Cake with Icing Please

Red Velvet with Icing!

One of the most treasured gifts is peace. It is also the most difficult to find. Peace is spoken about in church services, negotiated during wars, displayed in store windows at Christmas, and printed on gift cards and wrapping paper. 

It is a freedom most of the world wants and will strive to get. But peace should not just be enjoyed at certain times of the year and then stored on a shelf with the rest of the ornaments. It is important to our well-being and happiness all during the year as it continually exhibits the quality of life so many have missed.

Where exactly is peace found?

All women who truly want peace have to work hard at creating it in their lives because it does not just suddenly appear. We need to learn new skills and behaviors that lead to a more harmonious life. Single-again women [widowed, divorced, single moms] may find gaining peace a little bit more challenging now on our own, but it can be done, if we don't give up! 

Remember, the rewards are worth the effort. Calm and tranquility can become part of our new lives if we are willing to try some practical ways to start building the best possible life right now. Ready? Set. Go!

• It's important to take one positive step at a time. Rushing through this period in our lives will only create a shaky foundation. Start with whatever is most important right at this moment. A new job? A better place to live? Finding new friends? 
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• Take the time to find the positives every day. Making the perfect cup of coffee, planting a yellow rose bush, finding a new book to read (try your local thrift store for a great bargain). Every tiny victory counts! Be determined to go forward, not backward. 
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• No fantasies! They aren't real and will only swallow us in frustration. If living in a large mansion isn't part of the budget right now, we can find something just as beautiful that we can be proud of calling our home. Simple is good. Hint: it's trendy to go "minimalist" in the decorating arena. And if $350 for a pair of jeans with designer “holes” or fake “mud” sounds expensive, do not even look at brand names selling for $1,200 and up (it is true; we’re not making this up)! Be proud to shop the "sale" racks (or better yet, discount stores) for clothes and end up with money in those fancy pockets.

The Icing on the Cake: Patience

None of the above tips will work without Patience as a companion. Take a breath and remember these two truths:

Challenges - we don’t develop as a woman if all we have is a perfect and easy life. We only grow and mature through the "ugly stuff" in our lives and how we handle them. Even in nature, things happen for a reason. Take roses, for instance, (nearly all of them) have thorns that are difficult to remove. There is a reason. The thorns protect them from natural enemies like insects and animals! We can find a purpose for the “thorns” we have if only we show a little tenacity and patience.

Attitudes - how we react and treat others with love and patience will amaze them. The world expects us to react with anger and rudeness when things don’t go our way. The waitress is too slow. The insurance company won’t pay our claim. We got our pink slip this week. Someone cuts us off in line. Shock the world! Let’s break the mold and be willing to display the kind and loving women we were meant to be. It's contagious!

Tip of the Day 

Know that true and lasting peace only comes from God. His intervention in our lives will make everything right in our world. Without Him, difficulties will continue to pile onto each other and we will get lost again. He's there. He has the answers. Let’s not leave him out of our plans, but instead invite him in.

“If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days. . .Search for peace, and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT). 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28 NLT).

Your Best Day

Don't get caught! Keep the momentum going!

Time speeds through our days like river rapids running through a canyon. If we aren't watching the clock, we look up and it’s nearly bedtime, and we haven’t completed all the chores and errands we wanted to get done. Sound familiar? This passage of time happens every single day; we probably know the clock does not stop for anyone. Ever.

Decades have passed for many of us, so what will we do with our lives now? How can we plan to do it differently--to make it better? We have the chance to use the same twenty-four hours in the day as anyone else. It’s tempting to just allow our lives to waste away as some people do. 

But then we would have to deal with the pain, hurt, and confusion of not recognizing the freedom we have been given. Moving forward is an individual decision we each make when the time is right. The challenge is not easy, but it is necessary if we want to survive joyfully in this world. And, yes, we definitely can!

We might ask ourselves just a few questions to get the momentum going. Grab a journal and write these ideas down to think (and dream) about later if that's easier right now:

• What specifically do we want to happen in the next month? Next year?
• What "tools" do we need to get there?
• Do we need to team up with someone who can help?

Right Brain Creativity

The above ideas are just examples. Thankfully, everyone is different, special, and unique. We can each find our own best pathway. Maybe we are naturals at math and could become excellent accountants. If the arts are our thing, perhaps a position at a gallery or museum would make us bloom! 

Maybe we simply want to finish the quilt we started for our daughter or granddaughter. This could also lead to teaching a class in quilting. How many more can you think of? There are endless opportunities.

Some of these women might encourage us:

• Laura Ingalls Wilder published the Little House series at age sixty-four and continued writing until she was seventy-six years old.
• “Grandma Moses,” at age seventy-six, began painting folk art. She continued until she was 101 years old, producing over 1,000 works!
• Susan Boyle began singing professionally for the first time at age forty-eight, winning Britain’s Got Talent show in 2009. She has continued breaking global record sales.

These women are not the exception. They are the ones who never gave up on their dreams! They were not content to come to the end of their lives without demonstrating their purpose and leaving a legacy. There are many like them.

Tip of the Day

Our natural talents and gifts come directly from God, who created us. He created everyone and everything. He created the entire universe! God has a special purpose for each one of us and wants to see us use our gifts. Let’s not sit back while another year speeds by before discovering what possibilities he has in mind for us.

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

 

What Have We Learned?

Hint: Grab the book with ribbons!

It’s a painful experience to suffer ridicule in our lives (remember Charlie Brown from the comic strip, Peanuts?), no matter how many candles are on the cake this year. Someone intentionally making fun of us, especially cruelly or harshly, catches us off guard. It’s like mistakenly hitting our finger with a hammer. Ouch! The pain is sudden and unexpected. 

There are endless ways people exhibit their brand of hurting others; sometimes it is subtle, and at other times, it’s obvious and offensive. We’ve all had to endure this psychological abuse in our lives if we were ever in a relationship that was going nowhere. We struggled, not knowing at the time what to do about it. Now, we are relieved to finally find ourselves in a better place.

We can pause now and ask ourselves, “What have we learned?” In many cases, inappropriate words--verbal abuse--were forced on us day after day. Maybe we never responded out of fear of making the situation worse. Or perhaps we did react with anger of our own, and that, of course, solved nothing. 

We, of all people (single-again), understand the striking power of words. We now have a decision to make. Are we going to continue this pattern or change it? Like the invalid person in the Bible who was asked by Jesus, Do you want to get well? [emphasis mine] (John 5:6 NIV). Do we want peace in our lives? The truth is, we have the power to change our attitudes, and this is where transformation begins. 

No one willingly wants to take part in repeating such disturbing verbal abuse or physical attack. Only if we have an open mind and a softened heart will we learn from our past. Reversing emotional abuse and improving our outlook is good for our souls and our futures. We are not saying it is easy to make a change. Just that it is important if we want to restore our health. 

There really are no quick or easy answers. Humans have not successfully eliminated the temptation of keeping our mouths quiet for long. We are fascinated with talking and hearing our own voices. We envision ourselves as charming and those who others hang on our every word. We might just have these gifts, but still wrestle with finding the proper way to use them. It takes much practice and possibly using invisible packaging tape over our mouths!

Tip of the Day 

The best solution available is found in the Bible--God’s perfect way to use His Word to communicate with us. If we can admit we are serious about changing past patterns, check these four references and the corresponding subjects:

• Ephesians 4:31-32 - bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slander
• Proverbs 20:19 - gossiping
• 2 Corinthians 12:20 - quarreling, jealousy, arrogance
• Proverbs 16:28 - being a troublemaker, strife

In the Peanuts comic strip, some say Lucy was the most “mouthy” one. Maybe we should all just claim Snoopy and Woodstock as our best friends–they had thoughts but no “language” to utter!

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry" (James 1:19 NLT).

Fill a Canyon with Courage

The Grand Canyon is waiting for you!

No matter what stage of life we are in, we need excellent role models and mentors. It’s always good to keep an eye on how other women are improving, encouraging, developing, and growing. Stop and think, who would we pick as the one female (non-relative) who has had the most influence in our lives? It might be the life and accomplishments of someone we learned about in our studies, such as:

• Eleanor Roosevelt used her influential voice as First Lady to speak on the injustice of certain social matters. She was also a strong supporter of African-American rights, even in the 1940s. Eleanor was never elected to office but is still often quoted today as a social reformer.
• Marie Curie was a scientist and the first woman to win a Nobel Prize. She was the only person to be awarded Nobel Prizes in two different science fields! Marie was the first female professor at Sorbonne University in Paris, France. If you think she had nothing else to do, she also refined X-ray imaging. Think about her when you have your next mammogram!

Our own personal female influencer may be a living person. One that we admire for her tenacity and determination amid all the trials and tribulations poured on her like a torrential downpour. Anyone who has ever experienced extreme anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, or even just a day that went from bad to worse would never forget the horrifying story of Joni Eareckson Tada. It will push your doubts and fears to a new level. 

In 1967, when she was just seventeen years old, Joni became a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the shoulders down during a diving accident. We may or may not be able to imagine the many months, even years, of heart-wrenching discouragement and pain--both physical and emotional-- she endured in rehabilitation. 

Did she ever give up? Sure. At first, Joni did just that; she wanted to end it all right there. But she found her strength in her God, who held her up when she didn’t think she could go on, and He gave her the courage to face another day. Within just a few years, Joni learned to paint with a brush between her teeth! With that same method, so far, she has written more than fifty books, including the best-selling Joni, the story of her life. 

Joni has recorded several musical albums, starred in a movie about her life, and is an advocate for the disabled. Was that the conclusion of a “happy-ever-after” story? No, not by any means. In 2010, Joni was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy and chemotherapy. Her courage could fill the Grand Canyon!

Maybe our hero is not famous. Maybe she is the teacher who stayed late time after time just to help us learn the piano. Now we play in concert halls. A coach who showed us a better way to ice skate so we could get into the Olympics. A local businesswoman trained us on how to open our own business. Or the optimistic friend who helped move us to a new home with no questions asked. We all have someone we look up to and want to take lessons from when the next pothole blocks the road.

Because of these women and their accomplishments, we might ask ourselves, What have I done with my days? Instead of living in a state of depression and discouragement, we can review and gain momentum from the lives of women we admire. Autobiographies and biographies fill shelves upon shelves in our libraries, waiting for us to learn from fearless women. We can then begin picking our chins off the floor, packing our bags full of bold-spiritedness, tenacity, and grit, and start something new!

Tip of the Day

It isn’t easy to move on by ourselves. We need only look to our heavenly Father to help us find a place of love and encouragement. He is on our side and already knows our hurts, problems, and challenges. God just wants to hear us ask for His help, as He never wants to force His love on us.

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" (Isaiah 41:10 NLT).

Yes You Can

It's been an extremely hectic 30 days. Have you ever felt that way? Bet you have!

I'm working on trying to "restore" balance to my life right now and will take a two week break. 

So, meantime, I leave you with this tid-bit to think about that I just read:

"Your life will run more smoothly if you simplify." Hmmm. 

I'll be back soon. I promise!

Tangible Dreams

Time Doesn't Stand Still

How do we find enough hours to get anything done in our ultra-busy, keyboard world? Are we ever satisfied with life and its imperfections? Some of us grew up under a firm hand that required perfection as if it were a prerequisite for Life 101! These daily headaches not only made us stressed, but they also taught us to expect the world, our world, to never fall under a human mistake of any kind, creating a cracked sense of rigidness. 

Later in life, we may have even lived with a spouse who expected the same hypercritical pattern in his wife. All of this craziness produced deep regret and turned us into stressed-out women.

That was then, and this is now. We’ve been given a chance to make all things new. Our lives may still feel like a whirlwind, but feelings can't be trusted. They change from moment to moment, day to day. One day, we “feel” like the blue dress in our closet is perfect for us. The next day, we hate everything about it. We bought a set of new dishes because we were excited about the floral pattern. The next week, the pattern clashed with everything in our kitchen. We “feel” like our neighbor hates us, the next moment, she is our “best” friend. 

What doesn’t change is that we are smart women (we still have the same brain we were born with ) who have been through enough now to know what we do and do not want and deserve. We may not know quite how to get it just yet, but we have ideas running around in our heads.

All of this talk will do nothing unless we try and apply what we have learned. So, let’s get more practical:

• Sit down and start a notebook. Yes, the “old-school” spiral kind--it’s anti-lethargic and a way to get the momentum going. Get all those what-do-I-do-now thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. Every time we think of something that could make life better, write it down, no matter how silly. They will become real ambitions, something we hope to do or achieve. In the process of letting things out that are weighing on our brains, the strain and pressure we’ve been experiencing will stop giving us headaches.
• Get some colorful dividers and label different categories that are important for the future. Examples: Dreams, Designs, and Drawings. Keep it simple, one tab for each. Plans, Patterns, and Projects. Keep going. Have fun with it! Everyone will have widely different subjects, and we can add to it at any time. Whatever matters should have a tab.
• A visual person can cut out photos from magazines and paste them into a notebook. It is like a Pinterest page but in real time! Try not to just rely on the internet. Make it personal and private. A tactile person can draw, paint, color, or have fun with mixed-media pages incorporating fabrics and found objects. By the way, if there are still children at home, show them how to start their own “Dream Notebook.” It’s never too early to get excited!

Now we are on a roll. As this project develops, we will have tangible proof of our dreams and wishes for a better life. It will all make sense, but don’t get overwhelmed by trying to do everything all at once. That would be the perfect ingredient for disaster. Let the ideas in this notebook be a reminder to stay on track until each goal is met one by one. Yes, smart women can make this happen!

Tip of the Day

The best news is that God is on our side. He did not cause us to be so weary and worried. He has a lot to say about how to achieve a life that makes a difference, and living with discontentment is not one of his blessings. 

Making ourselves frantic if the pillowcases don’t get white enough in the laundry will rob us of joy. This is why it is so important to get in touch with God daily. First thing in the morning, while the coffee, tea, or hot chocolate brews, is the perfect time to ask what plans God has for us today. He has the perfect answer!

“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. ‘Anything is possible if a person believes’” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).

Wiser by the Moment

Where is my phone?

There are days when life travels so fast we rarely make the time to turn our heads for a moment to see where we came from and where we are going. We may hold down a job or work from home, but hours fly faster than we can catch up. And don’t think retired women spend all their time rocking in a chair either. Their lives are just as busy as when they were employed; it’s just the scenery has changed.

One common culprit is the cell phone. With 7.2 billion smartphones worldwide, we can see why. Bet you could guess China is the #1 with 975 million smartphone users. The U.S. is #3 with only 276 million users. Ha! Got you! [Source: explodingtopics.com]

Every now and then, though, it’s a good idea to unplug, slow down, look back, and perform a friendly evaluation of where we have landed. We can build what is called “margin” in our lives by creating specific times of peace and quiet. Really. 

Just get in the habit of turning off all the technology screens (phone, TV, computer, etc) at a certain time each evening. This way, we “power down” our busy day, and our minds begin to relax and get ready to sleep. We can use this time to read (not on a screen, though!), journal, or just listen to quiet music. It is simply amazing how well this works, especially for those of us who deal with excess stress, sleep disorders, or physical limitations. Everyone needs a nightly relaxation period to train the brain to wind down and stop.

If we don’t want a repeat of our past, it’s to our advantage to mentally retrace how far we have traveled and what we have accomplished. There are two ways to compare how we are doing: what didn’t work before and what is working now.

Wide-Eyed Wishing: What Didn’t Work

Many of us were perhaps too young when we married the first time. We didn’t take the time to fully know the one we quickly said, “I do!” to, nor did we even know ourselves yet. We sat down and made a plan to walk down the aisle, but not much more. There was no lifelong plan involving shared responsibilities, decisions, and growth that included both of us. 

Did we talk about how important continuing education was to us, when, how, or if we would start a family, and who would handle the finances? Did we observe his reactions to family get-togethers, holidays, and special occasions? Did we make decisions about careers together? How did he treat not only us but other women in general? And most importantly, did we discuss how our faith, or lack of it, would affect each other? 

The list goes on and on, but were we even aware that we should evaluate those basic life questions before buying the wedding dress? At such a young age, we perhaps lacked the experience needed to deal with and avoid repeated scenes that could cause us damage and destruction. Frankly, we had no idea what we were doing. And because of our innocence, we lost ourselves in a forest of nothingness. We lived a “half-life,” never developing our talents and abilities. Finally, we matured, gained insight, and found the strength we needed to make better decisions.

Wiser Women: What’s Working Now

Learning from past stumbles and falls, we have been able to dust ourselves off and choose better goals and habits, creating a more “fully-developed life.” Our hearts spill over with joy just knowing a whole new way to live is possible; enthusiasm goes a long way in getting us to this point. 

Sure, not every single day goes smoothly, no one said it would. We are human, after all, and this is real life. It gets hard sometimes for all of us living on our own. But we are not alone in this truth when we have each other to lean on. The key is how we respond to all the messiness. 

We each have to decide what that looks like for our own lives, not for our friend’s life, not for our sister’s, mother’s, or aunt’s life, but what positive thing we can do when life gets us down. It’s all about making a wise choice. With all the confidence we now have (and it will increase every day with practice), we know we can survive at least the next twenty-four hours!

Tip of the Day

We need a Guidebook to help us through life. Wiser words have never been spoken than in the first nine chapters of the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. We can use those as an indicator to weigh how our lives are going.

If we haven't quite reached the point where we want our lives to be, studying and meditating on these nurturing words of God will make it very clear what we need to do. Give it a try!

“Wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it” (Proverbs 8:11) NLT.