How To Separate the Good from the Bad

Winter trees need their rest!

Now that Fall is in full swing, most areas of the country are soon experiencing a massive pile of leaves to rake. Usually not a favorite chore although children enlisted to help end up playing and jumping into piles more than working. A great photo opportunity! It takes a while--and sometimes more than once or twice--to get the job done for the season. The result is a winterized tree that needs plenty of rest.  

Now some people say this is a depressing site. But it doesn't have to be that way. If we think about this natural occurrence its all about survival. According to the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, trees can lose a lot of water in the spring and summer just producing leaves. In the winter they no longer have enough water, so the tree actually "pushes" the leaves off so they can reserve their energy to grow new ones in the spring again. Amazing!

None of us can say we are bare trees waiting for the spring, but we can certainly understand the concept of needing rest to rejuvenate our bodies. No! No! We are not promoting hibernating and never getting our bodies to move just because it is winter. Far from it. We probably need even more exercise in the winter or we could waste away like the leaves. But this week isn't about exercising per se. Whew! Almost lost you there! 

More Good Than Bad
What we want to encourage right now is how to move forward with our single-again lives and really get a head start on what we want to do and where we want to go. It may seem like we are talking about New Years' resolutions, but we are definitely not. We just want to throw out the bad (anything useless or worthless) and issue in all that is good (useful and valuable). It's not so hard. In fact, it may be as simple as picking and choosing some of these ideas (or add your own):  

To Do
1-Make/craft something new and fresh. Wreaths, tree garlands, gifts. Donate or trash the old Christmas decorations.
2-Create at least one new tradition and try a recipe of your own instead of the one that's been in the family for centuries.
3-Change your furniture around. It will change your attitude too.
     

Christmas Nutcracker

To Go
1-Invite a friend or two to a midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve.

2-When was last time you went ice skating? It's still fun!

3-Have you ever seen a live stage production of The Nutcracker Ballet? No excuses, most towns have one. Grab a friend and just go. Not into ballet? There is also The Nutcracker movie (hint: it just isn't the same though!).

It's All About You

If you haven't discovered it yet, the Fresh Start Momentum blog is all about you. Encouraging and helping you to re-create your old life into a new, successful life. Why? Because maybe you haven't done this before and can't seem to get started. We can help. It really can be better than it is now. They say "it takes a village." We say it takes a community. A group of other women who have gone through this mess.

We also know it takes Someone in control to be our Guide. Someone who knows you inside and out. . .all the pain, sorrow, and grief that has tried to bring you down. But He also knows your heart. He created it. He created you. And God is the most important part of your past, present, and future. Just know He didn't cause your divorce but He knows everything that happened from beginning to end. And He is ready to take you in His arms and never let you go. You are that valuable to Him!

"He is ready to separate the chaff [anything false, useless, worthless, wicked, evil] from the wheat [everything true, useful, and valuable] with his winnowing [sifting] fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire" Matthew 3:12 NLT. (Emphasis added).   

Determining Your Own Direction

Our choices determine our direction

Thankfully, we’ve been given the intelligence to know and decide how to act in any situation. In other words, we inherently know right from wrong. But is it easy to make good decisions? Absolutely not! We know this by how long it took us to change our own lives for the better. But we finally did it when we had the best information.

One of the uncontrolled parts of our previously married life is that some of us, or we could say most of us, were “commanded” on a daily basis by our significant other to do some things we knew were not right at the time. But because we were pushed emotionally and, sometimes, physically until we complied, we resisted and didn’t act on our own decision. A very uncomfortable position, indeed.   

Considering Decisions

Now that we are on our own, we can strive to live in peace and harmony with others without giving up our common sense and moral values. Sometimes it's very difficult to lean in that direction, especially when certain questionable activities make us cringe and even doubt our beliefs because of the popularity of it all. This week on October 31st is one of those misunderstood occasions that can tend to rub us the wrong way. Not everyone believes or celebrates Halloween. We want to do what we know is right for us, but how do we do that?

First, let’s remember we are each free to determine how we should act and why. There is absolutely no judgment here. Celebrating or not is our decision alone, but to do that, we need knowledge of the subject: some pertinent information and historical facts to consider that will help us make an informed decision along the way. Amazingly, God has a lot to say about this particular subject. So it is important for us to settle now how we want to reflect our Christian lives to others.

Secondly, we would be correct in saying the Bible does not mention the actual word Halloween. And perhaps for some, there is nothing evil about children’s “happy” costumes in general. But we should at least ask, is Halloween anti-Christian? When talking about the “darker” aspects of this day, absolutely! So, we have to figure out exactly how we feel about this “celebration” and how we want to handle it.   

Keeping Our Head Out of the Sand

Thinking about the sandbox?

God, however, didn’t leave us to figure it all out by ourselves. He’s good that way. He has our backs! God has definite instructions for us about certain evil practices, no matter what day it is! Here are some eye-opening facts we previously may not have even thought much about:

Considered innocent by some people, these activities are extremely harmful to us according to God’s Word (look up the corresponding verses to discover why):

• witchcraft and fortune-telling (Lev 19:26)
• occult (Acts 8:9-24)
• sorcery (Acts 13:6-11)
• magic (Acts 19:19)
• mediums and necromancers (Lev 19:31, 20:6)
• divination, casting spells, seances, channeling (Deut 18:9-12)

As if those customs were not enough, the Bible speaks in general about these unexplored subjects:

• there are no such thing as ghosts (of deceased persons) (2 Cor 11:14-15)
• but there are good angels (Isa 6:2-6)
• and there are evil demons (Lk 8:2)

The result: in addition to the above, demons deceive and convince us to use the following practices: psychics, seances, tarot cards, Ouija boards, crystal balls, and horoscopes to mislead, corrupt, and destroy us! This shows the importance of staying in the Bible daily.

Amazing Truth

“Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them” (Ephesians 5:11 NLT).

“Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe--some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them--then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong” (Romans: 14:22-23 MSG).

More Than One Use for a Pumpkin

Pumpkins, pumpkins everywhere!

Tis' the season...for pumpkins, that is. Harvest season is here in so many fun ways! Various crops are harvested in America right now and pumpkins, a variety of the winter squash family, are colorful, healthful, and sometimes, very, very large. One of the most well-known contests is the All-New England Giant Pumpkin Weigh-Off in Topsfield, MA. In 2012, one person grew the largest pumpkin of all-time: one ton!!




Be Adventurous!
Most Moms, however, purchase their regular size pumpkins at the grocers. They can be stored in a cool, dark place for up to two months. And many enjoy the best eating around with these delicious seasonal delights. Instead of carving them and ruining the contents, many cooks use them for salads, preserves, casseroles, and even butter as they are low calorie and high in vitamins. Start something different with your kids and try pumpkin fries, pumpkin seed guacamole, and for dessert, there is pumpkin tiramisu or pumpkin ice cream. Mmmm!

Orange Is Happy!
Of course, decorations can be gorgeous, too, using pumpkins on the table, entryways and mini ones in wreaths. With the strange and primitive tradition of carving pumpkins into weird and sometimes scary faces (never mind wearing costumes next week), one would think we had no other uses for this beautiful orange plant. But actually, pumpkins have numerous uses including health benefits for heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer, hypertension and aging to name but a few.   

Crazy, But So Cool!
Try some of these non-traditional ways to enjoy your pumpkins today:

Try a pumpkin body scrub!

• Use as a body scrub or try this facial mask:
• Wash face completely
• Combine & mix in a small bowl the following: 
• pumpkin puree
• honey
• milk
• Apply to face
• Set 20 min and remove

The results can be amazing!

"He said to his disciples, 'The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields'" Matthew 9:37-38 NLT.

Celebrating October in Style

What could be better than this time of year? The colors, smells, and cooler weather are a time to rejoice. It's fun to begin by gathering leaves, nuts, straw, acorns, pine cones, and corn husks to craft into door wreaths.  Fall is a favorite with so many people that we have created holidays and festivals to enjoy throughout the season. Lots of things to do. Places to go. People to meet. 



Hands of Love
Of course, our ancestors didn't need to make special days, it just naturally happened with all the gathering of farm crops; a lot of work for sure! More work than most of us would willingly want to do. Although, obviously, we still have farms to grow our food, sadly, we have much less of them in the 21st century. 

So, whether we are farmers, or not, having time to celebrate the harvest is a very good thing! During October and way into November, we can be thankful for all the blessings we have received by continuing or even creating new traditions for ourselves and our families.

Hearts of Gold
Harvest is a time for celebrating many crops that are grown and picked all over the U.S. at this time of year. Depending on what part of the country we live in, apples, grapes, corn, and pecans are among the many Fall crops that can all be enjoyed. Farmers especially in Virginia, North Carolina, and Washington are busy plucking apples, the Northern Midwest states are knee deep in the Corn Belt, and New England wades in the cranberries. [A bit of disclaimer here: I am definitely not a farmer, so don't shoot the messenger, o.k. - smile!]  

Harvest of Pumpkins
Pumpkins grow best in full sun. So it's a bit curious the Top Five states for pumpkin growing are Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and California. They are, of course, popular anywhere in the Fall. Many towns have pumpkin farms open to the public so people can pick their own. These are sometimes combined with baking competitions, horseback rides, and hayrides. Most have country stores that sell handcrafted items and yummy homemade goods. It wouldn't be the same without the jams, apple butter, and pumpkin pie. What a delight!  

Combine these for a Quick Treat: Pumpkin Chocolate Yogurt
Greek yogurt
Pumpkin puree or canned pumpkin
Honey
Cinnamon
Cocoa powder

Enjoy. Nothing easier!

"You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance" (Psalms 65:11 NLT).

Nine Easy Ways to Handle Everyday Stress

How long can you hold your breath? The world record is 22 minutes and 22 seconds underwater. Wow! This is way longer than what the average, healthy person can do at approximately two minutes. Obviously, it is much, much easier to simply take one breath at a time as we are meant to do, even though we might observe a toddler holding her/his breath during a tantrum for a very long time.

Some musicians practice taking deep breaths, so they might play their wind instruments properly and have the sound come out beautifully. Athletes too are required to have great lung capacity for stamina and endurance if they want to succeed. And, of course, it’s common knowledge that taking long, slow breaths and releasing them through the mouth can reduce blood pressure, anxiety and stress as well as keep us calm.

Life is inherently difficult and learning to deal with stress is a major accomplishment. But just know stress management is an entire world all by itself. Doctors of all kinds have spent their lives studying and writing about this important subject and, since this writer is not a doctor by any means, we are not attempting to cover the curriculum that fills colleges on this matter.

However, we can try and offer some sensible and practical points that may lead us into a better frame of mind on most days. Since we are all humans, we may be familiar with stress just a little bit, right? So, let’s begin here finding some "ah-ha" answers simply based on the fact we naturally have living cells in our bodies called hormones. Of course, we need them to grow but at times they can really get out of control. Oh, yes! We can all relate.

The Why

Understanding stress can help us to deal with its effect. As we mentioned, it starts with hormones but if stress is extreme and severe in your case, then this is a matter to first discuss with your medical doctor. Then what else? Consider if any of the following sounds familiar and may be affecting your situation:

--Multitasking

--Wearing too many “hats”

--Trying to please everyone

--Poor nutrition

--Substances, legal or otherwise

--Sleep disorders

--Depression

These are just a few. The causes of stress can fill volumes of books and do. So, if you are serious about tackling this problem and learning how to reduce stress in your life, start searching for reliable sources. Here are just a couple to start off:

--So Stressed, The Ultimate Stress-Relief Plan for Women by Stephanie McClellan, M.D. and Beth Hamilton, M.D.

--The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis, Ph.D., Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, MSW, and Matthew McKay, Ph.D.

The How

There are plenty of ways to de-stress and the books above show us how in detail. Just to give you an idea of some practical methods to make part of your life, think about these:

Time-management. Don’t overdo and try to cram everything into one 24-hour period. We’ve all done this. Experts suggest keeping a log or journal for a week or two to discover where all your time goes. Remember, first things first when it comes to your time [what’s important].

Nutrition/Sleep/Exercise. If your life is not as healthy as you would like, start with small steps and go forward. A lack of these important aspects are roadblocks to de-stressing. Aim for consistency.

Organization. Many women today are taking part in simplifying or downsizing their lives and homes because it has been proven chaos that surrounds us causes stress! It’s worth attempting. Start small.

Nine Answers Right Now

Sometimes we just need an immediate solution. Keep a list of these handy:

1. Visit a flower shop and just smell the blooms or buy a Gerber Daisy for your desk


2. Take a bubble bath while playing music

3. Enjoy a treat of tea and scones, coffee and chocolate muffins, etc.

4. Use an adult coloring book—it’s not silly, it’s very relaxing

5. Turn off all electronics, read a book in bed and you’ll sleep like a baby

6. Go out and photograph nature

7. Plant a garden indoors or outdoors

8. Draw or paint a canvas

9. Continue or start a scrapbook or journal

Add to this list every time you think of something that makes you smile. You might even fill an entire notebook with ideas!

Meet the Counselor

Did you know we have a “live-in” Counselor right in our own homes? It’s true! A tiny baby was born one night in Bethlehem and they called him Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace! That certainly sounds like someone we need on our side, especially in times of stress. His “office” door is always open. Go right on in and talk to Him—you’ll be glad you did.

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” Luke 12:25-26 NLT.

Seasons of Growing

We all have preferences on how to do certain things, especially in our own homes. Some women want absolutely nothing sitting on top of the bare kitchen counters creating a type of minimalist room, while others might want to put away the small appliances but display their most beautiful canisters for aesthetic reasons. It makes them happy!

Maybe we like decorating with lots of colors and our neighbor next door enjoys a neutral black and white palette. A crazy “fad” in the 1960s showed up in homes to cover all one’s living room furniture in clear plastic! Sticky in the summer and cold in the winter to sit on kept not only the dirt off the couch but also any house guests! Truly, choice makes the world an interesting place, indeed.      

The one personal choice that seems so amusing—or maybe irritating to some—is whether to place bathroom toilet paper in the “over” or the “under” position! How many of us can admit shaking our heads while visiting a home that displayed the opposite of what we prefer in our bathroom? Or the same situation at a place of business. Have you ever actually changed that roll to the other side thinking someone incorrectly placed it? Okay, it’s always great to have something to laugh about. Go right ahead, it will feel great!  

Blooms of Every Kind

The truth is personal choices are not always so humorous. When we were much younger, and maybe not very mature, we all made plenty of mistakes. Everything from skipping classes in college (or even dropping out for no good reason) to reckless drinking and driving, quitting a good job, getting married too young or buying a car or larger house than we could afford. The list is endless.

We’ve all been there in varying degrees and activities. And we learned. Eventually, we learned to do what was right, even if it took us years. Isn’t that where we are right now? As single-again women, we have made necessary decisions to better our lives. Our choices haven’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but we can find joy in new beginnings.

Of course, we still have plenty to learn because life is a continual teacher. If we keep an open mind, a warm heart, and an energetic spirit, our lives will flourish like a well-watered garden. This is no time to sit back and do nothing. 

Assuming we want to thrive and prosper, it will require effort every single day. There used to be a lovable saying that appeared on all sorts of decorative items that could apply here: Bloom where you are planted. Our “garden” may be in a different location now, but with tender love and care, we can grow both “annuals” for one season and “perennials” that last for a very long time. Here are some “seeds” to get us going:  

                     

“Annuals”

Taking community college classes

Seasonal work to supplement income

Downsizing our home

Visiting a salon and getting a new look

“Perennials”

Improving our health

Asking for that promotion

Establishing a monthly budget

Finding/joining a church home

Coming and Going

Whatever choices we need to make to get where we want to go, it can’t and won’t happen by ourselves. If we want our lives to improve at all, we need a Gardener for life. God is the One who cares about us coming and going, over and under, past, present and future, beginning to end. He is the Vine, we are the branches and we need His nourishment every single day: fall, winter, spring, and summer.

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more” John 15:1-2 NLT.          

Standing For the Answer

This week in America we are reminded of what it means to be an American. Tomorrow, September 11th is Patriot Day. The time when we stop for at least a bit of time to remember those who died or were injured on our own soil during the terrorist attacks in 2001. Later this month on Friday, September 21st, we do the same thing for National POW/MIA Recognition Day.

It’s never a time to celebrate, of course. However, these are days when we can fly our flag with its red and white stripes and 50 stars against a blue background with pride. Why is it important to observe these days? It’s knowing we still stand to support our country no matter what we have gone through in the past. We are America strong! And the men and women who fight for us each day in our military know that better than anyone. We must not ever forget those who died for us or we have no choice but to repeat the past.

Standing Strong in Conflict

In our own lives, we too may have to fight personal battles to survive. We have already been through the worst possible conflict just getting to this point. Every day can be a struggle, especially when we are on our own. It’s a complicated problem to figure out the best way to do things. So many questions yet to find answers for. What do I do next? Should I change jobs or find a job? Which way do I turn? What city do I want to live in? How do I deal with my ex-in-laws where the kids are concerned? Who gets the kids for vacations? And it goes on and on.     

But we don’t have to fight our skirmishes alone. Believe it or not, the CDC reports there are nearly 814,000 divorces currently. That figure actually seems low considering there are 2.1 million marriages. No longer is it a “secret” to be kept in the closet. Regardless, that is plenty enough to find at least a few other women in our same situation.

Join Your Heart With Others

There is simply no need to wrestle by ourselves constantly fighting battles. Just like our military, no one could possibly survive such odds. So the time is now to talk to someone. It could be a close family member or trusted friend that will just listen while we “vent.” It could be a professional counselor, a pastor/minister, or a support group. The idea is not to “do life” with no one on your side.  

Others who have gone through different stages of a break-up will have ideas, suggestions, things we haven’t thought of yet, and important steps for us to take to re-create a better life. If we choose to retreat and hide-out, so that no one recognizes we are fighting a losing battle, our strength will atrophy like muscles that are never exercised. We can also waste time running around in circles trying to find solutions that will work for us. Or not. And aren’t we plain sick and tired of that kind of life?

Needed R&R

Yes, we have faced personal attacks of humiliation, psychological abuse and maybe even physical abuse, as well as abandonment, loss of affection, and destruction of faithfulness. We faced our Enemy! And now we can raise our flag of endurance, strength of character, and determination. But remember, we didn’t do it alone then. God was right by our side, holding our right hand the entire time. And we can’t go forward alone either!

“Are you tired? Worn out?. . .Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG.