No matter what kind of relationship interruption we survived--from the passive to the aggressive--we can and eventually do learn to adapt. In all likelihood, facing such a poignant decision to divorce with so many factors to consider, it took more than a "minute" to find some answers and solutions. There were days, months, or even years trying to repair the divide to no avail. It simply wore us out.
So understandably, becoming whole again and bringing restoration back to our lives will take a season or more. It will require hitting the refresh button on Life. Exactly how long the season lingers depends on many things. Our energy level may feel like someone removed a plug from the bottom of our foot and let it drain into nothingness. Our vigor needs replenishing! Now is the time to pamper ourselves and take care of our bodies and emotional baggage. If that means sitting down with a professional and discussing options then that is the wise thing to do. It is a healthy way to revive and confirm we are on the right track.
Arriving at a place of comfort and new beginnings is determined by many different options. Generally, the most common is how long we were a couple, if there were children, and how close we were to each other during the marriage. Again, sitting down and talking with a therapist will help us reach a point of wholeness where our every minute is not consumed by what was or could have been. There is no need to rush the process. That is probably the worst thing we could do at this point. Of course, this doesn't mean we should just stop living, but we can learn to be gentle with ourselves as we move forward.
Time and Faith
Some people believe time is a remarkable healer, repairing our minds and souls from the inside out. Some do not. But many of us single-again women can attest to the truth of this statement. However, it does require a healthy dose of faith. We might say time and faith go hand in hand. If we slow down just a bit and allow it, time--along with patience, persistence, and prayer--will supply all the tools to build a foundation that will stand in a storm. The doubt for some of us is looking at time as a “stand-alone fringe benefit” when all it needs to operate is the key ingredient of faith!
What could make the healing period less stressful and boring is finding and using our talents and gifts. Yes, we all have a few. They are the ones we have forgotten about, but still enjoy; those we were born with but have not used. By the way, it is not selfish to encourage ourselves in this way. Call it an indulgence if you must, but developing our gifts is a necessity.
Just like our physical health, if we don't do something about what is bothering us, we will suffer emotionally too. We are the only ones with personal insight to care for what we need at this point; the only ones who know what we want. We can call on others for support, and should, but we can't expect anyone else to find the key to our happiness.
Seven Truths
Let's look at the following seven truths for discovering who we are deep down inside. In experimenting with some of these ideas, we can unlock the door to our future and find what we have been missing all along:
- When we recognize what we want to do with our future, our confidence grows.
- We discover--maybe for the first time--the possibilities open to us and find faith.
- We begin a pattern of lifetime growth and learning, which creates joy.
- We let go of fear, skepticism, and failure; in the process, we discover love.
- We find connection with others who understand us and let go of loneliness.
- We build a community of support and find strength.
- We reach out to others, share our experiences, and claim abundance.
Because we are each unique human beings, we have different needs to begin our journey. Graciously, God has given us all the gifts we need, and, no matter what age group or status we find ourselves in right now, we can uncover exactly what that gift looks like and how we can use it. When we do that, we have hit the mark!
Tip of the Day
The best way to recognize our true potential is by reading the Holy Bible. This is how God speaks to us and he has all the answers about our future. Finding a local church home is a great starting point so don’t wait! They usually hold regular classes to help with the search, discovery, and understanding of our spiritual gifts.
“Jesus said to her, ‘Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you’re healed and whole. Live well, live blessed. Be healed of your plague’” (Mark 5:34 The Message).
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