Hit the Refresh Button

Refreshment anyone?

No matter what kind of relationship interruption we survived--from the passive to the aggressive--we can and eventually do learn to adapt. In all likelihood, facing such a poignant decision to divorce with so many factors to consider, it took more than a "minute" to find some answers and solutions. There were days, months, or even years trying to repair the divide to no avail. It simply wore us out.

So understandably, becoming whole again and bringing restoration back to our lives will take a season or more. It will require hitting the refresh button on Life. Exactly how long the season lingers depends on many things. Our energy level may feel like someone removed a plug from the bottom of our foot and let it drain into nothingness. Our vigor needs replenishing! Now is the time to pamper ourselves and take care of our bodies and emotional baggage. If that means sitting down with a professional and discussing options then that is the wise thing to do. It is a healthy way to revive and confirm we are on the right track.

Arriving at a place of comfort and new beginnings is determined by many different options. Generally, the most common is how long we were a couple, if there were children, and how close we were to each other during the marriage. Again, sitting down and talking with a therapist will help us reach a point of wholeness where our every minute is not consumed by what was or could have been. There is no need to rush the process. That is probably the worst thing we could do at this point. Of course, this doesn't mean we should just stop living, but we can learn to be gentle with ourselves as we move forward.

Time and Faith

Some people believe time is a remarkable healer, repairing our minds and souls from the inside out. Some do not. But many of us single-again women can attest to the truth of this statement. However, it does require a healthy dose of faith. We might say time and faith go hand in hand. If we slow down just a bit and allow it, time--along with patience, persistence, and prayer--will supply all the tools to build a foundation that will stand in a storm. The doubt for some of us is looking at time as a “stand-alone fringe benefit” when all it needs to operate is the key ingredient of faith!

What could make the healing period less stressful and boring is finding and using our talents and gifts. Yes, we all have a few. They are the ones we have forgotten about, but still enjoy; those we were born with but have not used. By the way, it is not selfish to encourage ourselves in this way. Call it an indulgence if you must, but developing our gifts is a necessity.

Just like our physical health, if we don't do something about what is bothering us, we will suffer emotionally too. We are the only ones with personal insight to care for what we need at this point; the only ones who know what we want. We can call on others for support, and should, but we can't expect anyone else to find the key to our happiness.

Seven Truths

Let's look at the following seven truths for discovering who we are deep down inside. In experimenting with some of these ideas, we can unlock the door to our future and find what we have been missing all along:

• When we recognize what we want to do with our future, our confidence grows.
• We discover--maybe for the first time--the possibilities open to us and find faith.
• We begin a pattern of lifetime growth and learning, which creates joy.
• We let go of fear, skepticism, and failure; in the process, we discover love.
• We find connection with others who understand us and let go of loneliness.
• We build a community of support and find strength.
• We reach out to others, share our experiences, and claim abundance.

Hitting the Mark

Because we are each unique human beings, we have different needs to begin our journey. Graciously, God has given us all the gifts we need, and, no matter what age group or status we find ourselves in right now, we can uncover exactly what that gift looks like and how we can use it. When we do that, we have hit the mark!

Tip of the Day

The best way to recognize our true potential is by reading the Holy Bible. This is how God speaks to us and he has all the answers about our future. Finding a local church home is a great starting point so don’t wait! They usually hold regular classes to help with the search, discovery, and understanding of our spiritual gifts.

“Jesus said to her, ‘Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you’re healed and whole. Live well, live blessed. Be healed of your plague’” (Mark 5:34 The Message).

Pedal a Little Faster

 

We have started in a new direction with our chins held high. The wheels are gaining momentum and we look forward with all the enthusiasm we can find. We did it! After so many years of hesitating and drawing back into our shells wondering if we are making the right decision, we found the courage to claim a better life. The winds of change feel very good. Now is the time to breathe deeper, take a “calm break”, and dream about where we have been and where we want to go. No serious plans right now--they can wait for a moment--just a fun peek into the future.

Wheels of any kind--bicycles, motorcycles, Ferris wheels, roller skates, potters' wheels, and all those planes, trains, and automobiles--have one thing in common and one purpose: momentum. The force that moves us forward. Once the wheels start moving, it's very hard to get them to stop. This is a true picture of ourselves.

Maybe we didn't choose our particular situation and we still feel a little shaky, but our single-again lives are moving whether we want them to or not. The questions are which direction do we want to proceed, how fast will we skim along, and who is steering the wheel? It feels great to finally be in charge of our own lives, but we have to confidently take the wheel and move past the twenty miles per hour that was holding us back at one time. If we do not pedal a little faster, the lack of momentum will cause us to fall over! Nothing is worse than having to get back on again and again and again. It is not impossible, but it is not as fun as speeding through bumps, obstacles, and valleys.

Direction

Where do we want to go in the first place? The wheels are moving, so there is no time to let go! We have dared to dream, ponder, and plan about what we want to do with our lives. It could be leaving one job and taking a better one that will fit our gifts and talents. It could be finding a cozy cottage, luxurious apartment, or farmhouse to live in as long as we are happy. The dream might include moving to a town/city we have always loved. It could even be getting a fantastic makeover from head to foot! Anything is possible if we use our imagination.

Speed

Is it time now to move ahead? Or will the ideal plan take some much-needed assessing to work out the details? We may need to map out how fast we can get to our dream place. All of that is okay. Do we need to obtain a higher degree to land that job? We might be able to take a vacation to a different town and search for a place to live there. Our dream job could be in that new location. The opportunities are nearly endless!

Control

The American poet, Thomas Stearns (better known as T. S.) Eliot once said, “It's never too late to be what you might have been.” This is one of the truest statements ever. If we think about it, our age will continue to creep upward year by year by year whether we attempt something or not. So why waste this time we have been given? We begin by jotting down plans in a daily journal because when we see them on paper, it becomes real. Attainable. Possible. We registered for the next college semester. We ask for that job promotion and get it. We stick our necks out for our dreams once and for all. We don't look back.

As single-again women, we are responsible for not only ourselves but our children too, if we have been so blessed. We are their heroes and examples. They constantly watch and hopefully learn from us, even if our teenagers would never admit to it. No one else is going to initiate these changes for us (nor would we want them to). So, are we ready to take on the world? We can begin with our little corner of the garden and spread like wildflowers!

Tip of the Day

Only when we rely on God and try our very best every day, are we going to arrive at a point of accomplishment that builds our confidence so we can do even more.

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to 

accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20 NLT).

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Retro Doll Collection

The term downsizing first came about in the business world to mean reducing staff through terminations. A way to make the company smaller and, perhaps, more profitable or effective. Many of us have gone through this devastation in our lives--and survived! But here in today's blog, we are talking about a different kind of downsizing that will not only make the junk we’ve collected “smaller,” but will help us move on with our new lives in a positive way thus producing the desired result.

Downsizing is a two-sided coin. Sometimes it is necessary just to create space in our jammed-packed closets and garages (our grandmothers called this spring cleaning), or to get rid of things that hold bittersweet memories and we can’t stand to look at them anymore, or even to finally move across town or the country and not bring it all with us.

We, former shop-till-you-drop women, have rooms filled to the brim with all sorts of unused things we never wanted to part with under any circumstance. Doll or teddy bear collections from age ten. Okay fine, maybe a collection of tiny metal cars we treasured that threw our brothers into a jealous fit. Or more grown-up things in the attic such as jewelry boxes, shoes, and dishes. Maybe we find macrame hangers and hooked rugs from the 1980s which, by the way, are back in style! (If some are too young to remember these DIY projects, ask any older relative and they will demonstrate how to create them, and, surprise, a new trend begins).

We know how the process goes. Organizational experts call it the Keep, Toss, and Donate boxes. Whether we have recently been divorced, or it’s been years, we understand downsizing. We have given up or lost most of everything we own, which is a bittersweet saga. Sometimes, we willingly gave up our possessions and then turned around many months later and wished we hadn’t given away so many treasured items we now need! Sounds like the beginning of a comic strip.

Of course, things are things that can be replaced. We need to make room for what’s important: our kids, friends, and our sanity. Keep in mind: we are beginning a whole new fresh start momentum. Unwanted reminders in our homes of a foregone life put roadblocks in our way. Put any guilt aside and feel good about traveling on the smooth road ahead without any obstacles. We are trying to create a new and wonderful life; joyful lives filled with abundance, and we’re not just talking about money or possessions here.

This whole downsizing idea can be quite a lot of fun if we give ourselves the chance to think of it that way. We get to gather, trade, or purchase what we want in our lives. If that means re-decorating the bedroom in modern florals that someone else never allowed, then enjoy! Find a brand new hobby of thrift-store treasure hunting in the process. What a fabulous way to save money for bigger and better things like all the costly extras the kids need, or a family vacation. Of course, we are not talking about their wants, only needs. We have to teach our children how to save their own money for wants and learn downsizing methods early in life.

The other side of this shiny new coin is feeling good about donating or giving away some of our gently-used possessions. This gives another woman who is hurting a way to acquire something she desperately needs. It’s a win-win situation.

Tip of the Day

The best part about all this non-worrying about things is that God always knows what we need and when we need it. All we have to do is trust him and be more open to the potential beauty in our new life.

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:31-34 NLT).