Sanity and the Single Mom

Moms of toddlers, teens, and everything in-between can chuckle and knowingly nod their heads when we say "It was so much easier when they were gentle, quiet babies!" That was when we had some measure of control over our children, right. Now it's non-stop noise, running, jumping, and wrestling with siblings. Where, oh where, do they get all that energy? 

It seems the word "gentle" doesn't even re-enter our vocabulary until they are grown and out the door! But, we love our children dearly and wouldn't exchange them, even if we could. Our basic responsibility as parents is to guide and direct their steps, so when they reach adulthood they will instinctively know what to do and how without our interference. Of course, this doesn't come without some struggles and difficulties on both sides.  

Check the Mirror
Raising children requires more than an ounce of gentleness and self-control on our parts. One of the things we learn as parents is our actions and attitudes will be copied by our children. No doubt about it! When they live with a harsh or violent parent, they will likely learn to be harsh and violent to some degree. And the opposite is also true. Developing a kind and quiet nature ourselves will go far in modeling what we may want to see in our grown children some day. 

It is not easy to maintain a gentle, soothing and tender nature ourselves if we, naturally, are not prone to a mellow personality. If we grew up in a home where extreme and harsh discipline was a constant pattern, where love and affection was scarce, and perfection was required, we may need to find a good Christian counselor to help us heal from our past abuses. Understand, there is absolutely no condemnation/blame here and no shame in talking with a professional. It's a plus.   

Seven Tips for Maintaining Sanity
If we are simply looking for ways to improve our parenting skills (and who isn't?), these are just seven things we can do to get the ball rolling:

• Join a local mom's group such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) or Moms Club International
• Research common parent-child issues 
• Speak with a professional child development specialist
• Encourage children to use their own special talents and gifts (even if it isn't something we would choose)
• Listen and support the ideas our children express
• Raise children in a Christian home and church 
• Use the only Power Source: Prayer, Prayer, and more Prayer-for ourselves and our children!

We've all heard the phrase, "Once a mom, always a mom," so we might as well learn how to be the best parent possible and not leave it up to chance, or worse yet, to someone else. Our families will thank us and, we will enter our retirement years with the assurance we did the very best we could to raise gentle, self-controlled, and happy children. 

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Galatians 5:22-23

Note: this article is solely based on the observance and experience of the author/mom. To have your personal questions and concerns addressed, may we suggest speaking with a professional counselor. 

Raising Healthy and Happy Kids

Much loved children are content and happy. They play and enjoy each and every hour until they can’t go any longer and need to rest. It’s as if the child believes the day’s hours are endless. Sometimes moms are almost forced to make the child stop and take a nap, knowing that without it, they will risk an unhealthy body over time.

It gives moms much satisfaction to watch children thrive and grow. We do whatever we can to provide for them physically and emotionally and pray over them for a long and healthy life. As they reach school age, we encourage them to concentrate and do their work to the best of their ability through college and adulthood.

Getting to the Answer

Each family has its own way of raising children. Another family down the block or across town may not understand our parenting methods. But what works for one parent, may not work for another. Sometimes we have to revise our way of doing things as the child matures. Sharing our concerns and frustrations with other moms, maybe as part of a group, will help to calm our fears and give us ideas we may not have considered.

Becoming a single parent is frightening and filled with doubts as we start questioning the reason for every action we take. And trying to do it alone is not the answer either. It often leads to feelings of isolation and depression. If we can step aside and put down our defenses, we’ll find there is plenty of help available and ways to raise healthy and happy kids.

What Can We Do Right Now?

• In an immediate crisis, call a counselor, pastor, or hotline (1-800-273-8255)
• Call a friend and/or meet for coffee or lunch--try it on a regular basis.
• Be open and share frustrations; brainstorm ideas.

Long-term Solutions

Try these groups that offer help for moms (click on link):

Parents Anonymous

Single and Parenting

Meet Up

Parents Without Partners

Treasured Children

We can see our children content and happy, but we must also take care of ourselves and seek to live a life of joy. We do this so we can be healthy enough to be there for our kids. By placing our faith and hope in the one true God, we can know we are His children. Just as we do with our children, we know He loves us dearly. He created moms and we are His favorites! We are never alone.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. 1 John 3:1 (NLT)