When Is Your Time?

It certainly was amazing watching the 2018 Winter Olympics which ended yesterday. First, they took place in PyeongChang, South Korea, which seems almost fictional when we think of what is going on not too far away in North Korea. But the competitions were still exciting enough on their own.

Even if we don’t claim to be a sports fan (like a lot of us), just cheering for and watching the U.S. women’s hockey team win their gold medal for the first time in 20 years gave us chills! Figure skating, however, has always been a favorite. This year, first time Olympian and the U.S. Male Figure Skater, Vincent Zhou (who is only 17 years old), wowed the crowds after landing the first ever quadruple Lutz—a very difficult move! Afterwards, he simply said, “My time is now.”

Time Lost, Time Gained

None of us are probably 17 any longer, but we can still relate and ask ourselves, when exactly is my time? We may have thought it was when we graduated, or when we landed a first job, or when we got married, or had children. And, yes, all those occasions were a cause to raise our arms in cheer and celebrate. So, we might be able to say we have had many “times” in our lives when we smiled and got the chills.

This “season” we are currently living in can be one of those “times” of our lives to celebrate. Pause for a just a moment here. Pause and understand, we are not promoting divorce in any way. We are simply speaking to women who have already experienced that traumatic event and need all the support they can find.

Truthfully, there is nothing wrong with being single-again. Anyone who sends us that message is not a true friend. We are in a moment that we can call “our time.” And that is reason to celebrate because we have traveled a long way to get here and have survived!

Your TIME Journal

Let’s explore how to make the best of “our time.” Just like the Olympians, we must practice getting good at anything. It might take a while, but eventually, we will get there. It might help to start a TIME Journal and keep adding to it (hint: date the pages). Try these to get started:

Research your maiden name and heritage

Things you enjoy and why

What prayer did God answer this week?

What is your life dream?

Favorite relaxation tips

Best thing that happened this month

What positive thing would you tell another single-again woman?

How could I improve my health?

Where Do We Find a Trainer?

Even athletes need a coach to guide and motivate them to get the best results. And as single-again women, it is most important for us to have a “Trainer” on our side too. God is “recruiting” us for His team! Try adding these to your journal:

Sometimes I get angry with God about. . .

What am I most grateful for?

Where can I find peace today?

My Spiritual gifts are. . .

“If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly” Romans 12:7-8 NLT.   

Is Life a Balancing Act?

Life is surely a balancing act

It may sound silly, but have you ever said to yourself--or maybe out loud--Why does life have to be so crazy hard? It sure can feel that way sometimes, like trying to keep our balance without falling. Nothing works out the way we plan. Obstacles get in the way of want we want to do. Everything we touch gets broken, beaten, or bankrupt.

It’s enough to make us want to go back to bed and pull the covers over our head. Trouble with that passive non-solution is it just doesn’t work. The problems are still there when we finally kick ourselves out of bed. We still have to decide what to do with the mess.

If making it through college seems impossible, keep a girl named Helen Keller in mind. She spent her childhood blind and deaf. But that didn’t stop her from becoming the first disabled person to earn a bachelor’s degree. She went on to fight for women’s rights.

There are actually people who are scared to death of deep water and especially oceans. But not Bethany Hamilton; she loved surfing. When she was 13 years old, she was out having so much fun in the ocean. The next thing she knew, her left arm was missing! A shark attack almost took her life. Did she quit? Oh, no. She went on to win first place in the national surfing championships.

Drama and trauma burst into the teen life of Charlize Theron (yes, that Charlize!) as she watched her mother kill her alcoholic father in self-defense. Of course, we know she didn’t let this horrific scene stop her from becoming an Academy Award winning actress.

Powerful Women Have “Punch”

Since we don’t have those courageous people in front of us to ask how they personally got through such adversity in their lives, we can only deal with our own daily pain. We ask ourselves some hard questions and force ourselves not to turn away from the answers.

We have choices, just like the determined people above. Are we happy staying stuck in our current situation? What reasons can we come up with, so we don’t have to deal with life any more? If we don’t like those questions and the possible answers, the better option would be to figure out what is holding us back from a great future. Because when it comes right down to it, we are powerful women and still have plenty of “punch” left in us!

Write your own story

• Our Story: I’m too busy. We can definitely fill up our days with all sorts of things we think we want to do. Marathon TV watching, sleeping in till noon, procrastinating, and avoidance to name a few. Our Ending: None of those activities will get us the life we dream of. However, we are strong women and we know no one else will do it for us--we can do this!

• Our Story: I’m too tired. Taking care of ourselves is primary to having the energy we need to tackle the issues in our lives. This means proper nutrition, exercise, and consistent rest. Our Ending: What one thing can we do today to start creating healthy balance in our lives?

• Our Story: Life is too hard. The thoughts of Theodore Roosevelt are still true today,  “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. . .I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” Our Ending: How badly do we want a better life than we've ever had?

How Prayer Can Help

Life is definitely very hard. No one can disagree with that statement. And for women doing life on their own, it seems even more so. God knew we would feel this way and so He sent us a Helper, the Holy Spirit, to guide us in prayer. Just ask.

When we are too busy - pray for peace in the midst of overwhelming burdens.

When we are too tired - pray for strength in our bodies and minds.

When life is too hard - pray for faith to make it through the day.

“And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for” 1 John 5:15 NLT.

13 Tips for a Special Day

 Yes, Wednesday this week is the day so many single-again women hate. But, there really is no reason to feel that way. It’s all about choice. It’s about how we treat ourselves. It’s about the love we can share with others. Valentine’s Day is about love. Period. Who says it has to be about a couple relationship? It is about expressing love to close friends, sisters, brothers, children, neighbors, parents, even co-workers.


Have fun with it! Take a look at these 13 ideas and tips, then add your own:

• Who needs a date? What I need is coffee, now!
• It’s a great day for a total spa treatment.
• Do something nice for a perfect stranger; you’ll feel special.
• Don’t forget: rubies and diamonds go on sale this week!
• Bake a chocolate cake and take it to your Mom!
• Tomorrow: buy a cozy new pair of pajamas.
• Wednesday: take the day off work and stay in those new pajamas!
• Share the love: go out to dinner with friends and surprise each one with a yellow friendship rose.
• Change-up Tip: invite a friend in and watch movies you never do, like a western, sci-fi, or comedy.
• Release tension by jogging, working out, painting, biking, journaling, or playing with your pet.
• Learn something new like the guitar, mosaics, golf, photography, etc
• When all else fails, remember, it’s just another day on the calendar! Yes, really!  
• Pick up a copy of the book, The Princesses I Know by Ayla Mae Wild. She grabs our hearts when she says, "Princesses pursue their own adventures instead of waiting for a prince to write their stories for them."

One last truth nugget: God loves you no matter what. . . No doubt about it!

But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. 1 Thessalonians 4:9

Keep It Simple, Sister!

DIY Fun! 

It’s not always easy to get away from the mess in our homes. As soon as we do our weekly cleaning, we turn around and the dust-bunnies are back! This time of year (winter for some and spring for others), we start thinking of what needs an overhaul. Drawers and cabinets need a fresh coat of paint. The garage and closets need organizing. Gutters need cleaning from all the trash that collects in them. Draperies need to be taken to the cleaners and curtains need washing. "Spring cleaning" is not all that enjoyable, but seeing the results are quite amazing and rewarding.

DIY projects are quite a bit more fun! Creating a new wreath for the front door can lift anyone’s spirit; use leftovers for a bouquet of happiness for your desk. Recovering outdoor chairs can make them new and get them ready for spring. Chalk paint with its matte finish is perfect for that distressed furniture style, indoors and out. Of course, spending a weekend browsing through the many thrift stores available in the neighborhood can get our momentum going.

No Workaholics Here

Usually, the reason for getting all this cleaning done early in the season is so we can spend the rest of summer enjoying it all with friends and family. But, it’s not a time to wear ourselves out doing everything all at once. There is no deadline to worry about and, if we don’t feel a need to tackle a particular project, it can wait until a better time.

Slowing down and working at a relaxed pace regulates our energy, as well as making dreadful tasks more enjoyable. Especially if we have kids around--ours or the grandkids--we can turn old boots or wagons into planters for a nature teaching time. Sorting unwanted books for the donation pile into reading time. Cleaning out a closet into “dress up” time. No kids? No problem. Grab a friend, share projects, and build a relationship.

Our Missed Step

An easygoing stride works with our personalities to create a sense of completion and contentment not otherwise achieved. We find out taking breaks prevent burnout in all areas of our life. So, where can we improve and not stumble through life?

• Quiet Prayer - we can give ourselves a few extra minutes in the morning to speak with God. Ask him what he has planned and how he wants us to do it. Consider it our pre-staff meeting!

• 

  Enjoy God's world!

  Bible Break - a midday lunch break keeps us healthy. Ending with a short time reading a Bible passage will energize our afternoon, encourage us spiritually, and make others wonder how we push ahead.

• Anytime Devotion - when life gets us down, just the right devotion at the right time can change our attitude and put a smile on our face.

• Nightly Gratitude - to get a good night’s rest, we can thank the Lord for all he has done for us, even if we don’t understand his ways right at this moment. He’ll hold our hand as we count blessings, rather than burdens, as we wind down. 

“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. Matthew 6:6 (The Message).

Who Can You Trust?

Nothing is more precious than a child. They are truly amazing in the way they completely place their full trust into their parents’ hands. Just imagine for a moment going out your front door in the morning with no personal identification, no money of any sort, no car or house keys, nothing but perhaps a lunch sack that mom provides. Scary!

This is exactly what happens every single day with our children. But yet, they don’t panic as we might if that happened to us as an adult. The reason a child just runs out the door happy to go and be with their friends or to go somewhere fun like the playground or park is because they trust those who care for them. They know instinctively they are loved.

Children are assured they have a home to go back to after playing, they enjoy a family meal as just another part of their day, they open their closets and find clothes to wear. Children don’t worry, nor do they have any fear at all. Didn’t we as children just assume we had all our basic needs? We never ever gave it a thought; we had no idea if our parents struggled or not to provide all those things.

If Only

Adults do struggle with all sorts of things. We simply can’t go back to being kids, as much as we would want to sometimes! (a smile here is good). As single-again women, we find it hard to adjust to a new kind of life, no matter what circumstance placed us here. We have challenges and hurdles to get past. But we hang in there and we don't give up!

After wandering down thorny paths in life, we are very anxious to arrive at a place of peace and security. Once we have our basic needs set up, there are decisions to make. A helpful way to start is a simple faith chart such as the one below. Then, our momentum will move us on to the “next big thing.” Make columns with these headings and fill in:

Faith Chart

• Pray: always start with asking God to help you with this and thanking him for his answer.  
• Brainstorm: write down all the ideas of what you want to happen in the next year. You know what they are; don’t hold back no matter how crazy they might be.
• Purpose: from the list above, prioritize and nail down just one top issue you want to solve once and for all.  
• Organize: list ways you might be able to make this happen. Use subtitles: what, when, where, why, and how.
• Ask: it’s o.k. to enlist the help of others who have gone through what you’re going through. In fact, it's recommended.
• Repeat: go on now to the next Brainstorm idea on the list. Don’t give up!

Life’s Highway

Even though we are adults, we have a heavenly Father who gladly provides all we need. We can place our trust in God the same way our children depend on us. No need to worry. No fear. If we open our hearts and ask for his help, God is there with his best for us.

It doesn’t mean we won’t run into delays and difficulties. This is how God “grows” us into beautiful women! It does mean we can trust him to give us joy, security, and a future beyond all we can imagine with perfect timing. It’s a win-win solution.

You, LORD, are all I have, and you give me all I need; my future is in your hands. Psalm 16:5 (GNB)

What is Your True Heart Story?

Aside from medical miracles, we only get one heart. Physically, it is soft and tender as it is meant to be from the day we are born. Statistics show that if we take care of our heart (as well as the rest of our bodies), the natural lifespan of an American woman is 80.8 years. Again, the miracle of modern medicine can lengthen that figure.

Yet, there are many situations throughout our lives that can “harden” our beautiful beating heart. We can let what other people do and say affect our entire lives until we do not even have a quality of life. If we let them, they can turn us into someone we don’t even recognize.

True Story

After 26 yrs of marriage and five grown children, a woman we'll call Brenda was shocked the day her husband walked out on her with no prior provocation, or so she thought. She was devastated. Anger and pride led her to rush to leave the home he was prepared to give her in the divorce.

Subsequently, she not only turned her back on God, but went into a deep depression that lasted for 39 yrs! Her anger and pride opened the door to bitterness and hostility. A very, very sad situation that no one could change--including doctors--despite strenuous efforts.

Family members noticed many things over the years that contributed to Brenda's forced state of affairs. She never got off her bed long enough to stop watching TV. She lived in her pajamas. She refused to get involved in life! Brenda cared not to participate in any hobbies. Didn’t want to be make friends. No interests. No joy. Nothing. Brenda’s heart was dead, but she was still breathing.  

Not Meant to Be This Way

Let's decide right now to never allow life to get us down like Brenda’s did! This “heart” month can be a difficult one to deal with as a single-again woman. We see others joining together to celebrate their love lives. And it hurts. But it doesn’t have to be the worse season in our lives.

We can plan now to make it all matter in our lives. Find someone who is also sad or hurting and celebrate in a different, positive, and encouraging way. Whatever we do, let's promise ourselves not to spend it alone. We will feel more joy if we:

• Bring red flowers to the women in an assisted living facility
• Start now and make small, heart-shaped pillows for hospitals
• Make bookmarks with the words Jesus Loves You! for teachers
• Start a new hobby. Find a new interest with others.
• And, yes! It’s okay to pamper ourselves with a special gift.

A Beautiful Answer

Our hearts are given to us by the Lord God Almighty Himself--our Creator. He gives us a beautiful answer to improve our hardened heart “condition.” We can choose to open the door and invite Jesus into our lives. His love for us promises to change our uncompromising viewpoints, our headstrong attitudes, and inflexible hearts. That’s the Good News. There is no bad news.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 36:26