Trading the Lie for the Truth

Garage sale fun!

There are a couple interesting shows on TV about how we all eventually reach a point in our homes when we cannot ignore the numerous piles of junk any longer. We even have the typical “junk drawer” where every bit and piece of our belongings end up in that one spot.

Stacks of magazines we keep for years nearly bury us. We think after the first reading we will go back someday and re-read them. That kind of hoarding is labeled as “reference material” and it makes us feel better than if we call it trash. Now that several restrictions are slowly being lifted following the Covid-19 attack, many of us are looking forward to one day soon when we can get back to enjoying weekend garage sales (yep, I am raising my hand too). We will gladly purchase another person’s junk they no longer want. Some of it is especially useful but, occasionally we buy items just because they look like something we might be able to use. Then we throw them into a box in the garage, forget about them, and they end up in our own garage sale the following year. Oh, my!

The summer organization bug is arriving like a parade of ants! We start thinking of what we can do to clear out all the rubbish. If we never, ever discard anything--fearing we will need it someday--we could become a candidate for one of those TV hoarding shows. It’s like trying to dig our way out of a thick jungle.

Stress-Free Answers

Those are all lifeless objects that we think we need, so we keep them. It appears all this accumulating gives us a sense of security, which of course, is false. But the same thing goes on in our brains, emotions, and spirits. We get bogged down worrying about every little thing, most of which we can do nothing about.

Money, or the lack of it, causes us much stress as most of us know. Don’t get caught believing the lie that money provides happiness. It does not! How many famously rich millionaires (or billionaires) have we heard about that are truly happy? It might appear that way at first, but an excess of money generally brings an excess of responsibility, which equals excess stress. Think of all those lottery stories of winners one year after their big win. Many of them are worse off than if they had never gambled because they cannot keep up with all their new possessions. Believe it or not, many people fall into bankruptcy when the lottery money is all gone!

A roof over our heads

Certainly, we do need enough money to feed our families and keep a roof over our heads which are huge fears right now but frantically seeking a surplus of money is not our only concern. We also deal with relationships that have gone wrong, finding a job after our Covid-19 layoff, trying to survive after divorce, dealing with child custody, health issues, finding supportive friends, car repairs, anxiety, dieting, disappointment, and doubt. And on, and on, and on.

This is exactly why God commands us not to worry! [Matthew 6:25-28]. Notice, it’s not a suggestion. He is serious about this subject. Why? Because the truth is worries are endless; they consume us. Only God knows our anguish when worry devours us. He never wants us to live in that state of unhappiness and mental chaos. And better yet, God has the answers to our dilemmas. He is just waiting for us to share our concerns with Him because He is the only One who can do something about them.  

The Best Combination: Joy and Love

If we find ourselves completely worry-free (really?), the opposite problem may become our enemy. Pleasure. Collecting or “hoarding” too much of the wrong thing can steer us into a state of denial. We find ourselves hanging with an unsuitable crowd. Doing what we never thought we would. Ignoring our standards and principles. Filling every minute of the day and night with inappropriate bodily entertainment, earthly treasures, and worshiping ourselves.

Please do not get the wrong idea here. God wants us to be happy and content. He is all about us finding our joy. Joy and love in our families, friendships, and close relationships. Discovering His plan and purpose for our lives can be the absolute best kind of pleasure; a fulfillment of everything we hope for. Living in God’s world, where He is ready and able to handle our worries and concerns, will provide us a way to grow stronger and stronger every day. Now, that is a thing of beauty!

“This is what the story means: The seed is God’s message. . . .The seed that fell among the thorny weeds is like those who hear God’s teaching, but they let the worries, riches, and pleasures of this life keep them from growing and producing good fruit” (Luke 8:11, 14 NCV).

Looking Forward to What Lies Ahead

New growth is exciting!

We might feel odd to find ourselves all alone--a tingling sensation making us want to shiver--maybe for the first time in our life. We probably went from our "Drive-in Movie" high school days, Homecoming football games, and living with our parents to anticipating the fun we would have bunking with three other college roommates four states away. Suddenly before we could blink an eye, we were madly combing all the wedding magazines looking for the perfect dress, best flowers, and honeymoon destinations! 

Let’s face it—most of us at that point had never been totally alone and on our own. Sound familiar? Fast forward to today and here we go again! We might call this the "Season of Survival" in more ways than one and it’s scarier than jumping out of a plane into the unknown for the first time. What if we panic? What if our parachute doesn't open? What if the pilot missed the designated spot and we land in the depths of the ocean weighted down and no way out? All the What Ifs rushing into our brain at once can overload our circuits! 

Are We Strong Enough to Survive?

In the wild, the survival of the fittest is the rule. There are many, many fascinating TV documentaries from National Geographic that shows this harsh reality. Even though we may cringe and have compassion for the smallest babies of the jungle, we surely know it can be no other way. Thankfully, our reality is probably a bit tamer! 

It would be an indisputable fact that if we have made it this far as a single-again woman and are reading this week's blog, we have already moved through at least a few (if not numerous) phases of survival. Congratulations! In case no one has pointed it out yet, we ARE strong enough to not only exist as a strong and determined woman (think of Scarlett in the classic movie, Gone With the Wind) but to continue to live and prosper on your own if that is our choice.    

Choose a survival place

We are among the many who have had a little taste of the unknown and are still here to tell about it. That's a big deal indeed! And now we can positively continue figuring out all the different angles of how to make our lives the best they can be without a hint of giving up. There's no room for that nonsense anyway, right? No matter what our age right now, what could we say is the next most important survival change? Consider the following question.

What do we want to see happen? (Hint: it will be different for each woman, so just take the time to really sit and think about this one, make notes, and come up with a workable answer.)

The Beginning, Middle, and the End

Yes, this really is the Beginning of our new lives in every way possible. It is our choice to make it a great one or let it become stale and unproductive which will prevent a Middle from happening. Then it follows there will be no room left for a legacy at the End. Think about it. 

The truth is, only God knows exactly what our Beginning, Middle, and End look like. He can see it all because He created us for a purpose and is not willing to let us go. We can only see a small portion of our life because blinders block much of the view. Our only choice is to ask God how to survive in the first place and follow His direction. We only have questions. God has all the right answers! 

"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection...No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:12-13 NLT).

Getting Through the Struggle

The top is scary!

We usually experience quite a relief when we can move on with our lives to a new chapter after so much sadness, grief, and turmoil. It is like reaching the top of a scary roller coaster ride and then flying headlong down a steep peak! Not for the faint of heart.

No matter how we got to where we are right now as a single-again woman, we can celebrate that we made it through the struggle! Our strength and determination have led us into a far better environment where we can create something new. It is a wonderful feeling! 

The Struggle is Real 
Many of us have tried to survive as best we can and raise a family on the salary of a receptionist—not easy at all! Indra Nooyi, an Indian-American citizen did not let that stop her. After receiving schooling in India, she moved to New York with extraordinarily little money to continue her studies, all while working as a receptionist. Indra was finally admitted to Yale School of Management. It was difficult, but eventually, Indra received her master’s degree in Public and Private Management.

The key? Indra never gave up! And that determination soon found her as the CEO of PepsiCo where she served for twenty-four years. During her time there, sales grew eighty percent! In 2015 and 2017, Forbes listed her the second most powerful woman in business [Wikipedia]. Indra currently serves on the board of Amazon. No one can keep this woman down!

Find the key!

We, too, need to hang onto those days that we fought to claim as our own! Yet, still, remember we do not live in fantasy land. As long as we are alive, we will have struggles in this life. We all understand things do not always go perfectly as we planned. The difference is that now we know we have the will to make it through whatever troubles come our way. We might even say, we have a "Master's Degree" in Endurance.

In fact, we may still be working on getting settled into the best creative job for us, working on a degree, perhaps finding a new place to live, or searching for the most amazing childcare. And, of course, keeping in touch with encouraging friends and even developing new friendships. Those are all struggles to one degree or another, but ones that can be enjoyable if we allow that to happen.

An Inch Away

With that said, where can we turn on those days when we rather just run away? This solution may strike us as surprising, but the simple answer is "Stand still and stay calm." Take a breath. Take several slow, deep breaths. Most likely, we need a break before we burn out because fear always grabs hold of us when we are just an inch away from success!

Fear comes from our (spiritual) Enemy who wants nothing else but to destroy anything we are trying to create. So, we say we should stand still and stay calm because God has a plan for each and every one of us. He Himself will fight for us if we ask for His assistance. Then, we wait for God's direction for our next successful step and follow His lead.    
  

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm" (Exodus 14:14 NLT). 

What Language Do You Speak?

Writing you a Thank You!

Have you ever given a gift to someone and never heard a “Thank you” or heard back from them? It is sad when that happens. Perhaps the person was so overwhelmed with her/his busy days, she/he meant to offer thanks but never got around to it. And then it was forgotten.

We can probably understand and even relate to this cause because we ourselves may have fallen into this kind of scenario. When it occurs over and over with the same person, however, it can easily be attributed to bad manners. Or manners that were never taught as a child.

The Finer Points in Life

“A lady worked as a janitor in a company for many years. Now being a janitor is a pretty thankless job, which many of us might consider as a "dirty" job or at least pretty far down the totem pole. In other words, probably not a whole lot of fun.

“It happened the company changed owners. Within a few days, the new owner wrote a personal thank you card to every employee in the company. He had his assistant go around and hand them out.

“When this lady received and opened her card, she burst into tears. She asked if she could be excused from work. Thinking she was sick, she was allowed to leave for the rest of the day.

“They found out a few days later she had never received even a verbal thank you from the previous owners and management, much less a personal card. And she had worked there for 20 or 30 years! 

"So she was pretty touched when the new owner sent her a card of appreciation. She had been thinking the change of ownership was probably a good time to quit. She was planning to let them know that very day. 

"Which she didn't. Because the little time, the little effort of the owner to send a little business thank you card, helped the lady change her mind." 

(thank-your-stars.com)

We ARE the Difference!
As we can see by the story above, even the smallest act of thankfulness makes a huge difference in a person’s life. And for the most part, it does not cost anything to give it to someone. It only takes a little effort on our part! How do we know what kind of day the person is having? We don’t. So just maybe a word or card of thankfulness is all she needs to make the day bearable.  

In 1992, the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman was a big hit and still is. One of the “languages” he wrote about, affirmation is simply an expression we can offer to another person showing how much we appreciate them. And it can really make a difference.

Right now, during this health pandemic, there are so many first responders, nurses, doctors, food/grocery handlers, EMTs, ambulance drivers, transportation drivers, etc., etc. that could use our word of appreciation. We can all be aware of what an effort they are putting forth to help us--they deserve a huge “thank you!” Do not just ignore their dedication. Get creative and find a way to affirm them.

Each Moment of Our Lives

Our heavenly Father (God) has given us individually and collectively so many great gifts we cannot even count them all. He loves us, provides for us, watches over us, and protects us without us even knowing at times. He is there with us through each moment of our lives—good or bad. How have we thanked Him? How often? Even more than anyone else, He deserves our gratitude.

It is not difficult to talk to God. There is no need for complicated or memorized prayers. We just open our mouths and start talking as if we are talking to our best friend. He IS our Best Friend! He already knows us intimately because He created us in our mother’s womb. Just try it soon. He is waiting for that “Thank you!”

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT).

Life is Sweeter at the Top

No one to play with!

In this unexpected health struggle in the world right now, most of us have noticed a sharp decline in personal activity. We are staying at home with very few exceptions to go out. We are cooking a lot more. And maybe watching more TV. None of these activities offer us much benefit. However, after a few weeks of all that, some other things in our lives have increased for the better.

Maybe some of us are walking or hiking more around the neighborhood which is increasing the well-being of our bodies. Phone calls to or from friends we haven’t spoken to in a while is a welcome connection. Getting some projects done around the house that were put off way too long are suddenly calling us.

Still, life has gotten slightly boring overall. There is only so much housecleaning we can do! Now we can understand children in the summer when they complain to their moms, “I’m bored!” Kids have shown us that when we are truly bored, we tend to get ourselves into trouble. 

Mountain Climbing is Exhilarating

Apparently, we have fallen into a deep valley of boredom. It’s a herculean challenge to climb out and join the rest of the world. It seems impossible. We feel stuck as if we are struggling in quicksand, and nothing is working for us the way it should. Ever been there? If we are not careful, this valley can turn into depression.

The valley represents our “low altitude point” and it can become dangerous as it drags us down with nowhere to go. Our single-again lives may feel like this valley. Our days are consumed with boredom, no purpose, and inertia. Is this what we expected our lives would be like once we mustered up the courage to step out on our own? Hopefully not!

A Long Climb

We would much rather live on our “mountaintop”—our high point--and stay there forever claiming victory over everything that is wrong in our lives. But here is a nugget of truth: No one starts out on a mountaintop. We all begin in a valley!   

Arlene Blum has had a full life. She is an American mountaineer, writer, and environmental health scientist. Blum is best known for organizing and leading an eleven-woman ascent of the tenth highest mountain in the world, Annapurna in Nepal (China) which, until then, had been climbed by only eight people (all men). She did the same thing at Denali near Anchorage, Alaska, and Mount Everest in Nepal [Wikipedia]. Blum started out at the bottom in a valley.

Lydia Pounamu Bradey is a New Zealand mountaineer. She became the first woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. She has gone on to summit the mountain five more times. [Wikipedia]. Bradey started out at the bottom in a valley.

Life is Sweeter Up Here

We all start out in a valley. Without the “valleys” in our life (grief, heartache, trials, troubles, and tribulations), we have no “mountaintop” to climb, and nothing to look forward to (victory, passion, possibilities, and purpose). Finding the mountaintop makes life so much sweeter. How uninteresting and boring would our lives become if we only had flat land without any curves and twists and turns to keep the excitement going? This is basically the reason people love to take road trips—to conquer boredom and have an incentive to get out of bed!

Victory is sweet!

So, what can we do to start our next climb and taste the victory? Now that we are single-again, we can stop ignoring all the things we’ve wanted to do but couldn’t for one reason or another. We all have passions hidden away in our hearts and minds. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that” is a favorite verse from Galatians 6:4 (The Message). We start by finding our passion.

What is possible? These are things that might be an answer to our search, but we need to try them out first. There’s nothing wrong with trying. We are sure the two women mountaineers had many “tries” before finally reaching their mountaintop. Jesus once said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26b NLT). Great advice!

Once we work through those two steps (and they may take some time but that’s okay), we reach our true purpose. And, of course, this is different for each one of us because we were created as unique human beings. No one is like us. And we should never try becoming someone else. God delighted in creating us just the way we are. When we arrive at our purpose, we’ll know it, if we don't give up!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

Spring and Easter in One Basket

Lambs know the story!

Along with Spring, comes the celebration of Easter. Children, especially, look forward to it with giggles and happiness. Bunnies and chicks start multiplying! Many of us like to decorate our homes with bouquets and lawn signs that read, “Life is beautiful!” And there is nothing wrong with any of this. . . except, we get Spring and Easter mixed up.  

How Could This Happen?

Realizing the ignorance and hatred that caused a man to murder two and blind a third person caused that one survivor to forgive his attacker in 2011 in Texas. The same thing happened in 2003 when a father forgave a serial killer for the rape and murder of his 16-yr old daughter. And we have read similar true stories.  

How could this be possible in a world gone crazy? Putting the cruelty of the attackers aside, these victims reached deep down inside themselves and found kindness and love to be their answer. Rather than continuing the hatred or blaming themselves for the incident (which is quite common), forgiveness was the only way to heal.

It surprises no one that, most likely, these victims were following their faith. Surely, there were many prayers for wisdom involved first. And don’t think this was just a casual or easy decision. It couldn’t have been--they all experienced the personal pain and anguish deep down in their souls for the loss of their loved ones. However, they already knew what it meant to receive forgiveness themselves.

Like all of us who know the God of Grace [undeserved favor], the victims of these tragedies understood the unimaginable Easter sacrifice on a cross simply to forgive them of their own sins. We all have received this same mercy and forgiveness when we asked Jesus to be our personal Savior and Redeemer. Jesus showed amazing love and kindness and willingly removed our guilt forever!

The True Easter Story

As they led Jesus away, a man named Simon, who was from Cyrene, happened to be coming in from the countryside. The soldiers seized him and laid the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. A large crowd trailed behind, including many grief-stricken women.

Two others, both criminals, had already been led out to be executed alongside Jesus, the only innocent One. When they came to a place called The Skull [Golgotha], they nailed him to a cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on his right and one on his left.

Forgiveness is possible

Jesus said, “Father, forgive these people, because they don't know what they are doing."

Then he [one of the criminals] said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.” And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Then he [Joseph of Arimathea] took the body of Jesus down from the cross and wrapped it in a long sheet of linen cloth and laid it in a new tomb that had been carved out of a rock. This was done late on Friday afternoon, the day of preparation for the Sabbath [Saturday].

But very early on [Easter] Sunday morning the women came to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. They found that the stone covering the entrance had been rolled aside. So they went in, but they couldn't find the body of the Lord Jesus.

The women were terrified and bowed low before them [two men]. Then the men [angels] asked, “Why are you looking in a tomb for someone who is alive? He isn’t here! He has risen from the dead!"

And just as they [the disciples] were telling about it, Jesus himself was suddenly standing there among them. “Peace be with you,” he said. But the whole group was startled and frightened, thinking they were seeing a ghost!

And he [Jesus] said, “Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day."

Heaven is a real place! 

Then Jesus led them to Bethany, and lifting his hands to heaven, he blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up to heaven.

The Easter story is an excerpt from the Holy Bible, Luke, chapters 23 and 24 (NLT) [emphasis added].

"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too" (Mark 11:25 NLT).

The Joy Factor, Moms, and Our Souls

Room for two or more!

We are hearing so many crazy things these days, but this one should put a smile on our faces. Currently, there is a “growing market for double strollers…reflecting a shift in American lifestyles” as reported by Gretchen Livingston, a former senior researcher at Pew Research. To add to this fact, older mothers (45+) also had the highest twin birth rates in the United States (statista.com). Life does, in fact, go on for moms whether this is a first or multiple-birth pregnancy.

   

The birth of every single baby, multiple or not, is a miracle because not only does each person born on this earth have numerous and intricate body parts, but every single person has a soul too. Unfortunately, many people never even give a thought to the fact they not only have a body to care for while on this earth but also a soul. It comprises our "total being" from the time we are born. "Each unique human soul begins at conception." Click here if you are curious: Questions Anyone? 

   

Center of Everything

So why is it so important that the human body should even have a soul? First, in Hebrew where the word soul comes from, it means "life, self, breath"--a necessary component the same as a heart. And in the Bible, Jesus says, "Don't be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. . ." (Matthew 10:28 NLT). In other words, our souls cannot be destroyed. They are that important!   

Second, our soul is the center of everything--all our good and not so good decisions. Truly, it's the "integrity" center of our being and it plays a part in helping us understand truthfulness, faithfulness, goodness, and morality to name but a few. This probably sounds familiar because as single-again women we have dealt with many of these human characteristics over and over.  

Our unique soul helps us face not only the major life-sustaining determinations that can change the direction of our life, but also warns us about every silly choice, indulgence, and worthless gain before we make them. 

Sometimes (like all humans) we may ignore our internal warnings and go ahead anyway with a poor choice. This is when it's important to stop and realize how we may or may not be taking care of our soul. It's like perhaps "bruising" the soul on purpose. The soul, therefore, is affected by every choice, good or not so good. 

The Joy Factor

Now let's switch gears for a moment. Which would we rather choose as a single-again woman: joy or misery? Silly question, right? No doubt we would choose joy but, hundreds of people willingly give up what would make their lives the very best they could be and unwillingly choose the worst possible option without giving it much thought.        

For so many years as married women, we may have felt like there was just no choice available for us. And this is totally understandable. Sometimes with a serious and worse yet, dangerous situation in addition to no support from others, decisions seem impossible and lonely. 

Nothing better than peace

Now we can understand by the discussion in today's blog that no matter what happened in the past or exactly when our souls are still intact! They belong to only us and God. We made reasonable decisions to get to where we are right now, and nothing and no one can separate us from God's love--ever! 

God Is There for Each One of Us, Especially Now

In the coming days, weeks and months, women will continue to have their babies even through this health crisis. But it is a new norm. Hospitals may not be able to keep a new mom for as long as they would like but instead send them and their baby(ies) home for safety. And family may not be able to travel to support the mom. So, let’s help each other the best we can manage. There is always something we can do for our neighbors.

Remember, regardless what’s going on in this world, God holds our soul in His hand and now you can make it on your own with His blessings of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23 NLT). It's the JOY FACTOR! Hallelujah! Amen.  

     

"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" (Matthew 16:26 NLT).