How to Conquer These 7 Poisons Invading Your Life

Seedlings to start a garden

Roots may start small but, eventually--with loving care, pampering, and feeding--they grow into beautiful plants, flowers, or a tree in our yard. It's a slow process, but watching the progress is quite satisfying and soon we see the lush result of our efforts.

Sometimes, especially for those of us who definitely are not gardeners, the plants start wilting, turn brown and ugly, and never grow into anything beautiful. It's like a poison that invades the entire root and we are not even aware of the cause!

Our Roots Are Growing!

Since we are now on our own as single-again women, we have the fantastic choice of starting a beautiful "garden" with our lives. Yes, we do understand it's extremely difficult to even think about what to do or how to do it at this point. So we ask ourselves, what if I just don't do anything? What if I just sit here all day long? What is the alternative?

Those certainly are choices too. We can just stop caring for ourselves and allow our "roots" to stop growing. No one is saying we can't do that if that is our desire. But it will require one thing. It will require that we admit we have given up. If you believe those are harsh words, that means you are still alive. Your heart is still beating. You are ready to grow! 

The point here is that we are stronger than all those moments of disappointments, abuse (physical or emotional), resentments, and pain. We are here, aren't we? We have not given up by any means! We have fought with everything we have in us to get to this point. Our roots are growing! Congratulations, sister!

Conquering the 7 Poisons Invading Your Life

One thing about gardens is they require constant weeding or unpleasant things begin to flourish. Our lives are like that too. After what we have been through we most certainly will need to clear all the harmful and poisonous things to free ourselves completely.  

Think about the following "poisonous weeds." We have all had them spring up into our hearts, sometimes repeatedly. The Bible says we have a spiritual "thief" (enemy) and he "comes only to steal and kill and destroy" our lives [John 10:10a]. So take these seven seriously:

Pink Tulip Garden

Bitterness

Disappointment

Resentment

Grudges

Jealousy

Conflict/Arguments
Hatred

 God says that instead of all these emotional "weeds," He has "come that they may have life, and have it to the full." [John 10:10b]

[Please note: if any of these feelings bother you to the point of destruction, please speak immediately with a counselor.]

He Loves You No Matter What

We have been where you are and there is solid help available both in this world and from God, your heavenly Father, above. He provides us a Helper called the Holy Spirit to guide us through all the "poisonous weeds" so we can create a beautiful garden. One beautiful Truth to hang onto is: we will receive many blessings if we seek God instead of listening to the thief/enemy.  

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many" (Hebrews 12:15 NLT).

What Gear Are You In?

Learning to Ride

There are as many funny stories about how a child (who us?) learns to ride a bicycle as there are wheels in a factory. It's likely the first dramatic event in our lives once we conquer how to walk! True, it may hurt (depending on how many times we fall) but most children wipe their tears and determinedly get back on the bicycle. Then comes the much-anticipated end result when we finally speed down the road with our hair flying! 

    

You may remember those days trying to learn all you could to become independent even if it hurt. As an adult, it wasn't much different when we fought through the pain, agony, and determination just to get to a better place in our lives as single-again women. But we did it! You may ask, Now what? 

What Gear Are You In?

Someone once said, "It's what you do after [the] mess that counts." That is very good advice whether on a bicycle or in life. Sure, it does take time to move through a period of adjustment and it's not always the most pleasant thing we've ever done. But it's necessary, otherwise, we will remain in a state of despair leading to the debilitating world of depression. And no one wants that, ever!

Basically, there are two different kinds of situations where we come from in this chapter of our lives. We either:

(a) have known for a very long time that we would be dealing with a separation of some sort such as a pending divorce or the terminal illness of a spouse. In these instances, we probably have been planning in some way for the outcome. We are not saying it is any easier just because we have known it, just that we are aware. 

(b) it is sudden, and sometimes, a shocking event that catches us off-guard. In this instance, we may initially tend to panic and/or experience anger which is entirely normal. Having people we trust near-by to help navigate the days ahead makes it easier to reach a sense of peace and a clear head.  

New Gears to Try  

After an initial period of grieving our loss, we may have a pretty good idea of what we want to do now with our lives. Or not. Each situation is different and we are not here to tell you when or how to begin a new life. We are here only to support and encourage you in whatever direction you want to go. 

We've been there and hope some of these ideas may find you anxious to build something new:

Paint Colors for Your World

Take baby steps and don't be afraid to try new things.

Grieving can be lonely so it's okay to join a support group.

Find a new hobby. Experts say creativity is a healing art.

Be sure to get plenty of sleep. It's important for the brain.   

Focus on your health and keep moving.

Keep this in mind: "Life is like a 10-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." (Charles Schulz, Peanuts cartoon)

Faith is Your Best Friend!

Now is the time to enjoy friends even just for a simple cup of coffee or tea. God, in fact, provides us with these friendships that cross our path. It is how He gives us warmth and comfort along with a way to talk things through with those who may be just one or two steps ahead of us in their own grieving journey. Hold out your hand; God will take you there!

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others" (2 Peter 1: 5-7 MSG).

What Does Your Dream Look Like?

Book and coffee. Perfect.

If you are a book lover like so many people, you understand how exciting it can be to get to the next chapter and find out what is happening. It's really hard to put the book down (especially true if you read an actual book with pages and covers instead of an e-reader). We even know a few people who start a book and can not even bear to close it and get some much-needed sleep. They must get to the end and see what happens no matter what!

Once we are single-again women (divorced, widowed, or single moms) and have struggled through as much hurt, pain, worry and sorrow we can stand of our particular angst, we then reach a point where we simply know life is not going to stand still for us. It keeps going and going. Turning and turning just like the pages of the book we can not put down. 

We must get to the next best chapter of our lives and see what happens! Hopefully, we discover that living our lives each day to the fullest is the only answer just like the heroine in the book. She realizes she is the only one who knows where she is going and what she will do when she gets there! 

What Does Your Dream Look Like?
Yes, we all have a dream. If you don't think so, grab a notebook and write down one sentence of what you'd really like to do with your life today. Date it if you want but keep it simple. Now, think of yesterday. Write another sentence of something you've always wanted to do. Next, think of the day before, last weekend, the week before that, and so on and so on. Write down "dreamy" thoughts of what you've always wanted to do in your life. 

Choosing the right path

Remember that idea you had last year? Maybe you thought it would be impossible for you to accomplish but you keep thinking about it. These are things you have wanted very much to do for a very long time. Writing these down will eventually take you to the answer. And you'll know what you know. 

Guess what? You are now in a position to actually do those things! There is no one to stop you. No one to discourage you from starting. And it's never too late to start! On an episode of America's Got Talent this week, we saw a couple dancing their hearts out. Amazing moves: jumps, spins, twists, twirls! He was in his 30s and she was beautiful, lean, energetic and...ready for it...in her 70s! They won the Golden Buzzer sending them to the finals. It is never too late.     

The Only Hurdle 
There is one thing that will block your way. And that is. . .y-o-u! Just try it. You have nothing to lose. It will make you feel warm inside just like the ending of that book. 

The best part of this whole idea is that we each have the Creator of the entire Universe on our side! In fact, He is the One who gave us the dream in the first place from the moment we were born. Can you imagine that? Do you remember what you used to dream about doing or becoming when you were a child, a teen, a young adult? That dream or vision came directly from God Himself because He loves you. He's just wondering when you might get started. Is it today?

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Romans 8:28 NLT).
    

Are You a Stressaholic?

Planning Your Day

"Stress and relaxation cannot exist at the same time--just as darkness cannot exist where there is light!" (Sue Ingebretson, author, speaker, and certified holistic health care practitioner) CLICK HERE for Sue's Blog       

Most of us overdose on way too much stress and not enough relaxation making us a stressaholic. We get busy from the moment our feet hit the ground in the morning and then we fall into bed (sometimes literally!) at night without ever calming down. We have jobs and careers, people to take care of, chores to get done, and never enough time to enjoy the benefits of relaxation.  

Leisure activities such as reading, working on a hobby, journaling, crafts, sewing, sports, exercising and so on are a necessary part of resting our minds and bodies. Notice we left out "screen" time--TV, computers, social media, texting--which sucks out brain cells and leaves us feeling worse (okay, we cannot prove it here, but ask any life/health coach and you'll hear the expert result).

We all probably have some kind of a calendar to organize and plan our lives. So we suggest putting that to good use by actually scheduling your leisure time! Yes! Once you get into the habit of taking breaks like this, you'll most likely see an improvement in stress reduction and better health. 

Are You A Stressaholic?
There is a reason why a regular workday has always been set to cover eight hours of activity. Because more than eight hours nonstop shows up in our lack of productivity and is the perfect recipe for stress. Wow! In 2019 that sounds so antiquated, doesn't it? 

Especially in America where we have stretched and stretched the acceptable workday into 12-16 hours to the point that if we do not work those crazy hours we may be considered lazy or unproductive! That is sad. Someone once said, "No one on their deathbed ever said they wished they had spent more time at work." 

Work hours around the world vary. For example, Eastern Europe actually has a higher number of daily work hours than the U.S., but Western European countries typically work 35 hours on the average, especially France. And in Spain, there is a Siesta (break) from 2:00-5:00pm with long lunches and healthy afternoon naps followed by a late nightlife!  

Wherever you work, and the more you work in a day at a job, career, or at home, the more stress will show up in your life. The only way to combat this health danger is to treat relaxation as a necessary component to your schedule. 

Somehow we need to think seriously about ways to reduce our stress level or accept the fact we will visit the doctor's office more and more. This is the beginning of a new year and the perfect time to readjust our lifestyles for the sake of our health. If we are in our 20s, 30s, or even 40s and are in good shape, this might seem silly to "program" relaxation into our day. But with each decade that passes, it will definitely become more and more obvious we have to do something! Better to begin now.

Using Our Brains to Calm Our Body
It's been said it takes 21 days to create a new habit. So we suggest starting with one fun activity and add it to your calendar. Go easy: for example, 11-21 minutes per day of reading a great short story before bed will have an amazing effect on your sleep and sleep is when our bodies repair any damage from the day. After three weeks, add one more fun thing like walking for 16 minutes before work, or journaling. You get the idea. Whatever makes you smile! 

It's Possible!
Life can be so difficult at times, we need a Helper. God knew how stressed we would get and so He already planned on leaving us Someone named the Holy Spirit that would live in our hearts. He's the best stress-busting gift of all! When you are ready, just ask for Him to come into your heart and He gladly will!  

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" (John 14:27 NLT).