Getting Through the Struggle

The top is scary!

We usually experience quite a relief when we can move on with our lives to a new chapter after so much sadness, grief, and turmoil. It is like reaching the top of a scary roller coaster ride and then flying headlong down a steep peak! Not for the faint of heart.

No matter how we got to where we are right now as a single-again woman, we can celebrate that we made it through the struggle! Our strength and determination have led us into a far better environment where we can create something new. It is a wonderful feeling! 

The Struggle is Real 
Many of us have tried to survive as best we can and raise a family on the salary of a receptionist—not easy at all! Indra Nooyi, an Indian-American citizen did not let that stop her. After receiving schooling in India, she moved to New York with extraordinarily little money to continue her studies, all while working as a receptionist. Indra was finally admitted to Yale School of Management. It was difficult, but eventually, Indra received her master’s degree in Public and Private Management.

The key? Indra never gave up! And that determination soon found her as the CEO of PepsiCo where she served for twenty-four years. During her time there, sales grew eighty percent! In 2015 and 2017, Forbes listed her the second most powerful woman in business [Wikipedia]. Indra currently serves on the board of Amazon. No one can keep this woman down!

Find the key!

We, too, need to hang onto those days that we fought to claim as our own! Yet, still, remember we do not live in fantasy land. As long as we are alive, we will have struggles in this life. We all understand things do not always go perfectly as we planned. The difference is that now we know we have the will to make it through whatever troubles come our way. We might even say, we have a "Master's Degree" in Endurance.

In fact, we may still be working on getting settled into the best creative job for us, working on a degree, perhaps finding a new place to live, or searching for the most amazing childcare. And, of course, keeping in touch with encouraging friends and even developing new friendships. Those are all struggles to one degree or another, but ones that can be enjoyable if we allow that to happen.

An Inch Away

With that said, where can we turn on those days when we rather just run away? This solution may strike us as surprising, but the simple answer is "Stand still and stay calm." Take a breath. Take several slow, deep breaths. Most likely, we need a break before we burn out because fear always grabs hold of us when we are just an inch away from success!

Fear comes from our (spiritual) Enemy who wants nothing else but to destroy anything we are trying to create. So, we say we should stand still and stay calm because God has a plan for each and every one of us. He Himself will fight for us if we ask for His assistance. Then, we wait for God's direction for our next successful step and follow His lead.    
  

"The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm" (Exodus 14:14 NLT). 

What Language Do You Speak?

Writing you a Thank You!

Have you ever given a gift to someone and never heard a “Thank you” or heard back from them? It is sad when that happens. Perhaps the person was so overwhelmed with her/his busy days, she/he meant to offer thanks but never got around to it. And then it was forgotten.

We can probably understand and even relate to this cause because we ourselves may have fallen into this kind of scenario. When it occurs over and over with the same person, however, it can easily be attributed to bad manners. Or manners that were never taught as a child.

The Finer Points in Life

“A lady worked as a janitor in a company for many years. Now being a janitor is a pretty thankless job, which many of us might consider as a "dirty" job or at least pretty far down the totem pole. In other words, probably not a whole lot of fun.

“It happened the company changed owners. Within a few days, the new owner wrote a personal thank you card to every employee in the company. He had his assistant go around and hand them out.

“When this lady received and opened her card, she burst into tears. She asked if she could be excused from work. Thinking she was sick, she was allowed to leave for the rest of the day.

“They found out a few days later she had never received even a verbal thank you from the previous owners and management, much less a personal card. And she had worked there for 20 or 30 years! 

"So she was pretty touched when the new owner sent her a card of appreciation. She had been thinking the change of ownership was probably a good time to quit. She was planning to let them know that very day. 

"Which she didn't. Because the little time, the little effort of the owner to send a little business thank you card, helped the lady change her mind." 

(thank-your-stars.com)

We ARE the Difference!
As we can see by the story above, even the smallest act of thankfulness makes a huge difference in a person’s life. And for the most part, it does not cost anything to give it to someone. It only takes a little effort on our part! How do we know what kind of day the person is having? We don’t. So just maybe a word or card of thankfulness is all she needs to make the day bearable.  

In 1992, the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman was a big hit and still is. One of the “languages” he wrote about, affirmation is simply an expression we can offer to another person showing how much we appreciate them. And it can really make a difference.

Right now, during this health pandemic, there are so many first responders, nurses, doctors, food/grocery handlers, EMTs, ambulance drivers, transportation drivers, etc., etc. that could use our word of appreciation. We can all be aware of what an effort they are putting forth to help us--they deserve a huge “thank you!” Do not just ignore their dedication. Get creative and find a way to affirm them.

Each Moment of Our Lives

Our heavenly Father (God) has given us individually and collectively so many great gifts we cannot even count them all. He loves us, provides for us, watches over us, and protects us without us even knowing at times. He is there with us through each moment of our lives—good or bad. How have we thanked Him? How often? Even more than anyone else, He deserves our gratitude.

It is not difficult to talk to God. There is no need for complicated or memorized prayers. We just open our mouths and start talking as if we are talking to our best friend. He IS our Best Friend! He already knows us intimately because He created us in our mother’s womb. Just try it soon. He is waiting for that “Thank you!”

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT).

Life is Sweeter at the Top

No one to play with!

In this unexpected health struggle in the world right now, most of us have noticed a sharp decline in personal activity. We are staying at home with very few exceptions to go out. We are cooking a lot more. And maybe watching more TV. None of these activities offer us much benefit. However, after a few weeks of all that, some other things in our lives have increased for the better.

Maybe some of us are walking or hiking more around the neighborhood which is increasing the well-being of our bodies. Phone calls to or from friends we haven’t spoken to in a while is a welcome connection. Getting some projects done around the house that were put off way too long are suddenly calling us.

Still, life has gotten slightly boring overall. There is only so much housecleaning we can do! Now we can understand children in the summer when they complain to their moms, “I’m bored!” Kids have shown us that when we are truly bored, we tend to get ourselves into trouble. 

Mountain Climbing is Exhilarating

Apparently, we have fallen into a deep valley of boredom. It’s a herculean challenge to climb out and join the rest of the world. It seems impossible. We feel stuck as if we are struggling in quicksand, and nothing is working for us the way it should. Ever been there? If we are not careful, this valley can turn into depression.

The valley represents our “low altitude point” and it can become dangerous as it drags us down with nowhere to go. Our single-again lives may feel like this valley. Our days are consumed with boredom, no purpose, and inertia. Is this what we expected our lives would be like once we mustered up the courage to step out on our own? Hopefully not!

A Long Climb

We would much rather live on our “mountaintop”—our high point--and stay there forever claiming victory over everything that is wrong in our lives. But here is a nugget of truth: No one starts out on a mountaintop. We all begin in a valley!   

Arlene Blum has had a full life. She is an American mountaineer, writer, and environmental health scientist. Blum is best known for organizing and leading an eleven-woman ascent of the tenth highest mountain in the world, Annapurna in Nepal (China) which, until then, had been climbed by only eight people (all men). She did the same thing at Denali near Anchorage, Alaska, and Mount Everest in Nepal [Wikipedia]. Blum started out at the bottom in a valley.

Lydia Pounamu Bradey is a New Zealand mountaineer. She became the first woman to summit Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen. She has gone on to summit the mountain five more times. [Wikipedia]. Bradey started out at the bottom in a valley.

Life is Sweeter Up Here

We all start out in a valley. Without the “valleys” in our life (grief, heartache, trials, troubles, and tribulations), we have no “mountaintop” to climb, and nothing to look forward to (victory, passion, possibilities, and purpose). Finding the mountaintop makes life so much sweeter. How uninteresting and boring would our lives become if we only had flat land without any curves and twists and turns to keep the excitement going? This is basically the reason people love to take road trips—to conquer boredom and have an incentive to get out of bed!

Victory is sweet!

So, what can we do to start our next climb and taste the victory? Now that we are single-again, we can stop ignoring all the things we’ve wanted to do but couldn’t for one reason or another. We all have passions hidden away in our hearts and minds. “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that” is a favorite verse from Galatians 6:4 (The Message). We start by finding our passion.

What is possible? These are things that might be an answer to our search, but we need to try them out first. There’s nothing wrong with trying. We are sure the two women mountaineers had many “tries” before finally reaching their mountaintop. Jesus once said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible” (Matthew 19:26b NLT). Great advice!

Once we work through those two steps (and they may take some time but that’s okay), we reach our true purpose. And, of course, this is different for each one of us because we were created as unique human beings. No one is like us. And we should never try becoming someone else. God delighted in creating us just the way we are. When we arrive at our purpose, we’ll know it, if we don't give up!

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

Spring and Easter in One Basket

Lambs know the story!

Along with Spring, comes the celebration of Easter. Children, especially, look forward to it with giggles and happiness. Bunnies and chicks start multiplying! Many of us like to decorate our homes with bouquets and lawn signs that read, “Life is beautiful!” And there is nothing wrong with any of this. . . except, we get Spring and Easter mixed up.  

How Could This Happen?

Realizing the ignorance and hatred that caused a man to murder two and blind a third person caused that one survivor to forgive his attacker in 2011 in Texas. The same thing happened in 2003 when a father forgave a serial killer for the rape and murder of his 16-yr old daughter. And we have read similar true stories.  

How could this be possible in a world gone crazy? Putting the cruelty of the attackers aside, these victims reached deep down inside themselves and found kindness and love to be their answer. Rather than continuing the hatred or blaming themselves for the incident (which is quite common), forgiveness was the only way to heal.

It surprises no one that, most likely, these victims were following their faith. Surely, there were many prayers for wisdom involved first. And don’t think this was just a casual or easy decision. It couldn’t have been--they all experienced the personal pain and anguish deep down in their souls for the loss of their loved ones. However, they already knew what it meant to receive forgiveness themselves.

Like all of us who know the God of Grace [undeserved favor], the victims of these tragedies understood the unimaginable Easter sacrifice on a cross simply to forgive them of their own sins. We all have received this same mercy and forgiveness when we asked Jesus to be our personal Savior and Redeemer. Jesus showed amazing love and kindness and willingly removed our guilt forever!

The True Easter Story

As they led Jesus away, a man named Simon, who was from Cyrene, happened to be coming in from the countryside. The soldiers seized him and laid the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. A large crowd trailed behind, including many grief-stricken women.

Two others, both criminals, had already been led out to be executed alongside Jesus, the only innocent One. When they came to a place called The Skull [Golgotha], they nailed him to a cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on his right and one on his left.

Forgiveness is possible

Jesus said, “Father, forgive these people, because they don't know what they are doing."

Then he [one of the criminals] said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.” And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Then he [Joseph of Arimathea] took the body of Jesus down from the cross and wrapped it in a long sheet of linen cloth and laid it in a new tomb that had been carved out of a rock. This was done late on Friday afternoon, the day of preparation for the Sabbath [Saturday].

But very early on [Easter] Sunday morning the women came to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. They found that the stone covering the entrance had been rolled aside. So they went in, but they couldn't find the body of the Lord Jesus.

The women were terrified and bowed low before them [two men]. Then the men [angels] asked, “Why are you looking in a tomb for someone who is alive? He isn’t here! He has risen from the dead!"

And just as they [the disciples] were telling about it, Jesus himself was suddenly standing there among them. “Peace be with you,” he said. But the whole group was startled and frightened, thinking they were seeing a ghost!

And he [Jesus] said, “Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day."

Heaven is a real place! 

Then Jesus led them to Bethany, and lifting his hands to heaven, he blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up to heaven.

The Easter story is an excerpt from the Holy Bible, Luke, chapters 23 and 24 (NLT) [emphasis added].

"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too" (Mark 11:25 NLT).

The Joy Factor, Moms, and Our Souls

Room for two or more!

We are hearing so many crazy things these days, but this one should put a smile on our faces. Currently, there is a “growing market for double strollers…reflecting a shift in American lifestyles” as reported by Gretchen Livingston, a former senior researcher at Pew Research. To add to this fact, older mothers (45+) also had the highest twin birth rates in the United States (statista.com). Life does, in fact, go on for moms whether this is a first or multiple-birth pregnancy.

   

The birth of every single baby, multiple or not, is a miracle because not only does each person born on this earth have numerous and intricate body parts, but every single person has a soul too. Unfortunately, many people never even give a thought to the fact they not only have a body to care for while on this earth but also a soul. It comprises our "total being" from the time we are born. "Each unique human soul begins at conception." Click here if you are curious: Questions Anyone? 

   

Center of Everything

So why is it so important that the human body should even have a soul? First, in Hebrew where the word soul comes from, it means "life, self, breath"--a necessary component the same as a heart. And in the Bible, Jesus says, "Don't be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. . ." (Matthew 10:28 NLT). In other words, our souls cannot be destroyed. They are that important!   

Second, our soul is the center of everything--all our good and not so good decisions. Truly, it's the "integrity" center of our being and it plays a part in helping us understand truthfulness, faithfulness, goodness, and morality to name but a few. This probably sounds familiar because as single-again women we have dealt with many of these human characteristics over and over.  

Our unique soul helps us face not only the major life-sustaining determinations that can change the direction of our life, but also warns us about every silly choice, indulgence, and worthless gain before we make them. 

Sometimes (like all humans) we may ignore our internal warnings and go ahead anyway with a poor choice. This is when it's important to stop and realize how we may or may not be taking care of our soul. It's like perhaps "bruising" the soul on purpose. The soul, therefore, is affected by every choice, good or not so good. 

The Joy Factor

Now let's switch gears for a moment. Which would we rather choose as a single-again woman: joy or misery? Silly question, right? No doubt we would choose joy but, hundreds of people willingly give up what would make their lives the very best they could be and unwillingly choose the worst possible option without giving it much thought.        

For so many years as married women, we may have felt like there was just no choice available for us. And this is totally understandable. Sometimes with a serious and worse yet, dangerous situation in addition to no support from others, decisions seem impossible and lonely. 

Nothing better than peace

Now we can understand by the discussion in today's blog that no matter what happened in the past or exactly when our souls are still intact! They belong to only us and God. We made reasonable decisions to get to where we are right now, and nothing and no one can separate us from God's love--ever! 

God Is There for Each One of Us, Especially Now

In the coming days, weeks and months, women will continue to have their babies even through this health crisis. But it is a new norm. Hospitals may not be able to keep a new mom for as long as they would like but instead send them and their baby(ies) home for safety. And family may not be able to travel to support the mom. So, let’s help each other the best we can manage. There is always something we can do for our neighbors.

Remember, regardless what’s going on in this world, God holds our soul in His hand and now you can make it on your own with His blessings of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23 NLT). It's the JOY FACTOR! Hallelujah! Amen.  

     

"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" (Matthew 16:26 NLT).

Is Sleep Possible During This Crises? Part II

Challenge to wake our mind

Dealing with the craziness of staying healthy during a pandemic is a real challenge. One important thing we can do is to get a good night’s sleep. However, so many women struggle with making this happen on a regular and repeated basis. We need to understand how serious this health issue can become.  

Are we dragging through each day? Is it more and more difficult to handle children who are out of school now? We may even find ourselves dozing off at inappropriate times. Or we may be unable to look our best because we have no energy to get ready for the day ahead. Believe it or not, all these annoying experiences are part of insomnia.  

Last week we discussed in depth how we got to this point in the first place. If you missed that post on 3/23/20, please go ahead and check it out to see where we can continue today. And be sure to click on these links for background information:

Women's Health 

Better Sleep   

Tips to Try at Home
There are many things we can try for lack of sleep before we see our doctor. Women's Health hits the nail on the head with these suggestions. [See their link above for more ideas]: 

Spring is on its way - Get outside!

• Try to go to sleep at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. 
• Do not nap longer than 30 minutes during the day (nor after 3pm)
• Get outside every day for some natural light.
• One or two hours before bedtime, avoid computer screens, mobile phones, or televisions. No electronic devices in the bedroom. [Hard to break the habit but it really works!]
• Follow a regular, relaxing routine at the same time each night.
• Go to bed only after winding down when ready to sleep. Do not read in bed, listen to music (except white noise which really helps), or do other activities that engage the mind.
• Keep the bedroom dark, quiet, and cool for sleeping. Use a sleep mask or light-blocking curtains. Use earplugs, a fan, or a white noise machine or app on your phone to block out sounds. [Love this one!]
• Do not drink alcohol, caffeine, or use nicotine for at least five hours before bedtime.
• Get regular physical activity during the daytime. Caution: exercise close to bedtime, or anytime in the five or six hours before sleeping, can make it harder to fall asleep.
• Do not eat heavy meals or drink a lot of liquids two to three hours before bed.
• If sleep still does not come after about 20 minutes of getting into bed and turning out the light, get out of bed and do something relaxing until sleepy (no electronics!).
• See a doctor or sleep specialist for insomnia if nothing else is working.

Where's the Switch?

It seems like our minds are like little machines that someone forgot to turn off the switch. So, we have to ask, WHO created and controls our mind? You may or may not know that the One and Only true God created every little piece of us inside and out. 

So, it is obvious that our very first suggestion or tip for improving our sleep habits have to do with speaking to the One who knows us completely--our Creator! He understands our difficulties with this problem. God is just waiting for us to open a conversation with Him. He only requires that we ask for His help. Let's try that tonight and every night. We might really be surprised how soon God will react in our favor!

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 NLT).

Is Sleep Possible During This Crises? Part I

Cozy Time

Especially this month and perhaps several more months ahead, dealing with the craziness of staying healthy during a pandemic is a real challenge. But our days must go on. One important thing we can do is to get a good night’s sleep.

Nothing is more relaxing for most people than getting into our own bed between cool, clean sheets and a super soft pillow (or two or three). Cuddling up inside a cozy blanket and closing our eyes to block out the world while we drift away into dreamland intending to enjoy seven or eight hours of calm and quiet. Perfect serenity!

That is one version of the ideal night so we can wake up refreshed and ready to go in the morning. But so many women struggle with making this happen on a regular and repeated basis including this blog writer! Aside from the aggravation of not being able to fall asleep or stay asleep, there are some serious health issues we should understand. 

If we drag through our day working from home now and struggle to handle children who are out of school, we may tend to doze off at inappropriate times. Or we may be unable to look our best because we had no energy to get ready for the day ahead. We might recognize some of these many symptoms of insomnia.     

What's the Big Deal About Sleep? 
We may conclude four hours of restless sleep is adequate because we've been doing that for weeks or months! But a good night's sleep of seven to eight hours provides restoration and healing for our body. If we can't remember anything about the conversation we had with a friend just two hours ago or we forget to pick up anything for dinner, our lack of sleep may be on its way to becoming our own personal health crisis.

The Women's Health organization puts this issue into a "nutshell" for us: "Sleep is essential for good health. During sleep, our bodies and brains repair themselves. Some research suggests our brains use the time during sleep to clear away toxins that build up during the day. Sleep is also important for our ability to learn and form memories. Not getting enough sleep puts people at risk for health problems, including high blood pressure, obesity, and depression." Click on the following link to learn more: Women's Health 

Seven Warning Signs

Focus on what's important

Maybe a more comprehensive symptom list would help us determine if insomnia is something to speak to our physician about getting a diagnosis. Let's try and honestly check off any of these warning signs:

·   Difficulty falling asleep at night

·   Waking up during the night or too early

·   Not feeling well-rested after a night's sleep

·   Daytime tiredness or sleepiness

·   Irritability, depression or anxiety

·   Difficulty paying attention, focusing on tasks or remembering

·   Increased errors or accidents

Now click on the following Mayo Clinic link for more information: Better Sleep   

One Minute Idea

There is one Person who knows us better than anyone else. God knows what we are dealing with and He knows what we can do about it if we ask. Let’s never try and go to sleep without checking in with the Lord God Almighty who created this entire world and everyone in it. Ask Him to calm your mind and body and be sure to thank Him for His love and care!

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe" (Psalm 4:8 NLT).