Can't Get There from Here

Not too late to plant currants!

Have you noticed? Summer arrived a little too soon this year, and the kids couldn't wait to jump in a pool somewhere! However, not everyone enjoys the heat of summer days, sweating through the humidity and hoping our hair won’t wilt, slathering on suntan lotion with an SPF higher than the outside temperature, and slapping away pesky flying and crawling critters! And now, the “dog days” of summer are nearly over. 

When we think about what's next, many people have no reason to whine about the fall with all its fascinating colors and familiar smells. Falling leaves, pumpkin farms, corn mazes, great food, and harvest activities bring us right into the Christmas season. 

It takes a few of these seasons to figure out how to navigate brand-new traditions as single-again women. But let’s set aside the fluff talk for now; this is reality. One unvarnished truth to realize right away: there is life after we go our separate ways! Yet, time does not stand still for us, so at this point, we may ask, why is it, then, so hard? 

The key many of us forget is that this new life is not our old life (thankfully), nor should we expect it to be the same. It's just different, that's all. And, although scary at times, different can be enjoyable, beautiful, and delightful depending on how much effort we put into it. Think of all the times we’ve dreamed of doing things differently, but couldn’t for one reason or another. Now is our chance!

Hopefully, we are now anxious to start creating new memories. It’s all up to us. So let’s have a little fun. First, go to an office supply store and get a new, colorful twelve or sixteen-month calendar (hint: it's depressing to look at an old calendar!) Yes, we all know a digital calendar on our smartphone or tablet is convenient, but it can’t be compared to the uplifting benefits of a visual calendar. You’ll see.

Fill it not only with family birthdays and occasions but, more to the point, with all the new, fun things to do for the upcoming year. When does that college class in creative writing begin? When and where is the best ski trip with friends taking place? Who are you planning on visiting in the summer? What is the best time to plant roses? Plan as many enjoyable days as possible; those thirty or thirty-one little boxes need to come alive!

Perhaps the most important time to prepare for is the major holidays. Remember, being different is a good thing. Who says we have to keep all the old decorations around? Try donating it all to charity and start fresh. Go from all green and red (if that’s how it’s been for years) to gold and white, or all silver and woodsy. Move the furniture around and leave it permanently that way after the holidays. If none of this sounds fun, forget it all and go on a holiday cruise with another single friend to a tropical island (don’t forget to put it on your visual calendar). And smile!

Speaking of friends, this is the season of our lives that making new acquaintances is the best thing we can do for ourselves. No big commitment, just a way to be a friend to get a friend. Sitting in the house alone day after day will get us nowhere fast! Amazingly, it won’t be long before we find others with the same single lifestyle (and we are not talking about “singles clubs” either). We can begin to share ideas and similar activities and go to new places with others. One clue: avoid familiar places from the past. That’s just asking for trouble. 

There are just so many ways to create joy and peace in our lives throughout the year. We are powerful women with gifts, abilities, and talents. Using these to our greatest advantage will fill us with all the love we desire from others, for others, and ourselves.

Tip of the Day

Finally, be grateful for new beginnings. As time passes from year to year, we will be able to look around and see where we have been and where new adventures are bringing us. We never need to do this life alone, either. We have a Spiritual Helper--our Lord Jesus--that we can call on to give us all the support we will ever need!

“Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24 The Message).

Once a Mom, Always a Mom

Innocent, quiet for now! Enjoy!

Moms of toddlers, teens, and everything in between can chuckle and nod knowingly when we say, "It was so much easier when they were innocent, quiet babies!" But we know that was when we had some measure of control over our children. Now it's non-stop chatter, running, jumping, and wrestling with siblings. Where, oh where, do they get all that energy? we often question.

We celebrate moms because someone once said, “Once a mom, always a mom” which, of course, is so very true. [*Please note that we are including every mom who has given birth at some time in their lives. Even if the child is in the arms of Jesus right now or being raised by another family (for whatever reason), we recognize the heartfelt love of this birth mom.] 

We have spent sleepless nights with a crying baby, had to rush over to talk with the school principal about yet another incident, and waited up to all hours when our teen missed curfew. But we still love our children dearly and wouldn't exchange them, even if we could. Our primary responsibility as parents is to guide and direct our children's steps, which can become a problem in itself. 

Of course, this doesn't come without some struggles and difficulties. The steps and stages we go through with motherhood will forever be in our minds. Who does not have one or even two baby books to mark every occasion with a wisp of hair or the first tooth? Plenty of photos at birthday parties, holidays, and everyday outings at the playground. Eventually, though, this becomes increasingly difficult as we have a second, third, or fourth child (how many is that, you say?). 

How do some moms make it look so easy? Look is the keyword here. Certainly, I am not an expert on this subject, but I did raise two boys. One thing I know, it is advisable to search for what the experts say about parenting and to stay informed on the subject. Even just a quick search on the internet will yield so many resources that we would need several thumb drives to save them all into a digital library. Just be sure to verify credentials and save only reliable and well-known child experts, such as WebMD, Parents (they have an entire family of magazines), and Focus on the Family, to name but a few.

Raising healthy and well-adjusted children requires more than an ounce of gentleness, patience, and self-control on our part. No doubt about it, no matter their age! For example, when children live with a harsh or violent parent, they will likely learn to be harsh and violent to some degree. And the opposite is also true. Developing a kind and quiet nature ourselves will go far in modeling what we may want to see in our grown children someday. 

If we are simply looking for ways to improve our parenting skills (and who isn't?), the following four tips for maintaining sanity should get the ball rolling:

• Join a mom's group such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers at mops.org) 
• Best book in print is: Boundaries With Kids by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Raise children in a Christian home and church where they can grow, learn, and play
• Best Power Source: prayer, prayer, and more prayer for ourselves and our children! (Philippians 4:6a NLT).

Tip of the Day 

One of the best examples of love and kindness towards children was demonstrated by Jesus himself. True, He was not a mom! But because He is God, He is our heavenly Father. So He knows the feeling when we wonder about doing all we can for our child. He can be our very best Friend in our most important role. We can make sure to include Him in all our ways and days!

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.’ And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left” (Matthew 19:14-15 NLT).

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV).

TIME

TIME IS ALL WE HAVE!

SO DON'T FORGET TO TAKE BREAKS LIKE 

THIS BLOG IS TAKING THE REST OF 

THIS MONTH!

WE WILL BE BACK ON AUGUST 5TH!

Beautiful Reflections

Kaleidoscope: endless reflections 

When we were in high school or college, there were always some science teachers who had a way of making things especially interesting. God bless those teachers who continue to have that kind of passion! One time it was a lesson on reflective surfaces. What made that demonstration so interesting was creating a favorite type of toy: the kaleidoscope. 

Ordinary objects like beads, glass, and buttons, along with mirrors and angles, created beautiful pictures inside a tube when held up to the light. And none of the colorful designs were ever the same twice. Understandably, to this day, kaleidoscopes are popular for both kids and adults alike. The lack of duplication in the design is precisely how each one of us is made: individually awesome with unique characteristics.

However, there are specific times in our lives when we do not feel so wonderful or powerful. Certainly, living through a marital break-up or the loss of a spouse caused all sorts of unpleasant feelings to surface, sometimes all at once. We thought we were never going to feel good about ourselves again. 

Especially if it was a first marriage or a long marriage, we may have believed we just couldn’t make it on our own. We didn’t have enough of anything. Not enough know-how. Not enough money. Not enough looks, education, or a home. Not enough of the one hundred other things we could think up. Does this sound like anyone we know? 

That is how twisted our minds can get when we are under stress, can not think, and don’t even understand ourselves, never mind the other person. But it is of utmost importance to remember that we were created to be wonderful women and therefore, we still are wonderful, powerful, and enough in every way--no one can take that away from us!

Even if the person we lived with never appreciated our true beauty, talents, or gifts, who says we have to accept that lack of vision? We have a chance to shatter any distorted image of ourselves by recognizing:

• Our value is not dependent on another person. On this earth, only you can know you. With that kind of power, we can achieve more than we ever have before. We can go as far as we can imagine. Begin by enjoying just the next twenty-four hours. And then the next, and then. . .
• One person can never change another person. We can only change our response to that person. It is a difficult habit to break, but realizing how hard it is to simply correct our own imperfections leaves us no room to go when we try imposing our standards on others.
• Nothing and no one can ever make God turn His back on us. Not even ourselves. The good news is no matter what we have done or how we lived or didn’t live our past lives, He accepts us unconditionally with loving arms. He loves us. Period. We are His precious daughters!

Time to go out now and buy a kaleidoscope to celebrate our beautiful and powerful form! [p.s. that's the word that means beautiful form to see in Greek.] 

Tip of the Day

This is important to remember: No power in heaven or earth can cut us off from God's love. Once we ask the Lord into our hearts, He is there forever. He is there to guide us. He is there to protect us. He is there to provide for us. He is there. Always.

So now that we are settled into correct thinking and on our own, we can do our souls good by drawing near to God and preparing for heaven (our permanent home) while on earth. Nothing will give us more faith, hope, and confidence in knowing that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."

“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NLT).

Did You Lose Your Key?

Where will your key fit?

Nowhere does it say that just because a person attends college, she becomes wiser than anyone else. Certainly, higher education is an admirable goal and one that should seriously be considered, no matter what age we are! Hopefully, we are now anxious to choose or finish the better aspects of higher education. 

Sound like a plan? Before we realize it, four years can disappear faster than a hummingbird. It’s all about balance and choices that propel us in the right direction. A press release by CareerBuilder once stated in a title, “One-Third of College-Educated Workers Do Not Work in Occupations Related to Their College Major. Thirty-six Percent Wish They Majored in Something Different.” There's a hint to start a little research!

If we feel stuck finding our specific niche in life, then it may require some honest soul-searching. Fear, a major cause of procrastination, normally is the culprit that holds us back. But once we discover the key to our dreams, any amount of time spent on educating ourselves and then working in our chosen field is all joy. Try starting with these seven key questions:

• What particular activity can cause you to lose track of time?
• What books, magazines, or online articles do you find yourself reading?
• What do people compliment you on as “your gift?”
• Did your younger self have a dream that was never realized?
• If you have a degree, how could you now use it in a new field?
• If you are retired, how could you use your skills as a volunteer?
• If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with the rest of your life?

Tip of the Day

We don’t need to feel alone in this exciting adventure. We are not alone. Even before we were born, in our mother’s womb, God already had a perfect plan designed for each one of us. That’s His special niche! He’s been preparing us to jump in with all the courage and strength we can find. 

God is anxious to give us plenty of wisdom to see all our dreams come true, especially now that we are on our own. All we have to do is let Him know we are ready and willing to move ahead with Him in the driver’s seat. Get ready, Graduation Day is coming!

“But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you” (James 1:5 NCV).

Looking for the Price Tag

First task of the day creates "wisdom"! 

Just a bit of trivia today. In 2018, the "highest auction price in Sotheby's [world's largest broker of fine art] history" was for the sale of artist "Amedeo Modigliani's [painting] Nu Couche' for $157.2 million." [www.sothebys.com] 

Material objects can be passed down as an investment in a person’s will, but one thing remains a fact: no one can take possessions with them when they die. We came into the world with nothing, and we will leave with nothing. 

However, people have been buried with certain so-called “treasures” in their graves. John F. Kennedy collected scrimshaw (ivory engraved with pictures and designs) and one piece was placed in his coffin along with his gold cufflinks, among other things; Frank Sinatra was buried with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and a pack of Camel cigarettes; and Bob Marley had his red Gibson Les Paul guitar and a Bible placed with him when he died. [smithsonianmag.com] 

What's Going On?

Much, much more valuable to us during our lifetimes is gaining wisdom, or we can think of it as “becoming wise,” not an easy thing to do for any of us! Without it, we can exhibit a lack of common sense and become prone to all sorts of foolish activities destroying our lives in the process. [One of the best descriptions of wisdom is found in the Bible. See the book of Proverbs 2:1-15]

We can feel good, really good, that in literature, as well as the Bible (i.e., Proverbs 8:1-36), Wisdom is portrayed as a woman--”the one who instructs.” [Zondervan Handbook to the Bible, 1999, pg 395]. We sense you teachers out there already knew this, right?  

But how would we put a “price tag” on wisdom? Or could we? Yes, it is a valuable commodity that bolsters human nature and our relationships. But it is not a monetary matter. It can be said that once we have it, and know how to use it, we will always have it. So which could we say is more valuable, money or wisdom? 

There is nothing worth more than having a sense of wisdom. Without it, we have nothing else to fall back on and no one to trust. We have no foundation for goodness to grow, nowhere for truth to live. We can hold onto it, add to it, and take it with us wherever we go.

Tip of the Day

God knew from the beginning that we would need wisdom in our lives every single day. His generosity offers this priceless gift to us for the taking. It’s already inside of us, lying dormant. All we need to do is ask God daily to “turn the faucet on,” so wisdom will flow into us through His Holy Spirit (a special “Helper” being given to us). No need to bring your credit card--it costs nothing!

“Wisdom is more precious than rubies. Nothing you could want is equal to it” (Proverbs 8:11 NCV).

Time to Soak Up the Sunshine!

Sunshine waiting for you!

When we want to do something fun and exhilarating, housekeeping is probably the last thing we would think of doing. Of course, the “dust bunnies” regularly pile up on or under every surface in our home. The floors call out to us to give them a clean shine. Windows want to sparkle. Unfortunately, the cleaning must be done! 

One task–changing sheets on a bed--should be one of the easier weekly chores. Yet, for some reason, it can become a major struggle especially if we have to get behind a queen-sized bed surrounded by three walls in a tiny bedroom. Such an ordeal has the potential for a touchy anger issue to raise its ugly head. 

We allow ourselves to explode and overreact at even the smallest things that invade our lives. We reach out and grab a bottle of detergent with a loose cap to wash the next load of clothes and immediately drop and spill the sticky liquid contents all over the floor. Yikes! 

So what is going on? Sometimes, it is simple frustration or fear about our circumstances that turns a good day into an anxiety-filled boiling pot. Maybe we didn't get enough sleep last night. Or, perhaps, we don’t even have a consistent sleep schedule which then wreaks havoc with anything we are trying to get done. Everything we have to go through alone seems overwhelming. We have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one who can help us overcome all of our sticky problems. 

Yet, deep down inside, we know what we need the most. We need love (we are not speaking at this moment about sexual intimacy). We need someone to say "It is okay, let me do that for you." What a refreshing thought. We could at least take a deep breath and a needed break and call a friend for a short chat. She might need it just as much as we do. 

There are all forms of love to give and receive and they don’t always require an intimate partner. What we are alluding to here is the kind of deep relationships we crave with others--friends and family--that we can add into our lives. How?

Well, building friendships takes time and effort, so maybe we just have to face the fact, the sheets can wait until tomorrow. The dusting is for another day when we are calmer. Now is the time to step outside, soak up the sunshine (defeats depression by the way), and invite a friend for a cup of coffee/favorite treat.  

God created many, many beautiful things for us including aspen trees, snow-capped mountains, gentle ocean waves, evergreens, and fields of wheat swaying in the breeze. The list is so long, we could fill numerous volumes of gratitude journals. Go ahead and start one now!

We can literally grow into love. Think about that for a minute. Although we may not have an intimate, physical touch at this moment in our private lives, we can still seek appropriate love from others just by being involved and helping someone else to meet a need. 

We grow into that kind of love because love requires at least two people. Two friends. Two siblings. Two neighbors. Two starts the snowball rolling in our direction. Recently on a Sunday morning, someone at church said, “I became a Greeter because I need hugs.” Watch out! Love is rolling our way!

Tip of the Day 

Getting involved regularly with a local church, neighborhood school, hospital, or the many community organizations that seek volunteers will fill us with more love than we could ever imagine! It’s very difficult to stay angry or depressed with our life situations when love is given and received in this way. It was God’s simple plan from the very beginning: give love, get love. It does work!

“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14 NLT).