Nine Basics for a Fresh Beginning

Way back since our childhood, we have all developed a fear of something. It may be silly or serious. Disturbing or drastic. Mind-blowing or mind-boggling. It may not even have a name or technically be called a phobia, but we know what drives our fear. Some things we outgrow with time. Others increase in intensity. And many times scary situations are created by someone in our lives.

We may have felt androphobia at one time in our past. This is the fear of men and there could be many different reasons for this feeling. It can be caused by abuse or physical assault. An overly dominant, demanding, or cruel father. An attack by a stranger on the street. Or rape when we least expected it. All of these types of acts should never be assigned blame or shame to ourselves or by ourselves. Ever.

We may have feared men (plural) in the past, but we can get past that debilitating hurdle by looking at our situation a bit differently. Not all men are monsters. Many may be, yes, but not all. Most likely, it was one person who chose to hurt us by allowing his anger to get out of control. Most assuredly, his personality was/is flawed. And no amount of wishing or revenge on our part is going to change that fact. Can we agree?

We can find a better way to handle our feelings. Our responsibility now lies only in taking care of ourselves and setting boundaries to protect our lives in the future. This is not a dismissal of whatever type of abuse took place; on the contrary, this is a call to recreate a sense of power--the ability to take control of our own lives.

And it can be done. Each of us may determine our own course in our own way depending on what we need at the moment. We are unique. Many of us may find it necessary to seek a professional counselor or therapist to sort things out; this is wise and perfectly okay. We may have a mother or sister we are close enough to that will listen to our pain and offer nonjudgmental and compassionate advice if we are open to it. We may find welcoming and friendly support groups. Whatever we decide is up to us.

What is not a good idea is to keep it all inside. Unexpressed feelings often lead to deep depression, bitterness, and anger among other things. And that only encourages the androphobia. We’ve all heard of people who never leave their house again after an abusive incident. This creates a second phobia called agoraphobia. Which causes a third. And a fourth. And. . .

Nine Basics to Begin

When we choose to face our fears and do something about them, we find life begins on a whole new level. No one said this is easy to do. It takes a certain amount of effort and courage. But here’s the best part: it is possible! Start with these options (they do not need to be done in order):

• 

  Anything is possible with God!

  Tell someone. Choose first a trusted and compassionate friend
• Ask your doctor for a recommendation of therapists
• If needed, contact the local Bar Association for a reputable attorney
• Use identity protection (including changing passwords often)
• Get a safe deposit box for important papers
• If you haven’t already, find a church home to be part of
• Move, or change locks and get home security
• Enroll in a self defense class
• Force yourself to get out of the house daytime and nighttime--with a friend!

These are only basics. There are many other ways to gain control over your life. Keep talking to other women. Ask what they do. This is where a support group becomes valuable.

Comfort Needed!

What all these suggestions do--in a nutshell--is supply physical comfort for our journey. We may not have felt comfort in quite awhile. We have even forgotten exactly how it feels. But that doesn’t mean it’s not there for us to claim. Even before we knew we needed it, God was there supplying it. Yes, God was even in the midst of our sorrow. Unlike some people believe, He didn’t cause our hurt; evil men did. But God has the cure! Go to Him and ask how to receive His love. He will gladly share with you!    

“Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside” Psalm 73:21 NLT.

“Is God’s comfort too little for you? Is his gentle word not enough?” Job 15:11 NLT.