Downsizing Is An Art

Moving day is always a stressful time, especially at this time of year. It starts out with a great idea to find a more suitable place to live, or it may be forced on us by the military, family members, or even our circumstances. In any case, it seems very exciting. The anticipation of a new home in a new place, finding just the right spot for the furniture, new pillows or curtains we may enjoy sewing or buying, and decorations to make our home cozy and welcoming can all be extremely fun and nerve-racking at the same time.

Downsizing Is An Art

One of the first things we have to do is get past the packing and cleaning. If we have been in the old place for any length of time, we might even uncover things stored away in boxes that we completely forgot about until now. Old memories like school yearbooks, a 13-page essay paper from that literature class that was going to make us the next Hemingway, and old clothes that no longer fit.

We might cringe a bit, but some things will definitely need to be donated or thrown away. We've all heard the saying, “If you haven’t used something in two years or more, it’s time to discard it.” Let someone else get some joy out of it now that we are done with the item. Packing and moving is always a great way to simplify our lives once and for all.

It is true relief when we discover this kind of freedom just from passing our stuff onto someone else who needs it. Then, when we reach our new place, the items we kept take on a new life of their own. They are even more beautiful than we ever realized as they are freed from their boxes and put to good use.

Have Faith Will Travel

It seems we always loose something when moving. But while unpacking we may recognize something else. A yearning to recreate something we lost a long time ago. It was evident in the lives of our loved ones from long ago. Something we admired in them, and which had barely started to bloom in us.

If we try hard enough, we can remember that seed of faith. The times we spent with our parents and grandparents going to worship on the Lord’s Day; kneeling by our beds as children to say our bedtime prayers; saying grace before meals; reading the Bible.

We may have forgotten to water and grow that seed, but it’s still there and can be revived. With a little care and attention, our Mustard Seed Faith can grow so large we can “move mountains” with it. Time to get out our gardening gloves!

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.  2 Timothy 1:5 (ESV)

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20 (NLT)

Where is Your Story Going?

Tunneling Through Life

We nervously approached our court day, and then the judge loudly banged his gavel and announced we could begin our lives over. It was both heart-wrenching and heart-relieving all at once. Even though we never intended for a breakup to happen, our relationship, in fact, ended after much confusion, frustration, and pain. The prolonged tenseness was released, like coming out of a dark tunnel.  

The darkness we endured during the last days (or years) of our marriage may have lingered longer than we would have liked, but the light ahead was surely dawning. In December 2016, “the world’s longest and deepest [train] traffic tunnel” was opened to passengers in Switzerland. Running through the Alps for a total of 94.349 miles and traveling at a speed of 155 miles per hour, the Gotthard Base Tunnel must be a scary ride! The light at the end was most likely much welcomed. We can understand how this would feel. We have experienced our own scary “tunnel.”

Once we reached our destination as a single-again woman, the light was almost blinding. We had to “blink” several times to readjust. We just were not expecting our future to suddenly be so stark. It caused feelings many of us were never contemplating. So what did we do? We naturally panicked, quite understandable in such a situation. But we knew we weren’t the only ones who experienced this phenomenon.

Hurdles in Our Way

After getting over our initial response, knowing how to handle life was another difficulty. And this is where the problem began of sabotaging ourselves and our future. Of course, we didn’t just sit down and say, “Today I think I will block anything good that might happen to me.” No, we wanted the opposite. So what happened?

Consciously or subconsciously, we sometimes stand in our own way to avoid something great that could happen in our lives. We are afraid to face the potential good. If we stop to think about it, could we identify some of these hurdles:

• Skipped out on a job interview for no good reason
• Made repeated excuses for not joining a new hobby group
• Gave no attention to studying for a college entrance exam
• Avoided cleaning out the clutter in the house

All of these kinds of acts damage our intentions of moving ahead with our lives. They do us no good at all. They only stall us from finding meaning and purpose. Once we decide we deserve to have a great life--which we most certainly do--we can start to build momentum in that direction. We won’t any longer sit back and wonder, “How in the world does that woman get so many opportunities?” “How does she do it?” The answer is she doesn’t impair her chances. She doesn’t hold back when she wants something good. She chooses to jump over the hurdle instead of letting it hold her back.    

We all have a story. Have you ever seen a movie or read a fiction story where the creator gave the reader options for an ending? You got to choose how it would go to your own liking. Our story is the same. We have the ability to change the outcome as it best fits our own situation. Your story will not be the same as the woman next to you. Nor should it be. We each have numerous choices to create a life that will make a difference to ourselves and, more importantly, to affect others in an encouraging and positive way. What ending will you choose?

The One Who Knows You

God also has a creation story just about you. It sums up just how important you are to Him:

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” Psalm 139:14-16 NLT.

Is There An Opposite in Your Life?

Do I Know You? 

It’s fascinating to see opposites living in nature. A cute animal attracted to its counter part. A litter of brown and white puppies, but just one is completely white. A litter of kittens, all gray and brown and just one is orange striped. The sun and the moon are opposites as are land and sea. How does a beautiful flower grow by itself in the middle of the harsh desert anyway?

Do Opposites Really Attract?

It appears this is true in much of creation. But it may or may not be true when talking about human relationships. We’ve seen or even experienced ourselves a couple who appear compatible, but are complete opposites. . .at least on the surface.

Many times a stark difference in personalities, values, likes and dislikes may seem exciting at first--filling in the gaps of what we think we don’t possess--but eventually, we realize something is wrong. Sometimes, we can't even identify the source of our unrest, but it’s there. If it goes on without any communication or resolution, it causes bumps, wrinkles, and anemia that goes deep into our souls.

Sometimes we don’t discover the “opposite” in our lives is weighing us down and causing a sense of dread. We find ourselves not answering the phone calls, avoiding dates with the new person in our lives, and making excuses or, worse yet, blaming ourselves for allowing the person to attract us in the first place.

But we are all humans. It happens. We can forgive ourselves for repeat offenses and learn from the past. Change is possible any time we put enough effort into finding the answer. One way is to train ourselves to recognize what we do not want in our lives; in other words, changing negatives to positives.

Opposites Game with a Twist

Match up the words in the first list with the opposite words in the second list (if it’s easier, list them in two columns on a piece of paper and draw lines connecting the two words). This is all about you, so there could be more than one choice in your selections, but choose only one to connect for now. Keep an open mind; there really is no right answer. Just have fun! Here's the twist: you will have one word in the second list left over. More on that later.

Restless

Helpless

Lonely

Afraid

Hurt

Sad

Small

Angry

Irritated

Ashamed

Numb

Stuck

Perplexed

Worried

Frustrated

Peaceful

Calm

Thankful

Elated

Proud

Content

Joyful

Euphoric

Merry

Relieved

Sedate

Cheerful

Satisfied

Happy

Upbeat

Assured

Which list would you say is driving your current relationship? Which list contains the most words you can identify with right now? Now, circle your leftover word in the second list. This is the one clue of what to work on first in your life; the rest will follow.

Your Counselor in All Relationships

God has a hopeful plan for each one of us! He uses the Bible to give us His answer to ALL our dilemmas, hurts, mistakes, and regrets. We can bring Him all our questions. His list of words are endless and each one is the right word every time for you!

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NLT)

Raising Healthy and Happy Kids

Much loved children are content and happy. They play and enjoy each and every hour until they can’t go any longer and need to rest. It’s as if the child believes the day’s hours are endless. Sometimes moms are almost forced to make the child stop and take a nap, knowing that without it, they will risk an unhealthy body over time.

It gives moms much satisfaction to watch children thrive and grow. We do whatever we can to provide for them physically and emotionally and pray over them for a long and healthy life. As they reach school age, we encourage them to concentrate and do their work to the best of their ability through college and adulthood.

Getting to the Answer

Each family has its own way of raising children. Another family down the block or across town may not understand our parenting methods. But what works for one parent, may not work for another. Sometimes we have to revise our way of doing things as the child matures. Sharing our concerns and frustrations with other moms, maybe as part of a group, will help to calm our fears and give us ideas we may not have considered.

Becoming a single parent is frightening and filled with doubts as we start questioning the reason for every action we take. And trying to do it alone is not the answer either. It often leads to feelings of isolation and depression. If we can step aside and put down our defenses, we’ll find there is plenty of help available and ways to raise healthy and happy kids.

What Can We Do Right Now?

• In an immediate crisis, call a counselor, pastor, or hotline (1-800-273-8255)
• Call a friend and/or meet for coffee or lunch--try it on a regular basis.
• Be open and share frustrations; brainstorm ideas.

Long-term Solutions

Try these groups that offer help for moms (click on link):

Parents Anonymous

Single and Parenting

Meet Up

Parents Without Partners

Treasured Children

We can see our children content and happy, but we must also take care of ourselves and seek to live a life of joy. We do this so we can be healthy enough to be there for our kids. By placing our faith and hope in the one true God, we can know we are His children. Just as we do with our children, we know He loves us dearly. He created moms and we are His favorites! We are never alone.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. 1 John 3:1 (NLT)

The Honeymoon is Over, But the Fun is Not!

Women Connecting All Over the World

Exactly one year ago today this blog began as a tribute and encouragement to single-again women everywhere. Women who have experienced too much garbage, too soon in their lives. With this truth in hand, Fresh Start Momentum (FSM) moved forward in 2016 believing every woman, regardless of race, color, age, or nationality, is valuable to herself and others, worthy of respect, and extraordinary in all she strives to become. She is honored for her persistence and perseverance. She is priceless. YOU are priceless!

The Honeymoon is Over

It’s been a wild and exciting ride bringing you posts we hope you have enjoyed, but even more importantly, found them practical and forward-thinking. FSM will continue to encourage you--whether you are divorced, widowed, or a single mom--to live a life of confidence and strength, as your journey grows and expands into a brand new world. Striving to invigorate and energize your life, we stand beside each one of you cheering your efforts to build momentum into a brand new Fresh Start. The first year honeymoon may be over for FSM, but new and better days are ahead for all of us!

Over the last year, women from all over the world--including France, Portugal, Israel, Brazil, Poland, Germany, Russia, United Kingdom, and Pakistan among many others--have stopped to read these blog messages. This tells us we are all in the “same boat” when it comes to growing through disaster and devastation in our lives, no matter where we live out our lives. We are truly thankful for each one of you!   

We must remember, if we are willing to listen, get out of our own way, and stay "plugged in" for the long haul, then we are ready to build, or re-build, a single-again life that brings with it all the peace and joy we could ever imagine. The lesson of "replacement" teaches how to exchange, if you will, the lie that we are worthless, with the truth that we can do anything we set our minds to accomplishing. The journey begins in our minds which no one can take from us.

But The Fun is Not Gone   

FSM seeks to share knowledge, wisdom, ideas and tips on living the most powerful and persuasive lives we can with what we have been given. It is never too late to begin. No matter what has happened in the past, going forward with confidence is all that counts.

We are planning for the coming year to continue to find what makes each one of us excited to get out of bed each day. This is our time now and we just can’t waste it and let it go without a thought. As always, FSM is determined not to cultivate an atmosphere of gloom and doom. And we hope you join us in that endeavor in your home. There’s too much of that “disease” going around. We have much more important and fun things to do here.

A “key” to take and put in your pocket right now is the fact, we belong to each other; we are a community of strong women. Sure, we can’t all meet in person, but a place of belonging (even a virtual one) is important to dissolve the no-one-cares-about-me feelings that can get us down. Be determined to not let that happen to you! Realize your life is different now and in many ways better. This requires a new set of rules and a fresh way of looking at possibilities that only you can create. FSM is here throughout 2017-2018 to inspire you to get the momentum going and keep it going. Accomplishing this will help you to help others in your shoes. And the wheels spin on and on and on and.......

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

Every woman was shaped by the Creator of the Universe. His love of our individual, inherent worth is beyond imagination. In turn, we are called to influence those around us. We can not affect others positively without first becoming our true selves. God uses all kinds of women, all around the world to accomplish His purpose. He has a plan to bring you hope and a future. Who else can promise that? It all starts with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him, and only Him, all things are possible.

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Special Note: Keep an eye out for our new book, Woman Soaring: Building Momentum for Your Next Journey, coming out in the summer of 2018.  

Who Are You?

Most of us want to be considered as a unique individual. We all know those who have stood out in history like Jackie Kennedy (First Lady), Janet Guthrie (first woman to drive in the Indy 500), or Sandra Day O'Connor (first woman on Supreme Court). We've perhaps known a teacher, who in her spare time became a New York Times best-selling author, a neighbor who won an award for her special recipe key lime pie, or a female Air Force pilot who teaches aeronautical engineering at night.           

Many of us admire our own personal heroes. And some of us may even wish to imitate them because they are so different than anyone else. We forget that what we have inside is just as special and unique as the next woman out there that becomes another Kathryn Bigelow, first woman to win the Oscar for Best Director for the movie, The Hurt Locker (2010 film about the Baghdad war).     

Where is the delete button?

How about those of us who follow the crowd without even thinking? We try becoming a clone of someone we are not, nor never could be, perhaps simply because of our inherent personality or one of many other reasons. Not everyone was meant to be a pilot or a Supreme Court justice.  

We know our current lives have changed drastically through marital discord, and it may not feel as comfortable to be who we once were anymore. We want at times to just hit the delete button on our lives. But since that is not possible, we try to escape and pretend we are someone else. This can happen when we go to the extreme with a total body make-over, forcing our personalities to change, or pushing ourselves into a career that will never make us happy. There is nothing wrong with improvement by any means, but we must know who we are first to make that happen the right way. 

Honesty=Happiness

Our dreams can get seriously side-tracked when we attempt becoming someone we are not. All this striving to change our identity is rarely satisfying or fulfilling and sometimes even dangerous. It eventually even feels a bit dishonest. However, we don’t need to agonize over our lives; God knows what's going on with us. He has already made each one of us uniquely different on purpose and for our purpose. He has a plan!   

It's surprising, but recent studies have even shown the DNA of some identical twins differ. It's a fact, there is no one exactly like us! Our goal is simply to find out how to become us without copying everyone else and their behavior. If we seek God’s will and allow Him to transform our thinking in all we do and say, we will join God in His perfect plan for our lives. In the end, He gets all the credit because we can't do it without Him. And that's something to celebrate!

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" Romans 12:2 NLT 

 

Turning Off the Drip

Houston, Texas

We are reminded sometimes about the “Golden Rule” to treat each other as we would want to be treated. However, it’s just not popular in today’s world to stop and help each other or support our fellow co-worker before helping ourselves. Many people say things like, “I don’t have the time right now.” “Maybe some other time.” “Oh, that’s not for me. Go and ask someone else.”

But that didn't happen last week in Houston TX. The outpouring of human kindness was beyond anything we have seen in a very long time. Too often, when there is not a natural disaster taking place and causing much anguish in our hometowns, we tend to take care of ourselves first not letting anyone get in the way of where we are going. This is, unfortunately, considered "normal." Sometimes, it’s right in our own backyards. Jumping in the car and heading to the store for weekly groceries can be a hassle. We are in a head-spinning hurry; we can’t find those special olives we need for dinner; every single checkout line is the one with a cashier who finds a need to tell her story to every single shopper of what went wrong when she dropped the bottle of shampoo in the shower that morning!  

More aggravations await us when we gas up our cars; pick up clothes from the cleaners; get to a doctor appointment just to find out the doctor has been called to an emergency; and burn dinner for tonight’s meal without the special olives. It all makes us humans irritable and not very anxious to stop and help our neighbor.          

Stop The Drip

All of us will surely have things go wrong every now and then. It’s not possible to get through life without some challenges. But, there are definite ways to reduce a constant, non-stop drip of annoyances and irritations. If we are willing to give these ideas a try, we just might find a healthier way to live.

• Plan - this may seem like just another chore, but making lists is a definite life-saver. Really, with all the “List” and “Notes” apps available for our cell phones, it’s a cinch. Each time we use the last drop of something in our kitchen, bathroom, or garage, grab the phone (c’mon we know it’s always near) and add it to the convenient on-line list. When we get to the grocery store, no guessing, there it is!

• Prepare - the same goes for using a calendar--digital or traditional--if we can get in the habit of marking down all appointments, we will never find we have forgotten an important meeting. Practical tip from the experts: use only ONE calendar! Not one for the house, office and the car or this step will drive us crazy real quick!

• Participate - putting ideas like these to work for ourselves, is more than half the battle. Once this ball is rolling, we will think of many other things to kill the stress in our lives. Leaving early for shopping and appointments, not waiting until our nerves are frazzled, and using deep breathing exercises can all become healthy habits to bring us peace and contentment.

The Last Best Thing

Prayer could have been listed above, but it is not just “a” step, it is a “continual” step. Using time to speak to God before, during, and after our day begins will make all things possible. Subsequently, when we reach a point of peace in our lives, we can reach out to comfort and help others without thinking about ourselves first. It is certainly worth the effort.   

Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Philippians 2:2-4 (Message)