of death. Yes, it’s true, people have been buried with certain items, but they will no doubt stay in the ground.

The Older I Get

Much, much more valuable to us during our lifetimes is attaining wisdom. Wisdom is not only knowledge that we gain through education, but it is a sum total of all of our life experiences and natural abilities. In other words, even if one does not have the opportunity to go to college, wisdom is accumulated whether we know it or not.

Someone once said, “It is amazing how smart my parents get, the older I get.” Wisdom has a lot to do with this humorous statement and it’s true for both parties. We just keep gaining more and more wisdom as we age.

The best thing about wisdom is no one can take it away. It becomes a part of us when we use good judgement, along with common sense, to grow understanding about all things. We find the truth, discern the truth, and declare the truth to others. Along with wisdom, we use insight and our God-given gifts to create the right attitudes and beliefs.

We can feel good, really good, that in literature as well as the Bible, Wisdom is portrayed as a woman--the one who instructs. Could this be the reason why in our public schools 76% of teachers are women? Well, that fact may not have anything to do with teacher gender, but it would do us well to think of the value of wisdom in our lives.

Where’s the Price Tag?

How would we put a “price tag” on wisdom? Or could we? We know that wisdom is a quality that bolsters human nature and our relationships. Many “wise” people earn a lot of money in their professions, when they invest in stocks, or when they earn an inheritance, for example. Money, however, can be lost when people suffer layoffs, illnesses, or disasters. But they can still use their wisdom.

It takes a lot of hard work to make all types of relationships work, too. It requires extending a hand to help the other, in forgiveness, and in selfless acts of kindness. And still, it may end in irreconcilable differences on the home front, in the office, and in our neighborhoods. But they can still use their wisdom.

In all life’s circumstances, we can use our wisdom to make things better, if not now, than the next time. There really is nothing worth more than having wisdom. Without it, we have nothing else to fall back on, no foundation for goodness to grow, nowhere for truth to live. We can hold onto it, add to it, and take it with us wherever we go.

Our Gift

God knew from the beginning that we would need wisdom every single day. He offers this priceless gift to us for the taking. It’s already inside of us. All we need to do is ask Him daily to “turn the faucet on” so it will flow into us through His Holy Spirit. No need to bring your credit card!

Wisdom is more precious than rubies. Nothing you could want is equal to it. Proverbs 8:11 (NCV)

The Cure for Worry

Thankfully our days are created in twenty-four hour segments. If they were any longer, we may not be able to handle all of it. Of course, at times, we wish we had more hours in the day to get all the things on our To-Do lists done. But that is much like driving on one of those round-about traffic circles and not being able to get off.

Circles can be scary. Think of all those carnival rides that spin so fast our heads feel like exploding. Circular saws are dangerous enough to cut a finger off. And Merry-Go-Rounds on playgrounds can cause injuries. Where is the beginning and the end? That is how our days go when we do nothing but worry about the next thing we need to do, or what will happen if we don’t get somewhere, or what is happening with our children when really they are just fine.

There are thousands of things we constantly worry about without stopping. The trouble with that kind of thinking is the worries just pile up one upon the other from each day. Today we are still worrying about all the things we didn’t solve from yesterday. Add that to today’s problems, plus start stressing over tomorrow’s fears and “bingo” we have a major breakdown in the making.

Getting in the Right Lane

The good news is we always have a choice! We can choose a different way to handle our daily anxieties and stop our nagging mind from calling out for attention. It’s a habit we’ve created, or grown up with, that finally causes us enough pain that we want to do something about it.

Just as in solving any personal problem, it takes courage to change our lives for the better. We’ve already seen that take place in our lives when we moved on from one bad situation to a happier place. And there were plenty of worries one after another to handle, many times on our own. But we did it--we are here and thriving!

Our new lives can continue to improve if, with determination, we choose to find an answer to the worry that plagues us. It’s simply annoying and, instead of helping us to get things done as we might think, worry distracts us from accomplishing what we intend to do in the first place.

We are not saying that there will never be anything in our lives to care about again. Of course, there will be. But there is a difference between worry--which solves nothing and keeps us on that never-ending round-about--and concern, which involves us in the solution of a problem, either our own or another’s. Concern causes us to be troubled enough to get up and do something. And even to help someone find their own answer.

Slow It Down

So, how do we begin to change the pattern? First, we have to understand many of the worries we have are (wo)man-made. We load our days with way too many things to do. We get in a rush and cause accidents. We chase after more money and more things to keep up with the neighbors. We get in the way of the lives of others. Consider these:       

• Prioritize your To-Do list A (most important) to C (least important/back burner).
• Plan appointments allowing enough time for each. Don’t pile them up like blocks. It’s OK to say No when necessary.
• Simplify your home, finances, and wants (which are different than needs).
• Listen and support those you care about, but allow them to handle their own problems.

Final Step

We have one perfect cure for all our worries and that is God Himself. He already has a plan for our lives and He waits for us to stop stressing and trust Him, so He can send us blessings. Every single problem we face, He has the solution for us in the Bible. All we really need to be concerned about is our souls, rather than the cares of the world.

So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.  Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

Where Can You Find Comfort?

Pick a favorite means of comfort. For many it is the luxurious, fragrant, deep warm water of a bath to soak in for hours, especially after a stressful day. Or as the candy companies already know, melting-in-the-mouth chocolate is a definite favorite. Maybe it’s a bowl of popcorn. A cozy bed with lots of blankets and clean sheets in a cool room can put some into deep, relaxing sleep. To make it even better with complete solitude and silence, try ear plugs and a sleep mask--heavenly!

There are thousands of ways to feel comfort. Some good: think snuggling with a good book. Some are detrimental to our health: excesses of any kind. As single-again women, sometimes it's difficult to find the comfort and affection we need and long for on a regular basis. So what positive things can we do to correct this situation?

Different Is Good

First, let's stop and remember, we have a brand new life now. It will not be the same as in the past. And that's not always a bad thing, just a different thing. It's been said that many women are lonelier within their marriages than when they divorce. Is that true? Yes, there is a definite difference between being lonely and being alone. One is positive and one is negative. We know which one is which.  

So let's get creative and find what will best make us comfortable. Start with the home. Does it need an uplifting fun color on the walls of some rooms? How about in the bedroom? It's usually suggested to stick with calm, neutral colors or pastels, especially blue. Definitely not bright eye-blinding colors unless we want to stay up all night with the owls.

The furniture could be the next thing. Like a deep comfy sofa that "hugs" us. Yes, yes, we know there are those who love leather. But practically speaking here about comfort and coziness, that choice seems to be cold in the winter and sweaty hot in the summer. That would be torture for some, but let’s smile, it's all in our individual choices and that’s okay. Just have fun with it all! Get some good ideas by clicking on this link:

Calm and Happy Home Ideas

Common Sense and Hugs

Aside from all that revamping of our surroundings (which is important to our general well-being), how about the actual physical side? Of course, if we choose, there may be dating possibilities on the horizon, but that discussion is best left to a professional psychologist. Except to simply say, stay safe. No one will take care of us like ourselves. We are precious in God's sight and He loves us. He also gave us common sense, so let’s just make a pact to use that in large quantities.   

The foundation for a good life is to surround ourselves with friends and family. People who support our decisions and are not stingy with hugs. Friends who will be there when we are having a bad night to hold our hand while we get used to our fabulous new journey. And if there are children still in the house, just hug them. They will hug back for sure. They will feel loved as much as we do.

One thing is for absolute certain. The Bible says God is there to hold our hand anytime we need it; day or night! That's called Comfort with a capital "C." Hang tight, there’s no tricks or catches. Just ask Him and He will reach out with a very strong hand for as long as we need it.

Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Psalm 37:24

Feet, Hands, and Heart

There are some who have built up enough courage to attempt the sport of rock climbing. Indoor or outdoor, climbing is a vertical risk (combined with horizontal moves), but it does offer fitness and fun with a heavy dose of adrenaline. Done right, a beginner will seek out instruction and a guide first. And, yes, as in any sport, there is certain equipment to obtain like special climbing shoes, helmet, harnesses, carabiners, ropes and chalk for a good grip. Oh, and don’t forget the crash pads!   

Then there are those of us who would rather keep our limbs intact for a while and stick to ground sports. Whichever method of exercise we could choose, there is always some degree of risk and, therefore, we need to get instruction and then practice, practice, practice. Our bodies can not stay healthy without some kind of movement. We were made that way to last a lifetime.

It’s Up to Us

Our hearts and minds are also fragile, inner parts to take care of. We have been through enough heartache to become experts at recognizing when we need to take a deep breath, seek out a friend, and just sit down and talk. We owe ourselves that much.

Nowhere does it say we have to go, go, go as if we are on a never-ending treadmill. It’s not only okay to slow it down and take a break, it’s strongly recommended that we do for our own sanity. Let’s just understand that it takes some time to be able to live on our own successfully. To figure out what to do and when to do it.

Establishing a daily routine will help. One reason why we can not get out of bed at times is because there is no reason to put our feet on the floor. It’s just more simple to stay under the covers since we have nothing to do, no one else to take care of, no purpose, and no short or long-term goals.

True, making breakfast for one is not necessarily exciting. But it does not have to be that way. Vary the kind of food for each day if that sounds like fun. Once a month or more, try eating out with a friend and sharing coffee and conversation. Whatever it takes so we can look forward to the day will be worth the effort.

Strap On a Harness

There are many ways to get our adrenaline going each day. Start with a basic routine and build excitement into it little by little. Don’t just sit around and let everyone else have all the fun!

Basic “Take Care” Instructions  

• Soon as the feet hit the floor, drink eight ounces of room temperature water to get organs moving (with lemon, if wanted). Set it out the night before. Remember, ice cold water causes the body to work harder to warm it up to internal body temperature.  
• Try a new soap and jump in shower to wake up while the coffee/tea is brewing.
• Easy breakfast: protein bar or cheese plus a favorite fruit. Really, it’s the most important meal of the day to avoid “crashing” mid-morning.
• Check your calendar, digital day planner or whatever device available to keep a schedule of daily activities. This is imperative even if unemployed at the moment.    

Build in the Fun!

• Sign up for Zumba, hiking, biking, or join a swim class to train the body to move.
• Plan a lunch with a friend once a month.
• Add restful activities like cooking, baking, an art class, or book club.
• Balance life by volunteering at a non-profit organization to help someone in need.    

There are so many things to do with ourselves now that we are free to enjoy the good things. Once we learn we are able to create a new and different life, we won’t have time to spend an extra minute in bed.

No Fear

There is absolutely no reason to fear anything we want to do. We have a heavenly Father who will guide us and keep us safe. God enjoys seeing us use the gifts He has freely given us. He also gave us the most important gift of spending eternity with Him, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. So, see. . .He has our backs!

But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Psalm 73:2, 23, 26 (NLT)