Five Tools to Put Out the Fire

Small sparks lead to big fires

No one would ever want their world to go up in dense, choking smoke with flames out of control. Yet, it happens to homeowners more often than we can imagine. Currently, in the drought-stricken Southwest, there are massive and multiple fires in California, Arizona, Colorado, and New Mexico. Fires do leave devastation in their paths with thousands and thousands of acreage damaged.  

It only takes one small spark to set off a fire that can destroy lives. Tragically, fires may start accidentally or on purpose through man-made carelessness. Other times it is the result of a lightning storm that spreads destruction for miles and miles all the while rain is badly needed.

Ironically, there are occasions when the fire begins inside us through the use of our tongues. It's true. With all we have experienced as single-again women struggling to get to this particular point in our lives, we may often lose control of the hurtful words that come out of our mouths before we can stop them.

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."
(Charles R. Swindoll)

Many women harbor anger inside especially now. It’s quite normal and part of the several stages of getting over a divorce including denial, depression, repairing the damage, and acceptance. Anger does not feel okay, but it is okay. Yes, we said it is okay. Remember, highly charged emotions like anger are part of us, however, that doesn't mean we should allow our highly charged days to destroy everything we have worked for nor to destroy others in our path. Who would that serve? Anger gets us nowhere fast. Of course, ignoring the anger and trying to "push" it down inside of us also doesn't work as it leads to more anger followed swiftly by depression. 

The key to moving past a firestorm is changing our "firefighting” response. Not all "fires" are the same. First responders will tell us when one method isn't working, then we try something better. 
   
5 Basic Tools to Put Out the Fire
We can’t expect every single day will be perfect just because we are on our own. We may have thought about, planned, and yearned for a new life like that when we were still married not knowing what to do about all the physical or psychological abuse displayed towards us or our children. Yes, we wanted a perfect life, but unfortunately, there is no such thing.

Healthy You

We need to find that “better method.” The one that will work for each one of us because we are all different and unique. No one method will bring every woman happiness. This we know: What works for one woman, won’t work for another. Therefore, we can suggest some starting points, but it will be up to you personally to put your own “spin” on things. Have fun with it! Be grateful that you are strong and courageous like never before!         

Try these “basic firefighting tools” and then add your own:

Community. Stay in touch with others. Isolation multiplies problems.
Goals. Concentrate on what you want to see happening in your life.
Change. Embrace something new: home, job, holidays, or hair-do.
Health. Now is the time to take control and beat that ____ (fill in).
Connection. Find a church home and discover who you are.

Love Like No Other

Never believe you are not valuable to God! He cares deeply for you as a woman. And He cares what happens to you, even now. Nothing can divert His attention from you. In fact, the Bible says that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate His love from you. Ever!     

God truly understands what we have gone through. Whether it was ten days ago, or ten years ago, He is right beside us holding our right hand in His! It's simply amazing how much He loves each one of us. Has anyone else ever literally died on a cross to save you from yourself? Jesus stretched out His arms and did just that!

"It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell" (James 3:5-6 The Message).

What Is Holding You Back Right Now?

Happy Colorful Balloons

When we were kids, many of us loved big colorful balloons, especially for our birthdays or other occasions. Some of us adults, still do because they simply make us happy just to look at them and their big bright colors. 

Of course, there are people that really dislike balloons of any kind. Maybe because balloons can be noisy if they POP! and surprise us. Or perhaps they have had a bad episode involving a balloon that reminds them of a scary or dangerous time in their past. Just the loud sound when they burst can trigger nervousness in us and make us jump. That's understandable.

There is a story of a little boy, named Karan, and his friends playing with their balloons each of a different color. They wanted to see whose balloon would fly the highest. Karan believed it had to do with the color of the balloon but his balloon never traveled the highest no matter what color he picked. 

"Karan asked the balloon seller, 'Tell me please, which balloon will go the highest in the sky? Is it the red, the yellow, the green or the blue one?'” The merchant explained it had nothing to do with the color but what it contained. To read the entire short story, click on the following link: Highest Balloon

How High?
What does that story have to do with us and our situation today? The author of the above story explains: "How high a person will rise in life depends not on his caste, colour or creed, but on his thoughts, confidence, values, and character."    

That is a great life lesson for us to remember. After all, we have been given another chance at life. It may not feel that way at this moment, but if we work at it, and don't give up, we will eventually see what lies ahead can be very good, indeed. We have an opportunity now to create momentum in our lives and change whatever we don't like.

Business Start-Up

There really is nothing we can't accomplish. But it takes determination and a clear head. How many times have you said, "I wish I could. . ." So, what is holding you back right now? 

Do you hate not having a college degree? There is no age limit on a college application. If that is too scary, start small at a community college. If that isn't what you want or it isn't important right now for you, that's okay. 

Do you want to start your own business? Look into how to do that the right way. Click on this link to learn more: Small Business  

Do you simply want to stay home with your kids? That's great, but don't hibernate; join a mom's group in your neighborhood or even online. Click on this link and be the best mom possible: Moms Are the Best

You Get the Idea! 
Once you start on this exciting track, you'll be amazed at what can happen. But don't forget to check in with your Teacher. He has the perfect plan for you. Find out what God wants you to do and ask for his guidance. He will never let you down, not ever. Just talk to him like a friend. You'll see!

"So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants" (Ephesians 5:15-17 MSG).

Can You See Your Own Footprints?

Writing it all down

Have you ever written an original article, essay, book, or poem you wanted to share with others? Then you likely researched how to copyright it and make it your own (or a publisher provided that service for you). That protection forever gave you solid proof and the rights to the written material. Not seeking copyright would put you at risk if anyone else claimed it as their own and not yours. It would become a lengthy court battle.

In 2008, John Marzulli of the New York Daily News reported a fascinating "3-Way Battle" over the rights to the famous poem, Footprints in the Sand. Eventually, it was established that the late Mary Stevenson of Long Island, New York, was the 1939 author although she never knew about needing to copyright anything (she was 14 years old at the time). 

"Stevenson's main proof of authorship is an early copy of the poem, penned on yellow notepaper that has allegedly passed a forensic examination," says Marzulli. The glitch here is that the other two women who claim ownership of the poem have each "copyrighted" their verses with slightly different versions. 

Hitting Rock Bottom

Like Stevenson's poem mentions, you also may feel as if God has left you on your own to figure things out and that can be a lonely place. Your previous marriage or relationship hit rock bottom way too soon. Now you are walking on a sandy white beach with no one to help guide and direct you. One set of footprints. 

How many footprints?

But wait! If you read the last line of the poem (click on the link in the above paragraph), you see the Lord has always been there with you throughout the entire relationship and even now that you are a single-again woman. He has promised you this and He will never ever go back on His Word! 

Maybe it never occurred to you, or it was just too difficult amidst all the chaos in your life at the time, to reach out and ask for the Lord's presence, protection, and provision. If you have never done that, it can literally be a life-changing decision and one you will never regret. 

Don't wait to experience the best of the best life you could ever imagine. Many people hesitate not believing it's possible to have something so much better than they have ever had in the past. Or they try something else in its place--sometimes for years and years--but the empty hole inside of your heart will not disappear like magic. God wants to completely fill it with His L-O-V-E!! 

The Simple Truth

This isn't a bunch of whoo-ha! It's the simplest truth in the world. And that is the problem. Too many people think that accepting the Lord Jesus into their lives is just way too simple. Why? Because all it takes is you asking Him directly in your own words. 

Right where you are, right now, you can start by telling Him about how your life has become a mess and that you want to change it all with His help. You want to fill that God-hole with His love. Isn't that true? Just let Him know you believe anything is possible with Him writing the poem. He knows. He gets you! 

It's as simple as that, dear friend. 

"So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love" 2 Peter 1:5-7 (MSG).

Do You Have a Degree in Faith?

Graduation Cap

Many people this time of year have just celebrated graduation. Whether you were the one who threw the cap in the air or were the proudest parent, grandparent, or friend of a graduate, excitement filled your heart for what the future holds! The diploma or degree you now hold in your hands means you can start your future on a solid foundation as you go forward. 

What were you doing in the summer at age ten? Maybe jumping rope was your favorite thing to do. Or skateboarding on the hills of your neighborhood trying not to break an ankle. Building the next biggest dollhouse with Legos was the envy of all your friends. Or do you remember how to play jacks and ball?

Whatever it was, most of us at age ten were not busy packing our suitcases getting ready for college! Kathleen Holtz entered California State at age ten and then continued to law school at UCLA when she was 15! Passing one of the most difficult bar exams in the country, Kathleen became the youngest California lawyer at age 18. Wow! Talk about a role model.

Favorite Activity
You too may have great hopes of what to do with your life now that you are on your own. A temporary summer job or internship may just be the starting point for re-creating your new life. Most likely, you have skills that are dormant and have never been used. You may even have a degree but have never been employed. These valuable talents and gifts were given to you by God and can now be put to good use. Have you ever:

·         Organized a group of parents to raise school funds?

·         Opened your home to preschool kids while their moms worked?

·         Cooked and catered an event? 

·         Used a computer for data entry?

·         Walked all the neighborhood dogs?

The list goes on and on, but now you can use all that volunteering experience to earn money! What’s your favorite activity—one you would do even if you didn’t get paid? That is most likely your main talent. Search for a job in that field and begin there. Don’t just settle for the first thing that comes along. Find a position you really enjoy and build your life inch by inch. Friendly advice: don’t waste your life in a job you don’t like. Go after what you love!

Do you think you are too old for something new? Don’t tell that to Mozelle Richardson who placed in the Guinness Book of World Records (2004) for earning her Journalism degree at age 90 from the University of Oklahoma. She completed her ninth book at age 94. Today Richardson is 104 and continues to write!

Richardson could easily become friends with Nola Ochs who broke Richardson’s Guinness Record in 2007 by graduating from Fort Hays State University, KS, at age 95! She says, “I don’t dwell on my age. It might limit what I can do. As long as I have my mind and health, it’s just a number.”

Faithful Sign

The F Word
No! No! No! It’s not what you think. We are talking about what got these brilliant women, young and not-so-young, to a point of never giving up on life. We don’t know their circumstances for sure, but maybe their lives were wonderful and tied up with a pretty pink bow. But then again, maybe they had so many serious challenges that they were determined to make the best of what they had in their hands and change their expected paths.

These amazing people most probably were close friends with the F Word: F-a-i-t-h. The simple fact is no one can get anywhere without it even though it may not be apparent, or it is ignored. Why faith, you ask? Because as humans we have brains and therefore, we can argue or reason, but we cannot exist without believing in something or someone otherwise we would be classified as a machine (think computers—lots of information but no brain). Have fun researching this subject because this author is not a scientist!   

We’ve all been there. When we put our trust (i.e., faith) in things of this world such as more and more money, possessions, promotions, and immoral pleasures (just to name a few), we can’t expect it will last forever. It may seem like it does at first, but eventually, money disappears faster than you can count it, cars break down and turn to rust, homes deteriorate, and most things disappoint. But true faith is just the opposite.  

Your Graduation Gift

Faith isn’t anything you can see. It’s a promise, trust, truth, and knowledge of your God and Creator who gives you everything you need to move forward. Faith is special because it is individually designed just for you and will be different than the woman next to you. This “graduation” gift from God will drive you straight to His best plan and purpose for your life. No fear. No guessing. When will you open your special love gift?

“It’s impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him” (Hebrews 11:6 The Message).

Will You Allow Your Heart to Dance?

Celebrate Your Life!

Happy 4th of July! Six months into the year already and we are anxious to celebrate our country's 243rd birthday, July 4th, 1776--the day when the Declaration of Independence was adopted by Congress and still stands today!  

No, we are not going to have a history lesson here today. We are simply saying that the celebration of America is more than just sparklers and fireworks (although those are lots of fun!). Instead, we want to point out that our lives can be a celebration too-- every day. 

Now that you are out on your own and living as a single-again woman, what would you say is your greatest feeling of all? Would it be the peace you now enjoy? Would it be relief from all the chaos and verbal and physical abuse? How about freedom? All of these and more are a reason to celebrate and fill your heart with unexplainable joy.

Your Own Independence Day

If your life doesn't exactly feel that way (yet), it's okay! You may still be mourning for a life left behind even though that life wasn't what you imagined it should be way back when. Now, think about this: all that freedom we talked about in the above paragraph can be scary and may be the reason that keeps you from moving forward.   

You have many difficult choices right now so it may seem easier to just turn back and grab for something that is no longer there, which only causes confusion and emptiness. But when you look at your own Independence Day and determine to move through the open doorway, you'll see the possibilities for your best life on the other side. And your heart will dance and sing! 

Get Out Your Bicycle

The momentum that escorts you through that door is exciting. It’s like riding a bicycle for the first time in many, many years. You won’t have time to look back but only to view the passing scenery. There are so many things to do, places to go, and plans to make that your days will fly by! Surely you have had ideas running around in your head for years that you are now free to make happen.

“You can not change the wind, but you can adjust your sails!” (Sue Ingebretson a Holistic Health Practitioner at Rebuilding Wellness).

The quote is a favorite of this blogger because it displays an attitude of never giving up. If one thing doesn’t work in your life, try another way. If going in one direction is frustrating, choose a friendlier path. Don’t allow anything to get in your way. You know what you want. Go after it. Today!

Anything Missing?

Congratulations! You are on your way! Planning, experimenting, and seeking wise counsel are all part of this new way to rebuild your life. You may even want to find other women who are traveling in the same direction. In fact, it is advisable to do so. They may be struggling at the beginning or learning to navigate in the middle or have nearly reached the finish line. So, someone will be able to come alongside you to help.

Strong triple cords

The Bible says, “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).

So, if you sense something missing while planning your adventure, it may just be a lack of support from others. Don’t keep your new marital status a secret fearing other women will gossip about you. If your attitude is new, fresh, and hopeful, others can’t help but see an improvement in you.

"A miserable heart means a miserable life; a cheerful heart fills the day with song" (Proverbs 15:15 Msg).