Who is the Best Architect?

Build a house on solid rock

The oldest timber frame house in America, the Fairbanks House, built in the year 1637 in Dedham, Massachusetts, still stands after 388 years! Generations upon generations of kids chasing up and down the hallways, big messy spills in the kitchen, skid marks on the wooden floors, broken windows, annoying roof leaks, and plumbing and heating issues; yet, it still stands (now a historic house museum)!

What amazing construction and solid foundation began endless chapters of this story that would stand through births, celebrations, marriages, and yes, divorces. There were not even any home improvement stores down the street. The original owner/architect surely required the workers/builders to listen to his direction and wise expertise. The result remains!

Whether it is a townhouse, condominium, mansion, ranch home, apartment, or mobile home, attempting to build our unique abode--our safety zone--without the correct tools, materials, and know-how will quickly shake our foundation like a six-point-three earthquake! 

We naturally want our new life to stand on its own for a very long time. Think of a brick home built on solid rock rather than unpredictable sand. We are not speaking of the physical building we choose to live in, but rather how we build, secure, and protect our future. A bright and desirable future.

We start by putting some effort into discovering what went wrong in our past so that we prevent repeating the same mistakes. Another marriage may be what some of us eventually want, but none of us want the same scene, identical arguments, or the hurt and pain that comes with unfaithfulness and certainly not abuse of any kind. 

Scrutiny will give us insight into how to re-adjust and improve our thinking and actions in any new relationship. This is not a “blame and shame” game. There is no room for that here. This is an honest look at the original “blueprint” of our life that appeared perfect during “construction,” but contained hidden cracks and imperfect design right from the beginning.

Many of us will do ourselves a favor by seeking out a licensed therapist to talk through the issues that are dragging us down. But to simply prepare for such a meeting or to get us thinking on the right track, we can begin asking ourselves some hard, but important questions. The answers must come from our own frank, open, and sincere observations. Without spending time finding answers to some questions, the “new” home we are trying to build will mysteriously feel just like the “old” home.

Give yourself plenty of  time. Maybe jot down just one question and answer per day in a journal. Then add more thoughts as issues become apparent. Remember, no one will see these pages unless we choose to show them. This is just a way to examine ourselves and get to the bottom of the mire.

These are by no means all the issues to consider when thinking about another relationship. We are smart women and now know what we need in a relationship, and what we don’t. How we get the relationship God intends for us will require caution, personal examination, and daily conversation with God.

Tip of the Day

God (our Best Architect) wisely advises us to listen to him and follow his direction, especially in relationships. He asks this of us so that we will remain protected under his loving hand and so that we will have adequate shelter from the storms of life that threaten to destroy us. The best blueprint for our home on earth is recorded in the chapters between Genesis through Revelation in the Holy Bible. Be sure to check this none-like-it “Answer Book” when completing your journal.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24-27 NL T).

Strong Woman: Yes, You!

Go ahead, try it!

Let's face it. No beating around the bush. Once we become single again, most likely we will need to either find an alternative income source or a regular job leading to a great career. Even if we have all the money we need, sitting around with nothing to do is boring, unproductive, and detrimental to our social life! Just remember what Oscar Wilde, the famous Irish poet and playwright, once said, “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” This might be the perfect quote to hang up where we can see it every day!

Five “Strong Woman” Clues to a Better Life

• Our health and happiness will blossom with the right job or career
• Taking the risk to improve our position will energize us
• Relationships on the job create friendships with those in the same situation
• We will establish ways to find new interests, hobbies, and opportunities

The Wrong Thing at the Right Time

All of this searching may seem scary at first, like looking over the edge of a skyscraper. We may just want to curl up or disappear, but eventually, we will have to face the world again. The good thing is that once we step out on our own, it gets easier and easier to find our freedom. It’s all about choosing a life of love and joy and putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t just take a job because it’s there. That’s a mistake made by many, many women, and it turns them into bitter and resentful people. It’s the wrong thing at the right time.

Some of us are planners from way back. We like the wonderful feeling of things running smoothly--it’s like the taste of a soft-serve ice cream cone. Life is yummy! Organizing is at the top of our list because we hate not being able to find things when we need something. Some of us are not in that camp! Deep down, we like the excitement and constant flow of adrenaline, but, admittedly, we could probably use the help of a professional organizing team to dig us out of the mess.

Tip of the Day

We realize rather quickly, trying to do life alone was never meant for us humans. Yes, it is hard. Harder than we ever knew it would be as a single-again woman. No one said it would be all roses and chocolates. However, if we stop and take a breath, we’ll find out that this adversity in our lives is exactly how our faith can grow. Part of that growth step is recognizing there are all sorts of support groups, counselors, church groups, and best friends to call on when we are depressed and despondent. There is no need to stay in the house and allow our feelings to overwhelm and convince us to give up. That is never a solution to anything.

So what is the very best answer for each one of us? It’s accepting the One who cares about us more than anyone could ever imagine. God knows what we need (not want) the most and what our future is all about. God created us, so of course, he knows all our hurts, pains, frustrations, and depressions. He sees our story on the “Big Screen” from beginning to end. Whereas, we can only look at our life through a narrow lens one day at a time. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming because he has so many good and wonderful things planned for us. God is willing to direct our steps until we reach his ideal for our perfect life. Our part is just to cooperate!

“Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3 NLT).

Big Makeover

Taking a risky turn in life is pretty common, wouldn't you agree? The truth is, it's never too late to make changes for the better. Some improvements are fairly easy to make like taking classes elsewhere. Or getting our hair re-styled. Relocating from one city to another might take more planning and daring, but it can be done. 

We wouldn't sit in front of our mirrors and apply makeup without knowing what we are doing. Likewise, we need to find out what we really want to do now that we are single-again. It doesn’t matter if we are twenty-two, forty-two, or seventy-two. If we haven’t achieved our dream, we still have decisions to make. 

So, we can get serious and make a plan for the “big makeover.” One thing we don't want to do is nothing, as it traps us in that big, dark "hole" we fell into long ago. It's time to admit now that many years have gone by and nothing has happened in our little brains. C. P. Sennett, the author and multi-award-winning business owner, once said, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes.”

Instead of regretting our procrastination--and never accomplishing our dreams–we recognize each day as a new beginning. It’s a fresh start. It holds another twenty-four hours of opportunity. It contains numerous possibilities we haven't even thought of yet. Remember, it's never too late to begin again as long as we don't give up! Quitting has never accomplished anything; it only gives the next woman in line a chance. 

Further, nothing says we can't do it on our own as women either. Sure, we know about the founders of some of the largest software/tech companies. But plenty of women have had their multi-million dollar successes. Of course, not without hard work.

Cultivating Ideas and Learning by Example

Imagine how some of the most successful women have been examples to all of us. There are so many we can barely name all of them. Here are just a few for you to consider:

• Arianna Huffington, co-founder and former editor-in-chief of the news website HuffPost (my favorite).
• Michelle Rhee, American Educator. Founded StudentsFirst, a non-profit organization for education reform.
• Three women listed among the top 20 Christian women who shaped history: Florence Nightingale, Susan B. Anthony, and Evangeline Cory Booth

All of these women are good examples for us to follow. Get to the library  and check out their biographies because we are all winners!   

Tip of the Day

What special idea is on your horizon? It can be absolutely anything we choose. Something that will fill us with joy and contentment. Only God knows what is right for our lives. Having a Guide to help us along the way, however, will make our dreams come alive. God created us inside and out with a unique purpose. He even created that horizon way out there that contains our dreams. 

The best part is the “Helper” God left for us to figure it all out! He will motivate, watch over us, supply endless direction, and give us the encouragement we’ll need to move forward. His name is the Holy Spirit and he lives inside our hearts forever once we ask Jesus to be our Savior. How could we possibly go wrong?

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it [yet], but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NLT)

Can't Get There from Here

Not too late to plant currants!

Have you noticed? Summer arrived a little too soon this year, and the kids couldn't wait to jump in a pool somewhere! However, not everyone enjoys the heat of summer days, sweating through the humidity and hoping our hair won’t wilt, slathering on suntan lotion with an SPF higher than the outside temperature, and slapping away pesky flying and crawling critters! And now, the “dog days” of summer are nearly over. 

When we think about what's next, many people have no reason to whine about the fall with all its fascinating colors and familiar smells. Falling leaves, pumpkin farms, corn mazes, great food, and harvest activities bring us right into the Christmas season. 

It takes a few of these seasons to figure out how to navigate brand-new traditions as single-again women. But let’s set aside the fluff talk for now; this is reality. One unvarnished truth to realize right away: there is life after we go our separate ways! Yet, time does not stand still for us, so at this point, we may ask, why is it, then, so hard? 

The key many of us forget is that this new life is not our old life (thankfully), nor should we expect it to be the same. It's just different, that's all. And, although scary at times, different can be enjoyable, beautiful, and delightful depending on how much effort we put into it. Think of all the times we’ve dreamed of doing things differently, but couldn’t for one reason or another. Now is our chance!

Hopefully, we are now anxious to start creating new memories. It’s all up to us. So let’s have a little fun. First, go to an office supply store and get a new, colorful twelve or sixteen-month calendar (hint: it's depressing to look at an old calendar!) Yes, we all know a digital calendar on our smartphone or tablet is convenient, but it can’t be compared to the uplifting benefits of a visual calendar. You’ll see.

Fill it not only with family birthdays and occasions but, more to the point, with all the new, fun things to do for the upcoming year. When does that college class in creative writing begin? When and where is the best ski trip with friends taking place? Who are you planning on visiting in the summer? What is the best time to plant roses? Plan as many enjoyable days as possible; those thirty or thirty-one little boxes need to come alive!

Perhaps the most important time to prepare for is the major holidays. Remember, being different is a good thing. Who says we have to keep all the old decorations around? Try donating it all to charity and start fresh. Go from all green and red (if that’s how it’s been for years) to gold and white, or all silver and woodsy. Move the furniture around and leave it permanently that way after the holidays. If none of this sounds fun, forget it all and go on a holiday cruise with another single friend to a tropical island (don’t forget to put it on your visual calendar). And smile!

Speaking of friends, this is the season of our lives that making new acquaintances is the best thing we can do for ourselves. No big commitment, just a way to be a friend to get a friend. Sitting in the house alone day after day will get us nowhere fast! Amazingly, it won’t be long before we find others with the same single lifestyle (and we are not talking about “singles clubs” either). We can begin to share ideas and similar activities and go to new places with others. One clue: avoid familiar places from the past. That’s just asking for trouble. 

There are just so many ways to create joy and peace in our lives throughout the year. We are powerful women with gifts, abilities, and talents. Using these to our greatest advantage will fill us with all the love we desire from others, for others, and ourselves.

Tip of the Day

Finally, be grateful for new beginnings. As time passes from year to year, we will be able to look around and see where we have been and where new adventures are bringing us. We never need to do this life alone, either. We have a Spiritual Helper--our Lord Jesus--that we can call on to give us all the support we will ever need!

“Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you” (Ephesians 4:23-24 The Message).