It’s devastating to lose a friend anytime. It hurts the heart and it takes awhile to adjust our thinking. Here we are talking about the season of friendships that once were beneficial to both parties, and then they reach a point where they simply drift off in different directions. It may be that common ideas and interests brought us together and they served a purpose for a time. And that is all good.
Unlike high school or college where we made lifelong friends with certain unbreakable connections through shared experiences, as adults we meet and get to know others mainly through our activities or employment. We work alongside them and share our thoughts, understandings, and viewpoints about a variety of subjects. It’s helpful for each person to share perspectives in this way.
There Is a Time
Some of these type friendships can develop into something more for us. As each one gets to know the other more intimately outside work or organizations, we form a way to grow together and see each other as valuable for who we are. There’s no competition. It’s a grown up, give-and-take relationship built on honesty and trust. These friendships tend to last.
At other times, we come to know that not all acquaintances were meant for a “permanent bond” type of arrangement and that’s okay. The glue just doesn’t hold and serves no purpose after a period of time in which we helped each other accomplish a goal or sort through a dilemma, as in a co-worker or teammate.
As it says in the Book of Ecclesiastes, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” We can not expect for every link with another adult to turn into something more. Something that will bolster our agenda and bring us glory without giving back the same.
What is of much more importance is finding those few friends who we can encourage and uplift. Finding out how we can be the best possible friend to another woman. We can set aside our own needs, at least for a moment, and be interested enough to find out how their life is going.
What Do We Really Know?
We may know the “basics” of what our friend is all about, but we could challenge ourselves with these nine often ignored questions to see how much we really do know about our friend:
- How long has she been married or single-again?
- How many kids does she have and their names and ages?
- Does she have a church home?
- Where did she graduate from? What did she study?
- What does she do for a living? Or what is her passion?
- What is her favorite color, book, recipe?
- What is her greatest personal challenge?
- What are her long-term goals?
- What is her favorite restaurant?
Think. . .
None of these questions are for the purpose of gossip! These are areas that will help you to help her. Think about it. Our friend doesn’t need a handout, but she could use a hand up now and then.
If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NCV)
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