"Vagabonds and ragamuffins all, he [God] saw us before we were born. And he loves what he sees."
Don't let anyone tell you differently; he still loves what he sees, even though we are divorced! Our messy life won't stop him. God sees our hurting heart and he understands. He is on our side to help us through these difficult days. Here is a clue: all the answers won't come right away.
It would be wonderful if we did understand completely right from the start of our new journey why and how it all happened. But the truth is, we have much to learn first in order to survive all the feelings that bombard us. The good news here is that because we have already made it this far, we can be assured we have been blessed with the strength to endure one more day, and then another, and then another.
Space and Time
Sure, it would be a lot easier to just stay in bed all day with the covers over our head. We wouldn't have to deal with anyone or anything. Sounds good. . . then what? Eventually, we would smell stinky and need a shower like little "Pig-Pen." Maybe something to eat. And worse, the emotions would still be present waiting for instructions like a little kid. All this sounds very much like suffocation!
There are better ways to deal with the healing process and avoid smothering ourselves. The goal is to move forward so space and time are ours to keep on our own terms. We must leave room for ourselves to become "us," only better. And it can be done, if we choose. There's that scary word: choose. It's risky, but entirely up to us. No one is going to make us do anything. If we want a better life, we must take responsibility to make it happen. Remember, Someone bigger than all this is on our side. Ready?
Leave room to grow. Whatever was not working for us before can be changed. Talk to people who are supportive. Listen to those who know; they are the ones who have been in your shoes. But, take advice with a grain of salt from those who say they understand, but have never been divorced.
Leave room to indulge. If one day seems just too difficult, stay away from those suffocating covers. Instead, indulge in a warm bubble bath, go out with a friend, browse a bookstore, eat in a fancy restaurant. Whatever you need to convince yourself life is worth living at least for another 24 hours.
Leave room to cry, scream, or pound a pillow. Yup! You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel when you get those negative feelings out for good. There's no shame in it. You may need to buy a new pillow though (Smile!). The best way to do this so it doesn't destroy you or anyone else is to set a time limit. Give yourself seven minutes and no more. Then it's over until another day.
Leave room to be real. Find what sparks your interest and get involved. Remember, the world is still spinning outside your door. Go be part of it and start the rebuilding process.
Achieving Peace
It's natural to be upset with God. This is not an angry God that wants to see you suffer. He not only loves you, he IS love. Think hard about that. He's not going to leave you in this dark place, so talk to Him about it. Be honest. He knows what you are going through! Achieving peace in your life is His blessing to you. Make it happen and you'll be on your way.
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!" (Psalm 139:13-14a NLT).
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