How Can We Break Hostility?

Striving for harmony

Family relations are all important to each of us. That is because our family is permanent and we will forever be part of them. But these connections are not the same for everyone. We may treasure all the time we can get with family members and stay as close as possible with them. Living in close proximity to each other--so we can enjoy fun activities and outings together--is attractive to many of us.

But this closeness is not always the case with others. Family relations may be strained and lack affection and love. They don’t contain ingredients of harmony and peace. In fact, in some situations, two or more parties within a family may even be exhibiting hostility for various reasons.

Get the Snow Shovel

It’s difficult to determine what brings discord among family or friends. Usually, one particular event involving the other person has set off the cycle of irritation and frustration, that then “snowballs” into a monster of a storm. Just as snow is beautiful as it is falling, it can become a hazard quickly if the accumulation is not kept from piling up. Eventually, someone has to be willing to shovel it away.   

If we stop and think about the relational fallout, we can see that it required two to keep the anger going back and forth. And it requires two to come to an agreement. An unwillingness on either side to forgive the other will result in, perhaps, a lifelong break that will affect all others they each come in contact with during their lives.

Excellence in Friendships

Reconciling with a family member or developing a relationship with a new friend is motivated solely by love. Without that one element, all other characteristics we claim to have, such as peace, patience, joy, kindness and goodness among others, lack honesty and authenticity.

Since we are humans, obviously, we will not always like what others do or say. This is where patience comes into play. We will be called on to be kind and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. It requires listening with both ears to their side of an issue; to put ourselves into their shoes. All of this is part of love. So we can see, without extending love, there is no receiving love!

Can we really afford to throw out all the love we can get along with the trash? Let’s not even talk about the other person here. Let’s see what happens to ourselves when we casually discard what God intended for us.

Most of us have heard the beautiful Biblical verses from 1 Corinthians 13 normally used at weddings (but they speak to any type of relationship including family and friends) that begin, “Love is patient, love is kind… .” But many of us don’t ever remember what that passage says about the results of choosing not to love another. It might help us to place these reminders on our walls:

Without Love. . .

• 

  Make your life like beautiful music

  We sound like resounding gongs or clanging cymbals.
• We are nothing.
• We gain nothing.
• Envy, boasting, and pride will grow in us.
• Rudeness and selfishness will be a part of us.
• We will display anger and keep a record of wrongs.
• We will ignore the truth.
• We have no protection, trust, hope, or perseverance.
• We are imperfect.
• We are childish.

Renewed Momentum. . .

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love! 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. Proverbs 18:24 (The Message)