What Can We Do About Stress?

"Always the wish that you may find patience enough in yourself to endure, and simplicity enough to believe; that you may acquire more and more confidence in that which is difficult. . ." (Rainer Maria Rilke, Bohemian-Austrian Poet, 1875-1926).

This quote might have just been the perfect encouragement written on a greeting card and then given to the 515 participants of the 2018 Scripps National Spelling Bee in May. Surely it took lots of patience to get through the eight rounds of the competition. Finally, a fourteen-year-old boy from McKinney, Texas, Karthik Nemmani was declared the winner. With apparent courage, but maybe not as much confidence as we would think, he correctly spelled the word "koinonia." Some of us may have stumbled over our tongue trying to say, spell, or define that word which means "Christian fellowship or communion with God, or more commonly with fellow Christians." 

Patience Perfected
In our single-again lives, seems like we should each adopt the Rilke quote above as our own encouragement and read it daily. We absolutely need all the patience we can get because life has a nagging way of creating stress everywhere we turn. The woman in the elevator seems completely put together. Our neighbor is the best mom on the block. Our friend has boundless energy that we crave. We get passed over at work for a promotion because we lack certain credentials. 

The list is endless and more items are attached each day. Finances, coworkers, hunger or dehydration, needing a break, solving a personal problem, and on and on. What can we do about it? The next time you feel hands clenching, irritability, or a muscle kink in your neck, stop and try these: 

Breathe in deep and slow, then out even slower. 
Recline into a comfortable position and practice releasing tension head to toe. 
Turn on quiet, instrumental music and really listen to it. 
Be open to finding causes for the impatience.
Join a support team and call someone instead of drowning in anger.

Be a Believer
Of course, none of us will ever be perfect. We will have ups and downs, sometimes on a daily basis. Impatience and even anger are normal human traits but we don't need to let them change our core personality. The key is deciding what to do with these emotions when they invade our lives. Start with believing in yourself as a strong woman. You can do this! With that belief in place, we can decide to "boil over" with destructive emotions or get serious about managing our lives in a positive way. It's up to us. There is much you can do immediately, so click on this resource to get started: 

Mind Tools to Handle Stress

Best Seller
Did you know the very best instruction book to handle our stress, impatience, anger, difficulties, and endurance is a best seller and has never been out of print? True. Besides chapters and verses, it contains a "Help" menu in the back section. Just look up any of the above emotions and it will give you the answer to solve the problem. Amazing! It's called the Bible and is our best reference book by far!     

"May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus" (Romans 15:5 NLT).
      

Achieve Peace by Leaving Room

Some of us had a fondness for "Pig-Pen" from the comic strip Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz. A little boy who just couldn't stay out of the dirt (sound familiar?). We could relate because no one is perfect! Another famous person, Max Lucado, wrote a tiny little book called God Thinks You're Wonderful! In it the author writes, 

"Vagabonds and ragamuffins all, he [God] saw us before we were born. And he loves what he sees."   

Don't let anyone tell you differently; he still loves what he sees, even though we are divorced! Our messy life won't stop him. God sees our hurting heart and he understands. He is on our side to help us through these difficult days. Here is a clue: all the answers won't come right away. 

It would be wonderful if we did understand completely right from the start of our new journey why and how it all happened. But the truth is, we have much to learn first in order to survive all the feelings that bombard us. The good news here is that because we have already made it this far, we can be assured we have been blessed with the strength to endure one more day, and then another, and then another.

Space and Time
Sure, it would be a lot easier to just stay in bed all day with the covers over our head. We wouldn't have to deal with anyone or anything. Sounds good. . . then what? Eventually, we would smell stinky and need a shower like little "Pig-Pen." Maybe something to eat. And worse, the emotions would still be present waiting for instructions like a little kid. All this sounds very much like suffocation!     

There are better ways to deal with the healing process and avoid smothering ourselves. The goal is to move forward so space and time are ours to keep on our own terms. We must leave room for ourselves to become "us," only better. And it can be done, if we choose. There's that scary word: choose. It's risky, but entirely up to us. No one is going to make us do anything. If we want a better life, we must take responsibility to make it happen. Remember, Someone bigger than all this is on our side. Ready?

Leave room to grow. Whatever was not working for us before can be changed. Talk to people who are supportive. Listen to those who know; they are the ones who have been in your shoes. But, take advice with a grain of salt from those who say they understand, but have never been divorced.

Leave room to indulge. If one day seems just too difficult, stay away from those suffocating covers. Instead, indulge in a warm bubble bath, go out with a friend, browse a bookstore, eat in a fancy restaurant. Whatever you need to convince yourself life is worth living at least for another 24 hours. 

Leave room to cry, scream, or pound a pillow. Yup! You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel when you get those negative feelings out for good. There's no shame in it. You may need to buy a new pillow though (Smile!). The best way to do this so it doesn't destroy you or anyone else is to set a time limit. Give yourself seven minutes and no more. Then it's over until another day.  

Leave room to be real. Find what sparks your interest and get involved. Remember, the world is still spinning outside your door. Go be part of it and start the rebuilding process. 

Achieving Peace
It's natural to be upset with God. This is not an angry God that wants to see you suffer. He not only loves you, he IS love. Think hard about that. He's not going to leave you in this dark place, so talk to Him about it. Be honest. He knows what you are going through! Achieving peace in your life is His blessing to you. Make it happen and you'll be on your way.   

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!" (Psalm 139:13-14a NLT).

18 Simple Ideas for Summer

Summer is for relaxing and taking much-needed breaks, wouldn't you say? So let's keep it simple today and see what we can do to make life a little bit better now that almost half of 2018 is behind us. Congratulations! You've come a long way! 

Without getting too serious (who needs that when we are looking forward to summer vacation?), see if any of the following eighteen simple ideas will boost your life:

Simplify. Nothing wrong with paper. Digital calendars are fine for what they can do faster. Then they crash, we lose information and our minds! Do yourself a favor and shop for a mid-year day planner. Really. 

Organize. Make sure your purse has a pocket for everything: cosmetics, phone, keys, pens, water bottle, and of course, day planner. Let your purse double as a tote instead of carrying both.     

Moisturize. Moisturize. Moisturize. Use it under make-up and at bedtime after cleaning. Takes years off the face.

Do one good and new thing for your health. Change to smoothies for breakfast. Switch to a new salad dressing. Do spinning instead of Zumba for exercise. Anything that’s new creates happy momentum. 

Connect. Instead of texting, call someone for an invite to lunch. 

Tackle the next thing on your Bucket List.

Find God. Find Peace. Don’t do life alone! He’s waiting.

Exchange a real book in print with a friend. Or stop by your local library for a free one. Radical!

Bake extra cupcakes and bring a few to a shut-in neighbor.

Pick a subject you know nothing about and take a class.

Practice saying “No” once in awhile instead of resenting your “Yes.”

Declutter your home office. Place some things out-of-reach to force yourself to get out of your chair now and then. 

Clean out the freezer. Not everything will keep for the next nine years!

Buy your own Christian Bible and read for just seven minutes a day (or night). 

"Wind Chime" Flower

Plant something unusual this year like White Alpine Strawberries - a gourmet treat; Sunzilla Sunflowers - they are Giant!; or Parrot Tulips for multicolor magic!

Explore where you’ve never been (besides countries or states), how about the symphony, underground caves, a rodeo, or a fashion show. There are a million things out there!

Splurge this one time and hire a maid to do spring cleaning top to bottom.

Subscribe to the Fresh Start Momentum blog at:
http://freshstartmomentum.blogspot.com

Have fun and keep going! Remember God loves your heart and wants to see you enJOYing the abundant life He gave you. "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23 NLT). 
  

How's That Working For You?

A good measuring device to see where we have come from and where we still need to go is to ask ourselves how far we have managed to move forward over the last 30 days or even the last 90 days. For some of us just beginning this new single-again journey, we may be feeling overwhelmed, exhausted or confused about where to go next. That is expected and normal, so believe us when we say, you are okay, dear friend. If we are just concluding the first year, or a few years of this adventure, it's okay to breathe now! 

Regardless of where we are right now, it's good to remind ourselves that we had the strength--no matter how shaky--to step out of our hurtful past and into a much better place. And so we can keep the momentum going and use that same strength to create a good life over the next 180 days or whatever time frame you are working with to thrive. 

Is it time to re-evaluate where we want to go? It just may be that when we first started out, we were not so sure of our direction. We just wanted to get out of a bad situation. Amazingly, we are still breathing and that's a good thing! Life has so many questions, distractions, and interruptions weighing us down to the point we want to give up. But, listen, that is never a good idea.

Getting Closer
The truth is, we have many opportunities to re-invent or re-start our life, especially if what we have isn't working. It will require, though, looking forward, not backward. Some new, self-imposed directional "points" will get us into motion. 

How we ask? Understand first, the way in which we move ahead is up to us. Because we are each responsible for our own lives, no one else can determine exactly how this reinvention can be done. But with all that said, maybe we can tackle some of the what together. 

Living arrangements. It may be the right time to find our own "forever" home. After staying by ourselves in that big house we "inherited," or with relatives, or a friend, or in a tiny apartment immediately after divorce, we can now look forward to finding the perfect solution that will work for us. Sit down and plan it out. Research. Ask a friend to help if that sounds better. Just have fun with it!

1920. No, we are not talking about the 20th century. This number is the average amount of hours per year we spend at our jobs (pre-retirement). Many of us can even state much more than this. So, it improves our health if we can really enjoy what we are doing 8-5pm. Is it time to find the perfect job that inspires us for the next 20-40 years? 

Balance. Life can get totally overwhelming if we don't build some rest and relaxation into our days and weeks. Becoming a workaholic gets us absolutely nowhere, except, perhaps in a hospital. 

"Nobody on their deathbed has ever said, 'I wish I had spent more time at the office.'" (Heard from Rabbi Harold Kushner). 

Get rejuvenated and take a vacation once in awhile. Don't let being single stop you--invite and share expenses with a friend. Find an enjoyable lifetime hobby or craft. Connect with people. Create fun in your life!

Keep it up. Go ahead and find other areas of your life that need improvement. Dwell on the positives, forget the negatives. Remember, positive momentum only goes forward, so pedal as fast as you want!  

Your Guide for Life
Many people start their day out on a positive note by spending just a few minutes visiting with God. He created the day's agenda just for you. He knows where you will grow, strive, and be encouraged by others he puts in your path. He knows your beginning and your end. He loves you beyond measure! 

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you" (1 Peter 5:7 NLT). 

Pack Your Bags and Explore!

Blue Ridge Pkway, Appalachian Trail

If you had all the money you needed, where would you travel? Okay, keep reading even if you don't have the funds right now. Check out the ideas below. Never mind that you are single-again. There are easy answers for that situation. But first, you need a dream destination. 

Planning is #1. It can be as easy as visiting a U.S. state you've never had a chance to see. There are so many exciting sites and things to do in every single state.

• Measure the 60 ft high faces on Mt. Rushmore, South Dakota 
• Hike the Appalachian Trail between Georgia and Maine 
• Marvel at the 2,000 arches in Utah

If you haven't even seen your own country, you're missing out on so much! Have some fun and just send away for a travel brochure from the Chamber of Commerce of a particular state. You can do that online too, of course. 

When you are ready, start mapping out a trip to a further destination, maybe outside the U.S. It doesn't have to be immediate; plan ahead. Where would your dream vacation take place? Here are just a couple of ideas: 

Winter: 
Mexico Beaches
Christmas "Feliz Navidad" in Spain

Athens, Greece

Spring:
San Diego/Coronado Bay
Vancouver, Canada
Athens, Greece
And of course, Paris, baby!

Family Vacations:
Bahamas 
Arizona/Horseback Riding at 
   Rancho de los Caballeros
Kauai, Hawaii Surf School

Pinterest, of Course. It can be addictive! 
Places to see are endless. Create pages here:  
https://www.pinterest.com/woostephanie/cheap-vacation-ideas/

Easy to keep everything together. If you are worried about being single, there are plenty of vacations designed for singles that are not dating sites, unless of course, you like that idea, which is fine. Or grab a friend in the same "boat" and travel/share expenses together. Check out B&Bs and Timeshares too.    

Every Little Bit Helps
Now, let's get down to business. While developing your vacation, the money issue will come up. If you haven't already, start a "Vaca" Savings account. Even if you only put in a little bit, it's a start and adds up quickly. 

If you need budgeting help (and who doesn't!) check out Dave Ramsey. Even if you're not going on a vacation, this is the best thing you can do for your future, by far. So many people have conquered their money issues with this plan and churches have presented it to their entire congregations:
http://www.daveramsey.com/get-started/budget

Nowhere does it say we can't have fun just because we are on our own again. This is a good thing we can do for ourselves! Go for it!

"'Every part of this plan," David told Solomon, "was given to me in writing from the hand of the LORD.'" (1 Chronicles 28:19 NLT).

"Then you responded, ‘Your plan is a good one.'" (Deuteronomy 1:14 NLT).

Graduation Test

Many of us are consumed this time of year with graduation plans. Whether we are the one throwing our cap in the air, or we are the parent, grandparent, or friend of a graduate, excitement fills our hearts for what the future holds! The diploma or degree we now hold in our hands means we can start our future on a solid foundation as we go forward. 

Here’s a question: What were you doing in the summer at age 10? Maybe jumping rope was your favorite thing to do. Or skateboarding on the hills of your neighborhood. Building the next biggest dollhouse with Legos. Or do you remember how to play jacks and ball?

Whatever it was, most of us at age 10 were not busy framing our newly acquired, four-year degree like Michael Kearney! He earned an anthropology degree before he could vote!

Favorite Activity
We, too, have great hopes of what we want to do with our lives now that we are on our own. A temporary summer job or internship may just be the starting point for re-creating a new life. Most likely, we have skills we have never tried using in the past even if we have never been employed. Valuable talents and gifts were given to us by God that can now be put to good use. Have you ever:

--Organized a group of parents to raise school funds?

--Opened your home to preschool kids while their mom worked?

--Cooked and catered an event?

--Used a computer for data entry?

--Walked all the neighborhood dogs?

The list goes on and on, but now you can use all that volunteering experience to earn money! What’s your favorite activity? That is most likely your talent. Try it!

You think you are too old for something new? Don’t tell that to Annie Dillard from South Carolina who earned her bachelor’s degree in her late 30s and yet another associates degree at age 92. She says, “My advice is you can make it if you try, but you have to start somewhere.” Dillard still plans to go back for more schooling! Wow!

Annie would make a great friend with Mozelle Richardson, who published her ninth book at age 94 and holds the Guinness Book of World Records for earning a journalism degree from Oklahoma University at age 90. Mozelle is 104 years old this year.

The F Word
No! No! No! It’s not what you think. We are talking about what got these brilliant people, young and not-so-young, to a point of never giving up on life. We don’t know their circumstances for sure, but maybe their lives were wonderful and tied up with a pretty pink bow. But then again, maybe they had so many serious challenges that they were determined to make the best of what they had in their hands and change their expected paths.

These amazing people most probably were close friends with the F Word: F-a-i-t-h. None of us can get anywhere without it. How do we know? Because none of us can exist without believing in something or someone. We’ve all been there. When we put our trust in worldly things such as more and more money, possessions, promotions, and immoral pleasures (just to name a few), we can’t expect it will last. It never does. It turns to rust and decay and eventually disappoints us.

Faith isn’t anything we can see. It’s a special “graduation” gift from God that will drive us straight to his best plan and purpose for our lives. When will you open your gift?

“It’s impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him” (Hebrews 11:6 The Message).